Preparation for Regret Ends in Failure

But Kinoshita shook her head and looked at my hand. I remembered the conversation about deleting accounts.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me.”

I put away my smartphone and looked at her again. She looked down.

“…Did you think I was a hopeless person?”

“Not hopeless──”

“Then!”

She looked up, glaring at me.

“Do you expect nothing from me?”

“Kinoshita…?”

“You’re selfish! You changed my world!”

Another step closer.

“You changed me so much!”

Another step.

“I…”

She looked up at me, angry like I’d never seen.

“I don’t want to be just another person you help!”

For a moment, I couldn’t grasp her words. I was at a loss for words.

“I don’t want to be just another person you help. I don’t want this to be just another thing you do.”

“Calm down, Kinoshita.”

“Can you calm down!?”

Her words, squeezed out, silenced by her shout.

“I just learned about your past. But I don’t want to be part of your ‘past.’ I don’t want to end like always.”

Her tear-filled eyes looking up at me.

I didn’t understand what she meant.

She said something I never imagined.

“If you leave me like this… I’ll die…”

“Kinoshita, what do you mean…?”

“You don’t understand. Of course, you don’t.”

Weakly, she hit my chest with her small fist.

Before I could realize it was her protest, she said,

“You messed up my heart. Once you know happiness, you can’t go back.”

She bit her lip, bowed her head. Remembering the past, she closed her eyes, shook her head like a crying baby.

“I was probably strong before you spoke to me. I could get through each day. But taking your hand, I… I’ve changed…”

I remembered Kinoshita saying my thanks were like drugs.

“Just thinking about being apart from you made me dizzy… I couldn’t see any color, couldn’t do anything… until my mom came home.”

“…That’s yesterday’s.”

“I talked to my mom. It’s all because of you.”

Kinoshita stepped back slightly.

Her flushed cheeks, tearful eyes. Speaking with raw emotion, she took a deep breath and glared at me again.

“I couldn’t say it yesterday. But now I can. Listen.”

“Ah, yeah…”

I had no idea what she would say, so I just nodded.

Thinking I pushed her away for meddling too much, her words reassured me.

Yet, she was clearly angry at me. I knew I overdid it. But she also seemed to say the overdoing itself wasn’t wrong.

So, when Kinoshita put her hand on her chest, took a deep breath, and looked resolute, I wasn’t prepared.

“──I love you.”

My mouth moved, but no sound came out. My throat was dry.

“You saved me. If your kindness is overdoing it, it wasn’t for me… If you’re in trouble, I want to support you.”

Kinoshita’s gaze softened.

“I don’t know how yet…”

Even her murmur seemed happy despite her struggle.

“I don’t want to be apart. That’s what I couldn’t say.”

“…I’m surprised and happy about your feelings.”

“Wait. Don’t say the rest now.”

She stopped me with her hand.

“Seeing your surprised face, I get it. You didn’t expect it.”

That was true. Kinoshita’s small smile even showed some confidence.

“Please wait for my answer. When I feel worthy of you, I’ll ask again.”

“Worthy…?”

“I can’t say I want to stay with you now. I thought I had to leave instead of being presumptuous… but I couldn’t suppress my selfish wish to stay.”

“You don’t have to think that much… normally, people don’t, Kinoshita.”

None of those who confessed to me thought about being worthy.

They just took a gamble, hoping to be accepted.

“Hehe.”

Kinoshita laughed, covering her mouth gracefully.

“I’m serious.”

That one word made me relax.

“I see. You are.”

“Yes.”

We laughed a bit together. Kinoshita, gently cooling her flushed cheeks with her hands, looked up at me again.

“Godai-san. I need an answer.”

“What is it?”

“I heard about your past. Helping people, being told it’s too much… even if it’s your fault, you were hurt.”

“…It’s just introspection.”

“Godai-san. If your desired outcome never happened before…”

Kinoshita, looking up with a cute, shy face, said,

“Would I be enough compensation?”

“Huh?”

“I mean… I think everything you did for me worked out!”

“…”

I thought I had failed. That I had meddled again.

I didn’t regret it strongly. I did it knowingly. I overdid it, as Saiga said, to the point of being “gross.” But if it settled things for Kinoshita, that was fine.

I gave up on gratitude, sticking to my usual way.

So, I realized when she said it.

“…Kinoshita.”

“Yes?”

Before answering, I asked,

“…Do you have any current troubles?”

Kinoshita shook her head slightly, then smiled like a blooming flower.

“Nothing. Thanks to you, I’m happy.”

“…I see. …Alright.”

Those words were my greatest reward. So, the answer was simple.

“Yes. You’re more than enough. Thank you, Kinoshita.”

“Yes. I won’t make you regret making me happy.”

Giggling, she spun around, clasping her hands behind her.

“Wait for me. I’ll work hard to reach my goal.”

That goal was probably to be my equal──an honestly troublesome goal.

“I’ll wait.”

Full of determination, I could only answer that way.

It was a troublesome goal. Honestly, she was already too good for me.

tln : fck ryoma with his perfect mindset. god i want to be like ryoma so much, gentle and confident.