Chapter 123 

Alexa was drowning in a pit of self-reproach. Ever since that kiss, she hadn’t been able to look Ysildus in the eye.

‘Aaaaaghhh!’

She screamed internally, making sure no one could hear her. These days, she even pretended to be asleep before Ysildus arrived, only to actually fall asleep in the process. Tonight was no different; determined to fall asleep earlier than him, she had showered and thrown herself into bed as soon as the clock hit 9 p.m.

Groaning, Alexa bit into her pillow and rolled around on the bed. Ysildus was acting like nothing happened, so why was she the only one in such a mess? She sniffled.

‘Now that I think about it, this really isn’t fair… Why am I the only one like this?’

If he had at least looked embarrassed or flustered, or had some kind of reaction, it would’ve made sense. But no, he remained completely unbothered. Alexa buried her face in the pillow. She had lived several more years than Ysildus, and yet she was the one getting so thrown off. The adult soul inside her was squirming from sheer embarrassment.

Still, she couldn’t keep going on like this, awkward and distant. It felt like all of Thersion already knew she was avoiding Ysildus. Every time he so much as appeared in the vicinity, the maids would scurry over like clockwork.

[“Hide, quick! Lord Ysildus is on his way!”]

[“You have to run! He’s coming from that direction!”]

[“Turn around! Lord Ysildus is walking this way!”]

It had gotten to the point where they were actively helping her play this ridiculous game of hide-and-seek, treating her like a five-year-old. Alexa rubbed her eyes, wondering how on earth it had come to this. Desperately, she tried to recall the Ysildus of her childhood.

A tiny, white puppy… bounding toward her on all fours like a rabbit… showering her with affection with every fiber of his being… licking her face…

Licking…

“Kyaa!”

She had been thinking of puppy-Ysildus, and somehow, he had morphed into human-Ysildus. Her mind had brought back that heated, moist sensation he had pressed between her lips. Alexa pounded her pillow with her fists, face twisted like she was about to cry.

“Stop! Don’t think about it!!”

“…But you have to think about it.”

“KYAA!”

A voice that shouldn’t have been there came from the doorway. Alexa froze, glued to the headboard, and turned her head just a little. Ysildus stood there with his arms crossed, a gentle smile on his face. His hair was still damp. He must’ve just finished bathing.

‘Oh no!’

She hadn’t even had time to pretend to be asleep yet! Seeing her pressed flat against the headboard like it was her life raft, Ysildus chuckled softly. 

Honestly, how could she be this adorable? That cuteness was exactly what had kept him patient while she went out of her way to avoid him the past week. Her wide blue eyes were brimming with tears. Ugh. His heart ached.

Ysildus took a step toward the bed.

“Y-Y-Ys-Ysu!”

“Yes, Alexa.”

He raised his hands slightly, stopping in place, as if to show he wouldn’t approach if she didn’t want him to.

“Slow breaths. That’s it.”

Alexa followed his words, inhaling and exhaling slowly. But the self-loathing was already creeping back in.

“Uuuugh…”

She bowed her head. Why couldn’t she just get a grip? Instead of handling this like a grown-up, here she was, panicking like a child. But she knew exactly what she had to confront. Why had Ysildus kissed her? And why had she let him?

She tucked in her curled-up toes. Her heart was pounding so hard, it felt like even her feet could feel it. Her whole body wanted to curl up like a dried squid from embarrassment. Letting out a long sigh, Alexa leaned her head against the headboard.

‘Please, brain, just start working again…’

She tried to recall how Ysildus had treated her until now. He had always been kind. It was hard to believe this was the same Ysildus who played the role of a dark villain in the novel.

He was gentle with her, like a tamed wolf. He never did anything bad to her. Never forced her to do anything she didn’t want to. Always stayed by her side. Whenever she turned her head, he was there. Always looking at her with eyes full of affection.

