Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 21

The two had dinner at a random restaurant they spotted and headed to an inn.

This time it was an inn located in a somewhat remote area. Their room was on the very top floor. The intention was obvious, but Helena followed without a word.

He didn’t seem to have any intention of hiding it anyway, considering how he immediately grabbed the door handle upon entering.

“Do you have some kind of illness where you must break one door per day?”

“Nothing to worry about. I’m paying double for damages.”

At his response that skirted the main point, Helena said with a sigh-like tone:

“I won’t run away.”

“You won’t try to die anymore either?”

“…….”

This time it was Ian who sighed.

“Please understand that not tying you to the bed is my maximum mercy.”

In the end, the door handle was twisted out of shape.

He quietly approached her, untied the knot he had bound that morning, and took her cape. After placing it together with her bag in one spot, he sat Helena on the bed.

“You must be tired, so rest.”

His tone was level but gentle as always. Ian lay down on the floor familiarly, just like yesterday.

The darkened room contained only the breathing sounds of the two people. Helena sat quietly, blinking her eyes. As she did so, she noticed the loose change on the table.

It was what remained after paying for dinner and the inn. No more gold coins emerged from his pocket.

Helena murmured toward his large, turned back:

“You don’t even have money to meddle anymore.”

At that moment, a resounding cry from outside the window cut through the silence.

“Master! Where on earth are you!”

The cry was so desperate it sounded like a death wail. Helena’s attention naturally drifted toward the window.

Meanwhile, Ian had risen and approached the window, closing it with a decidedly firm motion as if to cut off her diverted attention.

Then he turned to look at her and said:

“You needn’t worry about that either. I just happened to remember a report I had forgotten.”

For the first time, Helena thought his face looked somewhat wicked.

****

Flutter. Flutter. Pages turned rapidly in succession.

Despite working frantically through several sleepless nights, the mountain of paperwork hardly seemed to diminish.

Eugene finally threw down the unfinished approval documents and leaned back against his chair.

“Hah…!”

The hand running through his black hair was quite rough. The thought that even this tedious situation was due to Helena’s absence made his anger flare even more.

To think the entire mansion was in an uproar just because one person had disappeared.

The various administrative duties Helena had been handling occupied a considerable portion of the work. It was the result of her doing her utmost so that he could focus entirely on external affairs.

When he questioned Butler Gordon about why they hadn’t hired more people, the answer came back that Madam had opposed it, so there was nothing they could do.

[He may seem to accomplish anything in one go, but he’s always fighting with his life on the line. In contrast, these kinds of things are all I can do… It may be far from enough, but I want to understand Eugene better this way. I also hope to prove my capability as the Grand Duchess.]

The role of Madam was an implicit sacrifice carried out under the pretense of a plausible cause. And yet she never uttered a single complaint.

With so much work to handle alone, she could have asked him for help or at least shown some appreciation, but she didn’t.

[I haven’t been sleeping well lately, so I’m feeling a bit unwell. I’ll retire early.]

She would only occasionally leave the dinner table early, saying she was tired.

And what had he said each time? He seemed to remember subtly mocking her, asking if attending parties was really such tiring work.

‘What a foolish woman. Not even properly telling me about such things… Damn it.’

Her past actions that flashed through his mind kept tightening around him. Eugene couldn’t stand it and rose from his seat. When he wanted to clear his head, there was a place he usually went.

More precisely, a person he would meet.

‘…It’s been quite a while since I visited the villa.’

As Eugene mounted his saddle, he recalled when he first met Natasha.

What seemed like fateful coincidence occurred a few months ago in the middle of Berat Forest. In a place deeper than usual while chasing game, Eugene encountered a pitiful and beautiful woman.

Honey-flowing blonde hair and deep green eyes. Her appearance, trembling like a frightened rabbit, was enough to make him lose his quarry.

[Please spare my life.]

She was in shabby condition, as if she had wandered the rough forest paths for a considerable time. Her pitiful pleading was so heartbreaking that Eugene took her to his villa.

Originally, it was a villa he had planned to give to Helena as a gift once completed.

But he couldn’t very well bring Natasha straight to the Grand Duke’s residence. So he intended to let her stay at the villa only until her poor health recovered.

However, contrary to his initial resolution, weeks passed and months passed. Eugene couldn’t bring himself to send Natasha away.

Not only did Natasha cling to him with various excuses every time he tried to bring it up, but Eugene himself didn’t particularly want to part with her either.

[Your Grace is my benefactor who saved my life. Please let me repay this kindness by staying at Your Grace’s side.]

Was it sympathy for the woman who said she had fled from a fallen kingdom, or because she overlapped with Helena, whom he had brought from the slums?

Eugene found himself gradually drawn to her.

But he shouldn’t cross the line. Eugene was trying to visit the villa less frequently.

Perhaps there was some stubbornness involved too. The stubbornness that he could avoid thinking of you without covering it up with Natasha.

Even so, the sticky feelings like melted wax weren’t easily shaken off.

Especially at times like now, when Natasha drooped the corners of her eyes and trembled her round shoulders.

“Your Grace, if you would officially accept me, I wouldn’t have to live in hiding like this. I wouldn’t need to be chased around anymore. I wouldn’t have to stay awake all night worrying that someone might come looking for me and drag me away. Such a daily life could finally come to me too.”

