I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 15

Volume 4: Third time’s the charm

Determination

“Hey, are you okay?”

　Natsuki’s worried voice reached my ears.

　Enduring my discomfort, I crouched down.

　――Why am I still alive when everything is supposed to be over?

　I don’t understand the reason for such a mysterious phenomenon…

　I tried to act calmly and looked up to answer Natsuki.

“――っ !? “

　But the moment I saw her face, I got a severe headache.

　Then, my memory becomes cloudy.

　The memories of the 28 years since my death in the car accident, the half-year memories of my second life, and the memories of the 18 years this body has spent in the past all jumbled together and quickly rushed into my head. I felt burning and scorching in the hippocampus section of my brain as if it was trying to control memories that I should not be able to perceive.

　The future ten years later and the day before the graduation ceremony six months later is both in the past in my brain.

　My sense of time and location are out of whack. My established self, mind, and memory are blurred and mixed up.

　When is it now?

　Where am I?

　Who am I?

“Are you sure you’re okay? If you don’t feel well, do you want to lie down? “

　Natsuki Mirai puts her hand on my forehead and talks to me worriedly.

　The warmth of her flesh and blood pulls me back to reality.

　――Right, today is a day during the summer vacation.

　After Natsuki helped me with my studies in the reserved library, she took me to the rooftop.

　Looking at the night sky, I see that fireworks are still being shot off one after another.

　I regain some composure from my delirium and call out to Natsuki, holding my dull aching head with my hand.

“Natsuki…”

“Yes? What’s wrong? I’m about to drink, do you want some tea?”

　Natsuki looks into my face and says.

　Her last expression, which I had seen just a few minutes ago, flashed through my mind.

　I must not repeat the last moment of her life.

　Even my head, which is not working properly due to the… pain, knows this clearly.

　Taking out a towel and a plastic tea bottle from my bag, I tell Natsuki.

“I’m looking forward to your guidance. I hope we both go to Tokyo University.”

　I muster a smile with all my strength.

　She gives me a blank look, then smiles kindly and says to me.

“You should worry about yourself.”

　Then she gently wipes the sweat from my forehead with a towel.

　The soothing sweet scent of fabric softener tickled my nostrils.

“Thank you.”

　After saying this, I stood up with her help, though I wobbled.

* * *

　As the train’s vibration rocked me, I pondered with a clearer head.

　First of all, without a doubt, I was in a time leap again.

　Even though this was the 2nd time… I could not say that I was used to it.

　There are only a few things that I can consider about this mysterious phenomenon.

　Nevertheless, two things were in common between the first and the second time leaps.

　First一

　My death was the trigger.

　一And two.

　I regretted my death.

　In my first time leap, I regretted that I could not confess my feelings to Koyoi.

　This time…when I saw the tears of the dying Natsuki, I regretted not reaching out to her and just pushing her away.

　I had thought that everything would be over if I died one more time.

　But I was naive.

　I may not be able to die and solve my regrets.

　On the contrary, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try一一

　一一I might have to keep repeating this life.

　I feel like I’m going crazy.

　Maybe I should just throw myself on the train tracks and get hit by a train to end it all here.

　As I was thinking this, the train arrived at this station.

　I hesitate for a moment, show my commuter pass to the station attendant, and go through the ticket gate.

　…I couldn’t make up my mind.

“Hey, you’re not in good shape today, are you?”

　Natsuki, who was walking next to me, called me on her way from the station’s exit to the bicycle parking lot.

“You’ve been silent all the way from the rooftop to here, with a painful look on your face…My house is closer than yours. Why don’t you take a rest?”

“No, I don’t want to bother you.”

　Natsuki lets out a sigh before answering my words.

“What if I’m so worried about your safe return home that I can’t get any work done on my studies?”

“…are you worried about me?”

“Ha? I’m not worried about you!”

　Natsuki answered reflexively but immediately shook her head.

“…It was a lie. I’m worried about you.”

　She turned her serious face toward me.

　Certainly, my behavior from the rooftop up to now must have been so strange that even a glance from someone else would have made them worry.

“Then, I’ll take your offer.”

　It was a good opportunity.

　I know nothing about Natsuki Mirai, the woman I died with.

　I thought it would be good to know a little about her life.

　I pull my bicycle out of the parking lot and walk alongside Natsuki.

“Do you want me to pedal for you? “

　She seems to be suggesting that we ride together.

　She used to let me pedal the bike without any hesitation, but her response was quite different today.

“No, let’s go on foot. This is fine.”

“Okay, I’ll push the bike. Let me hold it.”

　With these words, she snatched the bicycle from me.

　Every time I feel her kindness, I think――

“You know what?”

