For Some Reason The Girl Who's Too Popular Only Drinks with Me - Volume 1 Chapter 5.3

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Her grip on the cocktail glass tightened, gradually becoming firmer. Her pure white hand slowly turned red.

“But, that was a mistake. There was a shrine near the festival venue, and we were watching the fireworks from its steps. In the gap between the fireworks, he held my hand. Surprised, I looked up at him, and he was much closer than I had expected, even grabbing my shoulder. I think he probably tried to kiss me.”

From her way of speaking, I could guess what happened next. I felt sympathy for her, and also for him, even though I didn’t know his face.

“He came onto me, and I got scared. Memories of that time flashed, and it felt like electricity ran through my body. And then… when I realized it, he was tumbling down the stairs.”

She narrated the incident in a matter-of-fact manner, her hands trembling, still wrapped by the fear from that time.

Neither fear nor pain, nor even kindness, Hamasaki Mai hadn’t overcome any of it. She hadn’t moved past it. The trauma hadn’t disappeared over the years; it had merely lain dormant.

Anyone who knew Hamasaki Mai’s circumstances wouldn’t think she was at fault. I think so too.

Of course, I don’t think the boyfriend who approached Hamasaki Mai was at fault either. From what I heard, it doesn’t seem like he forced himself on her, and she herself said he was a kind person.

So, who was to blame?

Normally, you’d think it was the teacher who caused everything. But it’s too late to judge him now. He’s already been punished, whether we agree with it or not. Perhaps it was just bad luck or bad timing.

However, I can’t imagine Hamasaki Mai accepting such an answer easily. If she had, she wouldn’t be shaking beside me now.

“Hey, Kirishima-kun, Misaki, what did she say about me? She didn’t say I hate men or anything like that, right?”

“She said you were distrustful of people. That you couldn’t trust anyone anymore.”

Hamasaki Mai self-deprecated at my answer, her smile weak.

“That’s right. Just like Misaki said. But you know, the one I trust the least is myself. I don’t know what I might do.”

It might be due to the trauma from her elementary school days that Hamasaki Mai doesn’t date anyone, but it wasn’t the only reason.

She was afraid, terrified, that she might push someone away like she did back then, too scared to take a step forward.

“But, Kirishima-kun, you’re different. I don’t feel scared when I’m with you, and I don’t think I might hurt you. I wonder why.”

“…That’s simple. I’m just not a target. Not liked or disliked, I’m just that sort of presence.”

“Hmm… Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“I think so.”

I downed my second cocktail and placed the glass on the table.

Glancing at her, she seemed much calmer than before. But at the same time, her expression was a bit complex, as if she was waiting for my next words.

“Ah… I mean, you should just be with someone you want to be with.”

When I muttered that, Hamasaki Mai leaned in a bit closer, as if searching for the genuine meaning behind my words.

Tilting her head and looking up at me, Hamasaki Mai always stares straight when listening to someone. I’m not really good at dealing with that.

“Relationships shouldn’t be forced. Nowadays, you can talk from anywhere, and likewise, you can choose not to meet. If there is truly someone you like and they like you back, the past doesn’t matter. Not to each other.”

“What did you think after knowing my past?”

“I didn’t think anything… that’s a lie. I did think it was pitiful. I felt sorry for you. It’s ironic and tragic that a beautiful girl like you suffered because of her beauty. But that’s all. Anyway, what I think doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. I’m genuinely curious.”

“Then, you shouldn’t care. What I say means nothing.”

“But…”

“It’s not just about me. Other people’s feelings, in general, don’t hold much significance.”

Interrupting her with my argument, Hamasaki Mai stumbled over her words with an anxious look.

It’s sad, but it’s the truth. My feelings towards you, they mean nothing.

“No one changes just because someone wants to help them. People cannot change other people. If someone could, I’d like to meet them. I want them to do something about this crappy person I am. Don’t you feel the same? Don’t you wish someone could change you if they could?”

“Maybe, that’s true. If someone could change me.”

“But in reality, that’s not possible. People just change on their own.”

The intention to help doesn’t amount to anything. Both she and I know that too well.

“You should just save yourself in your own way.”

Despite my blunt words, I secretly watched for Hamasaki Mai’s reaction.

She shed a single tear from her large eyes, which had widened in surprise.

I panicked, not knowing what to do, moving my arms in various directions.

“No, I mean, that came out wrong, or rather, I didn’t mean it like that, um, I’m not really used to listening to people seriously, so I don’t know how to say it properly… uh”

“Eh? What? What happened, Kirishima-kun?”

“Eh? No, because… you’re crying.”

Offering the tissues I had prepared earlier for a different reason, Hamasaki Mai touched her cheek with her slender fingers, only then realizing she was crying.

“Ah, it’s true. I’m crying.”

As if it were someone else’s problem. I got worried she might have finally broken down and watched her carefully.

Then, Hamasaki Mai took the tissue I offered, wiped her tears, and faintly smiled.

“Sorry, it’s not like that. I was just taken aback. You’re the only one who said something like that to me.”

Despite the tear streaks, Hamasaki Mai showed a smile.

“Everyone always said what was convenient for them. Let’s work hard together, I want to help you, I’ll definitely make things right, all those vague things.”

“I think I’m just being cold.”

“No, Kirishima-kun, you’re kind. I’m glad I opened up to you.”

Hamasaki Mai didn’t seem to be forcing a smile.

It was a clear, thrillingly attractive smile, as if a weight had been lifted.

“…Since I ended up making you share your secret, I guess I should share mine too, as a small form of recompense.”

Deciding to say that, Hamasaki Mai’s already large eyes widened even further.

“A story? Your story, Kirishima-kun?”