Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 25

Eugene left the mansion with heavy steps. Behind his departing figure, Viscount Owen bowed so deeply that his head nearly touched the ground.

Though it was a rather servile display, at this moment Eugene’s mind was entirely consumed with thoughts of Helena.

‘Foolish woman… If such a thing had happened, why didn’t she say a single word to me? Why did she hide it?’

Was his existence worth so little to her? Was it so shallow that she couldn’t even share a family matter with him?

Eugene ground his teeth. He roughly grasped the horse’s reins and prepared to spur it forward. Since he couldn’t return empty-handed, he intended to at least stop by Praeterita.

However, the horse couldn’t depart for quite some time. The hand holding the reins slowly fell away.

A fact so obvious that he had failed to recognize it suddenly struck Eugene like lightning.

‘She didn’t hide it on purpose.’

Helena had always been the one to approach him first. He was the one who hadn’t listened.

A fragment of the past suddenly flashed through Eugene’s mind, which had frozen like a stone statue.

—-

Tap tap tap. Tap-tap-tap.

The pouring rain struck the window irregularly with fierce intensity.

Through the sound came a small knock, and Eugene let out a short sigh. There was only one reason she would visit on a day like this.

Sure enough, Helena appeared with an even more subdued atmosphere than usual, wearing a nightdress. Her red hair, falling to her waist, swayed with each step she took.

It seemed she had spent hours tossing and turning in bed, worrying, before finally coming.

“Um… Eugene.”

After several attempts to part her lips, she finally spoke.

Without even lifting his eyes from the documents he was reviewing, Eugene cut her off.

“Sorry, honey. I’m quite busy right now. If it’s not something important, I’d prefer we discuss it another time.”

“It is important to me. Basil—”

“We settled that matter last time, Helena.”

His voice was quiet but low. Helena ultimately couldn’t finish her words and closed her mouth.

Eugene rubbed his weary face. Despite his admonishment, why was this woman endlessly foolish?

He didn’t have time for endless arguments about a problem with no solution in sight. Nothing was more foolish than wasting time and effort on meaningless disputes.

And Eugene had absolutely no desire to become a fool. Unlike a certain foolish woman.

“Helena. I understand you, but right now I truly don’t have the luxury. Due to the continuing storm, more than just a couple of ships haven’t been able to set sail. The losses are enormous. Even working through several nights wouldn’t be enough to handle this situation.”

A thick bundle of documents was thrown to the edge of the desk with a thud. Immediately, a new bundle of documents monopolized Eugene’s attention.

It seemed no words could make his gaze reach her.

“If you truly understood me, I wouldn’t feel so utterly alone in this world.”

Even the sincerity she revealed after suppressing and suppressing her feelings.

Her usually small voice was particularly hoarse. It couldn’t even draw attention to a single furrow of Eugene’s brow.

Eventually, Helena retreated.

“…I apologize.”

She left those resigned words and turned around. Her thin negligee fluttered even at that small movement. Like fragments of emotion that Helena had failed to gather and dropped.

But Eugene could never pick up those fragments.

Because he was always the one who received.

Not someone who picked up the foolish attachments his wife had shed, but someone who dropped attachments for others to follow like breadcrumbs before him.

Eugene continued busily moving between inkwell and paper without sparing a glance at Helena as she left.

Then, when he knocked over the inkwell and black liquid soaked the paper completely, he couldn’t contain his anger and exploded.

“Damn it, nothing’s going right!”

Completely unaware that he had left an even darker stain on someone’s heart.

****

‘Helena grew up in a place like this.’

The sound of dry hoofbeats echoed through the parched streets.

From the moment he entered Praeterita, Eugene’s brow rarely relaxed. All manner of poverty and destitution seemed to roll about the streets in clumps.

While Eugene avoided this squalor, thinking it was one of the reasons Helena had no choice but to love him filled him with an indescribable feeling.

To shake off that feeling, he closed and opened his eyes with a deep breath. A faint voice confessed consistently:

[Because of you, I breathe.]

It was affection that was purely clean, without a trace of impurity. Helena’s eyes when she looked at him and spoke of love were always like that.

Even when everyone tried to drag her down by bringing up her family background, Eugene could tell.

Helena’s sincerity was truly sincere. She seemed like a woman who knew only how to love foolishly.

So the atmosphere of a town like this should have meant nothing at all.

Eugene straightened his already erect posture with more force.

‘Is it the next street?’

Upon entering a somewhat tidier road, decent shops began to appear one by one. He discovered a small flower shop near the cemetery and dismounted from his horse.

No matter how simply he was dressed, his attire was far from that of an ordinary passerby, so the shop owner hurriedly emerged.

“W-welcome. Are you perhaps looking for particular flowers…?”

“There’s someone I need to honor. What flowers do people usually prefer?”

“There’s nothing specifically set, so most people tend to choose flowers the deceased enjoyed in life…”

The longer the owner spoke, the more Eugene’s jaw hardened rigidly. Of course, His Grace the Grand Duke had no way of knowing the preferences of some sickly boy.

Nevertheless, the reason he had volunteered to visit Basil’s grave was purely because of Helena.

In case he might meet her there. In case she might smile, even slightly, upon seeing the flowers he had prepared for her brother.

With that single thought, Eugene had set foot in a town he had never given a second glance.

Meanwhile, reading Eugene’s ominous expression, the owner quickly changed his words while holding out a bouquet he happened to be making.

