If You Wish to Have Me - Chapter 134

Now that she had the goal of escaping, she needed to begin preliminary preparations.

First, the biggest problem was deciding where to go after leaving this place.

Naturally, she had to avoid the territories of the Hillan family or families friendly to Hillan.

It would be no exaggeration to say they were in the palm of Seyard’s hand, so if she tried to hide in those regions, she would obviously be caught quickly.

‘I suppose it would be better not to go anywhere near the northern part of the kingdom where the Hillan territory is located.’

The same situation applied to her beloved hometown, the Vansfelt territory.

Though it was a place familiar to Kisa, as long as her father Count Vansfelt was determined to force through his daughter’s marriage, going home would also be extremely dangerous.

‘If I disappear, he’ll certainly become frantic looking for me.’

Regrettably, she would have to give up on the Vansfelt territory.

The option of pretending to flee far away while actually hiding in the capital also seemed unreliable.

First of all, Kisa herself wasn’t bold enough for that, and Seyard, the Duke of Hillan, could exercise considerable influence even in the capital.

Additionally, the fact that Daniel had been caught while hiding in the capital made her even less inclined toward that option.

Then where should she go?

Kisa, sitting at her desk looking at a national map she had brought from her father’s study, let out a deep sigh.

She realized anew that she had been a frog in a well for over twenty years of her life.

She had lived her entire life traveling between the capital and her hometown.

Kisa knew little about other regions within the kingdom, let alone foreign countries.

‘Should I go abroad then? In terms of not knowing anything, it wouldn’t be much different from domestic locations.’

After pondering for a long time, no clear answer emerged.

Kisa had no choice but to first consider other elements.

Things like how to arrange transportation or how to hide her identity while traveling to her destination.

But each consideration ran into obstacles before her thoughts could progress very far.

‘Simply having money doesn’t solve most problems.’

If she used the conventional routes that everyone commonly knew, it would be difficult to escape Seyard’s notice.

Even Gabriel, who had left the kingdom a few months ago, had barely escaped Princess Arta’s clutches with Seyard’s help.

Judging by the lack of news, he seemed to still be continuing his life in hiding.

“Gabriel…”

It seemed she could hear the words he had spoken when they last met in the garden of the Hillan mansion.

[What matters most is yourself. Never abandon yourself for the sake of love.]

Those words, which hadn’t resonated with her at the time, now felt more urgent than ever.

If she stayed with Seyard like this, Kisa could not be happy.

But reflecting on his words didn’t solve the immediate problem.

Kisa, trapped in a swamp of despair, pressed her index finger firmly against her tired eyelids.

‘So lacking, terribly lacking.’

Information, trustworthy people. Except for the money she had on hand, she possessed nothing.

She even had to act against her true feelings so that others wouldn’t notice anything strange.

“Miss, it’s about time to leave. A carriage is waiting outside.”

Just like right now.

“I understand. I’ll come out now.”

Kisa hid the map book deep in a drawer and stood up from her seat.

She had already put on her outdoor clothes, so she just needed to go out.

A moment later, Kisa emerged from her room with a natural smile on her face.

The maid waiting for her outside the door bowed politely.

“Have a good time at the gathering.”

“Yes, I’ll be back. Oh, there’s a small banquet today, so I might be late.”

Saying this as she descended the stairs, she looked exactly like someone looking forward to a banquet.

From the day Hazel came with the money, Kisa had stopped confining herself to the house.

She had gradually started going out on her own and attended Aria’s gatherings.

Of course, she also participated more actively in dates with Seyard than before.

All for one single purpose.

To successfully escape, she needed to make Seyard, Count Vansfelt, and other people around her let their guard down.

If she continued to look dejected, even someone without much perception would notice her strange behavior.

Kisa wanted people to pay as little attention to her as possible.

To achieve this, she had no choice but to return to her previous self, acting as if nothing had happened.

Fortunately, Kisa’s acting was quite convincing.

Though he didn’t say it, Count Vansfelt seemed inwardly relieved, and Seyard was pleased with his lover’s change.

Inwardly, he might have had some suspicious thoughts about the reason for the change, but at least outwardly, that’s how it appeared.

While maintaining some awkwardness, Kisa smiled and chatted more during dates with him, and sometimes visited the Hillan mansion first as she used to.

