Saint's Prison - Chapter 14

The Agony of the Soul

I returned to my room and pondered Amal’s behavior from earlier.

I had never seen her like that before.

Something was definitely wrong.

Usually, by now, she would be in my room preparing dinner… I took an apple from my room to quell my hunger.

Alright.

No use sitting around confused.

I should go see Amal.

With that thought, I left my room and headed towards Amal’s.

＊＊＊

Arriving at Amal’s room, I knocked on the door and called her out.

…No response.

I hesitated but decided to open the door anyway.

The room was pitch-dark, no lights on.

I went back to the hallway to fetch a candelabrum from the wall and returned to Amal’s room.

Illuminating the room with the candlelight, I saw her bed was bulging. It seemed she was sleeping with the blanket pulled over her head.

Thinking it would be cruel to wake her, I was about to leave when I faintly heard sobbing.

— Is she crying?

I placed the candelabrum on the desk and gently lifted the blanket from the bed.

Amal was curled up, clutching something to her chest, tears streaming down her face.

Her beautiful silver hair was disheveled, her already red eyes reddened further by tears.

I sat on the bed and called her name softly.

I caressed her cheek to wipe away the tears, then slowly spoke to her.

“Amal… hey, what’s wrong?”

Amal bit her lip, stubbornly silent.

I let out a wry smile and scratched my head.

“…Hey, if you don’t speak up, I won’t know.”

I patted her head gently.

Amal shook her head in protest, childishly refusing to speak.

After about ten minutes of trying to talk to her, it was no use.

…I’m stumped. I can’t do anything here.

Maybe it would be better to give Amal some space until she calms down. Sighing, I stood up.

I went to retrieve the candelabrum, ready to leave the room when—

“Don’t!, wait…, please wait, Andy-sama!”

—I was stopped by a voice filled with anguish.

Simultaneously, I heard a thud behind me.

Turning in alarm, I saw Amal had collapsed onto the floor.

She was sobbing fiercely, like a child, crawling on the floor, struggling to come closer to me.

“Uwaaah, hic, nooo! Uwah… don’t go, I don’t want it! Don’t leave me behind! Andy-sama, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

In her frenzy, shaking her head wildly, Amal called out to me.

I placed the candelabrum on the floor and rushed over to her.

“Hey, Amal, are you okay?”

“Aaah, Andy-sama, Andy-sama!”

Amal clung to me, hugging me tightly. I stroked her back to comfort her while checking for any injuries. There didn’t seem to be any visible wounds, and I was relieved.

I lifted Amal in a sideways embrace and sat her on the bed.

“I won’t go. I’ll stay by your side.”

I repeated those words to the still crying Amal, over and over.

＊＊＊

How much time had passed?

Amal had finally stopped crying and buried her face in my chest.

I pulled the blanket over her to keep her warm, and then I saw a wax tablet on the bed. This must have been what she was holding to her chest.

A wax tablet with the names of Amal and me inscribed on it.

She had been clutching it while crying.

The reason for Amal’s odd behavior must have been because of me, after all.

I stroked her hair gently as I spoke to her.

“Hey, Amal, did you hit your head or something? Are you hurting anywhere?”

“…Yes.”

Amal answered in a small, hoarse voice.

I was relieved she responded.

“…Can you tell me what happened?”

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, Amal began to mutter words, one by one.

“…After prayers, I went to Andy-sama’s room… You weren’t there. I searched… Then, then… I heard Andy-sama’s voice from the parlor. A voice that sounded so happy…”

Amal paused there.

I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

“…And another woman’s voice. Andy-sama, you were… talking with another woman. Happily, you were talking. It’s mine, mine alone. And you let her call you by that name! Only me can call  The name I call you!”

“…Amal.”

“Mine, only mine! I… I only have Andy-sama. If Andy-sama hates me… if you hate me… I can’t live anymore.”

She was expressing a possessive form of jealousy typically referred to as “yandere” in Japanese media. This intense jealousy, obsession, and desire for exclusivity were swirling in Amal’s heart, spilling over in a surge of emotion.

Amal’s voice rose in a furious crescendo, her words tinged with hatred as she lashed out at Katy.

“Stop it, Amal!”

I shouted, instinctively.

Katy wasn’t at fault.

It was all my fault. I had taken advantage of Amal’s feelings, always relying on her. Amal must have been feeling insecure all this time.

Wondering if I would ever leave her. If I would go somewhere. Perhaps, that paranoia was the reason she was always clinging to me.

There were no declarations or vows between us.

Only minor promises held us together. That uncertainty, that fragility, had been tormenting Amal all along. And it all exploded when she saw me talking to Katy.

“Hic, Andy-sama, I’m sorry. I apologize. Please don’t hate me. Don’t hate me, please. If Andy-sama hates me… I can’t go on living.”

She repeated her apologies, showing an abnormal level of fear. Stunned by her extreme reaction, I froze for a few seconds before hastily responding.

“No, that’s not it. Amal, you’re not at fault. Not at all. I’m sorry. I will never hate you. Never.”

“—Andy-sama.”

Amal called my name.

She lifted her face, eyes brimming with tears, and gazed at me.

“Andy-sama. I was always alone. In this dark, cold prison of a place. But… you came to me. You smiled at me and called me beautiful, even when everyone else feared and despised me.

I can’t tell you how much you saved me with that smile, with those words.”

Amal smiled.

She smiled faintly, as if dreaming.

“You are my light. My master. My beloved. Without Andy-sama, I don’t know how to breathe anymore. I don’t know how to live… Hey, Andy-sama. If the time comes when you leave this place, please…”

Amal closed her eyes.

As if praying, begging, confessing.

It was a holy verse.

It was a fervent desire.

It was…

“—Please, kill me.”

…Truly, it was a curse.