If You Wish to Have Me - Chapter 1-10

Chap 1

Betrayal of the Fiancé

All the changes began with those words.

“I saw your fiancé courting a widow.”

It was the opening remark from a woman Kisa met at a tea party hosted by a friend.

“What?”

Kisa instinctively looked around, then realized the arrow was aimed at her.

“Was that directed at me?”

Was it Aria? To Kisa’s cautious question, the woman, whom Kisa had only briefly encountered a few times at various gatherings, nodded repeatedly.

“It was definitely Daniel Lowens. That man. He was making a passionate confession!”

Daniel Lowens. The name of her fiancé, a man she had known since childhood and been engaged to for over a decade, a man she harbored unrequited love for.

And as far as she knew, there was no one in society with the same name as Daniel Lowens.

“Mrs. Oshuana.”

Kisa spoke softly.

“I think there’s a misunderstanding. Daniel isn’t like that.”

A hint of amusement played on Aria’s lips.

“You trust your fiancé, I see.”

“Yes, I do. I trust Daniel’s integrity and his…reserved nature. There’s no other man in the world as uninteresting as him. If you were to speak with him for just a few minutes, you’d understand.”

Daniel making a passionate confession? It was enough to make the butler, who had worked for the Lowens family for half a lifetime, faint.

“Oh, dear.”

Aria touched her pale pink cheek with her right hand.

“It’s terribly difficult to tell the young lady of the Vansfelt family, who trusts her fiancé so implicitly, what I witnessed. But you deserve to know the truth.”

It seemed she had no intention of retracting her absurd statement.

Kisa’s patience was wearing thin. She had tried to cleverly deflect it, but what was this woman trying to do?

Yet, a faint unease crept up from deep within her. She wondered about the source of her confidence.

“What truth?”

“Seeing is believing. Go to the Willow Tree on Ipeach Street.”

“The Willow Tree?”

“It’s not a real tree, but the name of a teahouse. It acts like a kind of salon. They say it’s particularly popular among young upper-class men who discuss philosophy and ideas. Though, in my opinion, they’re just pretentious fools.”

Kisa didn’t bother asking the unnecessary question of whether Daniel frequented the place.

“Understood. I should be going now.”

As she rose from her seat, Aria stood up as well.

“Aren’t you staying for dinner?”

“No, please apologize to the others for me. I’m going home. I overate at lunch and feel a little queasy.”

The other attendees were playing cards in another room.

Since a bridge game requires four players, and Kisa wasn’t particularly interested in card games, she had been reading. That’s when this woman approached her.

She regretted not sitting at the table and at least pretending to look at the cards. But it was too late.

The woman who had stirred such indescribable emotions in her was whispering beside her.

“Don’t be too disheartened, poor Young Lady Vansfelt. Men are like that, aren’t they?”

“Madam.”

“Yes.”

“If the story I heard today turns out to be unfounded gossip…”

“I understand. I will take appropriate responsibility.”

Aria finished Kisa’s unspoken words, a warning Kisa had never given to a stranger before.

Kisa silently stared at her for a moment before leaving the host’s mansion.

“Miss!”

Marsha, the maid who had been chatting with the coachman, greeted her with wide eyes.

“What are you doing? I thought you were staying until dinner.”

“No. I’m going home.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

But as she got into the carriage, Kisa changed her mind.

“No, not home. Take me to Ipeach Street.”

“Ipeach Street? Why?”

It was Marsha, not the coachman, who asked.

“I have business there.”

“What kind of business?”

Kisa was used to Marsha’s nosy curiosity, but today she found it particularly irritating.

“Can’t you just drive without asking?”

Marsha didn’t press further at Kisa’s sharp tone, and the carriage set off towards its new destination.

Ipeach Street was, in fact, an unsuitable place for Kisa, hence the maid’s question. The daughter of the notoriously conservative Count Vansfelt was unlikely to frequent a street teeming with youthful energy.

In other words, going there without informing her family was, in Kisa’s view, a form of rebellion.

“There’s a teahouse called the Willow Tree, I hear.”

The coachman, upon hearing this, easily found its location by asking a passerby. It seemed to be a rather well-known place on this street.

Shortly after, the carriage stopped in front of a building. A small two-story building with a sign that read “Willow Tree” above its entrance.

No way. Kisa repeated the words she had been saying all the way here as she approached the building.

It couldn’t be true. Daniel Lowens, for heaven’s sake. He was a man so taciturn and stoic that he had never uttered a kind word, even to his own fiancée. And that unpleasant demeanor extended to other women as well.

In Kisa’s eyes, Daniel always placed the value of his life outside of women. Sometimes it was male friendships, sometimes hunting, and most recently, scholarship.

Though he never said it aloud, he undoubtedly considered being obsessed with women to be the most pathetic thing in the world. It was evident in his expression and demeanor; Kisa couldn’t help but understand his inner thoughts.

Normally, this aspect of her fiancé would only irritate her, but today it felt like the strongest support.

At that moment, the teahouse door opened. Feeling inexplicably guilty, Kisa quickly hid behind a nearby street tree.

“So, that’s an argument that doesn’t consider future generations.”

“No, that’s not what I meant—”

“Oh, come on. You’re so stubborn.”

“It’s already gotten so dark outside.”

“Now that you mention it, when is the next meeting?”

A group of people exited, chattering noisily after their meeting. Lost in their own conversation, they quickly passed the tree where Kisa was hiding.

Kisa scanned the group, searching for Daniel. But even after looking for a long time, she couldn’t see a single strand of his dark brown hair.

Of course. Just as Kisa was about to relax, having failed to spot her fiancé even after most people had left…

“Hazel.”

A voice, so familiar it pierced Kisa’s ears as if spoken from arm’s length, even from several dozen steps away.

Looking back at the teahouse entrance, she saw two figures emerging from the building.

A man and a woman. Needless to say, the man was Kisa’s fiancé, Daniel Lowens.

“Thanks to you, I had a very enriching time today.”

Kisa gasped at the unfamiliar, lingering gentleness emanating from him.

However, the woman called Hazel responded calmly, as if Daniel’s overly sweet demeanor wasn’t surprising.

“I’m glad it was enriching, Daniel.”

“As I said before, your opinion on Griffin’s argument was truly remarkable. You presented me with a completely new perspective.”

“That’s too kind.”

“It’s not. Hazel is always too modest in her self-assessment.”

“I’m glad you think so highly of me. Then, I’ll see you at the next meeting.”

“May I ask you to stand here for a moment?”

Was it coincidence that the two stopped just a stone’s throw from the tree where Kisa was hiding?

Kisa, who had been hiding carefully for fear of being discovered, mustered her courage and peeked out again, then gasped. Daniel was on one knee.

“Daniel.”

Hazel’s surprised voice, as if his action hadn’t been planned.

“Please listen. There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”

“Please stand up first and tell me.”

But Daniel, seemingly determined, continued in a resolute tone.

“I, Daniel Lowens, will dedicate my entire life to protecting you, Hazel Turdy, until my dying breath.”

Hazel was silent for a moment before speaking.

“A knight’s vow.”

“That’s right. Hazel, you are an extraordinary person. Didn’t you draw these words from me, who considered a knight’s vow a relic of the old-fashioned past?”

Daniel slowly stood up, brushing dust off his pants.

“My life has changed since I met you. These days, I feel joy with every breath I take. Whenever I come to my senses, I’m just counting down the days until the next meeting at the Willow Tree.”

A wave of nausea washed over her. Who is this man?

This is not the Daniel she knows. The Daniel she knew looked at the world with a cynical attitude. She didn’t know a man who acted with such passion.

While Kisa’s vision blurred and her hands and feet trembled, the two continued their conversation.

“Daniel, are you seriously saying that the vow you just made was sincere?”

“Of course, it’s sincere. Do I look like the kind of person who would make such a statement as a joke? I will protect you for the rest of my life. This is merely a small token of my gratitude for your kindness.”

Hazel paused slightly before replying with admiration.

“You think so highly of me. Thank you, Daniel. I like you very much too. And I hope our relationship continues.”

“Good heavens. Is that really true?”

“Of course.”

That was enough. Kisa impulsively burst from behind the tree.

At her sudden appearance, the two stopped talking and stared at her. Daniel’s eyes widened.

“Kisa?”

“Daniel Lowens.”

Despite the turmoil inside her, a surprisingly calm voice escaped Kisa’s lips.

“What brings you here—?”

“Explain yourself.”

“What?”

“Explain what’s going on here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Explain it yourself. What I just saw and heard.”

At first, Daniel seemed embarrassed and clicked his tongue. Then, with an unhesitant stride, he stood tall before his fiancée.

He was quite tall, so Kisa had to look up at his brazen face.

“Is there anything more to explain? It’s exactly as you saw and heard.”

At that moment, her breath caught in her throat.

“Are you crazy? Why are you so nonchalant?”

“Why shouldn’t I be nonchalant?”

The man pulled a cigar case from his pocket and shrugged.

“Did I cheat on you?”

 

Chap 2

Stupid

After a moment of silence, Kisa finally managed to find a response.

“Is that all you have to say? I saw everything. I saw you swear a knight’s oath to that woman.”

Hazel flinched at Kisa’s gaze, and Daniel stepped in front of her, shielding her as if protecting her from Kisa.

“Look, you prioritize another woman over your fiancée right now. If this isn’t infidelity, what is it?”

“Friendship.”

“Friendship?”

A wry laugh escaped her lips.

“What kind of person swears a knight’s oath to a mere friend?”

“Why not? In ancient times, the famous warrior, Kobos, was so impressed by the character of his close friend, Ilkin, that he swore a knight’s oath to him. He served his friend as his lord for the rest of his life, following that oath.”

Kisa faltered at the vaguely familiar story. Daniel often used historical anecdotes like this in their conversations, most of which were unfamiliar to her.

“So what? Are you saying you’ll make that woman your lord?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. I truly respect Hazel. She’s someone worthy of my protection.”

