I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 33

Curse

　The throbbing pain in my head, as if it was about to split, gradually subsided.

　Then, the memories of the future began to blend into my body.

　I took a deep breath.

　In the end, what is this power?

　This power that disregards my will and common sense, repeatedly showing me the depths of reality, over and over again…

　It’s like a curse.

　No matter how many times I repeat it, only to come to realize how stupid and helpless I am.

　I’ve had enough.

　I no longer have any regrets, I just want to die. Please, let me die…

　I clutch my head and groan, trying to avert my gaze from reality—but of course, I won’t die.

　A sneer spills out.

　…I know.

　The day before the graduation ceremony, when I couldn’t save Natsuki.

　The happiness that Koyoi was supposed to obtain, I took it away with my own hands.

　Pretending not to notice, deep down in my heart… I regretted it.

　Knowing that I’m an utterly hopeless scumbag who continues to bring unhappiness to those around me.

　Ironically, I still have a trace of humanity left… just enough to feel guilty towards her.

　…Speaking of which, what day is it now?

　With ten years’ worth of memories synchronizing, the current memories are hazy in many parts.

　I look around and confirm that I have woken up in my parents’ bed.

　Then, my smartphone… no, there was an old mobile phone by my pillow.

　I look at the screen and check the date… and remember.

　Today is the day before the graduation ceremony.

　In other words, it’s the day when Natsuki Mirai jumps off the school rooftop.

　――Every time I jumped back in time, the time has moved forward.

　The first time was spring during the rainy season.

　The second time was the summer vacation when Natsuki and I saw fireworks.

　The third time is autumn, the first day of the school festival.

　And this time, the day before the graduation ceremony.

　With each repetition, the day of Natsuki’s suicide is getting closer.

　I don’t want to think about it, but if I can’t save Natsuki this time as I have done in the past――

　――What will happen then?

　Suppose that I die in agony, regretting that I could not save Natsuki.

　If that is the case, when will I return next time?

　If it is the day before the graduation ceremony, as in this case, there is still a possibility that I can save Natsuki.

　But if I regret not being able to save Natsuki, and if I rewind back to the day after her death――

　Will I be trapped in an endless loop?

“…Then, I guess I’ll just have to end it this time.”

　Even if I think about what happens when I fail, it won’t change anything.

　I just need to save Natsuki’s life for sure this time.

　The cause of my past failures is clear.

　I tried to save not only Natsuki’s life but also her heart.

　That wasn’t necessary.

　With a little bit of smart thinking, it’s easy to keep her alive.

　Just tie Natsuki on the rooftop to the railing to keep her from falling to the ground, then beat her and make her listen to me.

　If she resists too much, I can break every bone in her body to immobilize her.

　If I call an ambulance after I do that, she can’t kill herself.

　Once I confirm that, I will take my own life.

　As long as Natsuki is alive, I’m done.

　I don’t care what happens after that.

　Then Natsuki’s life will be spared and I can die with no regrets.

　Then I can finally put an end to all this.

　….but one thing first.

　I had to do something.

* * *

　I’ve been with Natsuki and Iori to a park with an observatory overlooking the city.

　I went there with Koyoi.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but I don’t remember it being this tough. “

　Koyoi arrived at the observatory, gasping for breath with her hands on her knees.

“Indeed, it’s tough after such a long time.”

“Akira, how long has it been since you’ve been here? “

“For me… it’s been ten years.”

　Koyoi laughed in disbelief, taking my words as a joke.

“We’ve been here before when we were in junior high school, that can’t be true.”

　I respond to her words silently.

　She must have noticed that something was different about my demeanor.

“Today, you called me because of the… promise, right?”

　Koyoi asked me with a serious expression.

“Yeah.”

　I replied and opened my mouth.

“But first, let me apologize. On the day of the festival, I said a lot of terrible things to you. I’m sorry.”

　I bow my head to Koyoi.

“It’s okay, Akira. You didn’t say anything wrong… I was probably going crazy. Even though I liked you, there were times when I couldn’t understand my own thoughts, and I became anxious… I couldn’t control my jealousy. If you hadn’t stopped me at that time, I’m sure I would have said more terrible things to that girl.”

　In a trembling voice, Koyoi continues.

“So, what Akira said about me being a twisted b*tch is not a mistake at all.”

