I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 29

Reconciliation

“Have you ever been in a toilet and had dirty water poured on you and people laughed at you? Have you ever had a cockroach planted in your lunch box? Have you ever had insulted by obscene remarks made about you in front of everyone? Have you ever had your uniform ripped apart? Have you ever been locked in a dusty gymnasium and left there for hours? Do you know how it feels to open your shoebox every morning with trepidation? “

　Natsuki says calmly.

　Iori was at a loss for words and couldn’t say anything.

“No, right? Can you understand how miserable I felt at that time? No, you can’t understand, can you? You guys were laughing so happily. If you could comprehend that horrible feeling, you’d never laugh! “

　Natsuki raised her voice.

　Then she grabbed Iori by the collar and glared at her.

“I’ll tell you who you are. You’re nothing more than a human-like animal, a pathetic excuse for a human being who can’t understand human feelings. Truly pitiful, you were born in human form by some mistake. And unlike you, I am a real human being, so I’ll give advice to a subhuman piece of trash like you.”

　Under Natsuki’s gaze filled with hatred, Iori’s whole body trembles.

“For the rest of your life, you should act with the awareness that you are not a human being. Because if you let your guard down even a little, you’ll inevitably get involved in some heinous crime and end up in the hands of the police. I will not tolerate such a waste of taxpayers’ money, so be careful not to make a mistake!”

　Natsuki roughly shoves Iori out of her way, who looks as if she is about to start crying, and with a sneer on her face, she continues.

“…As I said earlier, I really don’t care about what you’ve done to me. It’s a waste of time to worry about every single thing that a non-human piece of garbage like you did to me. “

　Iori covered her face with her hands.

　Maybe she didn’t want to show her tears.

“So, will you disappear from my sight now?”

　Natsuki said and glared at Iori.

　Iori says one thing.

“…I’m really sorry.”

　After muttering those words, he leaves the rooftop.

　I alternate my gaze between Iori’s back and Natsuki’s expressionless face.

　…Natsuki probably needs some time alone to calm down.

　Judging so, I follow Iori.

　When I exit the rooftop, I find Iori crouched down, sobbing.

“Iori, are you okay…? “

　I crouch down and ask Iori.

“You’re the worst, Akki.”

　Iori replies in a cold voice.

“Why did you come to me? Even though she looks fine, you know that’s not how she really feels, right? Natsuki is in more pain than Towa, so you have to stay with her… “

　Iori said with a sob.

　Even though it was hard for her too, Iori still said so.

　She was right…

　I knew full well that Natsuki was not just angry.

　I was afraid to face Natsuki, so I just ran away, using Iori as an excuse.

“I’m going to apologize to Natsuki too…Thank you, Iori.”

“Go to her quickly.”

　Iori says without looking at me.

　I want to pat her on the shoulder and tell her she did a good job.

　But I’m sure that would make Iori really despise me.

　Once again, I open the door and step onto the rooftop.

　I stand before Natsuki, who is standing with her shoulders slumped, and call out to her.

“I want to apologize to Natsuki, too.

“For bringing her here? If it’s for that then it’s okay, I feel better.”

“No, it’s not about that. It’s something I want to apologize for myself.”

“…I don’t want to hear self-satisfied words of apology.”

　Natsuki looked at me as if she clung to me.

　I shouldn’t push her any further.

　Yes, I certainly think so.

　But is this really because I care about her?

　Am I just trying to avoid facing her again?

“…When Natsuki was in pain and miserable all these times, I noticed it, yet I turned a blind eye and laughed with others. I watched from a safe distance without getting my hands dirty. I was a genuine piece of garbage who was incapable of thinking about other people’s feelings…I’m so sorry.”

　Even though I had decided to save Natsuki.

　I’m always jumping to conclusions about people’s feelings, thinking I understand, but in the end, I can’t do anything.

　No matter how old I get, no matter how many times I repeat high school, I’m still a useless waste.

