Kinoshita Minami’s Future of Colors

I had forgotten that.

How to smooth out wrinkles, sew back buttons. Even the cooking I was proud of; my mom had taught me initially. Forgetting all this, I had been doing everything myself for so long.

If I had left things around, my mom would have done the laundry and cooking, even if we were fighting. Out of stubbornness, I had insisted on doing everything myself.

Remembering these things, I felt confused by our sudden conversation.

Anger doesn’t last long. It had just been a battle of wills. Inside, I just hoped we wouldn’t fight again.

Contrary to my thoughts, my first words revealed my doubts.

“…You’re in a good mood. What’s up?”

“Hehehe.”

“…Mom?”

Taking the bento out, she looked at me and smiled meaningfully.

That kind of reaction only confused me more. As my mom set the heated bento on the table, she laughed.

“I talked to one of your friends who came by during my shift!”

“Huh… who…”

“I recognized the uniform right away. He bought two karaage bento.”

“That doesn’t narrow it down at all!”

“Really? You really can’t guess? If not, you’ve got a lot of friends, Minami.”

“So what’s going on!?”

Her teasing voice seemed particularly bright, likely because this was the kind of conversation she always wanted to have about school life.

Smiling happily, she said,

“A boy from your school, right? You have a lot of male friends?”

“…Boy?”

“Yes, from the same high school.”

“…”

I could only think of one person.

“There were no other customers, so I ended up chatting with him a lot, even though I was on duty. A second-year from Kyocho High, right? He was very handsome.”

“…Yeah.”

“And he knew you, Minami. He said you seemed to be having a great time at school. I wanted to hear that from you too!!”

“…Yeah, I guess so.”

Nodding as she teased, I held back tears, enduring the warmth spreading in my chest.

“I’ve been wanting to apologize to you, Minami.”

“Huh…?”

I didn’t understand for a moment. Then I realized I was being hugged by the encompassing warmth.

“Mom?”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted you to be a normal girl. I didn’t want you to think it was normal to give up your time or money because we had a hard life. I had a great time in high school.”

“…Mom.”

Without thinking, I hugged her back tightly.

Feeling warmth I hadn’t in so long. The past where I could barely speak to the person I should be closest to.

“I got scolded.”

“Huh…?”

Muttering, she closed her eyes and pressed Minami’s head against her.

Remembering her conversation with that young man.

‘Thank you for being Minami’s friend! Maybe I should give you a free bento.’

‘Oh, please don’t bother… but, yes. One thing, if I may.’

‘What is it?’

‘I was helped by Minami… so I hope you can acknowledge her efforts too. She seemed a bit lonely.’

Recalling his gentle smile, she looked up to see her perplexed daughter. Minami, who had grown quite a bit since she last looked at her properly.

“…He said you deserve recognition for your efforts. Because you helped him with his studies.”

“…Ah.”

“I’m really sorry. I knew you were working hard, but I thought it didn’t matter in school. I wanted you to enjoy being a teenager. I was just imposing my wishes on you. Sorry.”

“…Ah… ah…”

All the words I wanted were there.

She acknowledged my efforts. She explained our misunderstandings. I understood why she wanted things I didn’t have.

The bitterness, the pain, the struggle – all melted away.

“You’re still such a crybaby.”

“Sorry… sorry, Mom…”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

Hugging me tightly. Through her shoulder, I looked into the room with tear-filled eyes.

“──”

Beyond the entrance was a colorful world. But now, I realized, even this house was filled with color.

“…Mom, you know.”

“Hm?”

The small sniffle and words. Even the room that only echoed before responded warmly – just knowing that made me happy.

Thinking about how I obtained each warm fragment of happiness… I couldn’t keep it to myself.

I didn’t know what to do alone. I couldn’t consult any friends.

“I made friends… for the first time.”

“…I see.”

“I could talk to people at school.”

“I see.”

“I was invited to study with someone for the first time.”

“I see.”

Her gentle nods encouraged me.

With each word, the tightness in my chest eased.

“It was fun…”

“Yes, I think so too.”

“But.”

I looked up, sobbing.

My mouth twitched, struggling to form words. The crying left my eyes red as I pleaded, finally focusing on my mother.

“But… I have nothing to give back to him…!!”

“Minami…”

Pouring out my frustration, her gentle touch on my head soothed me.

“I don’t think friends expect anything in return…”

I shook my head in response.

My mom likely understood my feelings just from remembering the boy she met.

He said she helped him with studying.

Minami, who said she happily studied with someone for the first time.

That was the answer.

“It’s different. Not a friend.”

In a hoarse voice, Minami finally muttered.

“I wish it was just a friend.”

If only it were just a friend.

Turning the pages of cherished memories, I understood my feelings.

I was happy just being with the person I loved. If I could be satisfied with that under the label of ‘friends,’ that would have been the most ‘correct.’

Friends could be many. Any connection was fine.

But.

“I want to stay with him… but someone like me doesn’t match up…”

“Did he say that?”

Again, I shook my head.

He’d never say such a thing. But the thought of him even thinking it was unbearable. If he ever found someone he liked and thought I was a nuisance…

“I couldn’t live anymore…”

“Silly girl.”

She placed her hand on my head and gently pulled me close, smiling thinly. She wanted me to enjoy my youth and experience romance, but my school life seemed much heavier and more passionate.

“Hey, Minami.”

A love that seemed unworthy of the one I loved. Yet I couldn’t stop my feelings.

I didn’t want to be disliked or thought of as annoying. Leaving him was best, but it felt ungrateful.

So what I truly wanted was.

“You want the qualifications to love him.”

There’s no such thing. Wanting something that doesn’t exist is part of adolescent fervor, she thought, smiling.

The right to love. The right to be loved. Proof that I’m worthy of him.

Again, there’s no such thing. But.

“Minami, don’t you think you’ve always achieved your goals?”

“Huh…?”

“I didn’t notice, but you’ve been working towards goals like getting into a public school and improving your grades. You’ve always been working towards something.”

“…That’s…”

Remembering her words about my efforts.

‘People who are sincere about their goals… I suppose I like that.’

That day, I felt I could stay close to him and be happy.

Maybe, that was a kind of ‘qualification to stay close.’

“Minami, you’re a hard worker. If you have a goal, you can achieve it.”

“Mom… what should I do?”

“It’s simple.”

She smiled, gently stroking my tear-streaked cheek.

“Ask him directly. Honestly.”

And then, she added,

“If you can do that, you might get what you want.”

I widened my eyes.

“…Huh?”

“What’s your goal now? Be honest. To be friends? To give something back? Or to feel better now?”

“No…”

An honest goal.

The right to love. The right to be loved. Proof that I’m worthy of him.

The reason for wanting these things is ──.

“I want to be someone who can stay with Godai-san…”

The whispered words were a refined truth.

Someone who can stand by him and smile. Someone he values. Not just someone who owes him, but someone he needs. A match for him.

That’s what it means to be ‘someone who can stay with him.’

“Yes. Minami, you can do it. You’re diligent and hardworking.”

“Mom…”

Nodding firmly, my mom smiled and gently stroked my hair.

“Godai-kun, right? I’ll remember that.”

“Mom!!!”

I shouted with a cracking voice, my throat hurting.

But ── we laughed together for the first time in a while.

I was done running from the happiness I had grasped.

No more tears or doubts.

tln : c: i shed a tear.