My Childhood Friend Attacked Me When I Declared That Her Birthday Present Was 'Me' - Chapter 9

The Traditional Ritual

[Give me your daughter!]

A traditional marriage proposal to stubborn parents that has been passed down through generations in Japan.

You know those dramas where the father stubbornly refuses to let his daughter marry someone else? Yeah, that’s it…

“So, you want me to put that into practice now?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s no way I can do that!”

Two crows nod in agreement.

Ah, right. The other two crows in this house have left.

They bought suits, adjusted the lengths, and made me sat in a seiza position on the front porch.

They just said, [Good luck! We’re expecting good news!] and left.

I’ll say it again, they’re annoying idiots. Typical idiots.

The only ones left are me, Kaori, and Kaori’s mother.

“He’ll be back soon! Come on, let’s practice! Simulation!”

“Auntie, even if you ask me to, I won’t do it.”

“But you did it with her.”

“I’m not falling for those words anymore.”

Let’s put an end to the argument of doing it or not. It’s getting repetitive.

“Why am I sitting here at the entrance? And in seiza, no less.”

“I’m sitting like this too!”

Kaori tries to emphasize her presence, dressed all in white, like…

“An angel, right? That’s what you’re thinking!”

“No, more like something coming out from under a willow tree.”

“I’m not a ghost!”

Kaori pouts. It seems she doesn’t like it.

“Seriously! It’s cruel to call your future wife a ghost!”

“I don’t know. First of all, what is a [future wife]?”

“If we compare it to pachinko, it’s like reaching a special winning mode, right?”

(Pachinko is a Japanese pinball.)

“Pachinko… You know about that?”

“Hmm?! Not at all!”

Should I give her a punch?

“But if we’re talking about Kouta’s pachinko without [pa], I’ve already enjoyed it multiple times…” (TN: P*nis)

“Shut up!”

I’m losing your vocabulary too. Well, no surprise there.

“For now, we have to do what we can. Since we already did it.”

“What do you mean by [do what we can] ?”

“It’s not right to also enjoy it yourself and leave the aftermath for others to deal with, right? Boo!”

“What should I do? I feel like I should just return you to your original state.”

You’re the one who enjoyed it the most.

I was practically on the verge of death…

“For now, Kouta, this is the line you should say!

Kouta: Father-in-law! Give me your daughter!

Daigorou-san: Huh? Why?”

Kouta: Because we already had s*x! And it’s raw!

That’s all you need to tell Daigorou-san… Just that.”

“Then I’ll be beaten to a pulp.”

I might have said this before, but Daigorou-san is two meters tall.

Seriously. He can easily dunk a basketball.

He also practices judo. I think his skill was third place in the national competition among high school students…

The words that Kaori’s mother spat out to that man, that giant of a man.

[Ah, Daigorou-san? I’m going to marry Kaori, okay? Huh? Why? Well, because we had s*x! Raw!]

If I said something like that…

I would be killed.

“I’ll be killed, you know?”

“It’s okay. Maybe there is about a 20% chance?”

“And the remaining 80%…?”

“Be prepared to take about five slaps.”

“…I’ll die! A slap from that two-meter giant… I’ll die!”

“You’ll be fine! I’ll even accompany you to the hospital if necessary. With the power of love, we’ll overcome anything!”

Kaori exclaims, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Without regard for other people’s feelings… Don’t be so excited…

Are you a dog?

“I can’t do it. It’s impossible. I think I’ll just go home after all.”

“Oh, you’re running away?”

“I am running away! If there’s a big pitfall in front of me, obviously, I’ll find a way around it!”

“But sometimes, there might be hidden treasures inside the pitfall, you know?”

“I’m aware that there’s a pitfall! I’m not a daredevil!”

“Let’s become daredevils! Let’s become a family!”

“No, Thank you! Let go of my sleeves… please.”

“I don’t want to…”

Kaori doesn’t let go of my sleeve… No, let’s just rip it off and go.

“Ojamashimashita…”

At that moment when I was about to open the entrance door…

“I’m home~! Kaori… uh, Kouta-kun? What are you doing?”

“ah.”

“Ah!”

“Oh, welcome back.”

Daigorou is here～～～.

“What’s with your outfits…? Both of you?”

“Oh, well, you see…”

“Father! I did it!”

“Huh?”

“Wait, stop it, you idiot!”

“Kouta and I did it! Today! Just now!”

“What?”

Oh well, goodbye. My body.