Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 16

“The wind is cold. Until you’ve fully recovered, it would be better to be careful.”

This time his tone was somewhat gentler.

Helena slowly brought her body, which had been leaning out the window, back to its original position. She hadn’t been thinking of doing anything like that in the first place.

As he said, it was only the second floor, and she merely wanted to smell the street air.

But she couldn’t help feeling annoyed for no reason. She turned around and faced the man with cold eyes.

“Is there any reason I should listen to a stranger?”

“……”

“……”

Thirty seconds passed without any words.

He acted as if he had something to say but then simply reached out his hand. Helena’s body instinctively flinched.

At that, his extending arm stopped mid-motion. His face contorted slightly, but noticeably.

His hand, with its protruding knuckles, clenched into a fist and then opened again right next to her face. After repeating this motion several times, he finally extended his arm completely and closed the window.

Helena followed the entire sequence with her eyes. The bitter expression on his face washed away with the sigh he exhaled.

“We may be strangers, but wouldn’t adding the qualifier that I’m the person who saved your life be appropriate?”

With the window closed, a support formed behind her back. Helena leaned against the windowsill with her arms crossed.

“Whatever you want, I have nothing to give you. I don’t have anything.”

“You can give something.”

Helena tilted her head back. To properly see him from this distance required considerable effort.

He seemed a bit taller than Eugene. She’d rarely seen anyone as tall as Eugene in her life. Her neck hurt a little more than when she had to look up at Eugene.

Not liking even this height, she slightly frowned and asked:

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

Right now, she had nothing. Yet if there was something she could give, this was the only thing that came to mind.

She just asked, that’s all. Helena admitted that this question wasn’t so bad.

For the first time, she caught a glimpse of embarrassment from him. His purple pupils contracted and dilated in an instant.

Soon, the bitter expression that reappeared covered everything else.

“I told you already. What I want.”

Ian’s hand moved up along her arm to her shoulder. Maintaining a precarious distance as if brushing her fine hairs, he caught the disheveled fabric with his fingertips.

“Is for you to live.”

The piece of clothing that had slipped below her shoulder was now back in place.

Was it because her undergarments had been showing? The skin where his hand had touched tingled, and Helena averted her eyes.

They fell silent again.

After a moment, Helena leisurely straightened up from where she had been leaning against the windowsill. In response to her movement, Ian took a step back.

Thanks to this, she no longer had to crane her neck. Instead, she gave a small nod up and down.

“…What are you doing?”

“Saying thank you. I realized I could give this much if I really tried.”

Helena passed by him and looked around. She spotted a leather strap extending from under the bedside table. It was her own bag, now almost empty.

Helena strode over and snatched up the bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

“Don’t feel too disappointed that I’ve only expressed as much gratitude as I feel. I hope you also learn a lesson from this opportunity not to meddle in others’ affairs.”

“I wasn’t meddling in someone else’s affairs.”

He approached with a rather determined expression. Fearing another endless argument was about to begin, Helena simply turned her head away.

The door was locked, and she needed to escape this room.

Unfortunately, the only escape route appeared to be the window.

What more could break besides arms and legs? Helena passed by him again to head back to the window.

Ian didn’t miss the moment and grabbed her. The strength with which he held her wrist was firm but not enough to cause pressure.

Helena raised her eyes sharply.

“You’re not going to let go, are you?”

“You know it well.”

“And why can’t you understand? Stop meddling in others’ affairs.”

“I meddle because it’s you, Helen.”

“Don’t act like you know everything about me. How did you even know my name—”

Grumble.

“……”

“……”

This can’t be happening. Why now, of all times?

Helena’s face grew hot. In the face of this primal instinct that ignored all situations, the verbal battle quickly crumbled.

It was embarrassment she hadn’t felt in a truly long time. She thought she’d developed immunity to most insults long ago. Even when mocked at every gathering she attended, she felt little response.

How could this one simple sound bring out emotions she had forgotten?

As if that emotion was weighing on her head, Helena couldn’t bring herself to look up. Meanwhile, her wrist was released, but she didn’t move.

Addressing her as if nothing had happened, Ian calmly suggested:

“Let’s go out and get something to eat.”

“…I’m not hungry.”

“You’re still not good at lying, I see.”

He was smiling. Helena could tell without having to confirm that handsome face of his.

The laughter was evident in his voice. Even if he wasn’t laughing out loud, he certainly wore at least a faint smile.

