Saint's Prison - Chapter 129

If ~ A Future That Might Have Been

This is a story of “if.”

A world line where I decided to live on, abandoning everything, leaving behind all that was once precious to me. In other words, the Katarina  Route.

***

In the chapel, standing alone, I look up at the stagnant sky.

“I’ll come to see you again,” I offer a prayer in the pitch-darkness, holding onto those words.

— I am waiting for that person.

Just once, having only exchanged words with that person, I continue to wait… forever and ever.

(How much time has passed since then…)

I have feelings for that person that are akin to obsession. Why is that? Even though it’s about myself… No, precisely because it’s about myself, I can’t understand it.

I mutter my thoughts, which are tinged with resignation.

I’ve never been obsessed with anything before. I’m even indifferent to my own life and death. I don’t harbor any emotions about it. Because there’s no “self” in the entity called “me.”

My… our existence is born when we become vessels.

(And yet…)

My heart creaks.

The rusty beat screams. But in my hollow heart, I can’t even catch that echo.

I’m defective as a human.

I lack something crucial that should be in a human. A beast wearing a human skin. That’s the essence of us Amaltheas.

“…Can I call you Amal?”

That person’s voice resonates in my heart.

It was like a light shining into an abyss. It was dazzling, but I wanted to keep looking at it.

That person gave me a name.

Not Amalthea, but Amal.

I take a shallow breath.

I repeat it a few times. When I touch my chest, my heart is beating, thump, thump. It’s an odd sensation. Even though it’s just my heart beating, I feel it’s warm.

Through meeting that person, I found out that there is something called a self in me. …No, to be exact, the moment that person gave me the name Amal, a self called “me” was born. Therefore, that person is literally my master, my light, my everything.

“–We are the only ones who know this warmth, because we cannot know anyone else’s warmth.”

A chuckle escapes my lips.

After a few seconds, I realize. I was laughing as if dozing off, not with scorn, derision, or a cold laugh.

I touch my cheek to check. The corners of my mouth are raised, and my cheeks are warm. This is the first time.

“Oh, could I, Amal, actually laugh? Hehe, hahaha.”

My smile grows even wider.

Could a fragment of humanity be sleeping deep in the soul of such a defiled beast? After a moment’s delay, I slowly lift my gaze. No, I shake my head. To begin with, I don’t really understand what humanity is.

“Is it presumptuous for a beast to dream of being human?”

I ask.

However, there’s no one to answer that question. That’s okay. It’s fine. I’m not seeking an answer in the first place. This is just a confirmation process, just a formality.

“…If that person would call me Amal, then even if I’m empty and incomplete, I can dream of being human. How sweet that is. — Ah, you must have felt the same way?”

I reach out to the void.

I want to meet that person again.

That’s my wish.

That’s my, dream.

— Andy-sama, you are my savior from sin.

＊＊＊

“–Hmm?”

I feel like someone called my name.

I turn my head and look for the owner of the voice. All I see is a gentle grassland stretching out, there’s no sign of anyone. As the cart jolts along, I scratch my head.

“What’s up, Andy-san?”

“…Ah, Katarina. I just felt like someone called my name.”

“Name?”

Katarina looks at me with a puzzled face. Her bright brown hair sways gently in the wind.

“I didn’t call your name, Andy-san, and I didn’t hear anyone else calling you. You must be tired from all the traveling.”

Katarina’s round, azure eyes waver with worry. I can’t help but give a wry smile. This girl is caring and composed, but a bit of a worrier.

“I see.”

“Yes. We’ll be in Dresden soon. Let’s get a room and rest. You’ll feel better then.”

Dresden is one of the relatively developed cities. I reckon it’s the Dresden of the present day in Germany, albeit with a different pronunciation.

I remember Dresden as a city in East Germany. I’ve seen it on TV before, famous as a beautiful ancient city.

In other words, this land is medieval Germany. Or so I think…

And the location of Stonehurst, Totwald. The name means “forest of death.” The Stonehurst Monastery, deep in the Forest of Death.

I don’t think I can go back there. No, my heart seems to be screaming that I mustn’t go back. So, I probably won’t set foot in that land ever again.

“Hmm, thanks for always worrying about me.”

“Don’t worry about it. After all, you’re my husband, Andy-san.”

“…You know, we’re not officially married yet, right?”

“We will be soon. And call me Katie, not Katarina. Calling me Katarina is too formal.”

“I got it. Katie, is that okay?”

“Yes, Andy-san. I really like honest people.”

Katarina gently strokes my cheek, then drops a light kiss.

“That’s good.”

She’s as pushy as ever. And it seems I have a weakness for younger girls. I let out a small sigh.

It’s been several years since I left Stonehurst, persuaded by Katie’s father, a traveling merchant. Now, I’m working as an apprentice traveling merchant under her father.

Katie and I, well, we’ve been through a lot, and now we’re in a relationship. Despite being a decade apart, I don’t know what’s so good about me.

…Honestly, I felt a bit pressured.

“Good thing you thought of settling down with a foreigner like me.”

“The person I fell in love with just happens to be from a foreign country. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You really have strange tastes.”

“That’s not true. The person I fell in love with is tall, strong, smart, caring, and kinder than anyone else. Rather, his taste in men is too good.”

“…Hey, spare me from flaunting our relationship.”

“I win.”

“No, what rule is that?”

“The maiden’s rule.”

Katie proudly puffs out her chest. Her ample bosom bounces with the movement. Damn it, what maiden? She’s not a maiden anymore. Ah, it’s really bad for my eyes. I wish she’d stop.

Feeling awkward, I glance at Katie’s father, who’s driving the cart. The old man looks back for a moment and shrugs. As expected, he heard everything. Damn it! There’s no privacy here.

I take a few deep breaths to calm down before speaking.

“Your overestimation is quite something, but thanks.”

I ruffle Katie’s hair and give her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Doing this always makes Katie incredibly happy. She stays cheerful all day. There’s nothing better than her being in a good mood.

“Andy-san. I’m really happy. Let’s become a married couple soon and always be together. Hehe, I love you.”

Katie smiles gently.

“– Yeah, me too.”

I respond in kind and smile.

…I hope I was able to smile.

The view blurs.

Faintly shining silver, crimson eyes cross my mind.

I must be really tired.

I look up at the sky.

There, a blue sky that seems like an endless abyss stretches out.

***

Clang.

Clang, clang.

Clang, clang, clang.

Again, you are leaving me behind.