I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 32

True love

　Since then, Koyoi has supported me selflessly.

　Despite me mostly staying in my room, she came to see me every day.

“If you don’t eat a balanced and nutritious meal, your health will suffer, you know?”

　Koyoi always served me homemade meals.

　I had never been able to eat properly in my life.

　But her cooking was different.

　They not only satisfied my hunger but also warmed my heart.

　Surely, it was also because of Koyoi’s smile as we shared meals together.

　Due to reason that my room was closer to Koyoi’s university, we ended up practically living together.

　While Koyoi was at university, there wasn’t much for me to do.

　Money, on the other hand, I had it.

　The value of the stocks I used to buy with my part-time job had gone up, as I had expected.

　Using the knowledge from my previous life, I sold them at their peak value and bought stocks that would rise more than tenfold in a short period. 

　That’s all I did.

　By doing that, my assets had already reached tens of millions.

　Wanting to express my gratitude, I bought a high-end brand bag that an ordinary college student could never afford and gave it as a gift to Koyoi.

“…Thank you, Akira. But I can’t accept it.”

　With an empty look on her face, Koyoi said.

“Why not…?

“I don’t want this, I just want a future where Akira will be happy…”

　Saying that, Koyoi embraced me.

　I found myself crying embarrassingly in her arms, frustrated with myself for not being able to do anything but take advantage of her kindness.

　By this time, I no longer recalled anything about Natsuki――

　All the rifts between me and Koyoi are gone.

* * *

　Koyoi graduated from the university and got a job.

　However, I didn’t want her to work and wished she would stay by my side.

“I have more than enough money. Don’t get a job… just support me by my side.”

　In response to my words, Koyoi smiled wryly and said,

“I know you have a lot of money, Akira. But still, there are times when you lose a lot of money in the stock market, right? If I work even a little, we won’t have any trouble putting food on the table.”

　Koyoi was right.

　As time went by, the price often moved differently from my first life.

　Still, so far, my assets have been growing steadily.

“…I got it.”

　I didn’t want to hinder her freedom with my own will. So I accepted Koyoi’s decision to work.

　However, uneasiness dwelled within me.

　I started drowning myself in alcohol to mask that uneasiness.

* * *

　Koyoi got a job and started to settle down at work.

“When we grow up, let’s get married, Koyoi… Is that promise still valid?”

　In response to my words, Koyoi nodded vigorously.

“From now on, please stay with me forever.”

　I gave her a ring, and Koyoi had a dreamy expression on her face.

“I’m happy, Akira.”

　She said, filled with joy.

　After that, we both went back to our hometown once and visited each other’s families to exchange greetings.

　My parents were happy. Koyoi, whom they had watched grow up like a daughter, was going to become their real daughter.

　However, Koyoi’s parents had complicated looks on their faces.

　Of course, I thought.

　I didn’t have a stable job, and there was also the incident before the high school graduation ceremony.

　Even if I explained to them that I was just unintentionally involved in the incident, it was natural for them to feel anxious.

　So, in order to reassure them, I gave them a wonderful gift.

“Please take care of our daughter, Akira!   “

　That’s how my mother-in-law and father-in-law accepted our marriage.

“Sorry… for everything.”

　Koyoi said apologetically on the return bullet train home.

“Considering what I did, it’s only natural. And… I’m sorry I could only do it this way, too.

“No, it’s fine. Thank you, I’m happy.”

　Koyoi said so and squeezed my hand.

　At this moment, I felt a certain kind of happiness.

* * *

　A few more years have passed since then.

　My investment turned out to be even better than I had expected.

　I no longer had to worry about making a living… in fact, I had enough money to live a life of luxury.

“Hey, can you quit your job? “

“…I understand Akira’s feelings, but I want to keep working.”

　But Koyoi stubbornly refused to quit her job.

　This caused us to have some arguments about it.

　I started to ponder alone at home.

　Koyoi became really beautiful.

　Compared with her, how about me?

　I had become nothing more than someone with money… a person without any appeal.

　When I think about the difference between Koyoi and me, I am overwhelmed by unbearable anxiety.

　—Above all, I know.

　I know that Koyoi is capable of loving a man other than me.

　In my first life, Koyoi ended up with a man other than me and found happiness.

　In this life, I can’t say for sure that she won’t get tired of me and love someone else.

　Consumed by anxiety and mistrust, my alcohol consumption increased rapidly.

