Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 44

Natasha heaved her chest as if expressing her resentment and poured out words without even taking a breath. Walter shook his head slightly.

“Calm yourself. I had no intention of disparaging the lady’s existence. I merely wish to know the truth.”

“Does the truth even matter in the first place? Aren’t you just trying to see what you want to see?”

“I am sincere.”

“Then please don’t distort even the truth. Unless it would ease your mind to cruelly stab my already wounded heart once more.”

“Lady, you are the one trying to misinterpret an innocent person over something absurd.”

Walter remained steadfast. Even before this woman who was so devastated that anyone would have no choice but to take her side unconditionally, regardless of not knowing the circumstances.

To him, who would hardly bend his will, Natasha confessed the more detailed account of the incident.

“Yes, Sir Altail did not directly harm me. But it is true that he threatened me. Startled, I mistepped and ended up tumbling down the stairs. There are servants who saw Sir Altail shouting at me that day.”

“Such—”

“Just because there was no such intention, should the result also be treated as nonexistent? Even when I’ve already ended up in this state?”

Natasha spread both arms as if indicating her own condition. In the process, her right arm wrapped in bandages wouldn’t even extend properly. The tears that had barely stopped burst forth again, and her white cheeks began to moisten.

Eugene stepped forward to stop Walter, who was about to continue the argument.

“That’s enough. This is clearly…”

[Just because there was no such intention, should the result also be treated as nonexistent?]

Natasha’s words from moments before swept through his mind.

It sounded exactly like condemnation directed at him, causing Eugene’s throat to constrict painfully. Even in that brief moment of closing and opening his eyes, Helena’s afterimage blazed clearly.

Did you also suffer greatly because of me?

Were you deeply hurt?

Did you cry… a lot, a lot?

‘Even if only to hear the answer, I must find you.’

It was when Eugene was organizing his thoughts and about to conclude the incident as Gordon’s fault.

“Hic, sob, Your Grace…!”

Natasha leaped into Eugene’s arms like a rabbit hiding in a burrow. Her small frame fit snugly against his solid chest like a perfectly matching puzzle piece.

At the same time, a scent he hadn’t smelled in a long while grew thick. Sweet yet sharp, the body scent that only Natasha possessed. It always made him feel a strange sense of stability and an inexplicable attraction.

Eugene unconsciously raised his arms. And as if he had been waiting desperately, he embraced Natasha. As he gently stroked her trembling body, the sobbing sounds gradually subsided.

How long had they been like that? The sticky embrace was scattered by the earthy smell carried by the wind. Eugene pushed Natasha away as if suddenly awakening from a dream.

“Ugh.”

At the sudden distance, Natasha let out a small moan. Eugene briefly clutched his forehead, then spoke without being able to look at her.

“Go back… go back to Evergale and wait. I’ll come as soon as I finish my work. I’ll exclude Gordon from any duties related to the eastern mansion so he won’t have any more encounters with you.”

At the treatment Gordon received, Natasha smiled brightly as if she had never been tearful. All the moisture on her face had been absorbed into Eugene’s embrace.

“Thank you for always caring for me, Your Grace. In that forest, at the villa, and now. If it weren’t for Your Grace, I would have died several times over already.”

She bowed politely to both Walter and Eugene and pulled her hood back over her head.

“I hope… Madam is also safe. I’ll pray for Your Grace and Madam every night.”

Having finished her farewell, Natasha turned and walked away. Eugene stood watching Natasha’s retreating figure until it became a small dot, as if he had no choice but to do so.

His head ached, perhaps due to the trivial emotions and thoughts pressing in.

****

The first night in Partren wasn’t bad.

Except for losing some sleep due to the unfamiliar environment. Still, she didn’t have nightmares, so it was a reasonably good start.

As if announcing that start, the bird songs grew louder. Being close to the forest area, they felt even more vivid.

Since it was still early dawn, Helena lay in bed with her eyes open for quite a while before getting up.

‘…I should buy thick curtains.’

She thought while squinting slightly at the fresh sunlight.

Gelda had said to ask guild members going to the central district if she needed anything, but having put everything down, she didn’t want to feel like she was ordering subordinates around, so she decided to go herself someday.

‘After all, here I’m nothing more or less than a fellow guild member.’

While mentally organizing her shopping list, Helena completed her simple preparations.

As she stepped out of her lodging, the clear air filled with forest scent came rushing in. Her still slightly drowsy mind became distinctly clear.

The room, the trees, the clearing. Compared to Evergale mansion, which had been the epitome of grandeur, it was an insignificantly small space, but it was much easier to breathe.

“Good morning.”

The man who approached immediately as if he had been waiting for her to come out was… a bit bewildering.

‘Come to think of it, we’re using separate rooms now.’

Suddenly, the emptiness she had felt from before falling asleep last night until opening her eyes this morning came to mind.

Having finally realized the reason for it, Helena slightly narrowed her brow.

Taking it as being due to the sunlight, Ian created shade with his hand and held it over her head while speaking.

