Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 28

One year ago, the Evergale Grand Duchy.

From early morning, all the servants in the mansion moved about busily. Today was Helena’s birthday.

The Grand Duchess’s birthday was always celebrated grandly, and this was enforced even if the birthday’s owner herself did not wish for it.

“Eugene. Can’t we just pass this birthday quietly? I’m not in the mood to hold a party.”

“What are you saying since earlier, Helen? You know this isn’t just a simple party. Would it be right to miss an important opportunity just because you’re feeling a bit down?”

“I hate my birthday. I absolutely cannot raise a glass and smile.”

Helena pleaded with a downcast expression. Seeing her, Eugene wrapped his arms around her slender waist and pulled her close. Then, cupping her pale white cheeks, he asked.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“It’s not that, but… I really…”

When Helena couldn’t finish her words, Eugene pulled away from her again and sighed.

“Stop it, Helena. This isn’t the time for such carefree talk. Last year I gave in because you stayed in Hyer for a whole week. I can’t do the same this year.”

“Eugene, please…!”

“Just maintain your position there. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Despite Helena’s protests, Eugene held the grand party as always.

Due to the characteristics of the Grand Duchy located in the north, gatherings to build at least minimal friendships were necessary for smooth exchanges with the capital’s noble forces.

In truth, the Evergale name alone was sufficient, but it was also a way to publicly demonstrate Helena’s position within Evergale and how much she was respected.

It was a party that had to be held anyway, and there was no one who would dislike a splendid banquet held in their honor.

Helena might be saying such things now, but once she was among people eating and enjoying herself, her mood would surely improve.

However, Helena sat in a corner with a consistently melancholy expression throughout. Even that didn’t last long, and she disappeared shortly after the party began.

Eugene had no choice but to leave the party hall to find her.

The vast garden was filled with early winter air and was desolate. It was completely different from the atmosphere of the mansion’s brilliant chandelier lights.

‘What on earth is she doing in a place like this?’

When there was barely enough time to fully display their seized authority and wealth, he couldn’t easily understand why she would wander around the desolate outdoors.

Only after wandering around here and there for quite a while was he finally able to find Helena.

She was standing motionlessly in front of the fountain that was beginning to freeze. She was so still that if he hadn’t looked carefully, he might have mistaken her for a statue and passed by.

‘What a talent.’

She must have heard his footsteps, but she didn’t turn around. Eugene approached closer and took off the jacket he was wearing, draping it over her delicate shoulders.

“The night wind is cold, Helen. It would be better to go inside now.”

Eugene held her from behind as if imprisoning her in his embrace and lowered his head. When he tried to kiss her white cheek, Helena slightly turned her head away to avoid it.

“I’ll go in soon. The moon is beautiful, so I was looking at it for a moment.”

Even as she said this, she didn’t look at Eugene. She continued to stare intently at the full moon hanging in the middle of the night sky without a single cloud.

Eugene had no choice but to release her from his embrace and step back.

“I understand wanting to enjoy the scenery, but the moon will rise tomorrow too, so come inside now. Everyone is looking for you. The party’s protagonist shouldn’t disappear.”

Eugene coaxed her quite affectionately. However, Helena didn’t budge.

She simply turned her body slowly and removed the jacket. The cold moonlight seeped over her face.

“…Eugene.”

Her red lips moved slowly. Eugene, who had reflexively taken back the jacket, swallowed involuntarily.

Helena looked as if she was crying. Even though she wasn’t shedding tears and had an expression as rigid as a statue, it seemed that way.

Helena, who had withdrawn her gaze from the moon, quietly met Eugene’s eyes.

“What do you think would happen if I died?”

Contrary to the unexpected question, her quiet lake-like blue eyes were only calm.

As if it wasn’t a question that particularly sought an answer, Eugene frowned and gently scolded her.

“Why are you suddenly saying such things? On such a good day. Did looking at the moon make you want to feel sorry for yourself? Put aside such immature sentiments and let’s go inside. You’ll catch a cold.”

“…”

Helena was silent for a moment. Her face showed no hint of what she was thinking.

She simply smiled faintly like someone who might disappear at any moment, and said,

“Even if I die, you must not look for me.”

…

…

…

She had said that with an expression that was unclear whether she was smiling or crying.

‘…That’s right. …That’s what happened.’

Eugene’s face turned pale as he recalled Helena’s birthday. It didn’t make sense. He couldn’t understand it at all.

Her heart, which must have carried that alone while forcing a smile beside him, and himself, who only now realized this fact.

Basil’s death anniversary was her birthday.

****

The morning at Evergale’s East Mansion was busy. The bustling footsteps of servants going back and forth in the second-floor corridor reached Natasha’s room.

