Kono Monogatari O Kimi Ni Sasagu - Volume 1 Chapter 2.2

Yuto straightened his back and moved slightly away from Kotoha, holding his breath as he waited for her to finish reading.

The plot consisted of a simple table summarizing the characters, a brief outline of the story’s setup, development, and conclusion, and a detailed breakdown of these elements into scenes, known as a “hakogaki” (シーンカード). (tln : i will explain it on the bottom)

This had always been Yuto’s style, even when he was a writer. Some authors might start writing with just a few lines of summary, but Yuto preferred to finish a detailed plot first.

Eventually, Kotoha’s fingers left the touch screen display. She had finished reading.

Yuto waited patiently for her words.

But she didn’t start speaking right away.

She seemed to be deep in thought, her eyes closed tightly.

The meaningful pause made Yuto feel a bit anxious, tightening his chest.

Suddenly, Kotoha let out a deep sigh.

Unable to bear it, Yuto closed his eyes.

Maybe it wasn’t good after all, he thought, feeling a bit discouraged.

It might be the same as three years ago. When the stories he had written with all his effort were all rejected by editors.

He had thought it was a decent piece, but having someone capable review it objectively was the best way to judge its quality. And Kotoha probably had the necessary skills for this role—or so he thought.

“Maybe I should rework it from scratch…”

Unable to wait for Kotoha’s response, Yuto spoke with a hint of resignation. However,

“Huh?”

To Yuto’s surprise, Kotoha’s voice was filled with confusion.

“Huh? What do you mean, huh?”

“There’s no need to rewrite it! I thought it was good! It’s a classic tear-jerker with a touch of fantasy. It’s quite interesting. As expected of you, Senpai.”

“…”

Yuto lowered his head in relief and let out a small sigh.

“You really are confusing… What was that sigh about earlier?”

“Huh? Did I sigh?”

Kotoha looked puzzled.

“Did you do it unconsciously… So basically, the direction is good, but it still needs some fixes, right?”

“Yes, that’s what I think.”

She answered immediately. But Yuto wasn’t discouraged by this. Having worked with professional editors before, he knew that receiving criticism was a daily occurrence and necessary to improve the story. As long as the foundation wasn’t entirely flawed and the story was engaging, it could be revised.

“Where do you think it needs fixing?”

The plot Yuto shared with Kotoha was as follows:

There were two main characters.

The protagonist was Ren, a novice shinigami (死神). The heroine was Hiyori, a high school girl suffering from a terminal illness. Other characters included Ren’s superior shinigami and Hiyori’s classmates. (tln : Shinigami = Death God. things like bleach references)

The story was essentially a classic terminal illness drama with a fantasy twist involving shinigami.

Ren, the protagonist, disguises himself as a high school student to approach Hiyori and escort her soul to the afterlife. Hiyori, aware of her impending death, drags Ren around to all the places she wanted to visit.

As Ren grows closer to Hiyori, who remains cheerful despite knowing her fate, he finds himself unable to complete his mission to take her soul.

Another shinigami then appears to take Hiyori’s life in Ren’s place when he fails to do so…

The drama club’s script also featured shinigami, but the character settings and story were entirely different.

“Well, the biggest issue is that the shinigami aspect of the protagonist isn’t fully utilized.”

“Hmm,” Yuto hummed and waited for Kotoha to continue.

“The first half focuses on Ren and Hiyori bonding, right?”

Kotoha pointed to the plot displayed on the screen, and Yuto leaned in to look. He felt their shoulders brush slightly, but it didn’t bother him. The section Kotoha pointed out was indeed where Yuto felt the work was weakest. This realization drew Yuto’s focus back to the creative process.

“This part feels like a typical high school friendship. There’s no necessity for Ren to be a shinigami.”

“There is. The story explores Ren’s internal conflict as a shinigami. The guilt of hiding his identity and the fear of growing attached to Hiyori.”

“But what they’re doing is just everyday high school stuff. It feels weak.”

“You’re right.”

Yuto quickly agreed with Kotoha’s comment after a brief rebuttal. He wanted to convey his original intent to align the story’s direction and gauge Kotoha’s confidence in her opinions. Hence, he had intentionally rebutted.

“Utilizing the shinigami element, huh.”

Yuto fell silent, pondering. Various options floated in his mind.

Creating a story was like choosing one path from countless branches. It meant discarding all other possibilities, no matter how appealing they seemed.

After a moment of contemplation, Yuto found a direction.

“We’ll reveal Ren’s identity as a shinigami at the first plot point.”

“By the first plot point, you mean a quarter into the story?”

“Yeah, that’s right. You know your stuff.”

“Just the basics.”

Kotoha blushed slightly.

The plot point, as defined by American screenwriters, is a turning point in the three-act structure. The story is divided into three acts, with the first plot point at the end of the first act, where the story begins to take off. Kotoha’s reference to this being a quarter of the way through aligns with the typical 1:2:1 ratio of the three-act structure’s length.

Kotoha looked down at the table, then nodded slightly.

“That sounds good. I thought hiding the shinigami element until the end of the second act—the second plot point—was a bit too much. Revealing it at the first plot point will add excitement and make it easier to use the shinigami element in the second act.”

“What should the second act be about?”

“Maybe Ren and Hiyori working together on shinigami tasks?”

“Yeah.”

Yuto couldn’t help but smile. They had only been discussing for a few minutes, but he already felt Kotoha’s competence. She didn’t just provide accurate feedback on the story; she could also collaborate with the writer to create it. And she did so with remarkable precision. Yuto had worked with several editors before, and this feeling was similar.

Thinking this, a shiver ran down his spine.

Tln :

Hakogaki (箱書き) is a term used in Japanese screenwriting and novel writing that refers to the process of breaking down a storyline into detailed scenes. Essentially, it involves creating a scene-by-scene outline, which helps in organizing and structuring the narrative. This method allows writers to visualize the flow of their story and make adjustments before beginning the actual writing process.