“Don’t disguise your petty love affair as friendship. Kobos and Ilkin were of the same sex.”

“Does being of different genders prevent us from having a friendship?”

“How can the feelings of swearing a knight’s oath, which you don’t even do for your fiancée, be called friendship?”

“In other words, you mean there are limits to friendship based on gender. You still have such old-fashioned ideas. Well, I didn’t expect anything else.”

Daniel sighed and repeatedly opened and closed the lid of his cigar case.

“Between Hazel and me, gender is merely a secondary factor. We have a connection on a much deeper level. We’re soulmates, so to speak.”

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

“You, on the other hand, seem to want to paint me as a scoundrel who commits adultery while having a beautiful and devoted fiancée. Do you have any proof?”

“What?”

“Frankly, did I confess my love to Hazel? Did I kiss her? Did I propose to her?”

“You swore a knight’s oath to her.”

“Swearing knight’s oath is simply a covenant one makes when they meet someone they want to serve. By your logic, are all the knights and their masters in ancient tales all having that kind of relationship?”

Kisa’s voice began to tremble. She never imagined her fiancé would be so shameless.

Daniel’s definition of a knight’s oath only applied to master-servant or lord-vassal relationships; in the context of a young man and woman, it was nothing more than a romantic proposal.

He was denying a self-evident truth without batting an eye.

“Do you think I didn’t hear you? You said your life changed after meeting that woman. You even said every moment is joyful.”

“So what? Nowhere did I say I romantically love Hazel.”

“Daniel, you really!”

“It’s all a misunderstanding stemming from your preconceptions. You should get rid of that outdated notion that men and women can’t be friends.”

He took a cigar from the case he had been opening and closing and rummaged in his pocket.

“She and I are simply friends who communicate on a soul-to-soul level. Don’t worry, there’s no romantic relationship between us as you’re worrying about.”

“……I don’t understand you at all.”

“What else?”

“Soul-to-soul communication? Fine, let’s say that’s true. But why are you sharing that with another woman instead of your fiancée?”

Her eyes stung, but Kisa tried her best not to cry in front of them. It was her last remaining pride.

“Engagement is a promise to marry. Is it right to be so close to that woman, even swearing a knight’s oath to her, while leaving me, your future spouse? Are you really that unconcerned?”

“Hmm, so you’re saying I should have chosen you as my soulmate?”

“Yes, if that grand thing was absolutely necessary for you, and that person had to be a woman.”

His answer required a moment’s wait. He took a knife from his inner coat pocket, cut the end of the cigar, and lit it with a lighter.

“Kisa, do I really have to say this?”

“Say it. Daniel Lowens.”

He took a deep drag of his cigar.

“You’re too… to be my soulmate.”

He hesitated for a moment before uttering clear words.

“Stupid.”

Kisa’s jaw dropped, unable to comprehend what she had just heard. Daniel scratched his head, looking at his fiancée.

“Damn it. I didn’t want to say this to you. But sometimes, being direct is better than beating around the bush.”

“……I’m stupid?”

“In my estimation, yes.”

“Your self-confidence is through the roof. I don’t deserve to hear that. What about me is stupid?”

“Okay, I’m sorry. My statement was inappropriate. You’re just on a different intellectual level than me. By average standards, you’re quite excellent.”

His condescending tone, implying he would grant her recognition, further fueled Kisa’s anger.

“Tell me! What about me is stupid!”

“Let’s stop this.”

“Stop what? Did you think you could just insult me and get away with it?”

“No, I didn’t intend to insult you.”

At that moment, a third person, who had remained silent until now, intervened in their conversation for the first time.

“Both of you, please calm down.”

The woman who appeared from behind Daniel met Kisa’s eyes.

“Miss Vansfelt. Believe it or not, my relationship with your fiancé is purely platonic. I can swear to it.”

“……Excuse me. Stay out of this. This is between me and this man.”

Kisa, already overwhelmed by arguing with Daniel, had no energy to deal with this woman as well. However, the woman with gray hair didn’t back down.

“No. Since you misunderstood because you saw me with him, I also bear some responsibility.”

Kisa’s annoyance surged. While her fiancé, who had betrayed her and called her stupid, was the most loathsome person at that moment, this woman was by no means a pleasant person to Kisa either.

Kisa had simply postponed dealing with this unknown woman. She intended to handle it after settling things with Daniel.

But this woman kept trying to persuade Kisa.

“Let’s talk. Let’s calmly talk and clear up this misunderstanding. Right now, both of you are too emotional—”

“Stop it!”

In the end, Kisa yelled at someone she had just met for the first time that day. It was the first time this had happened since she began receiving etiquette lessons as a child.

“Watch your tongue.”

The reply came first from Daniel, who was standing next to the woman she had yelled at. The way he glared, as if he were furious that the woman had been scolded.

“You watch your tongue, Daniel Lowens. And you should know your place as well.”

After snapping at him, Kisa turned her attention to the surprised woman.

“Do you think it’s normal behavior to accept a knight’s oath from another woman’s fiancé and continue the relationship like this? It seems you weren’t unaware that this man is engaged.”

“Kisa, stop.”

“How dare you try to stop me, acting as if you’re innocent?”

“Just stop it!”

Daniel shouted, pushing his arm between Kisa and his friend, separating them. As the tall, well-built man glared, Kisa instinctively cowered.

A different kind of shock hit her. Even though she had already experienced his betrayal several times, she unconsciously continued to believe that Daniel wouldn’t act so threateningly towards her.

“……What right do you have to treat me like this?”

Daniel Lowens responded to his fiancée and childhood friend’s tearful question with an irritable voice.

“I was trying to resolve this amicably. You’re the one who’s causing trouble for innocent Hazel.”

“Who’s innocent here?”

“Enough. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I’ll answer your earlier question, so stop pestering me. Understand?”

A crooked smile settled on his face as he spoke.

“You asked what was stupid about you. Then let me ask you one thing, Kisa. What do you think about Barth’s Doctrine?”

Kisa fell silent, completely unprepared for the question. Barth’s Doctrine? What was that?

“You don’t know? Then I’ll ask what your opinion is on Griffin’s recent paper published in the Royal Society journal.”

She had heard Griffin’s name mentioned before. But Kisa only knew that he was a renowned scholar.

“No opinion? But you must at least know the fundamental cause of the recent trade friction between our country and Octava, right?”

“…….”

“You don’t know. Yes, you don’t know this either.”

Seeing that there was no answer to the third question, Daniel finally wore a troubled expression.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to know everything. Not everyone in the world is interested in these current affairs.”

He patted Kisa’s shoulder with his thick hand.

“That’s not a bad thing. It’s just a difference in interests. Besides, your father wouldn’t want his daughter to be interested in such things.”

The pungent smell of his cigar filled the air.

“But unfortunately, I can’t have a soulmate who shares absolutely no common interests with me. I also find it difficult to simply like you, someone who just blindly obeys your father’s wishes.”

Coldness spread from her fingertips to her toes. No, now a chill ran through Kisa’s entire body.

“Now, you understand? So just go. I’m not your possession. Even if you’re my fiancée, you have no right to interfere in my relationships.”

His fiancé, having said that, easily averted his gaze from her and looked at the other woman.

Over a decade of affection had been one-sided, belonging only to Kisa.

 

Chap 3

Why Are You Crying?

What state of mind did I return home in?

Kisa sat before her dressing table, gazing silently into the mirror. Her bright blonde hair, inherited from her mother, and her blue eyes, from her father, looked the same as always.

However, Kisa Vansfelt, known as the flower of high society and boasting striking features, looked exceptionally haggard today. Her skin lacked luster, and dark circles shadowed her eyes.

It was only natural. Kisa hadn’t slept a wink the previous night. She couldn’t possibly have slept peacefully after what happened.

“Miss, how long are you going to remain lost in thought?”

At that moment, a middle-aged woman carrying a washbasin entered Kisa’s room. She was the nanny who had cared for Kisa since she was a baby.

“Nanny, what brings you here? Is Marsha unwell?”

It was Marsha, the maid, who usually brought Kisa’s washbasin.

“No. I happened to see you, Miss, and took the basin from Marsha on my way here.”

“Is it because of yesterday?”

“Yes. I heard from Marsha that you went to Ipeach Street last night, Miss. Why did you do that? If the Count hears about it, you might be scolded.”

Recalling her strict and stern father’s face, Kisa lowered her eyes.

“Did Father find out?”

“No. Fortunately, he said he had a late meeting about business matters yesterday.”

After placing the washbasin on the dressing table, the nanny gently brushed Kisa’s hair.

“Now, tell me. What was the reason for going to a place you never usually go to? And you returned so late at night.”

Kisa knew. The nanny truly cared for her, but she was also a loyal servant of Count Vansfelt’s household.

If the nanny found out, the Count would inevitably find out as well. Kisa didn’t want to tell her father about what happened yesterday.

“It’s nothing.”

Knowing that this alone wouldn’t deter the nanny’s persistent questioning, she added a convenient excuse.

“I went to see Daniel.”

“Master Daniel?”

Daniel’s father, Marquis Lowens, had a long-standing and close friendship with Count Vansfelt. Their close relationship even led to betrothing their children.

In any case, the two children often visited each other’s homes as children, following their fathers, and the nanny was relatively familiar with Daniel.

“Yes, I haven’t seen Daniel lately. At the tea party I attended yesterday, the topic of our engagement came up, and suddenly I felt a strong desire to see Daniel.”

Every time she uttered Daniel’s name, the memory of yesterday made her heart ache.

However, she had no choice but to deceive the nanny. With her thorough knowledge of Kisa, a flimsy excuse would be easily suspected.

“Hmm, I see. I hear that young noblemen like Master Daniel frequent such places.”

Fortunately, the nanny seemed to believe Kisa’s excuse. After all, Kisa had rarely lied to her nanny.

“Still, it wasn’t proper behavior. You went to such a place without an escort. What if something had happened?”

