As I Know Anything About You, I'll Be The One To Your Girlfriend, Aren't I? - Volume 1 Chapter 5.6

What Red Means to You 6

Listening to him, I was surprised, but I didn’t doubt him for a moment.

“Love looks… red.”

I intuitively understood that recognizing this emotion and its color was the root of the power that had emerged in Kuuya.

I thought it was a curse.

“And then, when I see that red, I get really cold. My fingertips freeze, and my body stops moving.”

“…Kuuya.”

“I also draw here, with grandpa and grandma. But, I can’t use red…”

Kuuya’s mother—the woman who often painted with red, the color of love. To Kuuya, those were empty falsehoods, a cruel betrayal that took his father from him, a detestable poison.

That was what had cursed Kuuya.

“…Suika, I’ve decided to come back there when I start junior high. I’m persuading grandpa and grandma right now.”

“…That’s…”

“It’s been kind of tough. Because grandpa and grandma love me… Even when I’m not trying to see, sometimes, it just appears. When I think those colors are directed at me, my body… just won’t move. It’s too hard.”

“…────”

At that moment, I’ve never hated someone so much. As long as my life continues, I will never forgive that woman.

Could there be anything more sorrowful?

Being loved makes Kuuya feel pain. The warmest feeling in the world is the coldest to Kuuya.

Is there a worse curse in living in this world?

“Kuuya coming here is a big welcome from me! The entire Ado family welcomes you!”

I spoke in a ridiculously bright tone, the only way I knew to hide a voice that threatened to shake and blur.

“Really? …Thank you, that’s reassuring. …I wonder what color uncle Daisuke and aunt Ran appear as. Yellow, maybe? The hospital doctors who take good care of me, the painter I’ve become friends with, the color of people who watch over me feels like that.”

Then, Kuuya said.

“I wonder what Suika is.”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it!”

I answered instantly, my hand holding the receiver trembling.

“You’ve always been my best friend, Kuuya! So, the color of friendship, of course!”

“Really, that’s right.”

Kuuya’s voice sounded happy, not doubting at all, to which I declared confidently, “Of course!”

After talking a bit more, we hung up, and… I collapsed to the floor.

“…Ah, ah, …ahhhhh!”

My heartbeat was loud, the sweat on my body felt disgusting.

“Oh, oh, …ahhhhh!”

How do I appear to him? It’s obvious—definitely red.

The color that chills his heart.

The color that will torment him when he returns here.

What do I do, what should I do? What can I do?

I was certain Kuuya wasn’t lying about his story. So, what can I do? Think of Kuuya as a friend? I do, but… the feelings of love and affection in my heart are overflowing, incomparable to just friendship.

“Suika? What’s wrong, are you feeling ill?”

“Dad… ah…”

Seeing me in distress, my dad rushed over, and I had a revelation. An idea that, once conceived, seemed like the only thing to cling to.

“…Dad, you always record videos for every occasion, right?”

“Well, it’s my hobby…”

“Please show me all the videos of Kuuya’s dad and mom! All of them!”

Sensing something from my demeanor, my dad provided me with a multitude of video data, including old ones that required specific equipment to play.

“If… if this ‘seeing emotions as colors’ ability that Kuuya awakened is some sort of supernatural power, there’s nothing I can do.”

But I was convinced that wasn’t the case. It must be that Kuuya, with his exceptional observation skills, makes very accurate predictions based on visual information.

I watched the videos of Kuuya’s parents over and over. Although one’s feelings have changed now, the deepest example of love imprinted in Kuuya’s mind must be this.

Including unconscious actions—no, perhaps those are the most critical indicators.

I studied their expressions, gestures, gazes, and atmospheres towards each other in the videos.

So that I would never show those to Kuuya.

Watch, over and over. Watch, watch, watch, watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch watch…

Even the face of a woman I despise enough to want to kill, I watched over and over.

“Kuuya! It’s been a while!”

“Suika.”

Kuuya returned to town just as junior high started.

In front of him, whom I hadn’t seen for a year, in front of him who would “see” me with those eyes, I didn’t break a sweat.

Control over one’s body is the foundation of all Ado techniques.

No matter how anxious or frightened my heart is, I won’t show it.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, …it’s just as you said. Suika’s color is a beautiful green, I thought.”

…Yes!!

I nearly lost all strength in my joy, but of course, I didn’t let it show.

Naturally, I smiled.

“I told you!”

Yes, Kuuya.

The girl in front of you is a long-time friend, a childhood friend, Ado Suika—nothing more.

Hiding the truth of red under the guise of green.

“Ah. …Yeah, deep and kind, Suika’s green.”

With a gentle smile, Kuuya laughed. It was a look very similar to his father’s.

The large, recognizable smile from a hundred meters away, once Kuuya’s trademark, was lost to him.

“So from now on, I’m still your best friend!”

So, I smiled like the Kuuya of old, so that someday he could reclaim that smile for himself, to teach him, “This is how you smiled.”

──And there was one more thing I had to do.

“All the friends from elementary school are mostly going to the same junior high, right? Do you think they remember me?”

“It’s only been a year; there’s no way they’ve forgotten you.”

“I hope so.”

“Of course. Don’t worry, all your friends are waiting for you!”

Yes, waiting for a “friend.”

No matter what, there must not be any girl around him seeking more than that relationship, not allowing any harmful red emotions to be directed at him.

I never slacked off before, but after Kuuya returned, I threw myself into studying, sports, and extracurricular activities even more thoroughly.

To make my external specs seem higher.

That way, I can easily fit in anywhere. The social connections I initially built to tell Kuuya bright stories could be expanded into something more vast and intricately detailed.

Kuuya is approachable and has exceptional talent in art… now, there’s a shadowed ambiance about him. Some girls are drawn to that kind of thing. The network I built doesn’t miss out on information about those girls.

The heightened specs also served as intimidation. To make them think… if such a girl is by his side, they better step back.

In any case, to ensure that no careless red chills him, I did everything I could to eliminate such possibilities. I built fences to prevent contact.

To protect him.

…

That’s not a lie. It’s not a lie, but…

At the same time, I was also aware. The reason I built fences to protect him was—to not let him escape, to encage him.

I want to protect him, I don’t want him to get hurt anymore, I want him to be happy.

…Then, the one who should stay away from him the most is me. Because I’m the one who harbors the greatest love for him in this world.

But I can’t do that.

I don’t want to hand him over to anyone. I want to make him mine. I want him to look only at me. If he’s to be happy, please, let it be within these hands.

I want to protect him, I love him, but I also want to confine him, I want everything.

I finally understood my family, the Ado clan. My mother, my grandmother, all the women of the Ado family through the generations… must have lived with this ugly demon of uncontrollable possessiveness.

To obtain the man they love by any means necessary.

That’s why the women of Ado are strong. We are… not normal.