For Some Reason The Girl Who's Too Popular Only Drinks with Me - Volume 1 Chapter 5.4

“Well, yeah. It might be really trivial compared to your story,” I decided to open up without holding anything back.

It was a story from my middle school days. Even someone like me had someone I liked, feeling somewhat the same vibe from her, entertaining the thought that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance. But I was deluding myself.

“…the worst.”

My faint affection couldn’t overcome the wall of rejection and was brutally shattered.

That’s all there was to it. A story of a boy who harbored feelings beyond his reach and ended up broken.

Ordinary, cliché, ridiculous, and a story lacking any interesting points that could be quickly finished.

“That’s why I no longer want to have relationships with anyone. Be it friends or lovers, it never works out. Better not to have them from the start, so I won’t get hurt. I don’t want to deepen my relationships with Mikami-senpai, Sugino-senpai, or even you.”

Living alone and dying alone. I feel sorry for my parents, but it can’t be helped. I’m just too flawed, a defective product.

After finishing my story, I finally managed to look up. Hamasaki Mai, who had been smiling moments ago, now looked like she was about to cry again.

I couldn’t understand why she was sad, especially after listening to such a boring story. I blamed myself internally for messing it up again.

“Love or hate, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s going to end up in burns anyway.”

***

Christmas Eve came around. As a social misfit, I had no plans to spend it with anyone, planning to stay cooped up in my room all day. However, I realized I had a deadline for a lecture assignment due today.

Panicking, I probably was the only one rushing to university just to submit an assignment and not hanging out with anyone else afterward. Well, that’s university for you. Even in late December, when most students should be on winter break, a decent number of university students were still hanging around.

I thought to myself what a bunch of idle people, but then felt a bit anxious thinking I was even lower for actually coming to university during a supposed break.

Well, all of this would be over once I submitted the report. I walked carefully, avoiding people’s gaze, and waited for an empty moment to drop my report into the submission box.

With no other plans afterward, I decided to head back quickly. Staying out any longer would just overwhelm me with the Christmas atmosphere.

Turning on my heels in front of the box, I started walking down the corridor again.

I saw a group of girls coming from the direction I was heading.

They looked positively radiant, just walking and chatting, painfully bright to someone like me.

I didn’t want to be recognized or acknowledged by them, so I hugged the wall, walking on the edge of the corridor.

The group of girls approached. I held my breath, looked down to avoid eye contact, and quietly passed by them.

Having successfully escaped from the group of girls, I thought how ridiculous it was to come to university during the winter break.

“Huh? Kirishima-kun?”

I stopped in my tracks at the sound of a familiar voice.

Turning slightly, I saw Hamasaki Mai among the group of girls I had just passed.

She left the group to approach me.

Damn, I really should have finished that report sooner.

“Hey, what brings you here today?”

“Just submitting a report. The one for Suzusaki-sensei.”

“Ah, that one. I just finished mine the other day.”

“I just realized I should have done it sooner. And you guys… don’t look like you’re here for report submission.”

Hamasaki Mai, as well as the girls waiting behind her, clearly looked excited about something else. They were carrying various items and chatting excitedly.

“Just had some errands near the office. We’re having a girls’ night out after this.”

“…Ah, Christmas Eve.”

Such a crappy event. Just makes the city crowded and noisy. Well, it doesn’t concern me since I’ll be cooped up at home.

“Yeah, we’re gathering today and actually again tomorrow. What about you, Kirishima-kun?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, do you have any plans after this?”

“Of course not. I’ll probably spend it staring at a wall in my dark room, drinking and grinning.”

“That’s… creepy… You’re spending Christmas the usual way, right?”

“Ah, yes. Since Sugino-senpai is treating, Mikami-senpai will probably be there too.”

“I think I can make it after I finish my errands.”

“Got it.”

I managed to end the conversation somehow, even though I got a bit scared halfway through.

Yes, Christmas means drinking with the Circle Sake Friends. We’re planning to stupidly drink at “Gwendolyn,” a dining bar Sugino-senpai frequents. Just a usual drinking party.

“Oh, right, here you go.”

Hamasaki Mai took a smaller bag from the one she was carrying and handed it to me. Inside this bag might be another smaller bag, and opening that would reveal yet another tiny bag, I thought in a silly moment.

“What’s this?”

“Cheesecake. I baked it yesterday. I think it turned out pretty good, so I wanted Kirishima-kun to have some too.”

Apparently, the bag contained cheesecake. My silly thought about a Matryoshka-like joke embarrassed me, as the gift turned out to be something genuine.

“Uh, but isn’t this for, you know, your girls’ night out later?”

“It’s okay, I’ve already set aside their portion.”

“I guessed as much. But, um, I only have 5000 yen on me right now.”

“Huh? Why money?”

“Well, it’s not free, right? I can’t just take this.”

“Ugh, it’s free! Why would I charge you?!”

Hamasaki Mai laughed cheerily. As someone who’s only received gifts from family, the idea of getting something for free was unbelievable. I’d always thought involving anyone other than family meant money was involved.

I stood there dumbfounded, and Hamasaki Mai laughed, holding her stomach. The scene looked like a typical geek being tricked.

“No, but seriously, I can’t just take this for free. I should at least pay something.”

“Really, I just wanted to make it… hey, Kirishima-kun.”

She called my name with a lingering smile, and I managed to make eye contact after putting my wallet back into my backpack.

“I’ve been thinking maybe I should be more positive.”

Hamasaki Mai’s words made me tilt my head. Being more positive as if she hadn’t been before?

But, yeah, thinking about it, she might not have been very forward-looking before. Stuck gazing at her past traumas, never looking away, and living trapped by them.

But, now that she mentioned it, she does seem a bit different lately. She’s started interacting with people outside the circle, regardless of gender, and seems much more sociable.

She’s looking forward, trying to move on.

I don’t mean to sound preachy, but I think that’s good.

There are people meant to move forward, to stand in the spotlight. She’s one of those people, someone who deserves to be loved by many.

“It’s thanks to you, Kirishima-kun.”

“Me?”

I involuntarily raised my voice, staring at her in astonishment.

Seeing my surprised face, Hamasaki Mai showed a saintly smile.

“You said it before, right? ‘Just save yourself if you can.'”

“I did say that, but I never meant to hurt anyone…”

“I’m not hurt. But your words felt… very dismissive.”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t sue me.”

“No, no! I’m not blaming you!? Actually, I’m thankful.”

Hamasaki Mai hurriedly waved her hands at my sudden apology.

I couldn’t help but think her words sounded like she was blaming me, but what did she really mean?

“I’ve always thought no one could ever understand me, yet somewhere, I wished someone would save me. It’s contradictory, right? That part of me, I couldn’t believe it either.”

“That’s… well, isn’t that normal? I feel the same way sometimes. Wishing someone would help me.”

“But you said it, didn’t you? People can’t change others; you have to save yourself. Hearing that made me realize, ‘Ah, that’s right.’ I have to save myself. I can’t expect someone else to save me.”