“I’m sorry, I was in a hurry.”

Perhaps her haggard appearance evoked sympathy, as the nanny spoke in a gentler tone.

“Yes, well, it’s all Master Daniel’s fault. Why is he so busy that he doesn’t even spend time with his fiancée? He’s been away for a long time studying abroad.”

“……That’s true. He’s a terrible person.”

“Exactly. He used to have a cute side, but now…”

Then, while continuing to criticize Daniel, the nanny suddenly exclaimed, “Ah.”

“So, you didn’t meet Master Daniel in the end? And that’s why you look so terrible?”

Gratefully, the nanny provided a reason for Kisa’s poor appearance, so Kisa simply agreed.

“Yes, I waited at the teahouse Daniel often visits, hoping to see him, but it wasn’t a day he usually goes, so I didn’t meet him.”

“My goodness. If he has time to go to tea, he should at least show his face to his fiancée. Anyway, that’s that. This time I’ll let it slide, but you mustn’t act like that again.”

“Why?”

“Yes?”

“Why should I not?”

“Th-that… ”

Surprised by Kisa’s reaction, the nanny stammered. Even Kisa herself was somewhat surprised by her own question. Why was that? Usually, Kisa would have obediently nodded to the nanny’s instructions.

“No, I asked a silly question. Of course, one shouldn’t go to such places casually.”

When Kisa changed her words, the nanny looked relieved and urged her.

“Yes, you know it well. Now, hurry and wash your face. It’s almost time to leave. Remember you have to attend the Duchess of Darion’s piano recital today?”

“Yes.”

Kisa splashed her face with warm water and dried it with the towel the nanny gave her. Once she finished washing, the nanny picked up the washbasin and was about to leave the room.

“Actually…”

Suddenly, Kisa unconsciously grabbed her.

“What is it, Miss?”

“……Am I perhaps not very intelligent?”

“Intelligent?”

“Yes, Nanny has watched over me since I was little, so I wondered what you thought.”

“Why are you asking that all of a sudden?”

“I just became curious. Lately, I keep losing at bridge. Is my mind not working well?”

“My, Miss. Don’t worry about it over a mere card game.”

The nanny smiled cheerfully, showing no sign of concern.

“Don’t worry. You’re intelligent enough, Miss. Your etiquette teacher, writing teacher, dance teacher, and music teacher all praised you highly.”

“But I don’t know much about history or philosophy. I never studied them separately.”

“Excuse me? Why would you need to know those things, Miss?”

“……It’s nothing.”

Kisa gave an awkward laugh and continued getting ready to go out.

Even while listening to the rather unremarkable performance by the Duchess of Darion, Kisa’s mind was elsewhere. After clapping a few times for the sake of appearances, the prepared pieces were all performed.

“Thank you, everyone. I would especially like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to my husband, who has supported me materially and spiritually in my pursuit of piano.”

Standing on the podium, the Duchess of Darion spoke at length about her husband, as if genuinely happy in her marriage.

“Oh, by the way, I heard that to celebrate National Reading Month, the Royal Library, where my husband serves as director, is holding an event to promote reading culture. Those of you who have the time, please feel free to stop by.”

Kisa thought about the Duchess and Duke of Darion, as well as other noble couples. Most nobles enter loveless marriages; how many of them are truly happy?

In the carriage returning to the Vansfelt mansion, Kisa suddenly felt a sense of confinement. Her beloved home, where she had grown up, strangely felt repulsive.

Then, a building flashed past outside the window. Impulsively, Kisa opened the window and instructed the coachman to change their destination.

A short time later, Kisa entered the Royal Library. Marsha was filled with anxiety because of the Miss’s unscheduled plans, but Kisa had her own justification.

She was merely complying with the Duchess of Darion’s suggestion. And it was Count Vansfelt who had sent his daughter to the recital that had just ended, as a way of currying favor with the Duchess.

With this justification, he wouldn’t say anything.

“You may use the eighth reading room.”

When Kisa said she would be reading books at the library, the librarian assigned her the eighth reading room. One of the exclusive rooms for nobles, it was quiet.

Unless they were looking for extremely rare books, books were generally purchased by nobles. Even if they read books from the library, they usually borrowed them to take home, rather than coming to the reading room.

Kisa settled at a sunlit table and opened the book she had brought from the central reading room. Barth’s Doctrine; it was a book explaining the theory proposed by the philosopher Barth.

[I asked you where you were stupid, didn’t I? Then let me ask you one thing, Kisa. What do you think of Barth’s Doctrine?]

Closing her eyes, Daniel’s words from last night still echoed in her ears.

What was this, that crushed someone’s self-esteem so thoroughly? This insignificant thing.

Kisa muttered to herself, taking in the black letters arrayed on the page.

And time passed. Enough time for the sky, which had been blue when she entered the library, to turn red and then dark.

Huu, Kisa barely suppressed the sob threatening to escape her lips.

But unable to restrain her tears, a few drops traced paths down her cheeks, spotting the paper.

She quickly wiped away the tears from the book and continued reading the passage with blurry vision. Countless words swirled in her head, but few were fully understood.

I don’t understand. No matter how many times I reread it, I don’t understand. Finally, after confirming that no one else was in the eighth reading room, Kisa began to sob uncontrollably.

In fact, similar to Daniel’s betrayal, or perhaps even more so, what had damaged Kisa’s heart was the anxiety that she might be stupid, just as Daniel had said.

She wanted to deny it, but she couldn’t. Kisa had no good reason to claim that she wasn’t stupid.

She felt resentful that she should feel this way. Wasn’t Daniel, not she, clearly in the wrong?

But this book, which she couldn’t even understand a single page of, shamed her.

If she hadn’t been content with the limited teaching provided by her father and nanny, and had pursued more, would things have been different?

If so, could she have answered Daniel’s question fluently and told him that it wasn’t him abandoning her, but her abandoning him?

Sadly, it was an impossible fantasy, and to Daniel and that woman, Kisa was nothing more than a dull and cumbersome presence.

It was when she was weeping incessantly, heartbroken by this fact, that she heard it.

“Why are you crying?”

A voice that shouldn’t have been heard. Kisa spun around, startled by the sound’s origin.

“Oh, did I startle you? I’m sorry.”

A man was leaning against a bookshelf.

“I’ve never seen anyone cry while reading Barth’s Doctrine, so I couldn’t help but speak to you.”

He furrowed his brow slightly and offered a faint smile.

 

Chap 4

The Man with Red Hair

When did he get there? Kisa patted her startled chest.

The first thing that caught her eye was the color red. A man with hair the color of the sunset approached with a leisurely gait, causing Kisa to ask in a flustered tone.

“Who are you?”

As tall as Daniel, he blinked a couple of times in response to her question.

“Seyard.”

“What?”

“My name. Seyard. And you?”

“Kisa… Kisa.”

She hastily cut off her sentence, habitually about to reveal her surname. It didn’t matter; he only gave his name. She didn’t want news of the Count Vansfelt’s daughter crying in a place like this spreading.

Kisa quickly scanned Seyard’s attire.

A simple white athletic shirt and black cotton pants, yet the material was clearly high-quality. And his aristocratic speech and intonation. He was most likely from the upper class.

Thinking this, she felt a sense of familiarity, but no clear person came to mind; it was like a fog in her head.

In any case, he wasn’t someone she knew, but it was best to be cautious, as there was a possibility of encountering him again.

While Kisa was wary of him, Seyard approached and offered a handkerchief. A gesture of goodwill to wipe her tears.

Kisa reflexively turned her head and picked up her handbag, which she had placed beside her.

“It’s alright. I have one.”

Seyard put the handkerchief in his pocket and sat on the desk next to her, silently watching Kisa wipe the remaining moisture from her face with her own handkerchief. A suffocating silence hung in the air.

Kisa, constantly aware of the man’s presence, hurriedly tried to get up. But his words stopped her.

“May I ask which part of this book made you sad?”

As he looked down at the book Kisa had been reading with an intrigued expression, shame welled up inside her.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. I just…”

She was about to offer a flimsy excuse, something about a sad story coming to mind while reading. But then, in a small voice, she confessed the truth.

“Actually, I couldn’t understand the book, and that’s why I was crying. I reread the same passage several times, and I still didn’t get it.”

Why was she telling such an embarrassing thing to a man she had just met? Or perhaps, because it was a first meeting, she could.

Because he didn’t know Kisa Vansfelt. The judgment, whatever it might be, would be less shocking than hearing it from someone who knew her.

“I’m really not very bright, am I?”

Despite throwing out a statement that would be difficult for the other person to respond to, Kisa was tense, waiting for Seyard to speak.

“Kisa.”

He called the name of the woman he had met for the first time today in a low, gentle voice. As if they were close friends.

“Have you ever studied philosophy?”

“…No.”

“Have you read any of Barth’s other works besides Barth’s Doctrine?”

“No.”

“Then isn’t it natural that you wouldn’t understand?”

Kisa was taken aback and asked, “What?”

With one hand in his pocket, Seyard picked up the book in front of Kisa with the other.

“Barth’s Doctrine deals with difficult and complex concepts. Moreover, it’s his masterpiece, synthesizing themes from his other works.”

His reddish-brown eyes curved gently.

“Unless you’re a genius, it’s impossible to understand this book without the necessary background knowledge.”

“Is… is that so?”

“Yes, Barth’s Doctrine is a book that makes even students who come to study philosophy curse upon first glance. Usually, people start by reading an explanatory book that simplifies the content to get a general overview.”

“…I didn’t know.”

Kisa had impulsively come to the library and simply picked up the book while browsing the shelves. Because Daniel had mentioned Barth’s Doctrine.

Even though they had only exchanged a few words, he seemed quite intelligent.

Probably a student at a nearby prestigious university? Staying in the library this late suggested a diligent personality.

So, it didn’t seem likely that he would have made up a story to make Kisa feel better. What he said seemed believable.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Kisa offered her thanks, a genuine expression of gratitude, and met Seyard’s gaze. For the first time, she took a good look at his features.

