If You Wish to Have Me - Chapter 125

In an instant, the atmosphere surrounding them hardened.

Seyard silently stared at Kisa, while Lily looked between the two with a flustered expression.

Eventually, the master of the Hillan estate cast his gaze toward the servant who was standing awkwardly.

“Then I shall bring some washing water.”

As the perceptive maid quickly left the room, only the two of them remained in the guest room.

“……Kisa.”

Watching the man who resumed walking and approached her, Kisa shrank back as much as possible.

The question she had thrown out half impulsively had only deepened her suspicions.

‘No matter how tired I was, my condition yesterday wasn’t normal.’

She had been conversing well with Seyard until halfway through, when she suddenly felt an intense drowsiness and collapsed.

The immediate possibility that came to mind was a sleeping pill.

Having often suffered from insomnia, it was a medication she had once seriously considered taking.

Though it later came to nothing when Count Vansfelt, after hearing about it, scolded her not to rely on medicine for something that wasn’t even a serious illness, she had consulted with the family physician about it.

‘Sleeping in late so unlike myself, and this hazy feeling I have now…….’

According to the doctor, it was one of the characteristics of sleeping pills widely used in the kingdom recently.

While the effect was swift and powerful, one wouldn’t feel refreshed until the next morning.

Moreover, there was a suspicious aspect to how she had come to take the sleeping pill.

‘The tea that Gilliam brought.’

Yesterday, she had felt thirsty due to excessive nervousness and had quickly drunk the tea.

Looking back, it was much faster than Seyard, who had drunk it with her.

‘If there was a sleeping pill in there, it would make sense.’

Though she had no concrete evidence to prove this, she couldn’t simply dismiss it either.

Normally it might be different, but just yesterday Kisa had faced an unbelievable truth.

‘……He really is someone I can’t trust.’

When she learned last night that his killing of his brother had been unavoidable self-defense, Kisa had felt secretly relieved.

However, thinking about it carefully, that was merely his claim from the beginning.

Of course, there was also Brother Emil’s confession, so it was persuasive, but that didn’t mean it was necessarily the truth.

No, even if it was self-defense, there were other suspicious aspects to this man’s actions.

Why had he pretended to be his brother all this time?

For what reason had he hidden the fact that he had met Kisa when they were young and treated her as if they were meeting for the first time?

For what purpose had he waited until Kisa entered the secret room and confirmed the problematic scarf?

‘Most of all, appearing at exactly that moment means he was watching me.’

With that thought, her heart pounded violently and cold sweat gathered in her palms.

“Stop.”

When the man had come to within a few steps of the bed, Kisa raised her hand to stop him.

“You are…….”

But Kisa’s mouth, which was about to ask again whether he had given her sleeping pills, stopped.

Those reddish-brown eyes that seemed to worry about her. That same gentle gaze as before.

Without realizing it, Kisa changed her question.

“Who…… exactly are you?”

Her mouth moved by itself.

“Vischer? Seyard? What should I call you now?”

A man born with the name Vischer who buried himself with his own hands and became Seyard. Who was he?

His answer to that essential question was extremely simple.

“As you wish.”

Seyard said, taking large steps to approach Kisa closely in an instant.

“Call me whatever you wish.”

Staring piercingly into her wavering blue eyes, he took Kisa’s hand.

“Of course, I recommend calling me Seyard in front of others. But when we’re alone, you may call me whatever you like. It’s your freedom to decide who you consider me to be.”

Then he made Kisa touch his cheek, as if telling her to feel directly who he was.

“…….”

The skin that touched was soft and warm.

It was not that of some unknown being that inspired fear, but that of a human through whom hot, red blood flowed.

That fact, along with the man’s unchanging eyes, confused Kisa.

Her head warned her noisily to be wary of the man, but her heart insisted otherwise.

He was the Seyard she knew well.

Kind, wonderful, and Kisa’s lover who had much to teach her. Truly someone who loved her.

“Why…….”

Kisa asked with a tearful expression like a child who had lost a precious toy.

“Why did you give me sleeping pills?”

Seyard gently stroked the back of Kisa’s hand that was still on his cheek.

“I was worried about you.”

It was an answer that acknowledged Kisa’s confident speculation as fact.

“You were worried about me?”

“Didn’t you recall forgotten old memories and hear shocking truths through me? Moreover, you haven’t been able to sleep well lately. So I judged that it would be better for you to have a good night’s sleep, at least last night.”

