I Will Inspire Your Insipid Days - Volume 1 Chapter 3.6

Gazing

“Really? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Never thought about making one. If I like someone, I’ll forcefully drag them to my side though.”

“Even though you are so cute?”

“Who is?”

“Natsume-san. You have a cute face, you know.”

“That’s right. Because I’m trying to be cute. I usually don’t look at anyone else’s face but mine, so I at least want the faces that enter my field of view to be cute.”

“You say that yourself. You really are an interesting person, huh?”

“Well, I do think of myself as a peculiar person, but whether I’m interesting or not, I’m not sure, so if Komachi thinks so objectively, then I guess I am an interesting person.”

“Suddenly talking so fast!?”

Komachi-san, who exaggeratedly expressed her shock with grand gestures, seemed to have pleased Natsume-san (perhaps), as she continued in her monotonous tone without pausing for breath.

“I don’t understand flattery, so I’ll take it at face value, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Especially if it’s about a favorite artist. People who excessively praise or those who have proven results, from their perspective, are more trustworthy, right?”

“Hmm. Do you think so too, Yonon?”

For some reason, Natsume-san turned to ask me.

“Yes, I think Natsume-san is quite cute.”

“Speak clearly.”

“I do think you’re beautiful.”

Even though I had responded, Natsume-san ignored my answer and returned to the conversation.

The questions from Komachi-san to Natsume-san continued.

“Where are you from?”

“Meguro.”

“Wow. That’s like, noble, isn’t it?”

“I don’t go out much, so I don’t quite feel it, but when I talk about my hometown during meetings with adults, I get similar reactions, so probably, yes.”

“Definitely, right. You can go to the downtown area immediately.”

“By the time normal people start commuting to downtown areas, I was living a life not leaving my house, so I feel like I haven’t utilized the geographical advantage at all. Yonon, where did I put the envelope?”

Natsume-san abruptly breaks the flow of the conversation, leaving Komachi-san unable to respond.

Asked for the envelope, I sighed before answering.

“Depends on which envelope. The ones from the publishing house are all filed on the side table.”

“Not that, the one for personal sales I use for non-standard mail.”

“I wish you’d specify the subject…”

Despite my complaint, I retrieved the item that matched her request from the top drawer of the three-tier cabinet next to Natsume-san’s workspace.

Handing it over silently, Natsume-san received it with a “Hmm,” and began to speak.

“Since I started living with Yonon, I’ve been helped by the decrease in frequency of lost items.”

“Don’t use me for dowsing. I’m not a detector.”

“Ah, but in this case, if I lost Yonon, I’d be in trouble, right?”

“Don’t treat me like an object.”

“Don’t start a comedy routine across the room!”

Actually, Natsume-san often forgets where she places used tools or clothes, and lately, she has been asking me, “Hey Yonon, where did I put that?”

As I respond each time with “It’s on top of the color box next to your desk,” or “I put it in the second drawer of the small item storage,” asking me has somehow become the norm.

“It’s scary to think that remembering so many things might mean remembering things you don’t want to.”

“Sometimes. Like the time when I was walking a mountain path near my home, and a boar’s skull rolled out from between the trees, and I still remember it to this day.”

“I want you to tell me more about it later so I can draw it.”

“Natsume-san, don’t cut off the story. And don’t make me remember things I’d rather forget.”

As I said this, Komachi-san grimaced, sticking out her tongue.

“…Really amazing. To have such talent.”

Talent.

Perhaps that’s true. But having seen something once and remembering it, without the means to output it, makes me wonder if I truly possess talent. This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot more since I started living with Natsume-san.

“Komachi is good at studying, right?”

Natsume-san replies without hesitation, no doubt sincerely.

However, the person addressed only lowers her shoulders further.

“Even if you’re good at studying, if it doesn’t connect to what you really want to do, it’s meaningless…”

“What do you want to do, Komachi?”

“Even that…… to be honest, I don’t know.”

“Why did you come to Shumonzuka then?”

“…Because I thought, even someone like me, who has nothing but study skills, could become someone.”

“If you’re good at studying, you can become anything. How did you manage to pass?”

“…I submitted a report.”

“A report?”

“Since I’m only good at studying, I wrote a report on entertainment and art.”

“So, being smart in itself was recognized as artistic talent, right?”

“…Is that how it is?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yeah, right.”

The rally of words between Natsume-san and Komachi-san was too quick for me to interject. Unsure of what to say to Komachi-san, who was visibly disheartened, I was at a loss.

However, there was one person here who could offer advice.

“Let’s not talk about methods, tell me your fundamental desire directly.”

As usual, her expression was impassive, but her tone was not accusatory; she simply inquired in a matter-of-fact manner.

“Fundamental…?”

“What state is Komachi seeking?”

