Kono Monogatari O Kimi Ni Sasagu - Volume 1 Chapter 3.3

Kotoha was stunned for a moment, then she smiled shyly and said,

“Even so, it’s because you were there, Senpai. Definitely.”

“You’re stubborn…”

“You’re one to talk,” she replied, referring to his three years of self-reproach.

“Mine isn’t the same as being stubborn…”

After chatting for a while, Kotoha suddenly asked,

“Are you writing the novel?”

“Huh… Oh, yeah, well, I am,” Yuto answered quickly, stumbling over his words.

He wanted to hide the fact that he was struggling to write.

He didn’t want to worry Kotoha, who was bedridden, and he felt ashamed for stumbling right after declaring he’d write a novel.

But it seemed his attitude was too obvious, and Kotoha sighed with a wry smile.

“You’re not doing well, are you?”

“No, it’s not that…”

Yuto tried to dismiss it, but Kotoha’s gaze pierced through, and he quickly admitted defeat.

“…Yeah, well, no, it’s not going well.”

Yuto confessed his current writing struggles.

“I see…”

After hearing his situation, Kotoha sighed softly.

“You feel like writing but can’t fully regain the sense of writing a novel.”

“Yeah… What do you think I should do?”

Kotoha looked surprised at Yuto’s question.

“What?”

“It’s just… I’m a little surprised that you’d rely on me so straightforwardly, Senpai…”

“Kotoha, you’re my editor, right?”

Kotoha gave a faint smile and then looked down—a gesture different from her usual cheerful acceptance of her role as his editor, showing a slight shadow in her expression.

“I can’t be your editor anymore.”

Her quiet words echoed in the room.

“Huh…? Can’t be my editor…?”

“I’m sorry for being so irresponsible…”

“No, it’s not about being irresponsible, but why…”

Yuto was shaken by Kotoha’s sudden announcement.

He had never imagined she would voluntarily step down as his editor.

“I’m transferring to a hospital in Tokyo.”

“A university hospital in Tokyo…? Is it that bad? Do you need to move to such a faraway hospital?”

“My condition isn’t good, but it’s not immediate. But there’s a specialist in Tokyo, and they have better facilities. I’ll be hospitalized for a while for tests and treatment, and then I plan to come back once I’m better.”

“I see…”

Yuto felt a slight sense of relief. It seemed to be more of a precautionary measure rather than an emergency.

“But, if that’s the case, you don’t need to step down as my editor. I can send the manuscript by email, and we can have meetings through a call app…”

Kotoha smiled, a pained smile that looked like she was about to cry.

“We won’t be able to see each other frequently, and I’ll have more test and treatment time. I might not have much time to check the manuscript… So, I’m sorry, but continuing as your editor would be irresponsible.”

“It’s not irresponsible. Besides, I’m still struggling with the gap. I need your support, Kotoha…”

He felt pathetic saying it, but it was his honest feeling. In the solitary act of writing a novel, having an understanding person giving precise advice was invaluable.

At that moment, Kotoha, sitting on the bed, reached out and gently touched Yuto’s cheek.

“Kotoha…?”

“You’ll be fine without me, Senpai.”

Her voice was quiet, sorrowful, yet filled with certainty.

“You’ve overcome the painful experiences of the past and stood up again, haven’t you?”

“No… but I still…”

He couldn’t write the novel as he wanted.

“Senpai is like a child who’s afraid to walk even though the injury is healed.”

“Huh… a child? Kotoha, what are you…”

Ignoring Yuto’s confusion, Kotoha continued.

“Take the plunge and walk on your own without relying on anyone. At first, it’ll be awkward because it’s been a long time. But it’s okay. The injury is healed, even stronger than before. So keep walking. Soon, you’ll walk without any trouble. In that case, having someone support you is a hindrance. You need to walk alone.”

She exhaled softly and smiled warmly.

“Senpai, I guarantee you’ll go farther than anyone else.”

“…”

He couldn’t ask her to walk beside him.

“W-Well, at least let me visit you sometimes. Tokyo is just a short trip by Shinkansen.”

“No, Senpai.”

“Huh…?”

“Until the book is finished, don’t come. Don’t waste your time. If you care about me, use that time to write.”

“Th-That’s…”

He couldn’t agree immediately.

He understood Kotoha’s words in his head.

But he couldn’t accept the reality of not being able to see her until the book was done.

Even if he rushed, it would take more than six months to finish the manuscript and complete the book. Considering his struggle with the gap, it might take much longer.

Could he really write alone?

What if something happened to Kotoha in the meantime?

Though he didn’t want to imagine it, the fear and anxiety of this moment being their last time together swirled in his mind.

“Kotoha, I…”

But he suppressed those feelings when he saw the tears welling in her smiling eyes.

Kotoha, who had been adamant about being his editor, must have had deep thoughts and made a firm decision to let go of supervising his novel.

Just imagining that tightened his chest.

He felt a strong urge to meet her trust and expectations.

No, more than that.

Since the day she collapsed, Yuto had been shaken, but now his resolve solidified.

“…I understand. I’ll write it alone. Until the book is done, I won’t visit.”

He said, squeezing the words out.

“Yes, that’s for the best.”

Kotoha nodded with a relieved expression.

“But promise me something.”

Surprised, Kotoha tilted her head and looked at him curiously.

“A promise…?”

“Yes. When the novel is done, I’ll bring it to you. You’ll read it. Okay?”

“Of course, I’ll gladly read it then. Is that the only promise?”

“No.”

Yuto shook his head.

“If you feel even a little like living after reading my novel, get the surgery.”