I Will Inspire Your Insipid Days - Volume 1 Chapter 2.1

Finding

“What’s your favorite color in the night breeze?”

“I don’t really have one.”

“Then make one you like.”

“What’s your intention?”

“For mutual understanding.”

Some people actually define “for mutual understanding” as a prelude to communication…

When I responded with “white,” Natsume-san muttered “White is the hardest, huh…” and turned back to her desk. Was this conversation over…? Sensing that, I returned to folding the laundry.

As the cohabitation with Natsume-san began, there were various issues of concern, but it started more smoothly than expected, leaving me somewhat disconcerted.

Natsume-san generally does not interfere. Despite the presence of someone of the opposite sex in the same space, she shows no concern about me at all. She is completely absorbed in drawing, continuing to focus solely on her work.

What kind of mental strength does she have…?

It’s been a week since I started sharing a room with Natsume-san.

As for me, I spend my days being cautious around Natsume-san. At school, I continue to wear the mask of a lady, and at home, I act carefully to not make noise, keeping the room clean that continues to get messy. Natsume-san would throw plastic bottles, cardboard, and empty packages of art materials on the floor as soon as I took my eyes off her. Is this like Sisyphean torment?

I had to be especially careful when bathing. She would open the door without any warning, sending shivers down my spine. Even after seeing me naked, Natsume-san would say, “Oh, you were in there,” leaving the door wide open and returning to her original spot, making me freeze for a few seconds before hurrying to close the door. This happened three times. Why isn’t there a lock…?

Additionally, Natsume-san doesn’t have a regular sleep cycle. Sometimes she’s at her desk staring at her tablet until morning after I go to bed, and other days she spends most of her time in bed.

Moreover, she’s very grumpy when she wakes up.

On the fifth day of our cohabitation, she muttered, “I have an online meeting at 18:00. Thanks,” and dove into bed without waiting for my reply. It was 7:30 in the morning. After a day at school and being dragged into idle chatter by Satsuki-san, I ended up waking Natsume-san at 17:30, only to be greeted with, “Ugh… I wanna die…” It was the first time I realized she always mumbles something incomprehensible, but her first words upon waking are distinctly ill-natured.

I forcibly woke her and had her sit at the desk, but she didn’t even show signs of starting the computer, just kept staring into space, so I ended up taking care of her, washing her face and brushing her hair. The online meeting was just a voice call, so there was no need to dress up, making all my efforts unnecessary.

At one point, she suddenly said to me, “Make up a reason to go to the store.”

“It won’t be open at this hour.”

Being asked just before going to bed, I answered curtly. Then,

“Then make up a reason to go to the convenience store.”

Of course, I pressed further.

“Why do we need to make up a reason?”

“If you make up a reason for you to go to the convenience store, then I won’t feel guilty when I ask you to buy an energy drink for me on the way.”

──And so, I was met with a selfish declaration (of course, I refused).

She’s incredibly self-centered, yet so carefree.

Despite this, the power of the paintings she creates is impressive. In fact, within this week, Natsume-san completed a new oil painting, uploaded it to SNS, and received various reactions. It was a work based on the school building of Shumonzuka Girls’ Academy, where Natsume-san and I had first met.

According to what Satsuki-san told me,

“Is there a real place like this? It looks like some school, right?”

“I love how the artist’s imagination seems to glitch.”

“Does the green background contain a message about society?”

“The fish-eye lens effect captures human narrow-mindedness so well.”

And so on, various comments and interpretations were apparently gathered.

However, Natsume-san seemed unconcerned and kept staring at her sketchbook, running her pen across the paper every time she got an idea. I had no idea what she was drawing.

Even as new days begin, night inevitably comes.

After preparing for bed, I lay down, and at the same time, Natsume-san also crawled into her bed. It was the first time since the start of our cohabitation that we went to bed at the same time.

“You’re good at going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day, Yonon.”

“I think it’s more amazing that you, Natsume-san, don’t have a fixed daily rhythm.”

“I just do what I want when I want to, and if I can’t do what I want when I want to, it bothers me and I can’t sleep. When I’m inspired, I don’t feel sleepy, so in that sense, I might be the one with a biological flaw.”

“Sorry, Natsume-san, I didn’t understand anything from the beginning.”

“I don’t expect you to understand because I rarely have the chance to talk about it. I gave up on interacting with others too soon, and now I’m seeing the consequences at this age. I was the one who discarded it as unnecessary, but I also feel like I wasted something valuable.”

Not really understanding her, I remained silent in response.

“Hey.”

Without waiting for my reaction, Natsume-san changed the subject.

“What kind of adult did you want to become?”

“I still think of myself as a child though…”

I’m 15, after all.

“In three years, you’ll be considered an adult by society. I haven’t done anything adult-like, and there’s no guarantee I will in the future, but objectively, I’ll become an adult.”

“Why are you asking me this now?”

“I don’t have an answer for “now.” My curiosity doesn’t follow a temporal logic; I was just wondering. If I don’t satisfy my curiosity, it becomes noise in my head and bothers me.”

Not fully understanding, I simply shared the first thought that came to mind.

“I’ve never imagined it. So, I guess “I don’t know” is my answer. I vaguely thought I’d grow old and die doing the same things every day in my family’s mansion, and I think my family expected the same. I didn’t know the outside world, so I thought that was normal and accepted it as such. So…”

“But you knew about my paintings, right? You were on SNS, so you must know something about the outside world.”

“No. At first, it was Kanon—my twin sister—who really liked “Natsume’s” paintings, and she showed them to me. Since I never forget what I see, I remembered the paintings Kanon showed me. I accumulated those images in my mind, and eventually, I felt a sense of déjà vu when I saw Natsume-san’s painting on the rooftop—but, so… probably… even now…”

Ah, I’m sleepy…

“I also can’t say much since I was shut away at home. The only difference is whether it was active or passive.”

I don’t know about Natsume-san’s upbringing. The information I have is that she’s a girl of my age and a painter who has a significant impact on the world. That’s all.

My eyelids droop heavily.

Every day, Natsume-san tries to probe my inner self as if it’s as natural as breathing.

Even though I haven’t lived a life deep enough to expose.

“Yonon, what happened today?”

“Yonon, which outfit do you think is cuter?”

Memories from the past resurface.

Natsume-san’s figure overlaps with the image of Kanon etched in my brain.