Kono Monogatari O Kimi Ni Sasagu - Volume 1 Chapter 3.10

Kotoha, sitting up in bed, was staring blankly out the window, doing nothing.

From the hospital room, she could see the university campus across the road.

Today was probably the entrance exam. High school students, looking nervous and cold in the flurrying snow, were walking by.

It was a place forever out of her reach.

Kotoha sighed deeply.

She was utterly exhausted.

Both physically and mentally drained.

“Ugh…”

A sharp pain shot through her head, making her groan. She had been experiencing dull pains since transferring to Tokyo, but now the sharp pains came without warning.

Yesterday, Kotoha collapsed unconscious.

Her condition had worsened.

She remained unconscious for a precarious time, regaining consciousness early in the morning.

Ignoring her worried mother and the doctors’ questions, she first grabbed Fuyutsuki Haruhiko’s novel from her bedside.

It wasn’t for enjoyment, but to check if she could still read.

Her hands trembled with fear.

In less than two months, the novel she co-created with Hiiragi Yuto would be published.

Until then, please don’t take away my ability to read—my ability to understand stories.

After that, I don’t need my life anymore.

She wished for that.

So, when she could understand the first sentence, tears of relief fell.

But she was then told that her limit was near.

“I won’t last until the release date, will I…”

She muttered, feeling cornered both physically and mentally.

The doctors said she needed surgery within a few days, or she might die. But if she had the surgery, she would almost certainly suffer from a language disorder.

Either way, graduating high school, going to university, and becoming an editor were likely impossible dreams now.

So, she clung to a sliver of hope—a miracle that she could live until Fuyutsuki Haruhiko’s new book was published without undergoing surgery.

If, holding the culmination of her and Yuto’s efforts, she could no longer feel the brilliance of every word, it would be meaningless to live.

All she had left was his stories.

She had lived, burning her soul and life for that purpose.

She couldn’t fail at the very end.

She had to keep going, until her bones were burnt out.

“But, what if I make it in time…?”

If she miraculously lived until the book’s release and got to read Fuyutsuki Haruhiko’s new work as she wished.

What then?

Would she undergo the surgery?

Even with the near-certain risk of losing her ability to speak.

Realizing this, Kotoha breathed out an “Ah.”

She had come to understand that there was no future after that.

A feeling of resignation, almost akin to certainty, filled her heart like cold water.

Losing her ability to speak meant giving up her dream of becoming an editor.

But it wasn’t just that.

She was truly weak.

After her illness was discovered, she once wished to die.

Stories saved her from those feelings.

And those stories shaped and supported who she was now.

For her, stories were the core, the life force.

If that was taken from her, nothing would be left.

Surely, losing her ability to speak, she wouldn’t be able to withstand the despair lying ahead.

Because the stories that were supposed to save her from despair wouldn’t be there for her then.

That thought alone was terrifying.

“I’m sorry… Senpai…”

She recalled the promise she made with Yuto at the hospital in Gifu a few days before transferring to Tokyo.

Yuto, saying he would make her undergo surgery by moving her with his novel, was unusually forceful for him, but touched by his determination, Kotoha accepted his words.

However, that promise would likely never be fulfilled.

She was probably much weaker than Yuto imagined.

But, if possible, she wanted to see him one last time.

She wanted to talk to him about creating stories.

Though it was less than a year, the days of creating with Yuto were more fulfilling than her entire life combined.

But it had been a night since she collapsed, and Yuto hadn’t come, hadn’t even sent a message.

It couldn’t be helped, Kotoha told herself.

She was the one who told him not to visit until the book was finished.

By then, he was already mentally recovered.

When a wound is healed, one shouldn’t rely on crutches forever.

Walking and running alone was the only way to regain the sense.

She didn’t want to become a burden, always by his side.

She wanted him to use her as a stepping stone and move far away as a writer.

But—

“It’s harder than I thought…”

She bit her lip. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed.

The fact that Yuto wasn’t there with her weighed heavier on her heart than she imagined. No matter how much she told herself, it didn’t change.

She realized that she was deeply attracted not just to the writer Fuyutsuki Haruhiko, but to the person Hiiragi Yuto.

She had fallen for him.

The thought of him not visiting the hospital, not even sending a message, tore at her heart.

She wanted to see him.

She wanted to hear his voice.

She wanted to hold his hand.

Her feelings were about to overflow.

“I want to see you…”

Once she said it out loud, she couldn’t stop.

Her vision blurred with tears. Sobs escaped her. The emotions she had been holding back burst forth.

At that moment—

Knock, knock.

There was a knock on the door.

Kotoha hastily wiped her tears.

Was it her mother? Or the doctor or nurse?

“Come in,” she said, her voice trembling.

The door opened.

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, but all her efforts vanished.

It wasn’t her mother, the doctor, or the nurse who appeared.

It was Hiiragi Yuto standing there.

“Senpai…?”

“I’m coming in.”

With those words, Yuto entered.

“Huh…Ah…?”

Was she dreaming?

Kotoha, convinced that Yuto wouldn’t come, was confused.

“Wait, wait a moment!”

Without understanding, she dived under the blanket.

What should she do?

She didn’t expect him to come, her hair was messy, her complexion was bad, and she hadn’t even put on makeup—

“What are you doing here! I told you not to come until the book is finished!”

She blurted out.

It was a lie. She was just crying, saying she wanted to see him. She had so much to talk about.