There’re Always Paranoid Thoughts to Monopolize Me - Chapter 43.2

She wasn’t disappointed – after half a minute, the heavy study door was abruptly pulled open. The tall young man, wearing only pajamas, held the door with one hand. His dark eyes had a hint of bloodshot, and his voice was deep and slightly hoarse.

“Why are you back at this time?”

“…”

Qin Ke didn’t speak.

She only let her gaze sweep over the young man’s cold, sharp profile, falling into the darkness behind him.

After a moment, Qin Ke withdrew her gaze.

“May I come in?”

The girl’s voice was calm, and her delicate, fair face showed no expression.

“…”

Huo Jun’s dark eyes grew even more intense.

After a moment, his Adam’s apple rolled slightly, and when he spoke again, his voice was even hoarser.

Huo Jun averted his gaze.

“If I were you… I would stay far away from this room right now.”

His voice was so deep it seemed to wring out muffled thunder, tinged with an unmistakable air of irritation.

But Qin Ke didn’t back down.

She looked up at Huo Jun, “What if I insist?”

“………..”

Huo Jun stared at her intensely for two seconds.

After two seconds, his thin lips twisted – Qin Ke couldn’t even be sure if the level of danger and coldness could allow this expression to be called a smile.

She only noticed that on Huo Jun’s slender knuckles resting on the door, veins slightly bulged under his cold, pale skin.

After a moment, he suddenly relaxed.

The young man turned back into the room, his voice cold and deep.

“…If you want.”

The door remained half-open as Huo Jun turned and entered the study.

Qin Ke paused for only half a second in front of the door that opened like a dark maw before resolutely stepping inside.

The room was as dark as Qin Ke had expected.

Heavy blackout curtains, sun-blocking curtains, and high-quality velvet curtains were all tightly drawn, as if afraid to let in even a sliver of light.

This suddenly reminded Qin Ke of last weekend when she was tutoring Ling Ling, the daughter of the villa’s housekeeper Gu Qin, and casually asked why the curtains were drawn.

The girl had seemed to recite an answer to herself–

[Because I don’t like light.]

[I like darkness, darkness makes me feel safe.]

She had found it strange at the time.

That obedient and serious girl, judging from her eyes then and her reactions later, didn’t seem to have such a gloomy side to her personality.

But looking at it now…

Obviously, that was indeed just a predetermined “answer”.

Qin Ke moved her gaze away with mixed feelings.

She looked towards Huo Jun, who had entered the room before her, only to find that he had already sat down on a recliner that had been lowered at some point in front of a wall on the side of the study.

A blanket, too thick considering the weather outside and the room’s temperature, covered his body.

A bronze floor lamp was lit beside him.

The light was mellow and soft.

It was under such close light that Qin Ke suddenly noticed beads of sweat on the young man’s pale forehead.

—

The necessary blanket and the sweat.

The slightly pale complexion…

Qin Ke frowned and walked forward–

“Are you sick?”

She instinctively reached out to feel Huo Jun’s forehead temperature, but when her hand was still some distance away, she was suddenly grabbed by the wrist through his thin shirt.

Qin Ke paused, lowering her eyes.

The person half-reclining in the chair had his eyelids slightly closed, his voice low and hoarse as if desperately suppressing something.

“Qin Ke, don’t care about me at this moment.”

“…”

Qin Ke didn’t try to pull her wrist away, only quietly asked.

“Why?”

Huo Jun didn’t answer.

After a long while, he released her wrist, “You came back early, did something happen?”

Qin Ke was also silent for a few seconds.

Since Huo Jun was unwilling to bring it up, she could only seek another breakthrough – and the matter she originally wanted to discuss had evidently become an excellent point of breakthrough that would certainly prevent Huo Jun from concealing his emotions any longer.

Thinking this, Qin Ke pulled out the envelope from her jacket pocket.

She handed it to Huo Jun.

“I’ve already found my part-time job. As per our previous agreement, I’m here to tell you – I should start my first job tomorrow morning.”

“…”

Huo Jun’s body stiffened.

After a moment, he silently raised his hand and pinched the envelope.

At first, he had some difficulty opening it.

After a few seconds, the young man seemed to finally lose control of his emotions and directly tore open the envelope.

The letter inside was shaken out, and Huo Jun read the black text in a flash.

Just halfway through reading, the paper was already crumpled in Huo Jun’s grip.

After finishing, Huo Jun suddenly sat up straight from the recliner. In this instant, the young man’s expression turned cold, almost fierce–

“You’re going to participate in a variety show!?”

“…..”

Even though she was mentally prepared, Qin Ke had to admit – this reaction was more extreme than she had imagined.

Qin Ke was silent for two seconds, then nodded.

“Yes, this is a channel that Teacher Wu Qingyue introduced to me. I think it’s a very good opportunity. So…”

“You want to enter the entertainment industry?”