The smile on his lips. The soft tone in his voice. The way he always treated her with love and care. Even someone as dense as Alexa had flinched now and then from how sweet it all was…

If this wasn’t just her imagination… then maybe… just maybe, Ysildus had feelings for her. Feelings that went beyond simple affection. The realization hit her late, and it left her sighing in frustration at herself.

To be fair, it was because she hadn’t fully accepted this world as reality. Deep down, somewhere in her heart, Alexa’s memories from her past life still made her feel detached from this world.

But now that everything had already happened, she couldn’t keep running away. Taking a deep breath, Alexa sat upright. To Ysildus, she probably just looked like an adorably solemn knight, kneeling stiffly on the bed with a red face. Alexa looked up at him.

“Ysildus.”

“Yes, Alexa.”

“Please answer this seriously. I want the truth.”

“I’ve always been honest with you, Alexa.”

His voice was soft and unwavering.

“…Do you… do you like me? Not as a friend…”

“As a woman.”

He caught her hesitant words before she could finish. At this rate, their conversation wouldn’t get anywhere. He couldn’t afford to lose Alexa now that she was finally ready to face him. Ysildus took a step forward. Alexa’s face flushed bright red as he sat down at the edge of the bed and leaned toward her.

“Someone special and irreplaceable. Like… a lover.”

He twined a lock of her hair around his finger. He could feel her quickened breath against his skin. That sweet scent, it felt like it could short-circuit his brain. But as always, Ysildus pushed down the desire trying to surge within him. He lazily lifted his eyes and gently drove the truth home again.

“I’m in love with you.”

Alexa’s lips parted in shock. This was a confession, clear and undeniable. She quickly looked away from his gaze. She had confirmed Ysildus’s feelings. Now what about hers? Why hadn’t she rejected his kiss? Ysildus had said he would stop if she didn’t want it, but she had been the one to pull him closer. She remembered the thrill, the pounding of her heart, as clearly as if it were happening now. That’s why she had avoided him, because she was so embarrassed.

She shut her eyes tightly.

This feeling… unfamiliar, tender, and warm… it had to be…

“What about you, Alexa?”

Ysildus asked as if he already knew the answer.

“What do you feel about me?”

He had slowly and steadily chipped away at her guarded heart. He was confident in the answer she’d give. His voice turned low and velvety, coaxing her.

“Tell me, Alexa.”

Her eyelids fluttered. Then, as if releasing a breath she’d been holding… 

“…I like you!”

“Say it again.”

“…I like you…”

She whispered, her voice on the verge of tears. Her eyes shimmered with moisture as she glared at him. She still looked so serious, kneeling stiffly on the bed. Ysildus lowered the hand that had been playing with her hair and gently took hers. His warm fingers threaded between hers as he whispered again. 

“Say it one more time, Alexa.”

“I like you. I like you, I said I like you!”

It felt like her heart was going to leap out of her mouth. Unable to hold it in, she shouted it, like she wanted him to hear it loud and clear. Watching his smile deepen, Alexa scrunched up her nose in frustration.

“Why… Why are you fine? I’m a mess, I’m trembling like crazy, so why are you okay?”

Her voice brimmed with injustice. Ysildus lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. Then he pulled it to his chest and placed it right over his heart. Alexa instinctively curled her fingers. Beneath them, his heart was pounding, so hard, it felt like it would burst out of his chest.

“…I’m not calm, Alexa. I’ve just imagined this moment a thousand times in my head.”

He tilted his head forward and kissed her lips, briefly, sweetly, before leaning back again.

“I thought through what I’d say, what I’d do… but even so, I’m a mess too.”

His voice took on a soft, boyish pout. Then he leaned in just a little closer. He was now so near, he could see the slight tremble in her eyes.

“So… can I say what I want to say now?”

Alexa gave a small nod.

“My heart’s pounding like crazy… so kiss me.”

A fox wearing a wolf’s skin whispered with a sway of its tail.