I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 31

Collapse

　The examinations are over.

　I don’t care how well I did in the exam.

　The most important thing for me is…to stop Natsuki’s suicide.

　From the day of the festival to today, there has been no severe bullying for Natsuki, though she is still being ignored.

　Of course, there has been no contact between Natsuki and Koyoi either.

　I think the stress Natsuki carries is lighter than during her previous high school years, but I still cannot be optimistic.

　Tomorrow is the graduation ceremony.

　In other words, today… within the repetition of events, it’s the day Natsuki Mirai always committed suicide.

　I have been able to establish a level of trust with Natsuki that I have never had before.

　…It’s okay, I can do what I couldn’t do before.

　I am sure that I can stop Natsuki’s suicide now.

　No, I will definitely stop it…!

　With that determination, I left my home.

***

　It was late afternoon when I arrived at school.

　The inside of the school without the third-year students looked somewhat lonely.

　After briefly peeking into the empty third-year classroom, I climbed the stairs.

　It was usually at night when she called me to the rooftop.

　If I went to the rooftop in the daytime, Natsuki wouldn’t be there.

　But that’s exactly what I expected.

　I lay in wait and pushed Natsuki back into the school building when she entered the rooftop.

　Then, I slowly listen to Natsuki’s story and try to persuade her.

　It’s risky for her to be on the rooftop alone.

　That’s what I thought.

　The door to the rooftop, which I had expected to be locked, is already open.

　I take a deep breath to calm down and open the door.

　At first glance, it seemed like there was no one on the rooftop.

　But upon closer inspection… Natsuki, wearing her uniform, was sitting cross-legged on the other side of the railing.

　It was unexpected that she came to the rooftop so early.

　Using the safety measures I had planned might be difficult.

　But that doesn’t mean I’m doomed to failure.

　I step onto the rooftop and walk up to Natsuki.

“It’s dangerous to be here.”

　I said to Natsuki, then climbed over the railing and sat beside her.

“It’s only a little dangerous. There’s nothing to worry about, right?”

　Natsuki did not seem surprised by my appearance.

　She just smiled happily.

“You thought I’d be here?”

　I firmly held Natsuki’s hand in mine, trying not to let her go anywhere.

“Somehow. “

　I replied, and she tightly squeezed my hand in response.

“That sounds like fate.”

　Natsuki muttered with a dreamy expression.

　I bite my lip.

　I will never accept that it’s Natsuki’s fate to die here today.

“When we first talked here, it seemed like you wanted to die. I thought you were just being foolish after being rejected by your childhood friend… But now, I understand those feelings.”

　Natsuki continues, wiggling her toes up and down, her face is expressionless.

“From now on, even if we live until our lifespan is more than half a century…. nothing good will come out of it anyway. No matter how hard you try to make an effort, you will never be rewarded.”

　Natsuki said calmly.

“Nothing beyond my imagination will ever happen to me. Life is just a confirmation. Confirmation of a miserable life that is less than ordinary… and that’s the end of it.”

　She gave me a look of resignation.

“Instead of living such a boring life and thinking that nothing good happened until becoming a feeble old lady, isn’t it better to die here today, while still beautiful…with someone I love…right?”

　Natsuki says so, and then she firmly grips my hand again, seeking my agreement.

　She then stands up.

　She pulls me by the hand, and I stand up with her.

　If I took a big step forward, I would immediately fall down below.

　If that happens, I’m sure I won’t survive.

　――That’s why, to prevent that, I am here.

“I like Natsuki too.”

　I say that and look at her.

“I’m happy to hear that… really happy.”

　She murmurs with a melting, happy expression.

　So, let’s live together in the future.

　We’ll get through the hard times together.

　I was about to open my mouth to tell Natsuki that…

“I think I’m going to die now.”

　Suddenly, Natsuki kisses me.

　Natsuki’s soft lips closed my mouth…

　Then she threw herself down, holding me in her arms.

　On the unstable platform, with the weight of a person on top of me, I was unable to keep my balance.

　Natsuki and I fell from the rooftop.

　――Huh?

　――Is this how you’re going to die?

　I haven’t conveyed anything yet… Why won’t you listen to me?

　An impact runs through my whole body, interrupting my thoughts.

　In my fading consciousness, I catch sight of a mass of flesh that still retains Natsuki’s semblance.

　Even with my blurred consciousness, I instantly realize that it’s already too late yet again.

　Overwhelmed by an unjust ending, tormented by helplessness――

　――I mutter helplessly the one word I should never, ever say.