Perhaps because it had been a while since he visited the villa, Natasha clung to him more desperately than usual. Maybe she had intuitively sensed the subtle change in his feelings.

“Please save me, Your Grace. Don’t leave me alone. Only Your Grace can help me escape from this pit…”

It was truly pitiful weeping. Enough that anyone would have no choice but to embrace her upon seeing her.

Moreover, the teardrops that fell with each blink were as transparent as glass beads.

Like an animal’s protective coloring for survival, it was an appearance that instinctively stimulated protective instincts.

Under normal circumstances, Eugene would have held and comforted her while pressing various jewels into her hands. Or readily agreed to accept her as his mistress.

“…….”

But the current Eugene couldn’t say anything. Helena’s afterimage kept circling before him.

Then Natasha forced herself to stop crying and grasped both of Eugene’s hands.

“I, I don’t expect things shamelessly without reason. I’ll work hard to become someone Your Grace needs. Though it may not look like it, when I lived in my home country, I handled all of my father’s family administrative work. Though he has passed away and is no longer with us…”

As if emotions were overwhelming her, tears welled up again in her large, deer-like eyes.

“…Natasha.”

Finally, Eugene reluctantly offered his handkerchief. Taking it, Natasha wiped her tears while smiling faintly.

“Your Grace is truly, truly very kind…”

The moment he faced that smile, Eugene felt as if someone had grabbed the back of his neck, making his chest feel suffocating.

Even mild dizziness arose, and he had to squeeze his throat to open his mouth again.

“I’m not as good a person as you think.”

“No, Your Grace is truly a good person.”

A gentle yet firm voice fell. Small ripples arose in Eugene’s chest.

It felt like receiving absolution for all the actions he had been mulling over all day.

Natasha didn’t stop and penetrated even more intimately into that space.

“Even if that weren’t the case, the fact that Your Grace is my benefactor remains unchanged. That’s why I want to be of even more help.”

“…It won’t be an easy responsibility.”

“I don’t mind. Please entrust me with any work. I’ll do my best.”

“…….”

Eugene pressed his temple and fell into thought for a moment. Certainly, he had been hoping someone would fill Helena’s vacant position.

Wondering if that might lessen the thoughts that troubled him.

Wondering if he could cut away some of the memories of you that constantly arose.

‘Anyone will do, I must force someone in somehow.’

Administrative work had also piled up considerably. Since she said she had experience with family management, if he instructed Gordon and the advisors, he wouldn’t have to worry about such trivial matters anymore.

Actually, it would have been enough to simply hire more vassals, but the scent that Natasha had wafted toward him in that moment quickly erased such thoughts. She too needed to learn responsibility from this opportunity.

Having made his decision, Eugene extended his hand to Natasha.

“Let’s leave this place, Natasha. From today, you are my person.”

Natasha’s white fingers settled on top as if she had been waiting. She smiled as brightly as pear blossoms blooming in moonlight.

“Thank you, Your Grace.”

****

The streets where twilight was beginning to fall.

Dion rubbed both arms, feeling inexplicably eerie.

‘Ugh… How did I end up here?’

While searching for his master, he had somehow wandered into a deep alley he couldn’t identify.

It was indescribably gloomy, the kind of place where if someone died overnight, it would be fortunate if they were discovered in the morning.

He hurriedly moved his steps to get out of the alley. After walking frantically like that, just as he was about to enter the shopping district.

“Whoa.”

He collided heavily with someone just entering the alley. Normally he would have just let it pass, but his mind and body were quite exhausted, so his temper flared up. Now that the main road was right ahead, there was nothing to fear.

“Watch where you’re going…!”

But his rising anger immediately subsided. Upon seeing who he had bumped into, Dion unconsciously stepped backward. His lightning-fast attitude change was a bonus.

“…I should watch where I’m going. I should watch where I’m going, haha. That was a resolution I made to myself.”

The man in the black robe was quite tall and had a solid build. If he picked a fight wrong, it seemed like he’d be crushed without even leaving bones behind.

Dion quickly bowed and moved away from him.

“Excuse me, I’ll be going now.”

The man in the black robe also nodded and quickly disappeared. Left alone again, Dion exhaled deeply.

“Phew, lost ten years of my life… Huh?”

The hand stroking his chest suddenly stopped. Something was wrong. His chest felt far too light.

The reassuring weight that always pressed pleasantly against his chest was gone. Dion hurriedly removed his outer garment and shook it out.

A half-empty cigar case, communication device, crumpled paper balls and miscellaneous trash fell out. But the most important thing was missing.

‘The money pouch!’

And it wasn’t just any loose change, but a pouch full of gold coins. He had deliberately put the gold coins in a more shabby pouch, but somehow they knew and took only that.

Dion slid down against the wall. It seemed he was truly destined for a short life.

Meanwhile, Ian returned to the inn in good spirits after completing his profitable venture. He had been a bit worried since finding Dion had taken longer than expected.

And unfortunately, his intuition proved correct.

As soon as he opened the door, Ian’s complexion turned pale.

‘No.’

Helena had disappeared.