“Did you sleep well? I felt a bit lonely since you weren’t always by my side.”

“…More words that could be misunderstood.”

“After all, there are only the two of us.”

At his answer that he felt lonely, Helena felt her heart sink heavily. What kind of sensation was that?

‘Relief… from knowing he felt similar emotions to mine?’

Instead of responding further, Helena carefully pushed away Ian’s hand that was providing shade.

Then she properly faced him. Thanks to having rested from travel, he looked more energetic than yesterday.

With the drab robe he always wore gone, his solid physique was fully revealed.

He was merely wearing a white shirt and ready-made pants. Perhaps due to his naturally robust build, that silhouette stood out even more.

Helena looked away from his thick thighs and began walking.

“You surely didn’t wait until I came out.”

Ian caught up to her in one stride without hurrying, matching her pace with his long strides.

“It seemed too contrived an encounter for that. Did it feel coincidental to you?”

His voice, tinged with a faint smile, gave as clear a resonance as the morning air.

However, Helena only let out a barely audible sigh. It had become clear that just because they came to the guild didn’t mean he would stay away from her side.

Still keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead, she asked.

“Why did you wait?”

“In case you might skip breakfast.”

“I came out to eat.”

“Then let’s hurry. There’s quite a distance from here to the dining hall.”

“I’m not Sakin.”

“Actually, I came because I simply wanted to go together.”

You know that.

Ian added like a murmur to himself. Helena pretended not to hear and continued walking.

Because you’re originally that kind of person, not because I hold any special meaning to you, but because you’re naturally a caring person. Repeating this to herself, she walked to the dining hall without looking at Ian.

So when he naturally sat next to her, fortunately, she was able to maintain the usual calm atmosphere.

‘…A savory smell.’

Fortunately, the smell of freshly baked bread helped redirect her consciousness. Helena quietly observed the interior of the dining hall.

The kitchen located in the corner had an open structure, and long log tables were placed at regular intervals in the spacious hall.

Thanks to the wood grain colors and the light pouring through the opaque windows, the overall atmosphere was warm.

For breakfast, there were apple jam sandwiches with fresh ham and cheese, warm milk with honey, salad with sliced tomatoes and avocado tossed with olive oil, and hot onion soup.

As the plates filled the table one by one, Lily came running over to greet them.

“Good morning, pretty sister!”

Then, clutching a handful of forks and knives, she busily moved between the long dining tables.

Only after distributing everything in her hands to the guild members did Lily return and take a seat to Helena’s right. She wanted to sit on the left since she was left-handed, but someone had already occupied that spot.

Helena hesitated while handing the fork and knife she had received from Lily to Ian as well.

She hadn’t noticed earlier while trying hard to ignore him, but his fingers were covered with adhesive bandages stuck on haphazardly.

For someone who never showed a single flaw, the workmanship was far too clumsy to have been applied by himself.

“Are you hurt?”

At Helena’s question, Ian folded his fingers to hide the bandages.

“It’s nothing serious. Even though I said I was fine, this little lady insisted.”

Ian answered while gesturing toward Lily with his head. Then Lily pounded the table with her small fist as if she had been subjected to very unfair agitation.

“That’s because you’re so clumsy at sewing… mmph!”

Lily’s words were cut off when a sandwich that had been sitting quietly on her plate suddenly blocked her mouth.

Helena shifted her gaze toward the one who had fed Lily the sandwich.

The sandwich that she would need to hold with both hands to eat looked like a bite-sized piece in his hands.

The seat that could comfortably accommodate two people also seemed inadequately small when he occupied it.

“I’ll take care of this little one, so don’t worry and finish your meal.”

A man with an eye patch over his right eye waved grandly while receiving Lily’s soft punches.

He was the man Gelda had briefly introduced while passing by the smithy.

Flam, the one and only blacksmith of Partren Guild.

He appeared to be in his early forties, but it was hard to tell exactly due to his beard.

Helena quietly observed him within the bounds of propriety.

Dark brown hair that stuck out like a bird’s nest, short beard running lightly from his chin to below his ears, and a hearty expression.

It was an appearance that couldn’t be called neat even as a compliment, but considering his large build and good-natured movements, it suited him overall.

What caught her eye a bit was that, perhaps due to his profession, he wore black leather gloves even while eating.

“How is it, does the food suit your taste, miss?”

Had he felt her gaze, or was he simply curious? Flam asked while lightly lifting Lily onto his lap.

Helena couldn’t swallow the piece of avocado still in her mouth and could only nod slightly.

He didn’t mind and laughed heartily, showing all his undoubtedly strong teeth.

“Haha! I thought so. Gelda had Angri go buy fresh ingredients from dawn because a new guest arrived.”

“…?”

Helena looked at Flam with eyes that seemed to say ‘surely not.’ Then he looked around once before leaning slightly toward her and whispering.

“Seems like Miss caught her fancy. Judging by how she’s trying to keep you here for a long time, even through your stomach.”

“What are you whispering about from morning? How inauspicious.”