“If you want to die so badly… just die on your own.”

* * *

　I woke up. I saw an unfamiliar ceiling in my vision, and soon after that, I noticed the discomfort in my body.

　I couldn’t feel any sensation in my entire body.

　It seems that I have survived…

“Gen’no-san, I think he’s awake. Please call the doctor!”

　The nurse’s words rang in my ears.

　The doctor rushed over and explained to me what had happened.

　It was fortunate that the school was still occupied at that time of the day, and the teacher called an ambulance right away.

　He was very reluctant to tell me, but… it seemed that Natsuki’s body was acting as a cushion for me.

　He told me that the anesthesia was still in my body and that my consciousness and senses were still not clear, but with rehabilitation efforts, I would eventually be able to lead a normal daily life again.

　After that, my family and the police visited the hospital room.

　During the questioning, I clearly answered, [I got involved in a suicide.]

　And a while later, Natsuki’s father appeared.

　He was in tears, then got down on his knees and apologized to me.

　I didn’t want to say anything, so I didn’t respond to him.

　Before I knew it, he had left the hospital room. We will probably never meet again.

　While I was in the hospital on bed rest, there was nothing to do.

　So I simply pondered endlessly.

　Everything was not important anymore.

　Through this experience, I understood it well.

　――Natsuki’s fate is to jump off at that place on that day.

　I can’t save her.

　Just knowing that is enough.

　I did everything I could, but I couldn’t save her, so there is no more regret.

　And now, I have lost my purpose in life.

　But I didn’t want to die anymore.

　Suicide requires a tremendous amount of energy.

　Without suffering, sadness, poverty, or anger as fuel, a person cannot voluntarily die.

　That is, until the end of my life.

　――I have to continue to live without any meaning.

***

　I was discharged from the hospital and went to the hospital for rehabilitation every day.

　The school I had been accepted to declined my enrollment.

　I worked hard at rehabilitation.

　It was a painful process, but it was convenient since I didn’t have to think about anything.

“Rehabilitation was tough today, too?”

“Yeah.”

　I weakly replied to Koyoi, who was giving me a ride to the hospital in the car.

“It would be nice if you could walk again soon.”

　I responded to Koyoi’s bright words.

“By the way, why are you giving me a ride, Koyoi?”

　My sense of time and my memory were vague.

　She looked pained at my words.

　But soon she smiled gently.

“It’s summer break in college. I’m just taking care of my childhood friend while I’m back home.”

“Oh, I see.”

　I replied emotionlessly.

　Somehow, it seemed like the season had changed to summer.

“….yeah. You’re going to rehab tomorrow at the same time as today, right? “

“Yeah.”

　The next day, Koyoi once again gave me a ride to the hospital.

***

　A long time had passed since I started rehabilitation.

　I still had some aftereffects, but I was still able to live my daily life.

　I grew tired of living in the countryside and decided to move to Tokyo.

[College students have a lot of free time, so don’t worry about it.]

　I think my parents told me something like this.

　Koyoi helped me unpack my belongings in the 1K apartment that I would be living in from today. (Has only bedroom and kitchen.)

　As Koyoi was taking good care of me, a question came to my mind.

“Come to think of it, when did Koyoi and I reconcile?”

　Upon hearing my words, Koyoi tried to smile bravely… but couldn’t. Quietly, tears streamed down her face.

“I’m sorry, Akira… “

　Koyoi apologized to me.

“Akira, it’s not your fault. I understand you’re upset because you couldn’t save that girl who was being bullied. But… it’s definitely not Akira’s fault.”

　Koyoi hugged me, tears streaming down her face.

“Those who bullied her and those who pretended not to see her. Everyone seems to have completely forgotten that they cornered her… they live their lives with a face of ignorance.”

　Her warmth reached me.

“It’s not Akira’s fault. It’s not even the fault of that girl who could only think of suicide. Everyone around her, including me, who pushed her to the brink… we are all at fault.”

“I’m the one at fault, the useless me who couldn’t save even a single girl…”

　In response to my words, Koyoi shook her head and said.

“Please… don’t shoulder it all alone. I, at least… won’t forget my guilt toward that girl. I’ll bear it together with you. Let me stay by your side, let me support you. ……”

　Raising her face, she looked straight at me and said.

“――Akira, you deserve to be happy.”

　I have no right to be happy.

　Even though I know that…

　With tears streaming down, as Koyoi’s concerned lips drew closer… before I knew it, I found myself pressing my lips against hers.