“You’re welcome.”

She then realized that he was quite handsome. His slightly upturned almond-shaped eyes were elegant, and his smooth facial features possessed a refined yet strong appeal.

He resembled a young, exotic king’s statue she had seen at the Royal Art Museum long ago. She remembered hearing that a master sculptor, who had received a large sum from the king, had sculpted it according to the golden ratio.

She had a fleeting sense of déjà vu, but it quickly vanished. If she had seen such striking beauty, even with red hair, she wouldn’t have forgotten it.

Actually, she had a tendency to avoid people with red hair since she was young.

Her nanny explained that the reason for Kisa’s aversion was the red-haired physician who had treated the deceased Countess Vansfelt. The memory of losing her mother as a child had become a trauma.

While she wasn’t sure if that was the exact reason, Kisa felt a slight chill and avoided eye contact whenever she saw red hair. It wasn’t a serious condition; over time, with familiarity, it gradually improved.

However, this was the first time she had become accustomed to someone with red hair so quickly. Kisa no longer turned away.

Seyard’s words echoed in her mind. According to him, her inability to understand Barth’s Doctrine didn’t make her particularly stupid.

“Excuse me, but could you recommend a commentary that I could read?”

She mustered the courage to ask. For her, this man was practically the only person she could ask such a question.

Her choice seemed correct, as he thoughtfully stroked his sharp chin.

“Studying Barth’s Doctrine with a commentary isn’t bad. But personally, I think you should start with Barth’s other works. Barth’s Doctrine assumes the reader has already read his other books.”

“I see.”

“Ah, how about ‘Theory of Possession’ first? It deals with relatively easy-to-understand themes for his works. It focuses on clarifying the ontological existence of humans based on whether they possess property or not.”

“Ah.”

Even though she didn’t actually understand, Kisa nodded as if she did, when suddenly—

“Miss?”

A familiar voice called from outside the door.

“Miss? Are you in there?”

It was a maid calling for Kisa. She must have come looking for her after Kisa had been in the library for a while without returning.

Kisa could picture the maid, unable to dare enter the noble-only reading room, pacing outside.

She wanted to tell her to wait, but that was impossible. Darkness had already fallen outside.

Even with a plausible excuse, if Count Vansfelt found out that his daughter was alone in a public place at this hour… She felt dizzy.

“I think I should go now.”

Kisa said her farewells to Seyard, a hint of regret in her voice.

“Please be careful going home.”

As Kisa headed for the door, she looked back at him.

“Thank you for today. I’ll definitely read ‘Theory of Possession’ if I get the chance.”

“If you need more recommendations, feel free to ask. I’ll do my best to recommend something within my knowledge.”

Seyard said this as if it were natural, but Kisa thought it unlikely. If they hadn’t met until now in the same capital city, the chances of meeting again were probably slim.

Furthermore, Kisa didn’t have many opportunities to interact with men her age. Seeing Seyard was probably a first and last encounter.

“Okay.”

But Kisa didn’t say that aloud; she grasped the doorknob.

He maintained a faint smile until Kisa opened the door and left the reading room.

As soon as she stepped outside, she saw the maid’s worried and anxious face.

“Goodness, Miss! Do you know what time it is? What if the Count finds out?”

“I know. Let’s go now.”

It was time to end her brief escapade.

****

After Kisa left, Seyard, alone in the reading room, reread Barth’s Doctrine, a book whose contents he already knew perfectly, for amusement.

Then, he closed the book with a snap, took it to the librarian, and requested to borrow it.

By the time he left the library building, there was only one carriage nearby. An elderly man waiting in front of a completely black carriage, bearing no family crest, spotted him.

“Mr. Seyard.”

The man opened the carriage door to greet Seyard.

“Have you finished your business?”

“No, Gilliam.”

“What?”

“Wasn’t the last remaining succession procedure completed this morning?”

Gilliam, with a look of realization, addressed his master by a different title.

“Have you finished your business, Your Grace?”

Seyard approached the carriage, a relaxed smile on his lips.

“Yes, it’s nice to visit the library sometimes. It brings back old memories.”

“It must be quite nostalgic, as it’s been a while since your last visit to the capital.”

“Well, yes. I plan to take my time and explore various places, starting with the library.”

Before getting into the carriage, he looked around the Royal Library and murmured,

“I’ll be staying in the capital from now on.”

The door closed, and the grand carriage, pulled by powerful horses, departed.

Its destination was the townhouse of the Hillan ducal family, a prominent family second to none in the Empire.

 

Chap 5

I Was the Only One Who Didn’t Know

After the somewhat special incident that occurred that day at the library, Kisa’s life flowed on surprisingly unchanged.

As expected, since she no longer visited the Royal Library, there was no chance to meet Seyard.

Every time she passed by the library in the carriage, she felt a light urge to stop by, but circumstances just didn’t allow it.

Marsha, who had experienced the mistress’s two escapades, always had a sharp look in her eyes.

By now, the report must have reached Count Vansfelt’s ears. Fortunately, the Count was quite busy lately; otherwise, just thinking about being summoned to his suffocating office made her breathless.

Kisa pressed her chest with a rush of frustration. Naturally, her most troubling concern came to mind.

Daniel Lowens. That shameless fellow, who had completely trampled on his fiancée’s pride, had been silent ever since that day.

He hadn’t particularly come to see Count Vansfelt or sent any letters. How brazen of him.

She didn’t expect that he would suddenly change his mind and genuinely regret his actions, but she hadn’t anticipated the complete lack of even a formal apology or indirect reconciliation.

Daniel had simply left Kisa hanging for nearly a week. No matter how preoccupied he might be, this was a disrespectful attitude towards her. As a fiancée and as a person.

“But during that time, he must have gone to see that woman.”

That woman with gray hair named Hazel.

“Kisa?”

At that moment, when her heart sank coldly, her name was suddenly called. Kisa quickly broke free from her thoughts and looked at the person sitting in front of her.

“Kisa, what’s wrong? Is something the matter?”

Melissa, with a worried expression, took Kisa’s hand resting on the table.

“I’ve noticed you seem strangely unable to concentrate on the conversation. Is there something bothering you?”

“It’s nothing.”

Despite Kisa’s denial, Melissa didn’t let go of her doubts.

“It’s not nothing. It’s not like I’ve known you for a day or two, you know?”

Melissa Dos. Kisa’s best friend. They naturally grew up together due to the closeness of their families.

Today, they were finally having tea together at Count Vansfelt’s residence.

“You’ve been acting a bit strange lately. Remember when you came to my house and left without saying anything?”

That time Melissa mentioned referred to the day Kisa learned about Daniel’s hidden truth.

That day, Kisa had been invited to Melissa’s tea party, enjoying a peaceful moment, until she heard those words from a stranger.

[I saw your fiancé courting a widow.]

What if she hadn’t listened to that? Wouldn’t she have been free from this pain if she had dismissed the idea that Daniel could do such a thing?

She hated herself for making such a pitiful assumption, but her thoughts kept drifting in that direction.

As Kisa quietly gazed at her long-time friend’s face, she finally spoke.

“Melissa, how do you know Mrs. Oshuana?”

“Mrs. Oshuana? Oh, the one who came to that tea party you attended before?”

“Yeah. Are you close?”

“No, not at all. We just exchanged a few words at a ballroom once, and she showed a keen interest in me. She said she really wanted to attend my tea party.”

Melissa shrugged her shoulders with a peculiar expression.

“But considering that, she behaved quite well when she was invited. It’s strange…”

As she hesitated in her words, she suddenly clapped her hands.

“Come to think of it! You were left alone with Mrs. Oshuana, weren’t you? When I was playing bridge with the others. Right, that was when you left without saying goodbye.”

Her gaze pressed Kisa for an answer.

“What on earth happened? Did Mrs. Oshuana say something inappropriate to you?”

“Not at all.”

“Then tell me. I need to know why you’re acting like this.”

“Well…”

“What’s the point of being friends if you can’t share, huh?”

Under her persistent questioning, Kisa’s heavy lips finally opened. She had been wanting to talk about it all along. A burden in her heart that was too heavy to bear alone.

And for Kisa, Melissa was the one with whom she could most comfortably share this kind of worry.

“Actually…”

Once she started talking, the words flowed out effortlessly. Kisa recounted everything that happened in front of the tea house that evening. Not even the rising emotions could interrupt her.

“I can’t believe it.”

After hearing the whole story, Melissa got angry and scolded Daniel.

“That bastard. How could he say something like that to you? What a rotten person. He’s always been so self-important.”

Then she took Kisa’s hand again.

“You’ve been through so much, haven’t you? All the blame lies with that Daniel. You don’t need to suffer over it.”

“…Yeah.”

Those were truly comforting words. Yes, Kisa needed someone like Melissa. Someone who could listen to her complicated feelings.

Knowing the circumstances between Kisa and Daniel, Melissa provided comfort in a way that Seyard could not.

“I’m so confused. I never thought Daniel would do something like this.”

“Right? And this is before you’re even married.”

“Is that woman really that special? To treat me, who has known him for over ten years, like this?”

“He’s just gotten used to you and forgotten your worth. Don’t worry too much. What have you done that compares to that woman?”

“Is that so?”

“Of course! She’s just a widow running a small tea house.”

“But she has intellect. Daniel seems to appreciate that…”

Kisa’s words trailed off awkwardly. Something was weighing on her heart. It felt uncomfortable, like opening and closing a rusty hinge.

“Kisa?”

As Kisa pondered what it could be, she looked directly into Melissa’s eyes.

“Did I say that she was a widow?”

“What?”

“I never mentioned that the woman is a widow.”

No matter how many times she tried to recall, it was true. Kisa had only said that Mrs. Oshuana revealed Daniel’s secret, but she hadn’t conveyed exactly what she said.