“You’re… different from the others!”

　Natsuki shakes her head, denying my words.

“That’s right, I’m different from the others. Even though I also hurt Natsuki, I sat next to you without even offering a proper apology and pretending like I’ve reformed, …more than anyone else, I’m the lowest scum.”

“In that case!”

　Natsuki shouted with a tearful expression on her face when she heard my words.

“…If you truly feel sorry. Can you jump off the roof? “

　Like that day when we first talked here, Natsuki pointed to the other side of the railing and said that to me.

　But now, it’s different from then.

“If Natsuki really wants me to die, then I will.”

　I crossed the line in the last loop.

　I believe I can overcome pain, suffering, and fear once again and end my own life with my own hands.

　Compared to dying in front of Koyoi as an act of spite, this is a much better death…

“But if you allow me to live, even for a little bit more, I can’t die without Natsuki. I can’t leave Natsuki behind… because I want to live with Natsuki. I can’t jump off from here.”

　Hearing my words, Natsuki grabs the hem of my jersey and collapses to the ground.

　I crouch down and peer into her face.

“To you… only for you. I didn’t want you to know that I’m such a terrible person.”

　Natsuki muttered with resignation, sounding like she was about to cry.

“I know she had mustered her courage to come here to apologize to me. Even so, I feel like I can’t be satisfied unless I trample all of her…I’m the one who’s far from being human.”

　As if repenting, Natsuki expressed her feelings.

　…If that is repentance, then who is she seeking forgiveness from?

“You’re a human being.”

　I’m also neither a god nor a Buddha, just… an exceptionally foolish human.

　That’s why I can forgive someone for their sins, for their stupidity, for everything.

“I lie, I hurt people, and even if I understand other people’s feelings, I put my own feelings first and hurt others and myself. Natsuki and I are both… we are hopelessly, irredeemably human beings.”

　I don’t know if Natsuki and I can be kind to others in the future.

　Natsuki has distanced herself from others too much until now.

　Even though it may have been inevitable to protect herself, with her current communication skills, she will face more difficulties ahead.

　If she enters society like this, she will undoubtedly stumble in the near future.

　When she stumbles, falls, and crouches down.

　Can I be there by her side, comforting her?

“What’s that, the worst.”

　Hearing my words, Natsuki wryly smiled as if she was taken aback.

　I stood up and reached out my hand to her.

　Natsuki still looked depressed.

　I say to her.

“Tomorrow, why don’t we go around the festival together? “

　Natsuki looked at me and then smiled weakly.

“No.”

“I see…”

　I respond with a single word.

　She accepted my invitation last time, so being rejected this time… Does that mean she closed her heart?

　When I was worried about this, Natsuki continued.

“I said too much to that gal. But I can never apologize to her… So, please invite her to the cultural festival and cheer her up.”

“…I want to be with you, Natsuki.”

　She looks puzzled at my words and then smiles slightly to hide her embarrassment.

“Please.”

” …Okay. In return, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Are you in a position to ask me for a favor? “

　Natsuki says to me with a wry smile.

　Although I couldn’t answer that I was in a position to do so, I told her without minding her words.

“It’s a bit far ahead, but on Christmas Eve, let’s go somewhere together.”

　Hearing my words, Natsuki lets out a sigh of exasperation.

“Christmas Eve? Is that okay? We’re students preparing for the exams, so we shouldn’t waste our time on such events! We can’t afford to waste even a single day during this last push before the exams! “

　Natsuki says while poking my chest with her index finger.　

　Christmas Eve was also a no… I was disappointed, but she continued speaking.

“So, on that day… Let’s study together properly before going out. Is that okay?”

　Natsuki looked embarrassed and looked down.

“Okay, I’m looking forward to it.”

　Natsuki raised her face upon hearing my words.

“I’m looking forward to it too.”

　Natsuki smiled softly and said so.