　And one day, fueled by alcohol, I said to Koyoi again..

“I still want you to quit your job. I promise you won’t face any financial difficulties.”

　Still, Koyoi did not listen to me.

　Something inside me snapped.

“Why doesn’t Koyoi understand my feelings?! I’m so anxious and in so much pain… why can’t you think about anything other than yourself!”

　I said and hit Koyoi with my hardened fist.

　Koyoi was in agony, clutching her stomach.

　I trampled on Koyoi while she crouched on the ground.

“Quit your job! There’s no reason for you to do that! What’s wrong with you? We have money… Is it because you’re having an affair with a man at work?!”

　I forced her to raise her head and punched her again.

　Covering her face with both hands, Koyoi muttered.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to apologize, Koyoi! “

　Once again, I hit Koyoi.

　She endured the pain without even uttering a cry.

　Then Koyoi looked at me.

“Okay. I quit my job. I’m sorry for pushing you this far. I’m such a failure.”

　Apologizing and looking sorry, Koyoi said that.

　Seeing her expression.

　Hearing her words.

　――I realized how stupid I had been.

“I-I’m sorry, Koyoi… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just wanted you to be with me. Sorry, I’m so sorry…”

　Koyoi endured it without shedding a single tear.

　I cried and cried like a child.

“No, it’s okay, Akira.”

　Saying that Koyoi gently stroked my head as I cried.

“I’m sorry, Koyoi, I love you… I won’t do it again…”

　Saying that, I embraced Koyoi.

“I love you too, Akira… “

　Whispering those words, Koyoi kissed me.

　At this moment, I felt a certain kind of love.

* * *

　After that, I began to frequently resort to violence against Koyoi.

　Most of it happened when I drank and felt depressed.

　Every time I witnessed Koyoi’s beauty, anxiety and distrust filled my heart.

　And they manifested in the worst possible way.

　While I was beating Koyoi, she did not scream but just endured.

　Seeing Koyoi endure the pain, I always fell into regret and self-loathing.

　――Please don’t hate me, don’t abandon me.

　While shouting those words in my heart, I always held Koyoi, whispering words of love.

　Koyoi always gently replied, [It’s alright, I love you.]

　Only then, I felt saved.

***

　I drank more than usual today.

　My mind wasn’t functioning properly, but I could tell Koyoi was crying.

　I hugged Koyoi gently as she cried.

　She whispered in my ear, trembling, [I love you.]

　I felt a strong heat and pain in my side that sobered me up.

　I looked up to see Koyoi holding a kitchen knife and stabbing me.

　Then Koyoi stabbed me again and again with tears streaming down her face.

“I love you, I really do. We’ll be together forever.”

　Saying that, she kissed me.

　Somehow, her kiss felt lonely.

“Before I come to hate Akira… let’s keep this feeling eternal, forever and ever.”

“Th… thank…y… you.”

　With gratitude in my heart, I conveyed it to Koyoi.

　I have done a lot of terrible things, but what I need to say now is not an apology.

　Being with Koyoi made me happy.

　I had always thought of myself as a defective being incapable of loving others.

　The words I said to Natsuki on the day before the graduation ceremony, [I love you], were not true compared to the feelings I have for Koyoi now.

　But now, things are different.

　Koyoi has taught me the joy of loving another person… she is important to me.

“I… love you.”

　My words, my thoughts.

　Surely they are reaching Koyoi.

　This warm feeling in my heart right now… it must be true love.

　The hole in my heart has been filled.

　There is no more regret.

　With a clear conscience, I can finally embrace death――

“Th…. thank…y…you, Ko, Koyoi…”

　Hearing my words, she burst into tears again and again.

　She continued to thrust the knife into my body.

“I love you too, Akira…”

　The last thing I saw was Koyoi’s melancholy expression, smeared with blood.

　Even so, I thought she was still more beautiful than anything else――

* * *

　――Then I woke up.

“What… was it a dream?”

　Empty words spilled out of my mouth.

　I knew what was going on.

　Still, I didn’t want to admit it.

　I tried to scream, to let out all my hatred, but the next moment――

　An unbearable headache struck me.

　I was in such agony that I couldn’t even raise my voice, but I felt that this pain was nothing significant.

　As I writhed in pain, I despaired of the fact that I was still sane.

　……I’m begging you.

　Please let me lose my mind completely――

　All I could do was pray to the merciless God.