I Will Inspire Your Insipid Days - Volume 1 Chapter 3.2

Gazing

“Do you not wear men’s clothes?”

“It’s a problem that comes before that. I don’t know which clothes are for men and which are for women. I have the knowledge, but I’m not familiar with real examples, and even if I memorize some coordination, I can’t develop it further. Of course, I can’t read trends either…”

“Is the smartphone you own just for show?”

“Could you not provoke me with such polite phrasing? It was my first time getting one when I moved to Tokyo, so I really don’t know how to use it…”

“Ah, so it really is just for decoration.”

“You meanie!”

“Anyway, you can buy clothes through online shopping, you know? Should I buy some for you?”

Natsume-san said it so matter-of-factly that I almost let it slip by.

Then, placing her hand on her chin, Natsume-san seemed to ponder something.

After a moment, she asked a very simple question.

“Why?”

Unable to think of an appropriate response, I fell silent.

However, the questions kept coming without any consideration.

“Why can’t Yonon wear men’s clothes?”

“…Because, I have to graduate from this academy as a woman──”

“I’m not asking about that. I’m trying to get at something more fundamental.”

The moment I began to speak, she cut me off. Natsume-san looked at me curiously.

“What do you mean by ‘why’? What is ‘not that’ supposed to mean?” I was puzzled, not understanding what her “why” was about or what was “not that,” when she pressed further.

“Why does Yonon have to graduate from this academy as a woman?”

“…That’s because”

I finally understood.

And at the same time, I naturally realized it was a realistic issue that I had been avoiding.

I didn’t know how to explain, and I couldn’t keep up with putting it into words.

I decided to convey just the bare facts.

“My sister—Kanon might return to Japan at some point, and if that happens, I’ll have to hand over the title of ‘Shumonzuka Girls’ Academy graduate’ to Kanon.”

“Why?”

“The Hanabishi family has been a prestigious house of dance for generations. And in the future, the head of the main family will be Kanon. Having the achievement of graduating from Shumonzuka Girls’ Academy will add prestige to her resume.”

“Not that.”

Again. I sighed, exasperated.

“…What now?”

The trick to communicating with Natsume-san is to understand what her questions are directed at and to give as simple and clear an answer as possible.

So, in response to her “not that,” I tossed the question back at her.

But Natsume-san immediately countered.

“After giving your educational background to your twin sister, what happens to Yonon? An empty shell?”

──I couldn’t answer.

What will happen to me after I graduate from Akamonzuka Girls’ Academy?

It’s decided.

It doesn’t matter. I’ll think about it when the time comes.

It’s what the family decided. Conventionally, that’s how it should be──to be honest, I hadn’t even considered it.

In the Hanabishi family, males are not needed.

I fell silent, and Natsume-san continued without changing her tone of voice.

“Then, it’s okay for me to buy clothes for Yonon, right?”

Is it, though?

“It wouldn’t be bad to give a gift to Yonon, who always takes care of me, making it feel like a high school life, right?”

“…Then do as you like, Natsume-san.”

“I always do.”

I knew that. I didn’t say anything because it was already obvious.

I still can’t see the whole picture of the high school life she desires.

***

The one visible change might be that Komachi-san has started talking to me in class. She patiently taught me how to use the messaging app on my smartphone, and we naturally exchanged contact information. Since then, we’ve been texting regularly.

One day in early June, when the sky was tainted with rain clouds, a pathetic scream came from the bathroom, followed shortly by Natsume-san emerging with a near-death expression, completely nude.

To me, this was routine, so I turned my face away and asked, “What happened?” Natsume-san replied in a nearly breaking voice.

“I knocked over the cleansing oil.”

Natsume-san, who completes her days within the confines of our room, gets all her necessary living supplies online. The problem arising from this incident is that, due to Natsume-san’s lack of attention, I end up having to go shopping.

“Maybe you should wear clothes first?”

“Don’t ask me to multitask.”

“Can’t you prioritize things right in front of you?”

“Do you think I understand the concept of ‘priority’?”

“Isn’t that why you can use such difficult words?”

“I feel like I’ve been insulted, but I don’t quite understand!”

My persuasion was futile.

Moreover, there was another issue with this incident.

“By the way, about knocking over the cleansing oil… it’s a big problem for me too…”

Initially, the makeup remover Natsume-san had knocked over was something I brought and she began using it regularly after saying, “This is good,” and liking it. This goes for shampoo, conditioner, and face masks too. Natsume-san is particular about makeup but not about removing it. “Painters don’t consider cleaning the canvas,” I’ve convinced myself.

“Alright, I’ll go buy it──”

As I was about to say this, my smartphone chimed with a cheerful notification tone.

Looking at it, there was a message from Komachi-san.

“Are you free today? Want to go for lunch?”

I pondered while looking at the display.

Before I could gather my thoughts, Natsume-san said.

“What? Yonon has friends who invite you on LINE?”

“It’s Komachi-san, a classmate I bumped into at the gallery. She’s asked me out to lunch.”

“Go for it. It’s said that taking care of friendships is important.”

“The fact that you’re not speaking from experience makes both our lives harder, doesn’t it?”

“Do you have a reason not to go?”

“Will coming back late mean it’ll take longer to get your cleanser… Is that okay with Natsume-san?”

“Of course, it’s not okay. I can’t sleep without removing my makeup.”

“If there’s a reason, it’s that.”

“Ah, I see. Yonon is thoughtful of your roommate.”

“None of this concerns me…”

I sighed deeply. Now, what to do?

“Then take her with you.”

Stunned by Natsume-san’s unexpected suggestion, I turned to look at her, but quickly averted my gaze as her body almost faded into view. Without paying me any mind, Natsume-san continued.

“She likes ‘Natsume’s works, doesn’t she?”

“It’s more admiration than liking, I guess.”

“In common sense, admiration lies on the continuum of affection, doesn’t it?”

“Having common sense explained by Natsume-san…”

Besides, I haven’t experienced a typical life either, so I can’t judge.

“I didn’t say it properly before, but I can’t handle being surrounded by others.”

“I didn’t listen properly before, but I guessed as much, so I’m not surprised.”

“I’m also bad at ‘guessing.'”

“I didn’t listen properly before, but same here.”

“I can’t even enter a classroom. If I ride a bus or train, I’ll probably panic and throw up.”

A disaster. I don’t even want to imagine it.