What If You Spoil a High School Girl Who Looks Like a Landmine? - Volume 1 Chapter 3.9

Seeing What Shouldn’t Be Seen 9

“Why not look for clothes for Chifuji-san as well since we’re here? How about this store?”

“Ah… “

“……?”

He hesitated, then eventually answered with a wry smile.

“Actually…I’m embarrassed to say it, but I have hardly any experience buying clothes for myself.”

“Eh, is that so? But you always wear things that suit you well.”

Today is the same.

He is dressed in mature attire, centered around a shirt with a clean design.

It’s what people call neat fashion, and it suits him well.

“They are all hand-me-downs from my uncle. …Ah, I mean, the store manager.”

“Oh, is that so…”

My reply has a double meaning. About the clothes, and… so, he is not just a manager at a part-time job but a relative.

I still don’t know much about this person after all.

…This phrase has a double meaning too.

Literally, and that’s why I want to know more.

Ah, I’m feeling shaky again.

“I’m also unsure about my outfits.”

“That’s not true, you look great.”

My footing is shaking and unstable, making me restless.

“Is that so? I am relieved to hear you say that, but I really have no sense of fashion.”

Chifuji-san, standing next to me, looks down at his own clothing and says this with a groan.

“I have to be proper, so I hope I at least appear somewhat like it.”

“….”

Be proper, he says.

I remember hearing those words before.

『What am I doing…I need to be proper.』

While shedding tears on the bed, he said that.

“Um… Chifuji-san.”

“Yes?”

“Why do you have to be proper?”

The question naturally escapes my lips, and my premonitions come too late.

Even though they warn me that once something’s done, there’s no turning back, they only come after the words have left my tongue.

“Ah, that.”

Chifuji-san smiles very naturally.

“It’s not a big reason. It’s just that if I am proper, if I continue to be so, maybe someday, I——”

He continued.

“——might feel that it was good that I was born, haha, that’s all.”

——It was as if he was answering a question about a show he watched yesterday.

Those words were uttered in a tone as light as if he was answering a question about today’s menu or responding to a query about tomorrow’s weather.

In truth, he had an expression that made it seem as if he was completely unaware that he was saying something special.

With a thud,

The ground beneath my wobbly feet crumbled, and I fell

My body, my heart, and my soul can distinctly feel it.

Falling, continuously falling——I am falling.

Sweat trickled down my back, the deafening noise of my heartbeat, and an itching, frustrating sensation rose deep within my stomach.

Ah…

The room for uncertainty, for things being unclear, that existed just a moment ago, now, not even an inch the size of a pinky toe remains.

“… Chifuji-san.”

“Yes.”

“I, I——”

I, who am falling, open my mouth while enveloped in this floating sensation.

Ring- ring- ring-

“…S-sorry. …It might be from my sister.”

“No, please go ahead and answer.”

I barely came to my senses to the ringing of my smartphone, which started ringing at an incredible timing.

(TN: Here, “falling” is used figuratively, probably means falling emotionally.)

“Sorry, then just a moment…”

“I will be looking around the shop, so take your time.”

I think to myself as I quickly move away from the front of the shop, leaving Chifuji-san behind… what was I about to say just now?

While taking a deep breath at the end of the aisle, I somehow manage to answer the call with a feverish head,

『Hello, Onee-chan? Did you buy it? How is it? How is the real thing?』

“I’m at the shop buying it right now. A T-shirt and a hoodie, right? They’re cute, I think they’ll suit Shion.”

『Really~~?! I’m excited!』

While smirking at the voice, which is more excited than usual,… somehow, calmness returns to my brain.

I suddenly realize it as the surrounding colors start to become visible again.

“Shion, thank you…..”

『…? Why? Why is Onee-chan saying thank you?』

“…Ah… no, sorry, haha, it’s nothing.”

『…? That’s weird.』

I cut off the conversation, saying that it was probably late at night there.

“…Phewwww.”

Exhaling deeply, deeply. Just thinking.

…What should I do~!

No, what should I do!?

What should one do in such situations, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know…!

It’s not that I don’t understand my own feelings.

They are perfectly clear.

I, to him, to Chifuji-san….

“Ah… haaaa… haaah…haa.”

Just by recalling his name, face, voice, and words, my heart jumps, and there’s a throbbing pain inside my body.

“…Chifuji-san.”

I did wonder, maybe.

That day when he caught a cold and his figure spilling tears.

He’s very mature, composed, hardworking… but maybe, inside of him, there’s a place that’s like a small, small child, very fragile and foolishly vulnerable.

And he hadn’t realized it, so I couldn’t comfort him.

——Words like ‘maybe someday I might feel that it was good that I was born’ said with such an expression, after all, such a thing…

“…haa… haaah…haah…”

It’s no use, it’s not about logic in the end.

Despite still having so much to learn about him, the center of my heart is holding onto its own convictions.

And it’s becoming unbearable.

“Chifuji-san…”

Once again, I mutter his name.

…I want. I, I——

“…N-no, no, no, no, no!”

And, just as my thoughts seem to be slipping and falling deeper, I regain a little composure.

” ………. “

But as soon as that happened, suddenly, my mood deeply sank.

Because…this, actually.

“…It’s definitely…impossible for us…”

I am shocked by my words, my body leans and my head bangs against the wall.

It hurts. It hurts, but that’s not important.

Because!

Considering what I have done to him so far, the figure I have shown, I am nothing but a troublesome and amusingly eccentric girl!

I was stalking him for a whole month in the first place!

“Ahhhhhhhhhh…”

I often hear that first love is unrequited, and I thought carelessly that it might be an exaggeration, but actually, being caught in the whirlpool and drowning is so painful.

…Is it not possible to start over from when we first met?