Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 20

“……You really don’t know what a joke is, do you?”

Helena frowned and protested, but Ian walked leisurely again. He had spouted such an embarrassing joke and seemed completely unfazed by it.

Well, he’d have to be that shameless to say all those nonsensical things. Helena gripped her bag strap tightly and followed behind him.

“So where are we going?”

“Just walking.”

“Without a destination?”

“Walking just to get somewhere isn’t fun.”

“How trivial.”

Helena frowned again, but Ian didn’t care. He dragged the almost resigned Helena along the coastline and sat down on a bench overlooking the sea.

He tied her arm to the bench armrest with a complex knot and briefly left his seat. It was a measure to prevent Helena from jumping into the sea again.

When he returned a few minutes later, his hands held two steaming cups of coffee.

Helena awkwardly accepted the coffee he offered. Ian didn’t miss even that expression.

“Do you not like coffee? Then I’ll go exchange it for something else.”

“No. It’s not that, it’s just… it’s been so long since I’ve had any.”

Helena didn’t know whether she liked coffee or not. There was no coffee in Evergale.

Eugene, who suffered from insomnia, would procure all kinds of tea but never touched coffee. Adjusting to his preferences, Helena naturally came to avoid coffee too.

She avoided it even at social gatherings or parties that weren’t hosted by the Grand Duke. As if drinking coffee would make Eugene dislike her too.

Helena tilted the cup to smell it briefly, then took a small sip. Even considering it was from a street vendor, the sweet taste was quite palatable.

So coffee wasn’t just bitter. Recalling Eugene’s frowning face, Helena took another sip.

Ian also sat beside her silently, enjoying the afternoon sound of waves. Maintaining an appropriate distance, they simply remained like that.

Eventually, as the waves began to take on a crimson hue, Ian stood up.

“Shall we buy dinner and eat at the inn? Is that alright?”

“Why ask when you won’t do what I want anyway?”

“I can accommodate anything except running away.”

“Then there’s nothing.”

“Then I can’t accommodate you either.”

Helena’s brow furrowed noticeably, but if Ian were the type to care about that, he wouldn’t have stayed by her side until now.

No matter how much she insisted on being alone, someone had to be beside her.

If you leave someone standing at the edge of a cliff alone, they’ll fall. He could tell that much the moment he first saw Helena.

Leading Helena back into the shopping district, Ian looked around. Soon, an old woman sitting guard over a street stall caught his eye.

He entrusted Helena to the old woman and went into a shop to order food.

Helena sat beside the old woman with a displeased expression.

‘Treating me like a complete helpless child out on her own.’

But she didn’t feel like pushing the old woman aside and running away, so she sat quietly.

As she propped her chin and watched the street scenery at sunset, she noticed a box full of quinces.

Since the box was right next to her, Helena picked up a quince as her thoughts wandered.

‘……Eugene liked quinces preserved in honey too.’

Perhaps because of the earlier coffee, she naturally thought of that man.

Helena realized every moment that saying goodbye didn’t actually mean goodbye.

Well, if twenty years could be erased with a single word about divorce, things wouldn’t have come to this point.

Helena stared blankly at the quince and put it back in its place.

At that moment, a man roughly grabbed Helena’s wrist.

“You’ve ruined the fruit and now you’re trying to sneak off? Either pay money or don’t touch them in the first place!”

The man, who appeared to be the fruit shop owner, was rough. Helena, who was forcibly pulled up, rummaged through her bag, but there was no way she had any spare change.

Then a wicked smile spread across the watching man’s lips.

“What, no money? What are you going to do, miss? But if you just have a little chat with me… I could give it to you for free.”

The man’s thumb subtly rubbed Helena’s wrist. The feeling of rough skin chafing was terrible.

It felt like bugs crawling, making Helena suddenly jerk her arm away. But luck wasn’t on her side.

What was meant to be just shaking him off ended up striking the man’s jaw in the process.

His menacing face quickly turned red and blue with rage. Fearing he might explode in anger, the nearby old woman fidgeted anxiously and pleaded with Helena.

“Miss, nothing good will come from provoking that man’s temper. It may be unfair, but just apologize roughly and get out of here.”

But Helena didn’t move. Rather, only the old woman turned pale and clung to her desperately. Helena only felt puzzled.

Why should I? What’s the point of apologizing? Is there any need to try to smooth over this situation?

Because.

“What should I be afraid of… It would be unfair too.”

At the quietly muttered words, the man finally exploded. He rushed forward and grabbed Helena’s throat.