Though she returned to the Vansfelt mansion earlier than before, it would appear as a sufficiently positive sign to his eyes.

At least regarding how others viewed Kisa, there were no particular problems. Only Kisa herself was terribly exhausted.

‘I want to go back quickly…’

Kisa, holding a champagne glass in one hand, muttered this while looking at people with bored eyes.

Right nearby, people were noisily enjoying the banquet, but to her it felt like a completely different world.

That was inevitable. Just because she acted as if she had returned to her old self didn’t mean her mindset could be the same.

Acting contrary to her true feelings almost every moment was gradually eating away at Kisa’s spirit.

The banquet, which would have been enjoyable before, now didn’t catch her eye.

“Kisa, are you enjoying yourself?”

At that moment, Aria, who was sitting next to Kisa, asked.

Today’s banquet was held among members of the group they belonged to together.

The venue was also the mansion of Miss Manoa, one of the members, who had provided it.

Kisa instantly changed her expression and answered in a lively voice.

“Of course. It’s really fun. The food is excellent and the art pieces Miss Manoa has collected are wonderful too.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Actually, I was a bit worried because Kisa didn’t attend the last gathering, but it was my needless concern.”

“Oh my, I caused you worry. I just had a slight cold then, but I’m fine now.”

“Then shall we toast to celebrate Kisa’s recovery?”

“Good idea.”

Soon after, the two clinked their champagne glasses together with smiling faces.

Aria, who had gulped down the alcohol in one go, sank deep into the sofa.

“Being like this reminds me of when we first met. Back then too, while others were enjoying card games, we had conversations between ourselves.”

“…That’s right. That happened.”

It was less than a year ago, yet it sounded so distant.

That day, Kisa learned through Aria about Daniel’s betrayal and how much he had looked down on her, and she was immersed in deep sadness and emptiness.

Then a few days later, she met Seyard at the Royal Library, which she had impulsively visited.

‘I thought it was a chance meeting, but thinking about it now, he deliberately approached me.’

A man who had been constantly trying to get his hands on Kisa wouldn’t have relied on chance.

Just as her heart was about to sink into gloom again, Aria suddenly grabbed Kisa’s hand.

“Kisa, although our first meeting wasn’t very pleasant and our friendship hasn’t been very long, I consider you my true friend.”

Slightly flustered by the unexpected words, Kisa blinked and answered.

“Ah, I feel the same way. Aria, you’re really a good person and a kind friend. You’re the one who introduced me to this group.”

Hearing Kisa’s words, Aria smiled broadly.

“Thank you. Um, was I being a bit sudden? But it’s something I’ve always wanted to say.”

Her hand patted Kisa’s shoulder gently.

“So if you have any worries or troubles, please tell me. Don’t hide it if you’re sick either – let me know and I’ll come visit you.”

“…Yes, I understand.”

Kisa’s throat seemed to choke up, and after a moment of silence, she slowly nodded.

The desire to confess everything to her momentarily surged in her chest and then faded like foam.

As desperate as the situation was, she desperately wanted to rely on someone, but she couldn’t.

She felt sorry for the woman who had called her a true friend, but even if it was Aria, Kisa found it hard to trust completely.

‘Even Seyard, whom I trusted so much, turned out that way.’

Moreover, she hadn’t known Aria for very long, and frankly, even if she trusted her, she didn’t want to burden her.

‘I’m sorry. It would be trouble for you.’

Helping Kisa might mean becoming hostile to Seyard.

Aria, being a foreigner, was a stranger in this land, and her husband Robin also needed to be very careful lately.

Hadn’t Daniel, a friend and fellow student from Jackeu, been arrested recently on espionage charges?

Fortunately, judging by Aria’s not-too-bad expression, he didn’t seem to be involved in this matter, but with a little thought, one could easily guess that his position would be quite difficult.

‘He’s probably suffering under suspicious glares right now. Since he works as an official in the royal court, it might be even worse.’

No matter how she thought about it, relying on Aria of all people would be a selfish choice to shake off her current anxiety.

Therefore, Kisa simply agreed with Aria’s words and forced her lips into a smile.

But just as the atmosphere of the banquet was reaching its peak, someone approached them.

“Miss Kisa, could you spare a moment to talk with me? I have something to tell you.”

Kisa looked up and, seeing an unexpected person in her field of vision, opened her eyes wide.

Why was this person speaking to her?