I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 35

Unfulfilled Regrets

　The night before the graduation ceremony.

　I was standing in front of the door leading to the rooftop.

　It may sound strange, but this is now the third time I’ve come to the school rooftop like this.

　I looked at the message that had arrived on my phone.

　Right after the message saying, [Come to the school rooftop.] there were two more messages saying, [Promise一一Keep your promise.]

　Then I look at the strap in the shape of an ema (votive tablet) that Natsuki gave me for Christmas, which says [Pass.].

　I had been thinking of keeping Natsuki alive without considering Natsuki’s feelings, but I decided not to do so.

　Because I learned from Iori that even though I had made so many mistakes, not everything was wrong.

　Natsuki’s smiles and feelings directed towards me couldn’t be full of mistakes either.

　If I deny that and just keep her alive… I’m sure I would end up with regrets in my heart.

　So in the end, I have no choice but to do it with determination.

　――I’m going to save Natsuki Mirai’s heart.

　I wipe the screen clean with the cleaner attached to the strap and fold my phone.

　 I took a deep breath and opened the door leading to the rooftop, which was already unlocked.

　I walked onto the rooftop and reached Natsuki, who was sitting on the other side of the railing.

“Long time no see.”

　I call out, and Natsuki turns around.

　She smiled at me dumbfoundedly. I knew in my head that we had just met recently.

　But I feel nostalgic as if we had reunited after ten years.

“Not really that long, is it?”

　Natsuki’s smile looked somewhat lonely.

　I climbed over the railing and sat down next to her.

“It’s just a matter of feelings.”

　When I said that, Natsuki nodded with a puzzled expression, peering into my face.

“Um… It was dark and hard to see, but did you hurt your face? What happened?”

　I had taken care of the wound before coming here.

　But the gauze and bandages covering the wound were probably noticeable.

“Koyoi hit me.”

“…did you talk to Komae Koyoi about it? “

　Natsuki asks me, her voice tense.

　The promise that Natsuki and I made was a secret promise between us.

　I think she wonders if I told others without her permission.

“I didn’t say anything. I just said goodbye.”

　It wasn’t the words Natsuki imagined, but I still conveyed my determination to part ways with Koyoi.

　Hearing my words, Natsuki had a complex expression on her face.

“You were angry at her on the day of the cultural festival, right? But in the end, you said goodbye… What does that mean?”

　After saying that, Natsuki looked at my expression.

“Sorry, I’ll change the question and ask you again.”

　With that preface, Natsuki timidly asked me.

“Do you still――love her?”

“I do.”

　I answered immediately to Natsuki’s words.

　She looked somewhat disappointed.

　Still, I couldn’t lie about my feelings for Koyoi.

　Hatred, disgust, affection.

　My feelings for Koyoi were absurdly complex and astonishingly pure――

“――But I didn’t choose a future with Koyoi. I came here.”

　And now, the words I told Natsuki were also true.

　I cannot be happy with Koyoi.

　And I can no longer leave Natsuki alone, suffering and lonely.

“…Thank you.”

　When I said that, Natsuki happily replied and leaned against my shoulder.

“Can we talk a little?”

“Why? Do you want to know why I want to die?”

　Natsuki said with a slightly firm voice.

“How have you been since you transferred schools? “

　I shook my head and asked.

　She glanced at me and then said teasingly with a smile.

“It sucked. Except for the time I spent with you.”

“It’s an honor to hear that.”

　I smiled and asked another question.

“Well then, if I said I want to stay with you forever and keep living, what would you do, Natsuki?”

　Natsuki looked surprised at my words and stared at me.

　Then, with a bashful smile, she answered.

“I would be happy… Really, really happy.”

　But then, she lowered her head and continued.

“But, no. I still want to die here with you.”

　She held onto my sleeve tightly and said.

“I see… “

　I murmured in response.

“Do you have any regrets…? “

　Natsuki asked me.

　I didn’t expect to be asked such a question, and I was flustered.

　However, she wasn’t looking at me and seemed unaware of my agitation.

“If I die here… I will have regrets.”

　If I can’t save Natsuki, I will have regrets in my heart.

　――And I’ll be repeating the same pointless life over and over again.

“Thank God.”

“Thank God? …Why? “

“If you have regrets, both you and I can become ghosts.”

　Natsuki looked up at the night sky and muttered.

“If that happens, we can surely watch fireworks together again, I guess?”

　That day during summer vacation when we watched fireworks together.

　Natsuki had told me that she would show me around Tokyo if we both got into the schools we wanted to go to.

　Maybe she’s worried about not being able to fulfill that promise before dying.

　However, I already know that her regrets are not just about that.

　I tightly embraced her body.

“Ah… “

　Natsuki murmured, but she didn’t resist at all.

　She entrusted herself to me and placed her hands on my back.

　Like this――even if the startled Natsuki tries to jump from here, I can hold her down.

“Is Natsuki’s regret… about your father?”

　While holding Natsuki’s shoulder, I took out the suicide note she had just written today from my pocket and showed it to her.

“…huh? Why do you have that…?”

　In my arms, Natsuki had an expression of fear.

“I went into your house and got it.”

“Then, the contents…”

　It seemed that she was not thinking about how I knew Natsuki had written her suicide note.

“Yeah, I read it.”

　Upon hearing my words――Natsuki’s face contorted with despair as she said,

“Only you… I didn’t want you… I didn’t want you to see it!”

　Saying that, she pressed her forehead against my chest so that I couldn’t see her own face.

　Seeing her current state and hearing her words, I think to myself,

　Natsuki is always like this.

　There should be no one else but me that Natsuki can confide in, the only person she can trust and is close to.

　She always keeps her problems to herself, fearing that I would be disillusioned with her, pretending to be fine while falling apart.

　It has reached a point where it’s beyond help, and her heart breaks.

　She believes she is capable, able to do anything, and doesn’t rely on others.

　Thinking that way doesn’t mean she’s strong.

　It is a fatal flaw of Natsuki, not being able to make friends she can rely on.

　No, it wouldn’t be fair to blame it solely on Natsuki.

　While realizing this flaw, it is also because I couldn’t fully become the reliable person she needed.

“It’s not Natsuki’s fault.”

　This is her last chance to let everything out and move forward.

“Take your time. I want you to let out everything you’ve been holding back. Right here, right now. I’ll stand by you until the end, I promise.”

　Staring directly at Natsuki, who lifted her face, I conveyed these words to her.