After that, while explaining her encounter with Daniel in front of the tea house, there hadn’t been a chance to mention the widow information.

“Melissa, did you already know who that woman is?”

“Uh, well, sort of. I heard it while passing by.”

“From whom?”

“Let’s see? Anyway, that woman seems to be somewhat famous. That’s how I knew.”

Melissa offered an awkward smile. Kisa, being a long-time friend, noticed that she was hiding something. How exactly did Melissa find out about Hazel?

“…Now that I think about it, didn’t your younger brother mention going to some strange gatherings a few months ago?”

“Yeah?”

“Your father didn’t like it. He said he was distracted by useless things. Is that gathering held at the tea house called Willow Tree?”

“No, that’s—”

“Melissa, just be honest with me.”

This time, Kisa grabbed Melissa’s hand, which was trying to retreat as if to escape. Unlike before, there was no warmth of comfort in that grip.

“Did you know? About Daniel and that woman’s relationship.”

“…”

There was no need to hear the answer. The trembling eyes of Melissa told her everything.

“You knew all along and didn’t tell me.”

Kisa, feeling utterly defeated, let go of Melissa’s hand.

“You knew everything.”

“No! Listen to me!”

“Tell me. Didn’t you hear from your brother that Daniel seemed particularly close with the tea house owner?”

Since the families had deep ties, Melissa’s brother also knew Kisa and Daniel. If he saw Daniel at the same gathering, it would have been natural to mention it to his sister at least once.

“I just…”

Melissa paused for a moment, as if organizing her thoughts, and her face turned to one of grievance.

“I only heard that Daniel seemed quite friendly with the tea house owner.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you would be upset like this.”

“What?”

“See? You’re this distressed. That’s why I hoped you wouldn’t find out.”

“You’re making it harder for me. Does hiding it help?”

Kisa never expected Melissa to behave this way. She couldn’t even imagine it.

“What would you have done if I never found out? Would you have congratulated me while I married Daniel, completely unaware?”

“…So what was I supposed to do?”

“You should have told me! We’re friends, right?”

“Even if I told you, nothing would change.”

“Why wouldn’t it? If I knew, I could at least prepare—”

“What kind of preparation? Would you call off the engagement?”

The word “call off the engagement” silenced Kisa. It carried considerable weight.

Even though it was something she had said, Melissa sighed as if it were absurd.

“What can be done about a marriage arranged by our families? You and Daniel will get married. If you’re going to marry anyway, what’s the point in knowing sooner?”

She pulled out her chair and stood up. It seemed like she was eager to leave now that Kisa’s momentum had waned.

“Kisa, I’m sorry for not telling you. But I did it for your sake. No matter what Daniel does outside, just focus on your own matters. That way, you’ll feel more at ease. Many people live like that.”

After gathering her handbag, she turned to leave but suddenly added something as if she just remembered.

“Oh, don’t forget about the promise to visit the princess next week. Even if you’re upset with me, this is a promise with the princess. We should comfort her in her sorrow over losing her fiancé.”

With that final remark, Kisa’s closest friend left, as if Kisa were no longer someone to be consoled.

Left alone in the garden, she placed her hand on her throbbing forehead. The word “call off the engagement” lingered in her mind, tormenting her.

“What should I do now?”

The mutter escaped her lips like a sigh.

 

Chap 6

Father

Kisa took a deep breath in front of the firmly closed door. She always felt this way whenever she had to face her father. It was similar to the feeling of being graded on every aspect of life, a single, enormous assignment.

She recalled his expression when he saw her as a child, her clothes soiled from playing in the garden.

The undisguised contempt etched itself deeply into Kisa’s memory, still causing her to shrink even now. Sweat gathered in her clenched fist.

“But…”

She had to confront him. The Count needed to know about her recent experiences with Daniel. This was her chance, with the Count currently staying at the townhouse.

To gather her courage, Kisa thought of the man she had met in the library. The man who had reassured her that she wasn’t particularly stupid.

Thanks to him, she had been able to sleep peacefully that night, the first time since discovering Daniel’s secret.

“Father, it’s me.”

With a renewed sense of calm, Kisa knocked. A moment later, permission to enter was granted.

“Good morning.”

“Unfortunately, it’s not good for me.”

The middle-aged man sitting at his desk in his study didn’t even look up as he responded to his daughter’s greeting. His extremely dry tone caused Kisa’s bravely straightened shoulders to slump.

“I heard from the servants. You came home late on the night of the concert, didn’t you?”

It wasn’t surprising. Everyone in this mansion was, essentially, his eyes and ears. The Count wasn’t a doting father, but he wasn’t entirely unconcerned about his daughter either.

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time reading.”

In such situations, a sincere apology was the easiest way to navigate the situation. However, the interrogation continued.

“Why were you on Ipeach Street a few days ago?”

He knew about that too. She had only delayed telling him because of his busy schedule. Kisa swallowed hard and spoke.

“Actually, I have something to tell you about that. It’s about Daniel.”

At her subdued tone, Count Vansfelt met Kisa’s gaze for the first time. Her body trembled as she met his cold, colorless eyes.

She had to do this. She steeled her resolve once more.

Count Vansfelt, who shared a similar eye shape with his daughter, furrowed his brow after hearing her story.

“If what you say is true, this is a matter I can’t ignore. I’ll call Daniel in and talk to him.”

Relief washed over her at not being dismissed. Therefore, the following warning didn’t bother her much.

“I’ll overlook this once, considering the circumstances, but don’t act recklessly again. A lady of your age should behave properly.”

“Yes, Father. I will remember that.”

Kisa quickly replied and left the Count’s study.

In the near future, he would summon Daniel and question him. Even if Daniel denied his relationship with the other woman, it wouldn’t matter.

Knowing the Count’s nature, he would thoroughly investigate before taking action.

Judging by appearances, it didn’t seem like the two were particularly hiding their close relationship. Their circle was large, and Kisa herself had only learned about their unsavory relationship through others.

What would Daniel say to the Count? Would he make excuses? Would he confess? He certainly wouldn’t be as brazen as he was with Kisa.

The thought of his smooth face caused a pang in her chest. She had genuinely liked him.

But… or rather, because of that, she couldn’t be with Daniel, who looked down on her and pledged eternity to another woman.

‘Will we break off the engagement?’

Her conversation with Melissa came to mind. She didn’t like the idea of being labeled with a broken engagement and becoming the subject of gossip, but what she disliked even more was not breaking off the engagement.

Count Vansfelt’s concerns were not his daughter’s happiness, but his reputation and self-interest. If Daniel pretended to repent and falsely swore never to see that woman again, there was a high chance the Count would turn a blind eye.

What would she do then? She had considered it, but no clear solution came to mind. For now, she could only wait for the confrontation between the Count and Daniel.

****

Two days passed in Kisa’s anxious wait. She heard that Daniel had visited the Vansfelt mansion when she returned from an unavoidable outing.

“Oh, Miss. Young Master Daniel Lowens has arrived. He’s talking with the Count; you should go quickly.”

Leaving the nanny, who was smiling happily, unaware of the situation between the two, Kisa headed towards the Count’s study.

But as she approached her destination, she ran into Daniel as he was leaving the room.

“Well, well, if it isn’t…”

The man, largely unchanged from the last time she saw him, approached Kisa with long strides, as if showing off his long legs.

“The gossiping Miss Vansfelt.”

He looked like he had been eating, sleeping, and living well these past few days. Kisa resented that she hadn’t been able to do the same.

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“Oh, are you going to run to your father again to tattle?”

“Father should know what you’ve been doing.”

“What have I been doing? I’m innocent.”

His confident face gave her a bad feeling. It didn’t seem like a bluff. What kind of conversation had taken place between Daniel and the Count?

“You look curious about what happened in there. Shall I tell you?”

“No. I’ll ask my father myself.”

“Yes, of course. Miss. Why don’t you go in quickly?”

The man, whose every word seemed barbed unless perfectly polite, gestured towards the study and smoothly passed Kisa.

Kisa quickly knocked.

“Father.”

In her haste, she entered before he could give permission, causing a frown to appear on the Count’s brow.

“What is this inappropriate behavior?”

“…I’m sorry. But how did the conversation go? What did Daniel say?”

The Count turned his eyes to the documents on his desk.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to worry about the problem you told me about before.”

“I don’t need to worry? I don’t understand what you mean.”

The Count sighed.

“Well, I understand you’re sensitive because you like Daniel. But even if some impurities get involved, nothing will change between you and Daniel, so stop making a fuss.”

Nothing will change. Without realizing it, she slammed her hands on the Count’s desk, making a loud thud.

“Father! Did Daniel plead his innocence? You mustn’t believe him! I saw it with my own eyes! Daniel pledging his knightly vows to another woman!”

It was the first time she had ever spoken to her father in such a strong tone.

However, the response was cold.

“So?”

“…What?”

“So what does that matter?”

It felt like someone had hit her head with a hammer.

“I don’t believe you’re so naive as to think every couple lives in blissful love. Marriage is a union of families.”

He tapped his temples a couple of times with his fingers.

“I just confirmed with Daniel that he has no intention of breaking the union between the Vansfelts and the Lowens. He’s always been ambitious. I was worried he might have gotten some strange ideas while studying abroad, but it was unfounded.”

“Father…”

“Trust my judgment, Kisa. Daniel isn’t the kind of man who would ruin everything over just one woman. His brothers are eyeing the heir’s position, so would he abandon you and choose a commoner widow?”

“But Daniel clearly said he would protect that woman for life. He will continue his relationship with her even after marriage.”

“It’ll just be a mistress. What’s the big deal? Daniel’s wife is you. My daughter, Kisa Vansfelt, only you.”

“Are you telling me to marry a man who values someone more than me? Daniel even insulted me, calling me stupid, in front of that woman!”

“Oh really?”

It seemed to be the first time the Count had heard this, and his well-groomed eyebrows furrowed, but Kisa couldn’t get the words she wanted out.

