What If You Spoil a High School Girl Who Looks Like a Landmine? - Volume 1 Chapter 5.7

The Real Thing 7

 

When the vibrations in the air and floor that remained as an aftereffect finally settled, what came into my field of vision was…

“…….”

 

The sight of my mother, who looked dazed and didn’t say a word, and Raihara-san, who had swung her foot down beside her face.

I thought of two things.

 

First, it was unexpected. After all, she had a posture that made it seem like she was seriously about to stomp my mother’s face into the ground.

And the second thing—

 

“Chifuji-san.”

 

Suddenly, Raihara-san turned toward me.

Her face transformed into that of the kindest woman in the world, brimming with compassion and concern for me.

I think to myself, ah yes, she’s really different from us.

 

Regardless of what makes up our food, our bodies, or what’s encoded in our DNA, the way her mind exists is fundamentally different from ours.

A different kind of creature.

 

“Raihara-san…”

“Yes?”

 

That’s why… I hesitantly spoke to her when she came over again.

 

“…I was just thought, for a moment.”

“Yes?”

“Can you… understand how I feel?”

 

 

“…Yes.”

 

Raihara-san gently and softly hugs me.

…if this woman enveloping me is some different kind of creature,

If human ethics don’t reach this place,

I thought it might be okay to speak such true feelings.

 

“…No, that’s not… that’s not what I meant…just now….”

“…Chifuji-san.”

“That’s not it… I…”

 

But because I could even think that for a moment, and because I could verbalize it, guilt strongly surged within me.

I said something I shouldn’t have, even though we are family.

 

“It’s okay, Chifuji-san. I know you still have feelings of concern for her… you are worried, aren’t you?”

“Yes… yes.”

 

Because, that’s true.

I look over Raihara-san’s shoulder at my mother.

Seeing my family cowering in pain and fear, there’s no way I could be without concern.

 

“Regardless of the circumstances… even if you thought she deserved what she got… if I’m not worried, then even if blood ties us, we aren’t family…”

“Yes, I think so too. …I’m sorry, Chifuji-san.”

 

For some reason, apologizing, Raihara-san takes out her smartphone.

Displayed on the screen she holds before me is… my face.

It’s not a photo; it’s the front camera.

What’s reflected, just like in a mirror, is my current face.

 

“This is the face you’re making right now. This is the expression you have. …hey, Chifuji-san…”

 

A particularly large chill runs through me.

I have a premonition that I’m about to hear words I shouldn’t hear.

 

“…Wait, please!”

 

I involuntarily shake my head a little, but Raihara-san, with a deeply sad expression, asks the question.

 

“Has your mother ever made a worried face like this for you in your memory?”

“…!”

 

What about today, as she looked down at me doubled over clutching my stomach?

Even just a little would be fine, even if she is just exaggerating it, that’s okay.

Did she ever show even a hint of concern on her face?

 

“…Uh… ahh…”

 

Not today, what about other days?

For instance, memories from when I was little, like when I tripped and fell, not when my mother hit me?

Or when I was bedridden with a fever?

What kind of face did my mother make?

My mother… my mother is looking at me…

 

“…Ah, ah, aahh…”

 

Even if I dig through my memories for a face full of worry…

 

“…Ah, ah, ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

 

If you’re not worried, even if blood ties you, you’re not family.

Just a moment ago, I myself said something like that…

That’s why I couldn’t make excuses or a cover-up.

 

“I’m sorry… I said that because I knew you must be like that. I knew it would hurt you and yet I said it… I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

 

Raihara-san says, her voice sounding as if she herself had been cut.

After a moment of silence, I then ask her.

 

“…Raihara-san, are you… human?”

“…I am some kind of monster.”

 

Raihara-san answered in a sorrowful voice.

 

“I don’t have a proper form, I am a monster that deceives you.”

 

Ah, so it is true…

 

“Raihara-san…”

“…Yes.”

 

In that case…

 

“Sorry, Chifuji-san …I’m sorry, I…I——”

 

There was something I absolutely had to tell her.

 

“…Please stay.”

“…Huh?”

“Stay by my side.”

 

Because…

 

“I… can’t live with people anymore…I can’t give my heart to anyone. Even family… I can’t think of them without fear.”

 

Exposing my weakness, these are my true feelings.

 

“But being alone is unbearable… too lonely, and too cold to go on…”

 

My heart bares itself as I pitifully cling to the woman before me.

 

“To leave a place this warm… I just… can’t do it anymore… so…”

 

I don’t have the confidence to live outside of this warm circle that has been the warmest fifty centimeters of my life up to now.

 

“I want you, who are different from others… to stay by my side.”

“…I’ll be by your side for a lifetime.”

 

She immediately answered my plea.

More than any other words, I silently sought her warmth.

Even if eventually the heat I receive from her is the only thing I could call warmth, I wanted it.

 

…Eventually catching my breath and steadying my heart, I speak.

 

“…Can I lean on your shoulder?”

“Yes.”

 

Despite the aching in my body, I was okay because she was there to support me. I stand up, walk, and move forward.

When I arrive, my mother, still crouching on the floor, fixes her eyes on me.

 

“…Wh-why… why are you like this?”

“…”

“You only cause trouble…! And you bring that woman here…!”

“…”

“Why, why are you like this! You’re not like Takkun! You have no talent, can’t do anything right, completely useless… if you were like Takkun… if you were Takkun then…!”

“…I’m sorry, Mom.”

 

At my apology, my mother narrows her eyes sharply.

 

“It’s all your fault! Misa has done nothing wrong! Apologize properly!”

“…Yes, sorry.”

 

That’s right, Mom. There’s something I have to apologize to you for.

 

“I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you! Apologize! To Misa more!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Mom. I… I have no talent.”

“That’s right! That’s why——”

“Yes. So, I’m sorry. …I’m sorry that for eighteen years, I didn’t have the talent to be your son.”

 

At those words, my mother made a face I had never seen before.