I Will Inspire Your Insipid Days - Volume 1 Chapter 4.5

Part 2 “Feeling”

After seeing Komachi-san off, I found myself deep in thought alone in the room.

Am I content with my circumstances?

Until now, I considered it all normal, never questioning it. But as a result, I’m faced with a rebounding wall. Where could the trigger for the necessary thoughts to break through this situation be?

The only option left for me, having left Natsume-san’s side, was to consult with Satsuki-san to arrange a new place to live. Initially, she was reluctant, but given the irregular student situation with Tachibana Natsume, various exceptions seemed to be allowed, and I successfully got reassigned to the room I previously used. However, this came with one condition.

Regular reports.

And today, I was visiting Satsuki-san again.

“So, it’s been a week. Have you sorted out your thoughts yet?”

“…I still need a little more time.”

“You know,”

Satsuki-san sighed, hand on her hip, having finished preparing for work.

“As much as this arrangement involves Tachibana Natsume, I’m really stretching it here, you know? What do you think will happen if this continues?”

“What will happen?”

“I’ll get seriously scolded by the principal.”

“I know.”

I’ve heard it many times. So, it’s about time──I need to resolve this agony.

“Hey, Satsuki-san.”

“What’s up?”

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“I don’t, but?”

“I remember. It was the day I first came along to a family meeting. You were comforting Kanon, who was crying in the performance hall, and I was watching it while sweeping the garden.”

“The discipline in the Hanabishi main house was seriously harsh. I often think how lucky I was to be born in a branch family. Despite being forced to practice in tears every day, it’s unbelievable how Kanon grew up to be such a cheerful kid. Still, considering she ran away from home, it must have been really tough.”

“Kanon had her own struggles amidst the harsh training, taking whatever little money she had saved to flee the mansion. Kanon had her struggles. That’s why I don’t resent her.”

“Really? Seriously?”

Satsuki-san looked genuinely surprised.

“As a result, I ended up enrolling in Shumonzaka Girls’ Academy as Kanon’s substitute… But the direct causal relationship between Kanon running away from home and my presence here doesn’t exist.”

“Right. It all starts with the… well, the traditions of the Hanabishi, especially the main family.”

“I’ve been thinking all week. How can I meet Natsume-san’s expectations?”

“That’s a really high barrier. But, someone said that evolution awaits beyond high barriers.”

“Who said that?”

“I dunno, but sounds like something someone would say.”

Is this person really a teacher?

Giving up halfway, I spun my theory.

“But, if I hadn’t enrolled at Shumonzaka. If Kanon hadn’t run away. If I hadn’t been born into the Hanabishi family… I wouldn’t have been able to meet Natsume-san. I think this is probably very fortunate. No, I’ve decided to see it as fortunate.”

“Didn’t you just say you wanted more time?”

“I just thought of it now.”

“Liar. You must have had a hunch about your own feelings. You were just scared to act on it.”

“Is that so… Maybe that’s true.”

“But well, you found something, right?”

“Yeah. It’s not concrete, but I’ve had plenty of time to look forward.”

I quietly closed my eyes.

My time to confront Hanabishi Yonon… is over.

It’s time to settle things.

I must move the halted time with Natsume-san.

“Thank you, Satsuki-san.”

Opening my eyes, I expressed my gratitude.

“Every time I talk to you, I feel a little more relieved.”

“It’s important to confide in someone. Keeping it all to yourself will crush you. Human emotions are heavy.”

“…Yeah. I understand that now for the first time.”

“That’s why friends are necessary. Having someone to talk to is invaluable. So, you have others to talk to, right? Keep involving those around you.”

Satsuki-san continued.

“Hey, Yonon. It’s time to make a decision.”

Finally, Satsuki-san pushed me with sharp words.

“Will this be the end, or will you change your life? It’s your choice now.”

Change my life.

Such an abstract, unreal notion.

After conversations with Komachi-san and Satsuki-san, I found myself lost in thought in the dorm’s garden.

Since starting to live in the same room with Natsume-san, I’ve always been watching her. More accurately, she’s always caught my eye without trying.

And surely… there’s not a single lie or deception in Natsume-san’s actions.

She’s completely natural, understanding what she can do, and then doing what she wants to do.

That freedom, more than anything, filled me with envy and awe.

While being the same age as me, Natsume-san has already made her talent known to the world. Just after starting to live under the same roof with her, I only recognized those facts as just that.

Not that I didn’t recognize it.

I couldn’t recognize it.

Because such an incredibly distant existence suddenly appeared so close to me, I wasn’t able to perceive its greatness.

I can’t find what I want to do by myself. I’ve never had to “decide” anything in my life.

But what about Natsume-san?

Frankly, I think she’s a selfish person. Selfish, or rather, the conversation doesn’t go anywhere because she only talks about herself.

However, at the root of her selfishness lies “freedom.”

She sublimates that freedom into expressive power and sense, confronting it head-on, and with overwhelming ability, makes the world recognize it. The attractiveness of her depicted “freedom” brings value. Surely, reaching that dimension isn’t possible with talent alone. It’s a stage of height reached only after appropriate effort and refinement.

It should be natural for Natsume-san to aim for that height, whereas I never even considered that as an option.

I must have conveyed the difference in our stances. Even if Natsume-san is a selfish person,

“I see…”

The answer has always been in the exposed “freedom.”

Performing in a family gathering as Kanon’s substitute, failing…

That memory has lingered in my mind, making me terrified.

But──if I remain enclosed in my shell out of fear, I can’t move forward.

My life won’t change by staying stagnant.

If I’m to walk the path of Hanabishi Yonon’s life, not as a substitute for Hanabishi Kanon, then surely this situation is an opportunity.

Because, after all, my freely spirited roommate is trying to involve me.