Liar's Lips Fall Apart in Love - Volume 1 Chapter 4.1

The Winter When We Take a Step Forward 1

Ever since the day I decided to live on my own after graduating from high school, I never wanted to let anyone else into my world.

Right after I graduated high school, my parents got divorced. Custody went to my mother, and my family name on the registry changed.

It was unfamiliar at first, but I’ve gotten used to it.

Even before the divorce, my family was a mess. As far back as I can remember, my parents’ relationship had already turned cold, and they barely spoke unless necessary.

My father was heavily into playing around with other women, hardly ever coming home. My mother endured his treatment and always smiled in front of me.

Not long after I started high school, it came out that my father had gotten one of his subordinates pregnant.

My parents fought almost every night, constantly blaming and berating each other. Especially the last year of high school was the worst.

──If Souhei wasn’t here, we would have separated long ago.

My mother kept saying that to my father. If they had separated sooner, I think my mother would have been able to find peace much earlier.

It was my existence that made my mother unhappy back then.

In the end, they divorced right after I graduated. My mother found a new partner, and now she lives with him. She seems much happier than before. There’s no place for me there.

Leaving home, I decided to live alone, without getting involved with anyone. I don’t need friends, let alone a lover.

After all, love eventually fades, doesn’t it? At least, it did for my parents.

I don’t want to get hurt, nor do I want to hurt anyone else. I no longer want to be a burden to anyone. So, it’s better not to get involved with anyone at all.

…That’s what I thought.

The night after Nanase confessed to me, a Sunday night, I had a mandatory class for the economics department. To avoid seeing her face, I woke up more than thirty minutes earlier than usual and got ready.

I barely slept last night. Whenever I closed my eyes, the image of Nanase crying would appear on the back of my eyelids.

Thinking about it, I’ve always been hurting Nanase from the very beginning. Why would she like someone like me? There are surely better guys out there.

Putting on my sneakers, I opened my door. At the same time, the door next to mine opened.

“Ah…”

I unfortunately ran into Nanase, who had just left her room. The area around her eyes, usually perfectly covered with makeup, was faintly red. Realizing she had been crying, my heart ached.

As soon as she saw me, she quickly looked away. She clattered down the stairs and rode away on her red bicycle.

The fact that she didn’t smile and say “Good morning” as usual made me unbearably lonely… and I deeply despised myself for being so selfish.

There will never again be a time when she innocently smiles and directs her goodwill toward me. It was I who pushed her away.

After Nanase was completely out of sight, I mounted my bicycle and started pedaling.

“Can we talk for a sec?”

After the second class, as I was walking towards the cafeteria by the fountain, Sudo caught me.

What flashed through my mind was a memory from when I was in fifth grade. After inadvertently making a female classmate cry, I was surrounded and severely reprimanded by her friends.

Back then, I learned how terrifying the solidarity among girls could be.

I wondered if Sudo knew that I had made Nanase cry and had come to denounce me. While I didn’t think I deserved to be scolded by Sudo, if it made Nanase feel even a little better, then it might be for the best.

Sudo led me quietly to the back of the school building and suddenly asked, “What do you think about… Haruko?”

His voice was low, filled with anger. I didn’t know how to respond and remained silent.

“…I know it’s not fair to ask this when Haruko isn’t here. But, Haruko is really cute and nice, you know?”

Sudo was looking down, fists clenched. He didn’t seem to be asking out of mere curiosity.

“Did Nanase tell you anything?”

“…She said she was rejected by Sagara.”

Sudo’s answer made me flustered. So, objectively speaking, it meant I had rejected Nanase. How presumptuous of me.

Sudo added, “Just to be clear, Haruko isn’t spreading bad rumors about you. She’s been acting strange since this morning, so I just pried it out of her.”

“I know.”

Nanase isn’t the type to speak ill of others. I wouldn’t mind if she spoke badly about me, but she wouldn’t do that.

“Do you hate Haruko?”

“…I don’t hate her.”

“What’s wrong with Haruko? I thought you liked Haruko too.”

“…I think Nanase is too good for someone like me.”

Sudo raised his voice, “Then why!”

“After you defended Haruko from those guys… I had a newfound respect for you! And now you reject her!? Why!?”

I had no intention of revealing why I couldn’t accept Nanase’s feelings, as it delved deep into my own issues. Remaining silent, a nonchalant voice came from behind.

“Leave it at that, Saki.”

Houjo had appeared behind us at some point. With a refreshing smile, he stepped between me and Sudo.

“I get what you’re trying to say, but think about Sagara’s feelings too. It’s insensitive.”

Despite Houjo’s attempt to pacify, Sudo persisted, “But, Sagara…!”

“You know how I feel, and yet you’ve been avoiding the subject all this time.”

“I-I’m not talking about that right now!”

Sudo turned bright red. What’s this, a lovers’ quarrel? They should do this without me. Honestly, I’m not in the mood to deal with this right now. As I turned to leave, Sudo called out, “Wait!” I looked back to see Sudo staring intently at me.

“Actually, Hiroki is right… I was insensitive. It was rude of me to say all this without considering Haruko’s feelings.”

“…No, it’s okay.”

Sudo’s confrontation was out of genuine concern for Nanase. Perhaps she just couldn’t forgive me for hurting Nanase. I thought it was insensitive, but I couldn’t bring myself to blame her.

Suddenly, I remembered Nanase from our high school days. A girl who studied alone in the library without speaking to anyone. I genuinely felt glad that she found a good friend.

Returning to my apartment after a night shift at six in the morning, it was especially cold, and my breath turned white, blending into the morning air.

Then, I heard the sound of someone coming down the stairs. Looking up, there was Nanase, barefaced, wearing a jersey with a half-coat draped over her. She must be taking out the trash since she was holding a yellow garbage bag; today was the day for burnable waste.

Nanase noticed me and momentarily looked away, hesitant. Then, she turned to me and smiled. It was a stiff, somewhat painful smile.

“Good work on your shift, Sagara-kun.”

I was taken aback by how normally she spoke to me. Nanase, looking down guiltily, said in a small voice, “Sagara-kun. I’m sorry about the other day.”

…Why are you apologizing? It’s all my fault, and there’s absolutely no need for Nanase to apologize. Unable to say anything, she continued.

“If it’s okay with you, let’s… um, continue to get along.”

Her face was smiling, but her clenched fists were trembling slightly. I tried not to look directly at Nanase as I nodded, “Understood.”

“…That’s good. See you then, Sagara-kun.”

Nanase said this, placed the trash at the garbage collection area, and quickly returned to her room. The sound of the door closing echoed.

I walked upstairs and stopped in front of Nanase’s door. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression she had behind that door.

I hoped she wasn’t crying, and I felt disgusted with my own arrogance.