　Koyoi clenched her fists tightly.

　I reminded her of the pain she was going through.

　Even though all of Koyoi’s insecurities and jealousy were caused by me.

“So, calling me here and apologizing like this means… if we both pass the university entrance exams, we’ll become lovers, right?”

“No.”

“…huh? “

　Koyoi’s voice sounded anxious.

　I lifted my face and looked straight into her eyes, which I hadn’t been able to see clearly until now.

　The hatred for having pushed Natsuki into a corner.

　The remorse for having deprived her of her happiness.

　Above all, the love I feel for Koyoi, they all mixed together.

　I swallowed the words I should have said once.

“What’s going on, Akira? Did I do something wrong again? If that’s the case, please tell me. If I have any flaws, I’ll fix them right away! So, please… don’t say such things.”

　With tears welling up in the corners of her eyes, Koyoi clung to me and spoke.

“No… The one who’s at fault… is me.”

　To the perplexed Koyoi, I continued.

“If you stay with me, Koyoi will never be happy… But I want Koyoi to be happy. That’s why――I can no longer be with you, Koyoi.”

　These are the words that I hesitated to say just a moment ago.

　I said them clearly.

“Don’t ever get involved with me again.”　

　Hearing my words, Koyoi gives a dry laugh with an expression of disbelief on her face.

“I don’t understand …… what you’re talking about.

　After saying that, she asked, [You’re kidding, right?]

“I’m serious. “

　As soon as I answered, a pain shot up my left cheek.

“…You’re the worst. If you hate me so much, why don’t you just say so?”

　Koyoi slapped me.

　Then she slapped me again on the cheek as hard as she could.

　Every time she hit my cheek, Koyoi contorted her expression in pain.

　Even after being slapped repeatedly, two, three, four times, I silently stared at her.

” ……っ! Say something!   “

　After saying that, Koyoi slapped me again.

“You can keep hitting me as much as you want until you’re satisfied.”

　Koyoi let her hands fall limply.

　Then, she directed her eyes filled with anger toward me.

　Clenching her fists as hard as she could, she punched me.

　Over and over again, she slammed her hard fists into me, and one of the fists happened to hit me right in the jaw.

　My vision blurred, and I fell backward.

　Koyoi pushes me down and mounts me.

　Taking the mount position, she continued to punch me while gasping for breath.

　There was pain. And I found pleasure in it.

　Because it felt like Koyoi was punishing the foolish me.

　Gradually, the pain started to numb, and my consciousness began to fade.

　Maybe Koyoi would beat me to death here.

　I haven’t saved Natsuki yet.

　…but that’s okay, I thought.

“Die, die, die… Just die! You bastard! You cheating bastard!  　You say whatever you want without giving any proper explanation, saying I should never see you again? Don’t mess with me! What is this… what is all of this!”

　Crying and screaming, Koyoi continues to pound her fists on me.

“…kill me.”

　My mutterings seem to have reached Koyoi’s ears.

　She stopped hitting me, hesitated…

　Then, she tightly grasped the front of my shirt.

“…No, dying is not allowed,”

　Koyoi murmured.

“If you’re going to die, make sure you witness me becoming happy, regret it deeply from the bottom of your heart, and then die.”

　Her fists clenched tightly around my chest.

“From now on, I’m going to forget about a horrible man like Akira. I’m going to become beautiful and meet many wonderful men. Among them, I’m going to meet someone who is kinder, better looking, taller, richer, and, more importantly, someone who will cherish me more than Akira… “

　Koyoi looks straight at me.

　Tears accumulated at the corners of her eyes streamed down her cheeks.

“I will fall in love with that person just as much as I loved you!”

　Her tears fall and wet my cheeks.

“I will marry that person, have cute children, and live with my family, being happier than anyone else. Akira, I won’t forgive you unless you see that I’m happy and regret it to the point of death… So, don’t give in to despair like this…and Live properly.”

　Koyoi stands up, turns her back to me, and says

“Bye-bye Akira, I loved you.”

　Without looking back at me, Koyoi walked away from the observatory.

　I couldn’t stop her, her back fading away.

　Lying on my back, I cried out loud.

　――I want to die.

　Even if I continue to live, I will only bring unhappiness to myself and those around me.

　But because of Koyoi, now I have a reason why I can’t die…