“That was uncalled for of Daniel. Even if he’s infatuated with his mistress, he should still uphold his wife’s dignity. I’ll speak to him later.”

“It’s not about dignity. Do you think I’ll be happy marrying a man who despises me like that?”

That was the conclusion she had reached after days of agonizing. Hazel Turdy’s existence was one thing, but knowing Daniel’s true feelings, Kisa couldn’t marry him.

“I’ll talk to him.”

“If a few words from you make Daniel change his attitude instantly, I’ll feel even more miserable. I want to be respected for who I am.”

Surprised by his daughter’s unusual behavior, unlike her usual obedient self, the Count looked bewildered. And the bewilderment quickly turned to annoyance.

“Then what am I supposed to do? Are you telling me to break off the engagement with Daniel now?”

Kisa took a moment to breathe. The time had finally come to clearly express her wishes to her intimidating father.

Hearing her father’s sharp voice, her heart pounded and her mouth went dry.

Yet, at this moment, the presence of two men in her mind freed her from her father’s pressure.

Daniel, who looked down on Kisa for blindly following her father’s words, and Seyard, who had told her she wasn’t stupid.

Ironically empowered by the conflicting feelings evoked by these two men, Kisa spoke.

“Yes, please break off the engagement, Father. I don’t want to marry Daniel.”

The Count paused before asking.

“Are you serious?”

“Completely serious.”

“You, who used to chase after Daniel? If this is just a ploy to get his attention, don’t bother. His feelings for that woman will eventually fade.”

“It’s not a bluff. I genuinely want to break off the engagement.”

“Then it’s even less worth listening to. Stop talking nonsense and leave.”

“Father, please! Officially break off the engagement with the Lowens family…”

“I said leave!”

At his harsh shout, Kisa instinctively took a few steps back, her hands trembling.

 

Chap 7

The Man, Daniel Lowens

“Kisa, what in the world have you learned? How could you utter such foolish words?”

The Count loosened his cravat with a nervous gesture.

“Even if Daniel initiated it, you should have firmly refused. How could that come from your mouth?”

Kisa replied with a voice that began to tremble like her hands.

“B-but… I don’t want to spend my life being ignored by my spouse.”

“So what if you’re ignored! If we break the engagement, even more people will gossip about it as a spectacle.”

Unfortunately, regardless of the truth, this kind of scandal hits women harder than men.

Furthermore, their engagement had been long, fueling even more curiosity.

“B-but, it’s not like my chances of marriage are completely ruined.”

“You mean you’ll find a replacement for Daniel?”

“Yes. Wasn’t Father keeping me in the capital to prepare for a situation like this?”

“What?”

“To show me off to as many people as possible in case the engagement with Lowens falls through.”

Otherwise, there was no reason for the Count, who constantly traveled between the capital and their estate, to keep his daughter solely in the capital.

Social activities in the capital were never cheap. Kisa’s dresses, her jewelry, and the gatherings where she was the center of attention—every single thing cost money.

Count Vansfelt wasn’t the type to spend a significant amount of money solely for his daughter’s enjoyment. So why keep her here?

In a way, the reason was quite obvious. The fundamental purpose of young noblemen diligently participating in social activities: to find a good marriage partner.

Even though his daughter already had a fiancé, Daniel, the Count wasn’t one to put all his eggs in one basket.

Perhaps Daniel might die unexpectedly in a foreign land, or the Lowens family’s fortune might decline… or perhaps a man with even better conditions and a more romantic personality might fall for Kisa’s beauty.

Even if none of that happened, the higher Kisa was regarded as a desirable bride in society, the higher her value would rise.

Daniel and the Lowens family would also want Kisa even more intensely. Unfortunately, in reality, such calculations didn’t work on Daniel, but that’s how the Count thought, at least.

“You’re saying quite a lot.”

Was it because his true intentions were laid bare? Or was it because he thought his daughter was completely naive? The Count avoided her gaze with an embarrassed expression.

“Anyway, let’s pretend I didn’t hear that. You may go now.”

“Father, I’ll find another suitable match soon. As you know, I’m quite pretty, am I not?”

While she wasn’t thrilled about having to rely on her looks, it was the best option for now.

Although it’s awkward for her to say it herself, there’s no denying that Kisa Vansfelt is beautiful.

Everyone said so, and the Count had constantly warned her not to become arrogant because of her good looks. The burdensome nickname of “the most beautiful flower in society” wasn’t simply because she embodied the ideal noblewoman.

“A sufficiently good match will come along.”

Kisa’s appearance and background were far too good for her to be shunned because of a broken engagement or two. She could guarantee that if news of the broken engagement spread, marriage proposals would pour in from everywhere.

“But there’s no one who surpasses Daniel Lowens.”

“Father.”

“Am I wrong? If you think there’s a man better than Daniel who would propose to you, tell me his name.”

“…….”

She couldn’t. Because no one came to mind.

Within the kingdom, there were only a handful of families comparable to, or surpassing, the Marquis Lowen’s family in terms of reputation and wealth.

If you narrowed it down to families with an unmarried head of the household or heir, the candidates became even fewer, and even they already had their respective betrothed.

It was unusual for a member of a family with such reputation and wealth to remain unengaged until marriageable age.

Kisa bit her lip. Her thinking had been shallow. The ‘suitable match’ Kisa could bring wouldn’t satisfy her father.

Count Vansfelt took out a new sheet of paper from his drawer and began writing with a fountain pen. It was a nonverbal signal to leave if she had nothing more to say.

“How long are you going to stand there? I want to concentrate on writing a congratulatory letter to the new Duke of Hillan.”

“……Father, are you really determined not to let me break off the engagement?”

“Kisa Vansfelt.”

Her father, without even glancing at her, said,

“This marriage is your duty. If you’ve enjoyed a high-quality life as my daughter, then marry the person who will bring the greatest benefit to our family.”

“But Daniel—”

“I don’t want to hear it. You’re not a naive child anymore. Do all nobles in this world marry the person they want? Most people settle for what they can get and make do.”

That was the end of the conversation. After telling her not to disappoint him further, the Count completely ignored her. Kisa had no choice but to leave his office.

Her father’s words weren’t entirely wrong. Kisa accepted her marital obligations as a noblewoman to a certain extent.

Even before knowing the truth, she hadn’t only envisioned a rosy future with Daniel.

“Daniel, Daniel! Let’s play together!”

“No. You’re no fun. I’m going to play war games with my friends, so you go play with your dolls.”

Since childhood, he had almost always found his fiancée annoying. She loved him because the occasional moments of unpredictable kindness were so dazzling, but she wasn’t oblivious.

She thought it was okay. Daniel wasn’t particularly interested in other women, and Kisa was the woman he was closest and most familiar with outside of his family.

Or so she thought, until she learned about the teahouse owner.

The image of Daniel openly belittling Kisa and calling her stupid in front of that woman came back to her like a nightmare. She knew what her father was saying. She knew, yet she wanted to avoid marrying him.

Even if Daniel changed his behavior after hearing her father’s words, if she married him, Kisa would constantly doubt herself. Did what she just said sound stupid? Did her actions look stupid?

Even if he didn’t show it outwardly, wasn’t he secretly mocking her? Wouldn’t he go to that woman and gossip about his stupid wife, using it as an anecdote to strengthen their friendship?

If she hadn’t known about his true feelings and his relationship with that woman, it would have been different. But now that she knew, she could never go back.

Yes, if it were a stranger with no feelings involved, it would be different, but she couldn’t marry Daniel. She would suffocate and wither away.

She realized she was running down the hallway. Such unladylike behavior was unprecedented, except for when she was very young.

However, Kisa couldn’t stop her legs.

“Oh, Miss!”

A maid she met around the corner looked at her in surprise.

“Have you seen Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“Daniel Lowens. Have you seen him?”

“Ah, I saw your fiancé heading towards the garden.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh my, Miss! It’s dangerous to run like that!”

The man in question was leaning against a gazebo in the garden, watching the scenery.

“We meet again, Miss.”

His greeting carried a smoky smell, as if he had just finished smoking a cigar.

“What business do you have with me this time?”

“Go to my father right now and tell him you want to break off our engagement.”

“What?”

He widened his eyes at her sudden words, then slowly smirked.

“Ah, so your father won’t listen to you, so you’re bothering me instead. Is your father scary, and I’m easy to manipulate?”

“Think what you will. So, your answer?”

“I refuse. I intend to marry you.”

“You…why are you doing this? Why do you want to marry me, not your beloved Hazel?”

The moment that name was mentioned, the smile disappeared from Daniel’s face. Kisa taunted him, finding it absurd.

“Ah, so love and family connections are separate things? Then it wouldn’t matter if it were another woman, right? With your background, there are plenty of women with good enough conditions to accept a loveless marriage.”

Even Kisa might have resigned herself and married him if she hadn’t known he despised her so much. That’s how noble marriages usually were.

“Let me correct one thing. What I have with Hazel is friendship, not love. I feel like I’ve said this many times, why can’t you remember?”

He lowered his voice a tone and slowly approached Kisa.

“This time, I’ll make sure it’s firmly implanted in that lovely, not-so-bright head of yours.”

Every time she stepped back, he took two steps closer.

“And, no matter what you say, I won’t break off our engagement, so give up your futile efforts.”

“……Why are you doing this to me?”

Kisa found herself trapped between Daniel and the gazebo fence, unable to move.

His large body completely confined her.

“You say I’m stupid? Why would you marry someone as stupid as me? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to have a more intelligent spouse?”

“Because, Kisa, what I need isn’t your intelligence, but your background and…”

He raised his index finger and tapped her lower abdomen.

“…this here.”

A cold voice whispered kindly in her ear.

“Just marry me obediently and bear my child.”

 

Chap 8

Madman

Pa! The moment Kisa came to her senses, she sharply slapped Daniel’s hand away.

“Madman.”

“Oh my, does the young lady know how to use such vulgar language? You’ll get scolded by your father.”

Daniel took a step back and whistled.