These words were almost squeezed out one by one through his lips.

Qin Ke felt helpless.

“At least for now, I don’t have such plans. This show is just an extra choice and experience for me. It might bring me some benefits in terms of connections, and most importantly, it can solve all my short-term financial difficulties at once.”

However, Huo Jun didn’t seem to be pacified by her words.

“What if I don’t allow you to go?”

“…”

This time, Qin Ke was silent for a long time.

After a while, she looked up and gazed seriously at Huo Jun.

“Huo Jun, I don’t know what kind of ‘me’ you like, but I can tell you that the part of ‘me’ that won’t change is – I only want an equal, mutually respectful relationship between two people. If I can’t be respected, if I can only be bound, arranged, or even directly decided for like a puppet on strings – then I’d rather not have it at all.”

She paused, and even under the gaze of Huo Jun’s pitch-black eyes, she still spoke her mind without avoidance or retreat.

“If you just want a toy or a caged bird, then you’ve found the wrong person.”

“…!”

Huo Jun’s pupils suddenly contracted.

After a while, he laughed, his voice deep, hoarse, and slightly harsh –

“A toy? A caged bird? If that’s really how I saw you, couldn’t I just replace you with any other woman?!”

Qin Ke’s expression changed slightly.

—

At this moment, she suddenly understood why her past self would never have fallen in love with the Huo Zhonglou of her previous life.

Because of the gap.

In her eyes, even if he was disfigured, even if he was violent and obsessive, he was still someone she originally couldn’t reach.

Most importantly, in that completely unequal relationship, he could easily abandon her at any time – and if it really came to that point, she could only pitifully accept her fate.

It was also at this moment that Qin Ke realized that, in both her past and present lives, deep in her heart, there had always been a seed of inferiority planted by the difference in status.

So she refused disrespect and was even more unable to accept inequality.

Subconsciously, she didn’t want the possibility of becoming a pitiful creature who could be abandoned.

And now, with this long-buried sense of inferiority being stimulated, Qin Ke finally couldn’t maintain her quiet and peaceful expression.

She gently clenched her fingers.

“‘Any other woman’?” Qin Ke heard herself laugh vaguely, her voice sounding a bit pitiful and hollow, “Like the one who just left, perhaps?”

“…!”

Huo Jun’s eyes darkened.

“You saw her?”

“Yes, I saw her. We even greeted each other,” in the pause of her words, Qin Ke took a light breath, “So I happened to learn that she comes to the villa every afternoon – and, ‘coincidentally’, she leaves half an hour before I arrive at the villa every day.”

Grasping this breakthrough point, Qin Ke took a step forward.

“So, Huo Jun, is she one of those ‘any other women’ you mentioned?”

“………..”

Huo Jun’s eyes were so dark they could almost wring out ink.

After a few seconds of such a gloomy stare at the girl in front of him, Huo Jun suddenly let out a hoarse laugh, his tone filled with gritted-teeth malice:

“Even if she is, so what? Qin Ke, do you care?”

“…”

“You probably think you’ve had the worst luck in several lifetimes to be liked by a madman — so you can’t wait for me to get involved with another woman and then kick me away so you can escape, right?”

“………..”

“Let me tell you — you’re dreaming!”

Huo Jun snarled, simultaneously reaching out to pull the girl in front of him down, flipping her over and pinning her to the recliner behind.

The recliner made a creaking sound as it was pressed, creating a light noise as it rubbed against the floor.

As Huo Jun fiercely kissed and bit the girl’s tender lips, he growled.

“I absolutely, absolutely won’t give you any chance or excuse to leave me! Even if I die, I’ll—”

“I’m jealous.”

“…”

The study suddenly fell silent.

Even the mingled breathing with the girl seemed to stop.

After who knows how long, the young man stiffly propped himself up, “What…did you say?”

The girl lying on the recliner had clear, dark pupils, eyes like two gems. She just quietly looked at him like that, as if there was still a last trace of small unwillingness, but she still compromised.

“I said I’m jealous.”

She said softly.

And Huo Jun finally confirmed that he hadn’t been hearing things earlier.

His pupils contracted tightly.

Qin Ke lowered her voice softly, “So Huo Jun, can you tell me who she is?”

“………..”

The study was quiet for a long time.

Huo Jun slowly relaxed his upper body, burying his face in the girl’s soft, fragrant hair.

He turned his face and lightly kissed her neck.

“A psychologist.”

“…!” Qin Ke suddenly froze.

Huo Jun’s voice was low and scattered. “I saw a scene in a hallucination.”

“‘Hallucination’? You’re trying to eliminate it…”

“No.”

“?”

“I don’t want it to become real.”

“…”

“I will get treatment. So…don’t leave me, okay, Qin Qin?”