Liar's Lips Fall Apart in Love - Volume 1 Chapter 4.8

The Winter When We Take a Step Forward 8

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Sagara’s PoV

Right now, I’m at Nanase’s family house, sitting alone in her room on the second floor, waiting for her to finish showering. I’m sitting in seiza.

What kind of situation is this, I wonder, feeling the urge to hold my head in my hands. I never imagined I’d find myself in such a scenario.

The sight of the bed, pushed up against the wall, only adds to my awkwardness. It’s probably better than waiting downstairs, but being here is still quite uncomfortable.

Feeling restless, I look around the room. It’s neatly tidied, not a speck of dust in sight, clearly indicating that Nanase’s family regularly cleans it.

It feels different from the room at our apartment in Kyoto, which is practically being suffocated by a giant closet, leaving no space for anything unnecessary.

There’s a study desk, a bookshelf, and a bed. A single chest of drawers. By the window, there’s a small music box. The bookshelf is crammed with reference books, dictionaries, and encyclopedias, with hardly any manga or novels in sight.

Despite being a library committee member, it seems she’s not much of a reader. However, she does have a surprising collection of children’s books, with titles like “Elmer’s Adventure” and “Momo” lined up at the bottom of the shelf.

Has Nanase spent her entire childhood in this room?

There aren’t any of the so-called feminine, cute interior decorations. Yet, I feel this space, overflowing with Haruko Nanase’s essence, is incredibly comforting.

Among the items on the bookshelf, there’s also a high school graduation album. Come to think of it, I left home on the day of our graduation and never looked through the album.

There probably aren’t many photos of me in it, but I find myself wanting to see Nanase from our high school days.

The moment I pull out the album, a notebook that was next to it falls out. I think “Oops” and reach down to pick it up—then I stop.

The page it’s opened to is filled with Nanase’s handwriting. It details what kind of clothes, shoes, and bags to pair together. Notes about skin tones that match certain colors, clothing that suits her frame, makeup techniques, and color usage. There are also some not-so-great illustrations in the margins.

This notebook is likely—the record of Nanase’s efforts for her college debut.

Nanase worked so hard to change herself, and here I am, stuck in the same place, unable to take even a step forward.

I close the notebook and carefully place it back where I found it. Just then, I hear Nanase coming up the stairs. Startled, I quickly sit back in seiza.

The door opens, and Nanase pops her head in.

“Sorry for the wait. Sagara-kun, you should take a bath too.”

Nanase, fresh from the bath, is makeup-free, her cheeks slightly flushed, wearing simple pajamas, with the tips of her hair still a bit damp. I hurriedly avert my gaze from her and nod.

After borrowing the bath and having dinner in the dining room, Nanase suggests, “It’s a bit early, but let’s go to bed.” The air suddenly becomes awkward. But I manage to keep my composure.

Nanase shows me to the guest room on the first floor. It seems she prepared the futon while I was in the bath.

“Goodnight, then.”

I say “Goodnight” and turn my back to Nanase. The lights go off, and I hear her footsteps going upstairs. She’ll be sleeping in her own room.

The pillow is a bit firmer than what I’m used to. There’s a fresh scent in the air. The ticking of the clock is unusually loud.

I toss and turn, feeling somewhat suffocated, struggling to breathe properly.

Forcing my eyes shut, I drift off for a bit, but when I check my smartphone by the pillow, not even two hours have passed.

Unable to sleep, I leave the guest room and return to the living room. Without turning on the lights, I sit on the sofa and stare up at the dim ceiling.

…What should I do?

I’m always halfway about everything, whether it’s home or Nanase. I understand that I can’t continue like this, but—what would change if I confronted my mother now?

Would it only confirm that I have no place there?

As I ponder, I hear the sound of someone coming down the stairs.

“…Sagara-kun?”

Nanase, in pajamas with a blanket draped over her, calls my name. I silently turn my gaze towards her.

“…What are you doing?”

“I just got a bit thirsty…”

Nanase says, then heads to the kitchen to pour herself some mineral water. After drinking it, she comes over and sits down next to me with a soft thud.

“Sagara-kun, what about you? Can’t sleep?”

“…Yeah.”

“It’s a bit cold here, right? Let’s share the blanket.”

Saying so, Nanase drapes the blanket over my knees. The moment our shoulders lightly touch, a sweet scent wafts over, making my heart race.

The warmth from Nanase’s body, right next to mine, feels far more comforting than the fluffy blanket.

She said she was thirsty, but Nanase probably came down because she was worried about me. She’s that kind of person, always caring for others…unlike me.

“Hey…can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Sagara-kun…why don’t you want to go back home?”

It’s a question that cuts to the core. But I can’t bring myself to push her away anymore. I look away from Nanase, staring down as I mumble my reply.

“My mom…she has her own happiness now. There’s no place for me there…and I don’t really want one.”

“…Do you really believe that?”

“…Not having a place…being alone…it’s easier, isn’t it? If it means not hurting or being hurt by someone…I’d rather be alone forever.”

In the quiet, dimly lit living room, my voice sounds pathetically alone.

Then Nanase whispers, almost inaudibly,

“Sagara-kun. Were you actually lonely?”

Caught off guard, I inadvertently look at her. Her makeup-free eyes, softer than usual, gaze at me tenderly.

“Interacting with people is scary, isn’t it? After entering university…I’ve been hurt and faced hardships far beyond what I could’ve imagined in high school.”

“…Uh. S-sorry.”

I blurt out an apology reflexively. But she just smiles and leans in to look at me.

“But, you know. I’m glad I had the courage to expand my world. Sure, there were tough times…but I made friends, fell in love…and experienced many more happy and fun moments.”

“Nanase…”

“Thank you. Because of Sagara-kun, my university life became really enjoyable. So now…I want to help make Sagara-kun smile.”

Nanase’s words warmly seep into my heart. She’s trying so hard to encourage me, to push me forward.

As I remain silent, Nanase, as if making a decision, clenches her lips and wraps her arms around my back, gently leaning against me.

“…Huh!?”

I meant to protest, but no sound came out. My blood races through my veins at an incredible pace.

The body touching mine feels unbelievably soft, not like another person at all.

I can almost imagine the smoothness of the skin just beyond the thin layer of fabric, and I involuntarily swallow.

Her chestnut hair tickles my cheek. We both feel each other’s loud heartbeats.

Just as my reason is about to fly away, I notice Nanase’s body trembling slightly. Her tense form conveys her nervousness, and that finally cools my head.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Sagara-kun.”

“…Hey. You don’t have to force yourself…for someone like me…”

Why does she go to such lengths for me? I’m not worth the kindness and effort of such a caring, hardworking girl like Nanase.

Nanase looks up, her eyes moist, gazing steadily at me.

“…So, please don’t look like that…”

“What kind of face am I making?” I start to ask when a droplet falls onto the blanket.

It takes me a few seconds to realize it’s from my own eyes. The back of my hand, used to wipe my cheek, is wet.

Huh. Why am I crying?

I thought I was fine being alone. I thought I didn’t need anyone. Yet now, enveloped in a warmth that isn’t mine, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

…Ah, I see. I’ve been lonely all this time.

“Sorry…just a little longer, stay like this.”

I know it’s pathetic to say, but Nanase nods.

I bury my face in her slender shoulder, and a few more tears escape from me.