“…I”

She began to hesitantly weave her words.

“…want to create something that is recognized by many people, and be acknowledged for it with my own abilities. That’s all it is. I mean…… it sounds really childish and pathetic.”

“That’s a desire for recognition. I have it too. What do you want to do with that?”

With each word that Natsume-san returned like a game of wall-ball, she added sharp questions.

Komachi-san straightened her posture and declared, “I’ll just say everything I’m thinking.”

“There’s a mechanism to things that get recognized in galleries, right. I’ll skip the details, but the most important thing, I think, is to appeal to “instinct”. Emotions and instincts are directly linked.”

“I think there’s some truth to that.”

Natsume-san delved deeper with interest. I, too, listened intently.

“Feelings like excitement or anticipation are constant. Even if you arm yourself with theories and view things through any colored glasses, as long as you’re human, you’ll definitely have instincts in your heart. For example, even just one of “Natsume”‘s works. I think it has the power to bring out emotional aspects like anxiety, despair, sorrow, and so on. That’s why it’s evaluated by many people. Interpretations may vary depending on the viewer, but fundamentally, I think it’s the same. “Interpretation” means the process of elucidating the logic of “why did I feel that way”, it’s like traffic control for the viewer’s side.”

“Yeah.”

Usually, Natsume-san, who doesn’t show much change, was smiling slightly.

Perhaps she was intrigued.

At the same time, a question popped into my head.

──Why is someone who can objectively grasp things and think logically so troubled?

“…But, in the end, without a product, you can’t shake someone else’s instincts. Instincts are universal, which is why they vary so greatly. And the ability to “appeal to someone’s heart”, which I still lack…… that’s why I’m troubled──sorry. I suddenly started talking all at once. I usually try to avoid talking too fast……”

“I understand.”

“Huh?”

The sudden voice belonged to Natsume-san. To Komachi-san, who was dumbfounded, she stated succinctly.

“I understand what Komachi doesn’t understand.”

Surprised by her words, Komachi-san swallowed her breath and averted her gaze before answering.

“What I don’t understand? What do you mean?”

“You just haven’t realized your talent, and you haven’t been in an environment where you could realize it, that’s what I understood.”

Natsume-san’s vague assertion caused Komachi-san to tilt her head in confusion.

“People who only look at the surface of things believe that only cutting-edge things are valued. Because they think superior things are created by a minority of people with sharp thinking, and the rest of the ordinary people have no choice but to follow.”

Ignoring Komachi-san’s bewilderment, Natsume-san continued non-stop. It seemed like any words from our side wouldn’t reach her in this state. Deciding to gently support Komachi-san if she exploded, I listened to the flowing voice.

“But most people don’t know. The arts and entertainment seen in the world are just a fraction, and there are countless superior ideas buried beneath them. For example, Picasso’s paintings or Copernicus’s heliocentrism weren’t accepted by everyone from the moment they were made public. Being cutting-edge doesn’t necessarily mean being accepted.”

What exactly does Natsume-san want to say? Glancing to the side, I met Komachi-san’s eyes, who was tilting her head just like me. But Natsume-san didn’t stop.

“That’s why, as a last resort to show the advantage of being cutting-edge, the thing to do is to appeal to the senses. The same thing Komachi said. Making people think, “I don’t quite get it, but it’s amazing,” is the starting line. But as a creator, you can’t stop there. The starting point for everything is to ask “why is it amazing” to something that’s “amazing but I don’t quite get it”.”

…Somehow, I think I understand what Natsume-san is trying to say.

Seeing Komachi-san looking somewhat convinced, Natsume-san smiled.

It was a somewhat relieved expression, as if to say, good, it got through.

So, I’ll take over the explanation from here. For the sake of my roommate, who is bad at socializing but tried to put her thoughts and feelings into words.

“…Indeed, Komachi-san might lack the skill as a creator if she thinks so herself. But Komachi-san is aware of the current situation and, in addition, hasn’t stopped analyzing and thinking on how to overcome it. That is talent……right, Natsume-san?”

“Something like that.”

“Could you not weaken the persuasiveness at the very end?”

As I took over the conversation, Natsume-san, who had been looking elsewhere, prompted me with a sigh.

I did my best to articulate, so at least I wanted to know the pass or fail.

Anyway, Komachi-san seemed to have softened somewhat.

“…Thank you. Being told that by an artist I admire feels like salvation…but…”

For a moment, Komachi-san’s face seemed to have lost its burden, but her expression darkened again.

“Then what… should I create for the Hohaku Festival…”

If there were words of comfort to be offered, this would be the place.

“Well──”

“How about this?”

Just as I was about to speak, Natsume-san cut into the conversation.

It was so sudden and unexpected.

“Komachi, why don’t you become my director?”