“You…what do you think I am? Do you think I’m stupid and incapable of feeling emotions because I look foolish in your eyes?”

Kisa’s voice trembled with humiliation, but Daniel remained calm.

“Why the exaggeration? Producing an heir is a noble’s duty. Is asking you to do that such a bad thing?”

“Is that even what you call an explanation-?”

“Kisa, did I tell you to truly love me? Or did I ask you to be friendly with Hazel?”

While Kisa was speechless with disbelief, Daniel shamelessly continued.

“Anyway, as both of us were born noble, we have to marry for the sake of our families and have children. Wouldn’t it be better to choose someone we’ve known for a long time?”

“…Is that why you insist on marrying me?”

“Yes, with other women, I’d need time to get to know them. There’s also the risk of hidden dark pasts. But you’re different. Besides, I quite like you.”

This is absurd. Is this how someone who likes another person behaves?

“Remember? When we were kids, we made a grave for Whisker Jack here.”

Whisker Jack was the nickname Kisa gave to a stray cat who often received food from the servants of the Count Vansfelt’s household. The black fur under its nose looked like a mustache.

“We’ve known each other long enough to have many such cherished memories. Even if we can’t be a loving couple, we could probably live well enough, right?”

“…Forget it. I’d be far from okay with you looking down on me like that.”

“Is it because of what I said about you being stupid? I apologized last time. And this time, if you hadn’t brought up Hazel first, I wouldn’t have said it.”

It was a ridiculous excuse. Even without the insult of calling her stupid, Daniel consistently didn’t treat Kisa as an equal.

“The Vansfelt family’s little tattletale.”

“What, are you going to run to your father and tell on me?”

A clearly condescending attitude towards someone he considered inferior. Even considering his bad mood from being summoned by Count Vansfelt, it wasn’t appropriate treatment for a fiancée.

In fact, he had always been like this. Back then, Kisa, who liked Daniel very much, simply attributed it to the playful banter of childhood friends.

“So, Kisa. Stop your pointless rebellion and marry me as promised. If you just fulfill your role as a wife, I won’t interfere with your life.”

“So you’ll live as you please, then.”

“As long as I fulfill my role as a husband. As I said before, just because we’re married doesn’t mean you own me. Don’t even think about interfering with my social life or hobbies.”

“While I bear and raise your child, you’ll be seeing that woman.”

“I won’t deny it. We’re close friends who swore eternal friendship.”

“Madman.”

“After you give birth to my child, you can meet other men as you please. That’s not my concern. How about it? It’s not a bad offer, is it?”

Daniel smiled condescendingly, as if he was granting her a great favor, then turned to leave.

“I’ll go now. I need to discuss with my father when we should set the date for our wedding. And I’ll ask your father’s opinion too.”

There was no room for Kisa’s opinion.

“Marriage…”

After Daniel left, Kisa sat down on a chair under the gazebo, muttering blankly.

If the three of them—excluding Kisa—agreed, she would have no choice but to marry. The only way she could defy this was to run away before the wedding day.

But where could she go? Kisa didn’t know the world outside the fence her father had built.

“Marriage, do I have to?”

The late winter wind, carrying a lonely scent, brushed against her skin.

****

“Marriage, you say?”

At Seyard’s question, the woman smiled brightly.

“Yes, marriage. Duke Hillan.”

Arta Derbon Sorbi, the youngest daughter of the king and princess of the Sorbi kingdom, clearly stated her intentions.

“Of course, it’s not been long since the previous Duke passed away, so we can’t officially discuss this, but we should talk about it privately, shouldn’t we?”

“I see.”

“You seem hesitant. Why don’t you want to take over your brother’s fiancée?”

It was a question that went straight to the point, without any circumlocution. Seyard looked into his teacup before speaking.

“Princess, do you wish to marry me?”

The answer came immediately.

“Of course. Who would refuse the chance to become the mistress of the Hillan duchy?”

“Up close, it’s not such a good place.”

“That may be true for you, Duke, but it’s quite tempting to me. That’s why your father made a promise with the Chunbujang, didn’t he? To unite our families through marriage.”

“The son who was to marry you wasn’t me. Now that my brother is dead, you don’t need to be bound by that old promise anymore.”

“…Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

After a short silence, Arta arched her perfectly groomed eyebrows and grumbled.

“Suddenly, I think my father should have added a condition. For example, if something happened to the engaged parties, preventing them from maintaining the engagement, then another sibling should take over.”

When Seyard replied with a faint smile, the princess said listlessly.

“I know. You don’t usually make such ominous assumptions on a happy day when you’re promising the future of your children. But Duke Hillan, marrying me is also beneficial to you. Don’t you know?”

“It would be an immense honor. However, I… I cannot replace my deceased brother.”

“I don’t want you to replace your brother.”

Setting down her teacup, Seyard spoke. “Princess,” he said.

“With all due respect, I believe what you need most right now is rest and time.”

His gaze swept over her pale cheeks and thin wrists.

“I heard you’ve been having a difficult time after losing your fiancé. Therefore, discussing marriage with me might be premature…”

Hahaha. Suddenly, a hearty laugh erupted, causing Seyard to stop.

“Duke, you don’t think I’m truly consumed by grief, do you?”

The princess laughed loudly, as if she found it extremely funny.

“If you do, you’re quite naive. It’s clearly a facade for public consumption. It’s only been less than two months since my fiancé, whom I’ve known since childhood, died.”

A pale pink fingernail swept back her hair.

“Well, it’s rewarding to see that it looked so convincing. I worked hard to abstain from food and drink.”

“…I see. I didn’t know. I only heard that the relationship between you and my brother was extremely good.”

“He was an excellent fiancé. Vischer Hillan, as you know, was a very noble and rational man. But a man whose thoughts are difficult to understand is not my type.”

Looking directly at Seyard, Arta continued, “Compared to him…”

“…”

“You’re quite appealing to me. You have the same face as your brother, but you’re different in this way. I understand why you’re hesitant about my proposal.”

“…”

“You don’t want to inherit your brother’s future spouse, do you? I understand. I’d also be offended if I had to take over my sister’s fiancé just because she died. I’m not a substitute.”

“I don’t necessarily think that way.”

“Lies. You actually dislike your brother…”

The heavy silence that settled in the drawing-room couldn’t stop the princess’s blunt words.

“It’s okay to be honest, Seyard. You’re the younger twin who was banished to a monastery simply because you were born a twin. Is there any more old-fashioned superstition than that twins bring misfortune?”

“That was my parents’ decision.”

“Still, it must be hard to like your brother. He had everything you couldn’t have… until his unfortunate accident.”

For a while, the two simply stared at each other in silence. The one who broke the silence was Arta Derbon Sorbi, the noble royalty who had the right to do so.

“I think I’ve revealed enough. You understand? Your brother and I weren’t as close as you think.”

It was as if she was saying, “So you can take my hand.” However, when Seyard didn’t express a clear opinion, the princess sighed slightly and spoke even more directly.

“Duke, don’t you want to surpass your brother? Then marry me, strengthen the bond with the royal family, and achieve what your brother couldn’t.”

****

“Welcome, Duke.”

Seyard nodded slightly at his secretary, Gilliam’s words, and boarded the carriage he opened. Gilliam naturally followed and sat opposite Seyard in the carriage, asking,

“How was the audience?”

Seyard roughly loosened his cravat and threw it next to him, replying gruffly.

“It was exhausting.”

“She’s not an easy person, the princess.”

“Unlike the many people I’ve met here, she doesn’t beat around the bush. She has a very clear goal and the insight to achieve it. But…”

Looking out the window of the carriage leaving the palace, he muttered.

“Even she misunderstood one thing about me.”

“What is that?”

“It’s that I’m not particularly interested in surpassing Vischer.”

Furthermore, Seyard had absolutely no intention of doing as she wished.

“I need to find a suitable marriage partner quickly.”

 

Chap 9

The Youngest Princess

“What?”

Gilliam blinked in surprise at Seyard’s sudden declaration.

“You mean to say you’re looking for a marriage partner…?”

“Literally.”

“May I ask why you’re in such a rush?”

Seyard summarized the conversation he had with the princess and conveyed it to his secretary. After hearing the story, Gilliam spoke cautiously.

“I see. However, considering the princess has just brought it up, isn’t it a bit hasty?”

“Since it came from the princess, it’s only a matter of time before the king speaks. The royal family has wanted to exert influence over our family for a long time.”

Given that the Duke of Hillan’s family has a history in the Sorbi Kingdom comparable to that of the royal family and possesses immense wealth, such a desire was understandable.

Although it had been a long time since the war with the neighboring country of Jacques ended, the royal family had yet to repay a significant portion of the debt incurred to finance it.

Seyard clicked his tongue.

“My father was excessively obsessed with appearances. Even without a royal-born mistress, Hillan is still Hillan.”

“Well, at that time, as the family was venturing into new businesses, it was necessary to gain the king’s favor.”

Gilliam, somewhat defending the former master, glanced at the current master.

“In any case, you mean to proceed with another marriage before hearing directly from the king.”

“I’m just trying to get ahead. It hasn’t been long since my brother’s situation, so for the sake of appearances, I’ll stay quiet for now, but he’ll be calling me soon.”

“Do you dislike marrying the princess that much?”

“Gilliam, I’m not Vischer; I’m Seyard.”

The Duke of Hillan, who met the gaze of the eyes filled with a faint sense of unease, smiled softly.

“Then you have no obligation to marry the princess.”

Gilliam, seeing Seyard’s firm resolve, could no longer voice any opposition. Out of loyalty, he simply asked, “Shall I start looking for a marriage partner as soon as we arrive?”

“Sure. Do you think it will take long?”

“Well, to be honest, I’m not sure if there’s anyone suitable for you.”

Typically, if there were candidates from families matching the status of the Duke of Hillan and of Seyard’s age, they would already be matched.