Head Butler Gordon climbed the stairs, hoping his premonition would prove wrong.

‘It was only a few days ago that I gave warning… Surely we haven’t returned to square one.’

The young and beautiful woman who, after Eugene left, had taken her place as if she were the new mistress of the house.

The woman who had said she would give her all with a heart that loved the Grand Duke as much as she did, began indulging in all sorts of luxuries as if she had been waiting for this moment.

It was useless no matter how nicely the advisors spoke to her in turns. Her words consistently slid off her ears each time.

Gordon even felt as if his hair was turning whiter from the strange war of nerves he was waging with Natasha these days.

‘His Grace’s eyes have grown dim as well.’

A sigh flowed from beneath his thick mustache. How was it that ominous premonitions always became reality? As soon as he reached the second floor, the exact scene he had expected unfolded before his eyes.

Servants carrying armfuls of expensive treasures and a blonde silhouette standing in front of the treasure vault, giving them instructions.

Gordon strode toward her without hiding his anger-tinged fatigue.

“Lady Natasha.”

It was just before a white hand was about to settle on a family heirloom. At the call from behind, Natasha turned around.

“Oh, good morning, Head Butler.”

“What are you doing right now?”

Natasha greeted him with the brightest of smiles, but what returned was a response as hard as rock.

Natasha looked around once with an expression that said ‘isn’t it obvious?’ then tilted her head.

“As you can see… I’m moving things to decorate my room?”

“His Grace didn’t entrust you with the keys to the East Mansion for this—”

“How can you assert it’s not? Just because you’ve served the Grand Duke for a long time, do you know his heart as well as your own? How arrogant of you, Sir Altail.”

The corners of Natasha’s mouth stretched long. Gordon began to openly frown.

It was clearly a sweet voice without a hint of reproach. Yet it felt uncomfortably like the layers of a baked pastry being peeled away one strand at a time.

Gordon pushed up his monocle and thundered.

“This is the Evergale mansion, and everything in the mansion belongs to His Grace and Grand Duchess Helena. You are temporarily in charge of management, not ownership.”

“Oh my, Sir.”

Then Natasha lowered her eyebrows with a disappointed sigh.

“If you value that tongue of yours, please keep it safely inside your mouth. Between you and me, who will be the one to remain in this mansion until the end? When the day comes that you’ll have to call me Lady Evergale, it will be too late, Sir.”

“You are truly arrogant. As you said, I have served His Grace for ten years. Don’t mistake that you can wield everything with a moment’s passion.”

“The time spent doesn’t necessarily mean loyalty.”

Gordon’s brow furrowed sharply.

“Lady Natasha! If you cross the line any further, I will no longer just stand by and watch!”

His thickened voice pushed Natasha back. A maid who was just passing through was so startled that she trembled.

However, Natasha didn’t blink an eye. Instead, the painted-like smile on her lips only deepened.

She took something out of the box the maid was carrying, then gestured for her to continue on her way.

Just as Gordon was about to speak at this incongruous behavior, Natasha unrolled a rolled parchment.

“Have you ever experienced the sea?”

It was a sky map delicately embroidered with gold thread on a navy blue background. Natasha’s green eyes wandered over it carefully.

“I rode ships several times when I came from my homeland to Instantia. On days when the compass failed, the navigator would move the bow by looking at the twinkling stars in the sky.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“It’s quite fascinating. Scholars say that stars are already rocks that exploded an unimaginably long time ago, yet we find our way by looking at them. Traces of the past become the path to the future, so I can’t help but be amazed.”

Natasha, who had rolled up the parchment again and inserted it into a ring, met Gordon’s deepened gaze.

“You’ve been here long enough to know Evergale’s past, so you must have realized enough. Is stubbornly denying it really conviction, or is it obstinacy? It seems you’ll need to abandon your pride first if you want to read the future, Sir.”

“No matter how much you read the future by looking at stars, in the end it’s the captain and crew who move the ship. Don’t be so confident that everyone in this mansion will move only according to your will.”

“Thank you for the advice. Since you’re blocking my way like this, I don’t have such confidence already.”

An unyielding energy flowed sharply between the two.

In the suffocating air that seemed ready to explode at any moment, Natasha pulled the fuse once more.

“And Sir. It seems you’ve never even experienced passionate love in your life. I pity you, so let me give you some advice…”

She approached close under the pretense of brushing dust off Gordon’s shoulder and whispered.

“Sometimes that passion consumes everything. It becomes life itself. So watch and see, Gordon. Who will be by his side until the end.”

The eyes that met when she twisted her head were no longer those of an innocent girl.

Rather than verdant greenery, something very, very deep, dark, and sticky… resembling a swamp.

Dry saliva went down Gordon’s throat.

“I know how to take, but I don’t know how to be taken from.”