Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 46

“I suppose I should ask the guild master to move my lodging. I’m so anxious like this.”

“I’m sorry. I was distracted for a moment.”

As Helena regained her balance, Ian withdrew his arm. Helena stood properly and faced him.

“There’s still some time before mealtime, but do you always come out at this hour?”

“Hmm… I happened to come out early today. Actually…”

Ian acted as if he had more to say, then closed his mouth.

It was suspicious that the man who usually flowed like running water was hesitating. But Helena remained silent until he opened his mouth again.

Ian rubbed his eyebrows a few times with a somewhat troubled expression, then brought his hand to his pants pocket.

When his hand emerged again, it held a familiar object.

“I wanted to make it prettier, but I’m sorry.”

Helena received it with slightly surprised eyes. It was the handkerchief she had lent him on the way to Dairon.

However, it was slightly different from its original appearance. There was embroidery she hadn’t seen before on one corner.

Three wavy lines like the sea and floating above it… something squashed…

“It’s the moon, not a cookie crumb, right?”

“…That’s right.”

Ian rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Helena lowered her gaze to the handkerchief, holding it tightly as if it were a precious treasure. She repeatedly stroked the raised parts with her fingertips, as if trying to feel the texture of the stitches again and again.

“…It’s beautiful. I’ll treasure it. Thank you.”

A faint pink spread across Ian’s cheeks as he watched her. Like a gentle breeze brushing past those cheeks, it was a fleeting moment, but certainly…

Ah, she smiled.

Helena smiled.

Ian could finally understand those countless lines from classics about feeling a moment like eternity.

At the same time, he felt an endless longing.

A longing not to let those lips stop at just a smile. A longing to capture her truly bright laughter in his own eyes.

‘Is it natural to feel such longing every time I see you? Why am I…’

All the mixed emotions dug torturously into his true feelings, but Ian squeezed his eyes shut. He pressed his temples and shook off his thoughts.

In the meantime, Helena noticed that his hand covering his forehead had fallen victim to Lily’s playing doctor.

The other hand was similarly decorated with bandages stuck on freely. It was rather inconvenient and exaggerated treatment for needle wounds.

Helena pondered for a moment, then looked back. The distance to her room wasn’t very far. Helena took his hand that wasn’t covering his forehead and pulled him along.

Ian snapped to attention at the soft touch that suddenly invaded his grasp.

“What are you doing now…”

Helena held the large man’s hand with both of hers, examining each finger joint by touching them.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll fix them properly. It won’t be comfortable when you eat.”

Helena looked up at Ian with a face seeking consent.

Ian slowly nodded, and Helena now led the way, holding his hand with one of hers.

A cool autumn breeze blew. Helena’s hair, redder than autumn leaves, fluttered occasionally in the wind.

Ian looked down at the small, round head leading him and felt the beginning of a new season in earnest.

But why,

‘Am I hot?’

****

After neatly finishing even the bandage on his pinky finger, Helena closed the first aid kit.

“You’re probably the only person who borrowed a handkerchief and returned it with holes in all ten fingers.”

“Actually, these wounds are too embarrassing to show, so I’m a bit ashamed.”

“A wound is a wound. What shame is needed for treatment? Now I understand why Lily was so insistent.”

Helena stood up to put the first aid kit back in its place. Ian also lifted himself from the bed, following her.

But even though he opened the door and waited, Helena stood by the desk without moving further.

“Go ahead. I’ll follow soon. I just remembered something I need to do.”

Ian raised his dark eyebrows slightly but obediently left, telling her not to be too late.

Helena sat at the desk with the handkerchief he had given her. She took out the paper that had been almost blank from the drawer.

This time, she had something to write with and a pen that wouldn’t dry out.

Helena picked up the pen she had borrowed from Gelda last night. A pen that Flam had made for Gelda, showcasing his craftsmanship. This pen had built-in ink so she could write without worry of it running out before it dried.

Helena wiped the ink that had gathered on the pen tip and wrote the first item.

<Things I Want to Do>

<1. Go see the night sea.>

But after writing it, she felt somewhat dissatisfied. This was something she had already done at least once.

Helena pondered for a moment, then tried inserting another word in front.

<1. Go see the night sea with Kamel.>

She had long known that Kamel wasn’t his real name. When she called him by that name, he often reacted a beat late.

But she had many secrets she couldn’t tell either. So perhaps he would tell her someday when the time was right. Waiting was something very easy for her.

So she put down the pen and carefully folded the list she was now satisfied with, putting it back in the drawer.

She took the handkerchief and came outside to find him at the entrance of the opposite building. When their eyes met, he straightened from leaning against the building’s outer wall.

