Saint's Prison - Chapter 132

As Your Heart Desires

Twilight.

Trees swaying in the rough wind.

Beyond them, a vast tombstone stands quietly.

The wriggling black shadow, the dream of the beginning, or the nightmare of the fool.

And the woman in blue that he longs for.

Who on earth is she?

While thinking about that, I felt a déjà vu, as if I had met her somewhere before. I feel an indescribable frustration, as if she is standing behind a frosted glass.

Where on earth did I――――

“…Andy-sama?”

When I was called, I looked up and saw a cold beauty filling my vision at a dangerously close distance.

“Eh? Ah, woah!”

I reflexively tried to lower my body backward… and realized that I was sitting on a chair in the room. Of course, by the time I realized that, it was already too late, and I fell over, chair and all.

With a thud, a loud noise echoed in the room. At the same time, I heard Amal’s frantic voice.

“Ka ha…!”

“Kyaa, Andy-sama!?”

I hit my back hard, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. When I tried to breathe forcibly, a violent cough came out. Damn it. Calm down. My lungs were creaking, so I took a few deep breaths and finally regained clarity in my consciousness.

“Ah, I’m fine. Damn it. Go to hell. Oh, I messed up.”

While saying not to worry, I can’t help but blurt out some rather unsophisticated words. At that moment, I recall what a college friend once told me, “Your demeanor is well-educated, and you must have been raised well. But, you have a foul mouth. It’s a bit incongruous.”

…Ah, that’s right.

Reluctantly, I admit I was raised well.

That’s precisely why I deliberately use such sloppy language. It has been a habit since I was young. My childish rebellion against the Ando family is what made me adopt this blunt attitude.

However, unlike me, Shizuyo was always polite and used clean language.

I couldn’t accept my role, while Shizuyo wished to accept it. Perhaps the rift between us began with the smallest of things. I should have noticed it much, much earlier.

Since earlier, my uncoordinated and unfocused thoughts have been stirring my head into a mess. I let out a deep sigh and look up at the ceiling.

“Lord, please guide this lost lamb,” I mutter in my mind, relying on someone else’s strength.

The reason I didn’t say it out loud was that it was a man’s pride. A small amount of pride. If it’s a useless pride, is it okay to use it up here?

I get up and return the fallen chair to its original position.

Fortunately, I didn’t hit my head. If I were to suffer a head injury and damage my brain, it would be impossible to treat at Stonehurst. I want to avoid that at all costs.

“Andy-sama, are you okay?”

Amal, her face pale, gently rubs my back. Her fingers tremble slightly.

“Ah, Andy-sama, does your back still hurt?”

With a more anguished face than my fallen self, she worries about me. In her vivid red eyes, lined with long lashes, a thin layer of tears well up. Seeing her weakly blinking eyes, I force an ambiguous smile. I didn’t know what other expression to make.

The pain isn’t just in my back.

My heart aches unbearably. This sense of impatience, as if I’m about to lose myself, continues to smolder in my chest.

Pressing my left chest over the rosary, I consciously speak brightly.

“It’s just a little. But, it’ll get better soon.”

“…Really? But is it true?”

Amal tilts her head slightly.

“Yes, of course.”

“—Really?”

Is that all? Amal continues. Her eyes, somewhere dark and stagnant, shine suspiciously like blood.

My heart flutters.

My heart beats stupidly large.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Don’t make noise, don’t squirm. Don’t throb.

“Andy-sama, you mustn’t go there.”

“Eh?”

“You mustn’t.”

“Ah, Amal?”

“Because that place is cut off, you mustn’t go.”

Is it “you mustn’t” for me to indulge in that place? Can Amal not go to that place? Or is it both? I don’t know. To begin with, why does Amal know I was in that place?

“This time, by hanging on to that connection, that person could enter.”

Saying that, Amal pokes the rosary I’m holding with her fingertip.

“—There won’t be a next time.”

Amal didn’t put much strength into her finger. Yet, I staggered greatly. My head went blank.

“Because that person let go of it, they can’t endure any more. Hey, Andy-sama. Even if that person is gone, it won’t inconvenience me at all. …But, it’s different for you, isn’t it?”

Amal clasped her hands in front of her chest. It was a gesture as if offering a prayer not to a god or a demon, but to me.

“If you wish to give forgiveness and salvation to that person, I will follow. So, please don’t go where I can’t see you again. If you do that, let’s protect that person’s vessel from overflowing.”

My eyes widen. I don’t understand why. My own hoarse voice shakes my ears. I clench the rosary tightly, as if hiding my trembling fist.

“…Andy-sama, I don’t have mercy or pity for that person, but I’m grateful to that person for saving you.”

“Amal, you…”

“—Andy-sama, everything is as you wish.”

Amal simply smiled.

She smiled like a goddess.