“Even so, how could you secretly give someone sleeping pills?”

“Regarding that……there’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

Kisa was momentarily speechless and closed her mouth.

It was the first time she had felt absurd even after receiving such a polite and clean apology.

“Actually, I intended to tell you during our conversation, but the effect appeared much earlier than I expected.”

“……Are you saying it’s my fault for finishing all the tea in such a short time?”

“That wasn’t what I meant.”

Though her heart stung at his sad expression, Kisa deliberately avoided his gaze.

“Let go.”

She roughly withdrew her hand from Seyard’s grasp and glared at him.

Even considering the reasons Seyard had given earlier, his giving her sleeping pills was still incomprehensible.

‘There’s definitely something more.’

But there was no way for Kisa to know what that was right now.

Even if she pressed him several more times, Seyard didn’t seem likely to confess willingly.

‘I need to gather more information.’

Yesterday too, she had fallen asleep while questioning why he was pretending to be his brother, and there was still much she didn’t know.

Perhaps interpreting her silence in some way, Seyard changed the subject.

“Breakfast and lunch have been prepared. If it’s alright with you, may we eat together?”

“…….”

“Of course, I would fully understand if you no longer wish to face me. In that case, I’ll have your portion of the meal brought here separately.”

It was his despicable trait to take a humble stance when he was at a disadvantage, making it harder for Kisa to press him further.

What used to seem only lovely now felt different, and Kisa found this fact a little sad.

No. Perhaps what was sad was that, even if somewhat different, it was still lovely.

“Let’s eat together.”

Kisa said, lowering her gaze.

“There are things we didn’t finish discussing yesterday.”

At those words, Seyard’s face brightened.

“It’s an honor.”

……It was purely for the purpose of gathering information.

****

A little later, the two were sitting at the dining table facing each other.

Since Seyard had said that meal service wasn’t necessary, the servants withdrew after bringing the food.

Seeing Kisa picking at her food, Seyard said with a somewhat troubled expression.

“Don’t worry, Kisa. I didn’t put sleeping pills in this time.”

“Oh, really?”

Though Kisa answered thus, she didn’t satisfy her hungry stomach to her heart’s content.

Actually, while she was suspicious due to the previous day’s incident, it was also because her appetite itself wasn’t returning at all.

Well, with the topic she was about to delve into being what it was, there was no way food would go down her throat easily.

Seyard patiently waited for her to ask first.

How much time passed in the suffocatingly quiet meal?

Finally, Kisa, who had decided which question to start with, spoke up.

“I know what happened to the real Seyard. According to you, he died then…… and was buried at that villa.”

“That’s correct.”

“Then what about Cobi Brown? What happened to Cobi, whom we met together back then?”

Cobi Brown. The accomplice who had planned murder with the real Seyard, and whose life or death was currently unclear.

Seyard’s answer regarding his fate was…….

“He’s dead.”

At this story that was expected yet still shocking, Kisa stopped the hand holding her fork and swallowed dryly.

“Though it’s a cruel matter, since I decided not to hide anything more from you, I’ll speak honestly. Cobi is no longer of this world. He lost his life on my orders.”

“I, I see.”

Kisa bit her lips tightly, feeling her own voice trembling.

“He conspired with my brother to try to kill me. He actually accompanied him to the villa and kept watch while Seyard snuck inside. Though he ran away in the middle, perhaps out of fear, he’s someone I could hardly show mercy or tolerance toward.”

“……I understand that.”

Kisa too had no intention of telling him to forgive even those who had tried to kill him.

Moreover, at that time, he likely didn’t know that Brother Emil had noticed their criminal plan, so there probably wasn’t a good way to prove that Cobi was an accomplice.

It meant it would be difficult to expect legal judgment.

‘Still, to kill someone…… No, am I thinking too naively? This might be a normal reaction.’

Honestly, she didn’t know what was what anymore.

Having continuously encountered tremendous stories, it felt as if some part of her mind had become numb.

“Then what about Brother Vishius?”

Kisa stared blankly at the food placed before her for a moment, then asked Seyard.

“Did you kill him too because he was your brother’s accomplice?”

At those words, Seyard made a strange expression.

“Brother Vishius is…….”

He paused slightly, then smiled subtly.

“He’s here right now.”