“I told you to go ahead.”

“Walking alone is quite boring.”

Ian only started walking when Helena had completely come to his side. It was a busy morning, so several guild members occasionally passed them or crossed paths from the opposite direction.

But Helena felt strangely peaceful. As if only she and he were walking the path together.

Whoosh—

A breeze carrying the scent of distant forests swept through the plane trees. Helena listened to the sound of rustling leaves and thought.

She had been confident about waiting, she definitely had been.

‘Why do I want to know your name now?’

****

Ian’s quarters in the guild were in Section 1, while Helena was in Section 2. Therefore, no matter how much he tried to create opportunities to be with Helena, he couldn’t spend entire days together.

‘Now that he knows I have no intention of dying, what is there to worry about?’

Ian waved goodbye while being dragged away by Flam along with Sakin. Watching him grow distant, Helena hesitated, then tried waving her hand small.

Seeing her, Ian smiled even more brightly, which made her embarrassed for some reason, so she quickly lowered her hand.

Helena looked around unnecessarily, then immediately turned and hurried toward her section. On the way, she encountered a guild member heading to Section 3 at a crossroads.

It was a man carrying a large oak barrel on his shoulder. Helena stepped aside first so he could pass easily. However, he remained standing still.

“I don’t recognize that face…”

The man who had narrowed his eyes at Helena soon opened his mouth wide as if realizing something.

“You must be that new princess who joined!”

Despite his young appearance, he spoke with the tone of someone with years of guild experience.

Moreover, he openly looked Helena up and down without knowing it was rude. But Helena didn’t feel bad about it.

His sparkling eyes were similar to those of a child seeing colorful, shiny candies in a general store for the first time.

“You look quite different from folks like us. How did you end up flowing into this place?”

“Life doesn’t go as planned…”

“Hiya, even your voice is like a princess’s. Well, our captain used to live in high society, so she has some eye for people.”

The man’s words provided a clue to a small question Helena had been harboring.

‘Was Gelda… originally a noble?’

It had been puzzling when she first talked with her, but she felt it after repeated conversations.

Unlike the people here who spoke with somewhat mixed dialects, Gelda had a quite refined accent. It was just buried under her rough, outpouring talk every time.

“Anyway, you don’t need to keep your back so stiff around here.”

The man interrupted Helena’s thoughts. He wiggled his exposed toes in just slippers on bare feet and continued.

“Even our captain threw away all her old habits long ago, and everyone here only cares about their own business, so they’re not interested in others.”

“I wasn’t particularly—”

“Even if you walked around doing handstands, they’d just applaud and move on, so feel free to relax.”

The conversation ended before Helena could deny it. Instead, he pulled out an empty bottle from the sack tucked under his arm.

Then he opened the cork of the oak barrel and began filling it with wine. The sound of liquid dropping was somewhat amusing. When the bottle was full, he corked the opening and handed it to Helena.

“This is the captain’s prized wine that’s only brought out on special occasions, but I’m giving this to you as a welcome gift, so keep it secret.”

When Helena reluctantly accepted the bottle, the man hummed a tune and continued on his way.

His short-cut black hair gradually disappeared into the distance. Helena also returned to her lodging, bewildered, holding the wine bottle.

“Sister!”

The moment Helena entered the corridor, Lily, who had been standing in front of her room, greeted her warmly.

Helena inserted the key into the hole next to the doorknob and looked down.

“Did you wait long? I would have come faster if you’d let me know in advance.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t wait very long. But can I look around your room, sister?”

Lily, who smiled without reserve, sparkled her eyes. Helena opened the door and stepped aside a bit so Lily could enter first.

“Looking at the sky outside might be more interesting.”

“Oh, I see the sky every day, but this is my first time in your room, sister. I find any place I’m entering for the first time interesting.”

At Helena’s uncertain tone, Lily energetically stepped inside as if to say not to worry.

Lily first looked around and sniffed. Then she soon exclaimed with round, amazed eyes.

“Wow, you’re really neat, sister! Flam’s room smells like the socks I wore on rainy days.”

Helena also entered soon after. She put the wine bottle in the cupboard fixed to the upper wall, then approached the window and opened it.

Lily, who had been watching her movements intently, slightly lifted her heels and walked diagonally back and forth across the room, asking.

“How do you walk so lightly? Flam always walks around like a bear with a sore back, but you’re so light that you don’t even seem to make footstep sounds.”

At those words, Helena paused briefly. However, she turned around with a smooth connecting motion and watched Lily, who was still struggling to maintain balance.

“Being uneven and not straight…”

She thought about how to explain it in a way Lily would understand easily, then answered softly.

“That kind of thing is bad, isn’t it?”