“…but if you’re not sure, how about these flowers? They’re called marigolds, and another customer bought some just a few days ago.”

Eugene’s gaze turned to the modestly arranged bright yellow petals. They were flowers he had seen in his estate’s garden.

The flower bed that Helena had tended herself. The flowers that filled that flower bed.

Eugene answered immediately without much consideration.

“I’ll take those.”

A gold coin fell into the owner’s hand. The owner hurriedly brought out the finest wrapping paper to make a bouquet.

After securing the large bouquet to his saddle, Eugene headed toward his destination.

‘…Here it is.’

The cemetery he finally reached was quiet. Except for an old man and child pulling weeds around a gravestone not far away, no one else was there.

Eugene dismissed his knights and approached Basil’s gravestone. As he was about to lay down the flowers he had prepared, he was startled.

In front of the gravestone, something was already occupying the space. A bouquet identical to his own.

‘Helena!’

Eugene reflexively looked around hurriedly.

Though the flowers were slightly wilted, they weren’t very old. If she hadn’t left for another region, there was a high possibility she was somewhere nearby.

Just as he was about to hastily search the surroundings, he caught fragments of conversation between the child and the old man passing behind him.

“Now brother can rest in peace, right?”

“Thanks to that man, we were able to properly bury Theo. That’s fortunate, Paul.”

“He seemed like a good person. I wonder if sister Helen married someone like that…”

“Hel… who?”

“You know, the sister who used to live in the house across from us. Remember? I cried so hard the day she moved away.”

The old man pondered for a long while before stammering.

“Hmm… ah, yes, I remember. She had such pretty blue eyes. But why bring up that child?”

“She’s not a child anymore. I saw her when I went to Futuo looking for a funeral director. I was worried because sister was always getting picked on, but now she seems to be living better than before. She’s gotten taller, and she’s incredibly beautiful, like a porcelain doll you can only see in fancy district shops.”

What…? Helen?

Eugene grabbed the child, half-believing, half-doubting.

“Wait.”

“Ah! S-sorry. Did I do something wrong…?”

“What you just said. Are you talking about Helena Ever…no. Helena Owen?”

“Well… yes… do you know sister Helen?”

The boy’s eyes widened, forgetting his surprise.

Eugene remained silent for a moment like someone struck speechless.

Do I know Helena?

He couldn’t understand why this felt like such a difficult question to answer.

He merely moistened his dry lips before finally answering.

“She’s my wife.”

****

Evening, as twilight settled.

In a closed room, a man pulled out a small rectangular device while wearing a thoroughly dejected expression. It was a communication device mainly used by high-ranking imperial officials.

Though someone of such high position might normally be enjoying a pleasant dinner at this hour, the man couldn’t even sit still and rest, let alone have a peaceful evening, due to the crisis that had struck like a double blow.

His master was missing, and he had even lost the money pouch he had been carrying.

Dion let out a dry sigh and sent a signal somewhere.

“Please answer…”

Fortunately, even the communication device didn’t turn away from his desperation. Soon a screen of appropriate size appeared above the device.

A woman with silver hair neatly pinned up, unlike usual, appeared within it. Upon seeing her, Dion was about to pour out his complaints as if he had been waiting, but the woman was faster.

“Perfect timing for your call! I actually had something to tell you too!”

“Heidi…! Ah… what is it?”

Dion slowly closed his mouth, which had been wide open, and asked reluctantly. Heidi continued regardless.

“Nothing major, just that there was a poisoning attempt the day before yesterday.”

“I see. A poisoning attempt… what?!”

The loyal retainer Dion’s eyes snapped open as he had been about to listen with one ear and let it out the other.

Had he heard correctly? A poisoning attempt? Not the breakfast menu?

“Well, they cleverly put it in a dessert that brother used to enjoy. Such a petty method, really.”

Heidi’s far-too-casual tone was enough to cause cognitive dissonance.

Dion remained frozen with wide eyes for a moment before shouting frantically like someone freed from being a statue.

“Are you alright?! Were you hurt anywhere?!”

“If I were hurt, would I be talking to you right now while peeling a banana?”

“Even so…!”

Dion took a breath as if he might start nagging any moment. Of course, Heidi had no intention of subjecting her precious ears to painful lectures.

She took another bite of banana and waved her hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry, you know brother and I have completely opposite tastes. I don’t even touch such stuff, so I secretly threw it away. But a cat that found and ate it died. You know? The one with black front paws that often wandered through the garden. I just finished burying it in the garden and I’m on my way back. Actually, I’m a bit sad.”

“So that’s why you’re peeling a banana. You eat them whenever you’re melancholy.”

“You’re surprisingly interested in me.”

“I have to eat and live, so I have no choice.”

“How admirable.”

It seemed she had successfully diverted the annoying minister’s attention. Heidi wore a satisfied smile as she finished peeling the banana.

“Anyway, brother is lucky. How did he know to leave at just the right time? If he had stayed here, it would have been a disaster.”

“He managed to avoid trouble by chance.”

“That damn bastard is probably waiting with his neck stretched out. Just thinking about the news that’ll ruin his mood makes me grin even in my sleep. Really, I keep owing that sister favors.”

Heidi wore an expression of utter satisfaction as she swallowed the fruit and immediately grabbed a new banana. Then, as if suddenly remembering, she turned her eyes to Dion.

“Oh, but why did you contact me?”

Only then did Dion seem to remember, as his face rapidly crumbled into a miserable expression.