“Are you ignoring me right now? Do you want to die?!”

Pressed against the wall with her throat being strangled, Helena’s face turned red.

Anyone would normally at least cough. In contrast, her blue eyes remained unchanged.

They were as numb as a dark blue sea where everything had sunk.

“Can you kill me?”

“……What?”

“You asked if I wanted to die. So, can you kill me?”

Even while panting from lack of breath, Helena forced out the words.

In a situation where she should be begging for her life, the eyes that desperately contained death were very alien.

The man hesitated at that somehow eerily twisted atmosphere. It wasn’t an energy he could handle.

“What, what kind of crazy…”

The strength in the arm choking Helena began to fade away. It was an arm that would fall away on its own if left alone, but Helena wouldn’t let go.

“I’ll stand still right here. Kill me, please.”

Helena grabbed the man’s arm tightly and pressed it harder against her own throat. As the situation flowed unexpectedly, the frightened man tried to back away.

But before he could even turn his body.

Bang!

The man’s upper body was suddenly slammed onto the stall beside him.

“Ahhh!”

The man groaned and flailed his arms wildly. All the fruit boxes were smashed and the fruits that spilled out rolled in all directions, getting crushed.

Ian was pressing down on the man’s throat exactly as the man had done moments before.

Every time the man resisted foolishly, he applied more pressure to his pressing hand. The louder the groaning became.

“Ahhhhhhh! Wh-who are you!”

The man struggled to get up but couldn’t budge. It felt like iron bars were wrapped around his neck bones rather than human hands. He could only tremble pathetically like prey caught in a trap.

Clearly it was a person dealing with another person, yet why did it look like hunting? Helena thought with her still dazed mind from lack of breath.

Ian, with his face still perfectly composed, pulled out a cloth bag from his chest and turned it upside down to shake it out.

Gold coins poured down over the man’s head with a jingling sound. The dull sound of hard metal hitting his nose and jaw bones echoed.

“This should be enough for the price.”

“Kuk, kkeok…! What are you!”

Ian pressed down once more to completely block the man’s windpipe and leaned down.

When he whispered something in the man’s ear, the man turned pale and nodded frantically.

Then Ian released the hand that had been choking his throat. The man desperately inhaled and kept coughing.

Ian grabbed Helena’s arm without looking back. After briefly thanking the old woman who had been supporting her, he left the street.

No one followed them. People who saw the gold coins rushed toward the man one after another. They were desperate to get even one more coin in their hands.

“It’s gold coins!”

“Wahhh, move aside!”

It was nothing short of pandemonium. The man had to scream again amidst that chaos.

****

Holding Helena’s arm, Ian walked without stopping.

He walked with such long strides and such a large gait that Helena had to almost run to keep up.

He stopped when she began to let out the breath that had built up. As if Helena’s rough breathing had put brakes on his feet, Ian stopped abruptly.

On the street where sunset had settled, he slowly turned around. Perhaps because of the sunset, his usually soft light purple eyes looked a bit red.

She felt an unfamiliar sense of intimidation, but Helena knew he couldn’t harm her. She just knew it instinctively.

So she spoke matter-of-factly.

“I could have handled it myself.”

“I’m sure you could have.”

“Really. I didn’t need your help. Look, my voice is coming out fine. I wasn’t being strangled that hard.”

And I don’t understand why you’re angry either. She swallowed the rest.

After a moment of silence, Ian slightly lowered his head and released Helena’s arm.

It was the first time he had averted his gaze first, so Helena could fully take in his expression.

“……I still would have done this.”

An indecipherable expression.

Though she was the one who had been strangled, it was he who spoke in a choked voice.

Raising his head again, Ian swept Helena’s hair back over her shoulder and cupped her throat with his palm.

Then he slowly rubbed the slightly swollen area with his thumb. As if erasing the traces left by the fruit shop man.

Was it because the sunset covering the street was too strong? Helena still couldn’t read his expression.

Ian withdrew his hand and acted as if he would turn around, then added,

“But if something like this happens again next time, please call me right away. I’ll handle it without causing a commotion so you don’t have to worry about it.”

He began walking ahead again. At a much slower pace than before. Helena followed his large back, thinking.

Why should I, by what right? Will there be a next time for you and me?

Countless questions arose, but she didn’t voice them. It was obvious that no one could provide answers even if she asked.

Helena shifted her gaze from the man’s back to his hands. They were empty. It seemed he had thrown away even the food he had packed and come running. For some reason, she felt suffocated.