Kinoshita Minami’s Future of Colors

The iron door opened with a heavy sound.

I kicked off my shoes in the narrow entrance and staggered past the table into my room. Even though it was getting dark outside, I couldn’t even muster the energy to turn on the light.

Flopping face-down onto my bed, still in my uniform.

“…What am I doing?”

No one responded to my sob-filled mutterings; they just echoed off the sterile walls.

I fled home as if running away. Pushing away someone who had been so kind to me.

“Someone like me should be hated. An ungrateful fool. Dreaming above my station… Misreading the situation, getting carried away. Just someone who was saved.”

LINE occasionally pinged, likely messages from the friends group I had made for the first time.

Even though I knew I should respond, my body wouldn’t cooperate.

“What was I getting so excited about… so stupid…”

From the open room door, I could see the iron door leading to the entrance where I had just come in.

Even if the house was cold inside, the world beyond the door was colorful. ──But all of it was borrowed. I took everything, and just because the person who helped me seemed to like me a little, I got carried away.

I misread my place by thinking I could stay by their side.

“It’s good that I realized it. Definitely.”

Burying my face in the pillow, I mumbled. The words echoed in the still soundless room.

It’s good I realized it. That I was mistaken.

It’s good I realized it. Before being told directly to leave.

It’s good I realized it. Before I was thought of as annoying.

Or maybe, I was already seen that way. Even if so, he would smile without showing it.

‘Kinoshita’

“Ugh… ah”

Just thinking about it, I could hear his voice. Such a happy sound resonating in my ears.

Just being called filled my heart so much.

And now, as I was about to lose that, my chest felt even more turbulent.

“I should be hated. Someone like me. Someone like me…”

I reached for my smartphone. LINE was still bustling.

My friend list wasn’t long. I quickly found his name.

As I tapped the name, several options appeared.

Reluctantly, I almost opened the chat screen but froze.

Send a message, make a call… or block.

I had never considered or used the block function. If I did that──or if he did that to me. What would happen to me?

That’s when it happened.

“──Huh?”

A ping, a new message. From someone I didn’t expect at all.

Opening the chat screen, it was the first message in two months.

Mom: I’m coming home now. Are you home?

“Why…”

She hadn’t bothered to notify me she was coming home in a while.

I glanced around the cold house.

When was the last time I even spoke to my mom?

“What should I reply…”

After some hesitation, I sent a single word.

Minami: I’m home.

Such a simple thing, yet it drained me completely.

“Haa─────”

I let out a big sigh and tossed my smartphone aside.

“…”

Turning over, I recalled our past exchanges.

Ever since starting high school, we had been fighting constantly.

Like Ryoma’s home, mine is a single-parent household. But in my case, it was because of my parents’ bad relationship that they divorced.

I didn’t want to go with my father or have any issues with the divorce itself.

It happened before I was old enough to remember.

But I knew my mom, who didn’t have a trade to rely on, was raising me alone.

Though I didn’t experience firsthand how hard it is to support someone, I still appreciated my mom and wanted to be a daughter she could be proud of.

My serious and hardworking nature likely stemmed from that.

My good grades were a result of hard work. I got into a good public high school because I worked hard.

But my mom’s words never rewarded my efforts.

‘Did you make any friends?’ ‘Is school fun?’ ‘You can go out and play, you know?’

I always tried to live so I wouldn’t worry my hardworking mom. She had said it was okay even if I went to a private high school, and I tried to repay her in the ways I could.

Yet, when I achieved good grades from my hard work, all she said was ‘More importantly,’ followed by things unrelated to my effort.

It led to fights.

Even though I didn’t want to, I pushed her away, annoyed by her constant questions about my ‘enjoyment’ of school life.

Perhaps ── as Ryoma put it, Minami’s anxiety began to show around that time.

I started working part-time on weekends. I lied about going out with friends for the first time.

Knowing she wouldn’t accept the money, I saved it. Planning to hand it over one day, saying it was for my tuition.

Back then, with such a combative mindset, I pushed forward, wondering if I was the one at fault ── to Ryoma Godai, I must have seemed unstable.

“…Ah.”

I heard the sound of the door unlocking.

“I’m home!!”

It was the first time in a long while that I heard that greeting.

Was it an attempt to make up? I was scared to find out, so I cautiously peeked out from my room.

“You’re here, Minami. You haven’t started dinner yet, have you? I brought home some bento.”

“Oh… yeah…”

Nodding absentmindedly, I watched as my mom, humming, washed her hands and put the store-bought bento in the microwave.

Not wanting to remain silent, I spoke up.

“Um, Mom.”

“Hm? Oh, you’re still in your uniform! Were you lying on the bed? It’s going to get all wrinkled; it’ll be a hassle to get them out later!”

“It’s fine… I can do it myself…”

“That’s not the point. But leave it there. I’ll take care of it!”

“…Can you?”

“That’s rude. I taught you, didn’t I?”

“Oh… right.”