Saint's Prison - Chapter 111

The Definition of Happiness

In the interval when the priests go to mass, I sneak into the library.

Ever since the dream about Sofia-san, the boundary between reality and dreams has become even more blurred. Something has been off with me since coming to Stonehurst. Is it stress causing a mental disorder, or is the abnormality of Stonehurst eating away at my sanity?

I slump over the desk.

The monastery’s secrets.

Inexplicable auditory hallucinations.

The nightmares that continue night after night.

Is that all?

Is that all it takes for me to end up like this?

No.

That’s not it.

It’s not just that.

—They’re similar.

This Stonehurst and Ryogo Village—they’re similar. That’s why it’s so maddening. The places and appearances are all different, but they’re similar.

My lips involuntarily form a smile. Then, I slowly close my eyes.

***

Continuing through the limestone cave with a flashlight in hand.

This limestone cave, called “Bodaido,” starts from beneath the Ando family’s home and spreads throughout the village like human viscera. The Ando family, from a young age, are put through the paces of the Bodaido countless times, drumming the path into their heads. It’s because traversing the Bodaido is part of a religious ceremony.

The unpleasantly damp air.

The cold wind stroking my skin.

Footsteps that highlight the silence.

I dislike it. The house, the customs, this place—I dislike them all. It wouldn’t be wrong to say I hate them.

“Ryu, don’t make such a gloomy face.”

I stop in my tracks and look towards the source of the voice. A middle-aged man clad in white robes stares back at me expressionlessly, his eyes eerily devoid of vitality.

“…Father.”

“This is a sacred place for the Ando family. Strip yourself of such emotions. You are the next head of the Ando family; how can you not manage even this?”

I click my tongue quietly, exasperated by his emotionless tone. Almost immediately after being ordered to kill my emotions, I deliberately show my irritation. It was a small act of rebellion.

“Ryu.”

Father calls my name. He’s probably trying to admonish me. But there’s nothing behind it—just as if tracing the words in a textbook, he simply performs the act of calling my name. Words, emotions, and even his existence are all hollow. That’s why I detest this man, my father, more than anything.

“Father, Nii-san understands perfectly. Please, do not press him any further.”

The cool voice coming from behind makes me turn around. There stood my sister, Shizuyo, dressed in the same white robes as my father.

“…Shizuyo, you’re too soft with Ryu.”

“No, it’s everyone else who is too harsh on Nii-san.”

Shizuyo directs her words straight at Father.

“If that’s the case, he won’t grow. He can’t fulfill his duty if he’s incomplete.”

“Incomplete or not, Nii-san can’t fulfill his duty alone. That’s why his little sister is here, isn’t it?”

I see, Father nods.

“—I see, that makes sense.”

With that, he starts walking. I silently watch his back until he blends into the darkness.

“Nii-san, let’s go too.”

“…Yeah.”

Shizuyo smiles modestly and takes my hand.

“I will always be on Nii-san’s side, no matter what.”

That phrase that’s become a mantra for my sister echoes harshly in my hollow heart. To me, grandparents, parents, they’re nothing but strangers. I wish for the destruction of a peace obtained by sacrificing someone. An emotion akin to a dull murderous intent shakes my brain.

“Hey, Shizuyo.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“I’ll make you happy.”

My family is only Shizuyo. That’s why I don’t want my sister to be sacrificed for this damned lineage. I want her to have the ordinary happiness of playing with friends, studying what she likes, finding a lover, and someday marrying someone she loves.

At the very least, I do not want her to be bound to me as her brother, to commit such a taboo act. Even if the parents, this village, all the people wish for it, I absolutely refuse to let it happen.

I’ll make her happy.

She will be happy.

We must not become one, so we’ll run away. Together with Shizuyo, and if not possible, then I alone will escape. That’s the best course of action.

“…It sounds like a proposal.”

“Don’t be stupid. We’re siblings.”

“Yes, we are siblings. No matter how our positions change, we have a bond that will never fade.”

“…I’ve thought this before, but you’re quite the siscon, aren’t you?”

“Isn’t that mutual?”

I can’t deny it, and I give a wry smile. Then we start to walk slowly.

We’re headed to the deepest part of Bodaido, the source of faith for Sogo Village. I want to end this ridiculous ritual as soon as possible.

“Nii-san.”

Whispering from behind, Shizuyo speaks to me. I only turn my face and look at her.

“I don’t need to be made happy.”

Her tone troubled.

With an extremely ambiguous expression, Shizuyo lets go of my hand and brings her hands together in front of her chest. It was a praying gesture.

“—Because, I’m already happy.”

Before I can ask why, Shizuyo leaves me behind and moves deeper into the cave. Perhaps she didn’t want to be asked, or maybe she thought I already understood.

In the end, I never received an answer to that question.