“What? “

“Don’t be so nice to me.”

　I felt like my own stupidity was confronting me and that I couldn’t help it.

　At my serious expression, Natsuki involuntarily gushed out, [Pffft.]

“Your body is weak, and your mind is weak too? Don’t worry, I’ll be nice to you only today.”

　Natsuki’s face right now was filled with gentle affection.

　My empty chest feels tight and painful.

　No one had ever been kind to Natsuki.

　――And yet, she smiles kindly at a scum like me.

　I’m a scum, so it is natural for me to suffer.

　I would have felt better to be looked down on and laughed at.

　But that’s not possible.

　Natsuki Mirai, who walks beside me now.

　――Has no memory of jumping off the rooftop with me.

* * *

　A 10-minute walk from the station.

　It’s a corner room on the top floor of a brand-new five-story apartment building with an auto-lock door.

　That seemed to be Natsuki’s room.

“Wait here for a minute.”

　Natsuki put her hand in her pocket and fumbled for her keys.

　But before she could take out the key, the door was opened.

“Oh, Mirai. Welcome back.”

　A beautiful woman, about the same age or a little older than me in the first round of the world, comes out of the door.

“I’m back, Mom. Are you going out?”

　Natsuki’s words startled me.

　She looks around 30 years old… I guess it’s not impossible.

“Yes. Make sure you lock up properly. Oh, is that guy your boyfriend? “

“No. He’s just a friend resting since he’s not feeling well. “

　Natsuki answered immediately with a furrowed brow.

　Natsuki’s mother looked at her happily.

“Yes, you can take a good rest until you feel better, okay? “

　She smiles at me, but I don’t know what to say.

“…thank you.”

“Yes. Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“Have a good day.”

　Natsuki replied in a dark tone.

　Natsuki’s mother put on her high-heeled shoes and left the room.

“Natsuki’s mother. She is a beautiful woman.”

“Don’t say such disgusting things.”

　Natsuki said emotionlessly to my words and went into her room.

　After reflecting on the situation, I said, [Excuse me for disturbing you] and followed her inside.

　Natsuki opened one of the doors leading from the dining room and kitchen and called me in.

“This is my room. Wait while I’m going to get something to drink.”

　After nodding to her words, I sit down in front of the low table in the center of the room.

　I had been to Koyoi’s room many times, but Natsuki’s room was nothing like her room, which was decorated in a cute way and filled with her favorite things.

　This cramped room of about five tatami mats was only furnished with a desk and a chair for studying, a bookshelf full of reference books without a single fashion magazine, and a bed for sleeping.

　It is not likely that she has a closet that is with her hobbies.

　It’s not that this room is tidy, but rather that they have very little stuff to begin with.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

　Natsuki came back to the room.

　She had a sports drink, a glass, and a thermometer in her hand.

　Natsuki took the trouble to sit down next to me.”

“Hmm.”

　Then she held out the thermometer to me.

　I guessed she wanted me to take my own temperature.

　I take it and meekly obey.

　A few moments later, I hear an electronic beep, and I check my temperature.

“36.8 degrees, it’s normal temperature.”

　At my words, Natsuki said, [That’s good, then] and offered me a glass of sports drink.

“Thank you.”

　I take it and sip it.

　I felt the water soaked into every corner of my body.

” Since you’re here, why don’t you rest a little longer?

　She said, looking into my face as we sat so close that our shoulders were touching.

　I nodded my head and responded without saying a word.

　――As I entered this room, I noticed something.

　There was no sign of her father, and her mother worked at night.

　Perhaps the family environment was complicated in some way.

　If so, there is a strong possibility that her transfer to a new school in her second year of high school is related to her family situation.

　Even if I try to guess, I do not know exactly what is going on.

　I thought of asking her boldly, but the topic might be a minefield for Natsuki…

　I decided not to force her to talk about it until she talked about it herself.

　Instead, I put into words what I had not been able to tell her before.

“Natsuki helped me a lot today. That’s why, if Natsuki is ever in trouble… I’ll be there with you.”

　Her open-mouthed expression looked silly but somehow cute.

　Looking at Natsuki like that, I decided to live in the present time for now.

　It is to prevent Natsuki from dying on that day before the graduation ceremony.

　I wanted Natsuki to live to see the graduation ceremony, to go to the university in Tokyo safely, and to see the fireworks together.

　And then, a man who needs her and cares for her from the bottom of his heart will appear――

　――And when that time comes,

　I’ll finally be able to end my life without any worries.

　Maybe everything will be over.

” ――Gosh. Now I’m at a loss for a response.”

　Natsuki says jokingly and teasingly and looks away, embarrassed.