As I Know Anything About You, I'll Be The One To Your Girlfriend, Aren't I? - Volume 1 Chapter 5.9

What Red Means to You 9

Kujo’s PoV

Recognizing the extremely precarious situation from his behavior, Ado-san quickly decided that any undue stimulation must be avoided. She reflected this decision in her actions immediately.

“Thank you. But, I’ll refrain today.”

Miyashiro-kun smiled as if he were crying and shook his head.

“…It’s a bit cold.”

“…Cold?”

“Yes. It’s cold, so cold… I thought it would be warmer outside since it’s supposed to be hot, but it was still cold when I left the house. I thought the place closest to the sky in this town would be the warmest, so I came here, …but it wasn’t. It wasn’t very warm.”

Ado-san asked, and Miyashiro-kun began to speak in bits and pieces.

…Even though it’s already July, and the rooftop of the building should be sufficiently hot, he muttered, “It’s cold, you know.”

“It’s red.”

He said, looking at the sky, and gripped the shard tighter. The flow of blood increased.

“Kuuya,… let’s go home. Dad wants to discuss a trip! Where do you want to go, Kuuya? Let’s discuss it over delicious food, all of us together!”

Ado-san smiled brightly. Despite wanting to scream and run the most, she didn’t allow herself such liberties.

“Sorry, Suika. I have something to do.”

“Something to do…?”

“Today, I tried using the color red. For the first time in years. Since mom was here.”

But it was no good.

Miyashiro-kun said as if spitting it out.

“It didn’t look beautiful or even ugly, just incredibly empty,… cold. …My body kept getting colder.”

“Kuuya…”

“But, …I can’t stay like this forever.”

His voice, which had been flat, clearly showed emotion.

“I can’t stay like this forever. I have to change. …I can’t be dragged down forever.”

It was anger.

“I’ll make myself able to use that color properly.”

He’s facing his past wounds head-on, trying to breakthrough. It’s a noble and lofty endeavor, …but, like the blood flowing from his hand, terribly heart-wrenching.

Probably, this is both his strongest and most fragile aspect.

“…I realized, I have that color inside me too. It’s packed in there. So, …I’m going to stay here and look at it until I get used to it. If it’s a color that comes from within me, it surely won’t be cold.”

Miyashiro-kun glared at his own hand gripping the shard.

“It should be warm, there should be heat. I haven’t been able to feel it since that day, but it should be there. If I understand that, this color won’t feel empty. So I’m going to do it, I’ll stay here until I understand.”

His unwavering determination reached even me, as did an understanding of how deep the wounds he had suffered were.

Because, despite his strong resolve, his past continues to rob him of his sanity. Quietly, deeply, and horribly.

“…Please.”

Finally, Ado-san’s voice shook.

“Kuuya, please. Please come with me…! Let’s treat your hand! I, I’ll be with you, so, please, please…!”

The blood from Miyashiro-kun’s hand wouldn’t stop. How deep must it have cut into his hand? …What if it had even reached the nerves?

“Don’t carry it all by yourself… don’t get hurt, please… Kuuya, please!”

Ado-san’s voice was so pained it felt like my heart would burst just listening.

—And I, with all my might, was racking my brain.

Frankly, I am… I’m nothing but an outsider here. The best of being out of place is Kujou Kurenai.

But, therefore, I must think, think, think, think.

After all, the situation has probably always been like this. For years, Miyashiro-kun has quietly remained broken, and Ado-san has always been there, touching his side so he wouldn’t crumble.

And now, it has come to a point where she can no longer support him.

The two of them, just the two of them, are quietly crumbling away.

That’s exactly why my presence here, as an outsider, must be of use. I’ll make sure of it, definitely.

What can I do?

“Kuuya! I, I’m here for you! You’re not alone, so…! I’ll do anything if I can! So, please…! Please!”

“…Thank you, Suika. But, I have to do it myself.”

What couldn’t Ado-san do alone, that Miyashiro-kun needs?

“Kuuya!”

“Sorry, Suika.”

The current situation… there’s not just her here, but me as well. In other words, there are two troublemakers here…

“…?”

Something caught in my mind. “There are two troublemakers here,” I said that today, didn’t I?

And there was a continuation to that. I’m sure, it went…

—So, maybe two negatives make a positive!

“Ah…”

Minus times minus.

Hit the bad with the worse. And make it a plus…

“…”

I thought of a plan but hesitated for a moment.

Considering what would happen if it didn’t work out, …and if it did. If it’s the latter, who would be the most hurt? It’s clear.

It’s clear, but.

“I can’t always be spoiled by Suika’s kindness.”

“Kuuya…!”

I remembered my policy… my way of taking the best course of action.

Additionally, what came to mind was something else.

When I had seen his painting, literally bleeding for it, it stirred something within me.

My knowledge… —About wanting to talk with someone, and how there’s hardly anyone, at least not among my peers, willing to follow along.

But, if there was someone who loved the same things just as much, someone whose conversations matched mine…

Wishing for such feelings.

…I have to admit to the part about liking the same things. Whether it’s just as much, we’ll never yield to each other anyway.

…Not that I think of her as a friend at all!

But, …well, …now, I choose to make this decision.

With resolve, I breathed in the world of twilight and threw my words.

“Thinking you’re being spoiled by kindness, Miyashiro-kun, you’re terribly mistaken.”