Not wanting to look at him, Helena stubbornly maintained her silence with her head down. At that moment, something wrapped around her body.

“…?”

It was a cape made of light, well-insulating blue mouse fur. Soon a hand slipped into the nape of her neck as well.

“It’s cold outside.”

Ian tied the cape’s knot with a natural motion. Only then did Helena slowly raise her head.

Ian made eye contact with her and smiled slightly, just as she had expected. Infuriatingly creasing the corners of his eyes, he asked:

“Fortunately, I happen to have time to dine with you and money to meddle in your stomach’s affairs. Ah, is it okay if I meddle in this?”

Helena exhaled through her nose with tightly sealed lips. He was truly such a bothersome man. He had latched onto her abruptly and wouldn’t let go.

She pointed to the door with a resigned air.

“How are we supposed to get out when the doorknob is twisted because of someone?”

“Well, I think we could just break it completely.”

Having reached the door in just a few steps, he gripped the doorknob. Soon, with the sound of splintering wood, the entire door fell off.

“That was simple.”

Having opened the door in a way she had never seen before, he stepped aside. It seemed he was going to play the gentleman with this ridiculous ‘ladies first’ gesture even in this situation.

Helena took a step forward wearing clothes he had bought her, wrapped in the cape he had tied for her, carrying the bag he had rescued.

Without realizing it, she was completely covered in this man’s traces.

“Indeed. Unlike relationships that can’t be broken so simply.”

She emphasized the word ‘relationships’ especially. As she walked out the door, she didn’t forget to glare at Ian as if indicating the subject.

Ian propped the tattered door in a corner and walked in step with her.

“Even if not simple, they will eventually break.”

At his words, for a moment, a black-haired man flashed through Helena’s mind.

Another person who had clung stubbornly and wouldn’t let go. A person she couldn’t shake off.

How regrettable imprinted time was. Helena shook her head to clear the afterimage.

Ian, walking beside her, stopped briefly. When she raised a questioning gaze, he said with an unreadable expression:

“Still, I hope it won’t break for now.”

Then he went down the stairs. His fine silver hair tousled in his grasp.

Following him to the restaurant, Helena had to try hard not to think anymore.

Is my “for now” you, or is it him?

****

Ding—dang—dang—.

The clear bell from the tower in the square rang ten times.

Ten o’clock in the morning. Too late to be breakfast, a bit early to be lunch.

Helena sat across from Ian, each with plates of food before them.

Being somewhat in the downtown area, there were quite a few people in the shop despite the awkward hour. The bustling noise floated in the air like dust.

‘What am I doing right now?’

Everything felt awkward. The noisy commotion, her own hands mechanically mashing potatoes, the man calmly eating in front of her.

Helena carefully glanced at him. Fingers of appropriate thickness with straight knuckles moved over the plate.

Looking closely, she could occasionally see small scars appear on the back of his hand whenever he cut with his knife.

‘Come to think of it, there were some on his forearm too. I wonder if he has more elsewhere.’

She was curious about what kind of work would leave him with all sorts of scars. But she didn’t ask. She didn’t want to appear interested.

“Your gaze is quite hot. The potatoes might burn.”

Yes, this is why.

Yet his own gaze remained fixed on his plate. Helena put more force into the fork crushing the potatoes as she retorted:

“If only I could make that happen.”

“I like burnt potatoes too, so that works out. You can keep staring.”

“I’m not interested.”

He laughed softly. It was a pleasant resonance, as good as Eugene’s.

Helena reluctantly put the mashed potatoes in her mouth. Chew, swallow, chew, swallow. Still, the awkward atmosphere didn’t disappear.

The table was narrow, and unless she kept her head buried in her plate, it was inevitable that she would see Ian.

She glanced again while rolling roasted bean stalks with her fork. The knife between his long fingers seemed different in size from her own, but his neat movements masked that disparity.

Where did he learn such etiquette?

Judging by his attire, he seemed like a commoner with some wealth, but it was hard to take that at face value.

He was far from ordinary. She could tell at a glance.

In his voice, his gait, even in each small gesture, there was a rough yet refined dignity. When he wasn’t smiling, the intimidation stemming from his build became even more apparent.

He also used the angular pronunciation often heard from upper-class individuals. It was particularly similar to Eugene’s. However, Helena was secretly surprised that it carried more warmth than cynicism.

‘I thought it was a pronunciation that could only sound cold.’

“You said you weren’t interested, so why do you keep looking?”