Moreover, Seyard had spent his childhood in a monastery and had not had the opportunity to interact with noblewomen; it was puzzling where one would suddenly find a partner for him.

“A partner suitable for me.”

Leaning against one wall, Seyard looked out at the scenery outside. The carriage was passing near the royal library.

“Do you happen to have anyone in mind?”

Gilliam asked, trying to confirm his master’s intentions. Seyard pondered for a moment before giving a somewhat vague answer.

“Well, there’s just someone who comes to mind.”

In the swaying carriage, Gilliam tilted his head in confusion.

****

“Hello, everyone.”

As the owner of the reception room finally appeared after a long wait, the guests hurriedly stood up.

“It’s an honor to see the princess.”

“Princess, how is your health?”

“We are honored that you allowed us to visit.”

At a glance, Arta, who had clearly lost weight since their last meeting, wore a somewhat weak smile.

“Come now, everyone, please sit. I’m fine, really. Thanks to your concern, I’ve gotten much better.”

As they took their seats, a tender emotion spread across the faces of the women.

“How could the princess be…?”

“You’ve lost so much weight, and you say you’re fine?”

“How heartbreaking it must be.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel.”

Arta waved her hands in a flustered manner.

“No, really, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me so much. Rather, could you tell me what has happened outside while I’ve been holed up? I’ve received some news through letters, but hearing it directly is different.”

Her forced cheerfulness was pitiful, but they eagerly tried to change the atmosphere to accommodate the princess’s wish.

“By the way, our pet dog just had puppies recently. They’re so cute…”

“I went to the opera ‘The Lord’s Castle’ at the Royal Theater yesterday. The performers were quite impressive. If anyone is interested, let’s go together sometime…”

“My father brought back some tea leaves from his business trip, and I’d like to share some with you, Princess…”

Casual conversations flowed over the tea set, and whenever the princess spoke, everyone stopped to listen intently.

This had been a recurring scene for several years. Aptly named the youngest princess and her friends.

Long ago, the queen personally selected friends for her young daughter. Kisa felt honored to be included among them, as Count Vansfelt would often remind her, saying that the queen had chosen based on both family and character.

Thanks to the queen’s keen eye, the gathering had continued without incident. The thought of upsetting the princess was enough to scare them into compliance, but Kisa genuinely enjoyed the meetings. Being close to royalty was a privilege for any noble.

However, today, she found it difficult to focus, merely nodding along to their conversations. The issue of her marriage to Daniel still disturbed her mind, but the fundamental cause was the presence of Melissa sitting next to her.

“What? I can’t believe that happened. It must have been shocking.”

As she listened to others, Melissa smiled at Kisa when their eyes met.

“What’s wrong? Do you have something to say?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re so boring.”

Melissa’s nonchalant demeanor made Kisa feel uneasy. It had only been four days since they had parted ways in a heated argument.

Despite having had no contact in the meantime, Melissa acted as if everything was normal when they met in front of the palace.

Of course, Kisa didn’t want to show any signs of conflict in front of the heartbroken princess. But seeing someone who looked just like she did before left her in a daze.

“Kisa, you’re not eating much? Why are you picking at the lemon cake you love so much?”

That feigned concern on her insincere face made Kisa swallow her displeasure instead of the cake.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me—”

Just as she was about to insist that she was fine, someone else showed interest in their conversation.

“Oh my, Kisa. Are you not feeling well?”

Princess Arta placed a hand on her cheek as she asked, and Kisa panicked, waving her hands.

“No, Princess. It’s just a misunderstanding on Melissa’s part.”

“Really? If there’s anywhere you feel unwell, you don’t need to hide it.”

“It’s true. I’m perfectly healthy.”

At least she couldn’t compare to the princess, who had been struggling with her feelings and hadn’t stepped into society. A delicate and kind princess sighed in relief at Kisa’s answer.

“I’m glad to hear that. I was worried that you might have run into some trouble.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you’re going through a tough time in many ways right now.”

“…Pardon?”

At that moment, a cold wind pierced Kisa’s heart like a needle. Reflexively, she glanced at Melissa, who was avoiding her gaze with an awkward expression. Seeing the two of them, the princess stepped in to mediate.

“Don’t blame Melissa. I asked first. I could sense the worry in the letters exchanged with Melissa.”

Letters? Now that she thought about it, although Arta had been confined, she had responded regularly to the letters of consolation that had come her way. Kisa remembered sending about four or five in return.

So that’s it. Melissa turned Kisa’s troubles into a topic of conversation to capture the princess’s interest.

“…I see.”

Even so, she had no choice but to respond in that way here, as the princess was supporting Melissa.

“Kisa, you’re a wonderful person. Even if Young Master Lowens doesn’t realize it now and is wandering, he will surely return to you in the end.”

The young ladies surrounding the table looked at Kisa with expressions of surprise and interest. The princess stood up and approached, holding Kisa’s hand.

“So don’t fret too much and wait. And if you’re dealing with anything difficult, feel free to talk to me anytime. I’ll be here to support you.”

“…”

“Right? We’re friends.”

As if signaled, the young ladies chimed in one after another.

“The princess is right, Lady Vansfelt.”

“If there’s anything we can do to help, we will.”

“Don’t be too disheartened. After all, a man’s heart can cool down.”

“Young Master Lowens will surely realize your worth.”

Why was it that, although they were supposed to be words of comfort, each one felt like a heavy stone pressing down on her? In an instant, she was reduced to a pitiful state, receiving pity.

Her parched lips quivered. You want to help me? Then will you order my father to stop the engagement? Or perhaps it wouldn’t be bad to hide me from my family. Princess, oh princess…

But none of that made sense. She knew better than anyone that the princess wouldn’t do any of those things. To her, Kisa was not of that value.

“Thank you, Princess. I’m grateful to all of you.”

Kisa replied with a dry voice, giving the expected response.

As the tea party ended, the young ladies left the palace, expressing their regret at parting with the princess. After bidding farewell to others, Kisa pulled Melissa’s arm and headed toward the Vansfelt carriage.

“Kisa!”

Startled by the rough hand, Melissa shouted, but Kisa paid her no mind as she addressed a maid from the Dos family.

“Melissa is coming back with me, so you should return separately.”

“What? When did I say that?”

Melissa looked at her with wide eyes.

“Why? Don’t you want to? We’ve often gone back together like this. Hurry up and get in. I’ll drop you off in front of your house.”

With an uncharacteristically firm attitude, Kisa made Melissa roll her eyes but still climb into the Vansfelt carriage. Kisa instructed the maid who was about to follow her.

“Marsha, I’m sorry, but could you sit in the driver’s seat today? We have something to discuss.”

“Me? But—”

“Please.”

“…Yes, Miss.”

Perhaps she had read some emotions from Kisa’s flat voice? Without further ado, Marsha got up next to the driver with his help.

“Are you messing with me? What on earth are you trying to do?”

Inside the carriage, facing Kisa’s hostility, Melissa awkwardly leaned back.

“Why are you so angry…?”

 

Chap 10

Reunion

Kisa glared at Melissa in response to that shameless question.

“Do you really not know why I’m angry?”

“Is it because I talked about you to the Princess?”

“You know very well.”

“You heard earlier. The Princess wanted to know, so I had no choice.”

“Don’t use the Princess as an excuse. You must have stimulated her curiosity first, which is why she asked.”

“I just thought the Princess was curious about your news-“

“I said stop making excuses!”

When the loud voice rang out, Melissa finally closed her mouth and changed her expression. Until just now she had looked wronged, but now she frowns with anger.

“Isn’t this too much? Is it such a big problem to confide in a friend?”

“What? Confide?”

“Yes, since you were struggling with the Daniel issue, I wanted to help in my own way. Just then, the Princess asked if you and I were getting along well. She was worried because you haven’t been sending letters as frequently as before.”

“I was just temporarily preoccupied with the Daniel issue.”

“That’s exactly why I mentioned that problem to her, wasn’t it? So she could give you words of encouragement.”

“For my sake?”

Seeing her friend let out a scoffing laugh, Melissa calmly nodded.

“Yes, it was for your sake.”

Watching this, a sense of futility took over her entire body. The past years of considering this person her best friend for over a decade felt pathetic.

“You always say you did it for me. Your mouth is only tight when it comes to me.”

It wasn’t that Kisa was completely unaware that Melissa had this side to her. Since childhood, Melissa had used Kisa’s stories as bait to attract people’s interest and lead conversations.

It would be a lie to say it wasn’t uncomfortable, but even so, Kisa never actively stopped Melissa’s behavior.

[My beautiful friend, Kisa Vansfelt.]

That’s what Melissa would say every time she made Kisa a topic of conversation. Though somewhat burdensome, Kisa thought it was just her way of showing pride in their friendship.

In childhood, Melissa had been the kind one who first approached the extremely shy Kisa. That same Melissa was someone who would readily use not only her friend’s appearance but also her worries to curry favor with the Princess.

“Wasn’t it good for you too?”

Watching Kisa biting her lip intently, Melissa spoke defensively.

“Everyone thinks so highly of you. Plus, even the Princess is on your side. You don’t have to be afraid anymore even if Daniel acts like a rogue.”

Only a sigh came out at the absurdity.

“So you exposed my private matters as you pleased?”

“‘Exposed’ is a bit harsh, dear. It was just confiding, like I said.”

“Confide about your own worries. Don’t go around spreading other people’s concerns.”

“When did I spread rumors?”

“Since others know about it now, it’s only a matter of time before it spreads. Daniel Lowens is looking elsewhere despite having a fiancée. Kisa Vansfelt is anxiously failing to hold onto a man’s heart.”

Melissa rolled her eyes as if to say not to talk nonsense.

“Are you saying the other ladies are loose-lipped? Why can’t you trust your friend?”

“Some friend you are.”

‘The Princess’s playmate who caters to her whims’ would be a more fitting description. At Kisa’s blunt words, Melissa cried out in shock.

“Kisa! How could you say such a thing!”

Kisa stared blankly at the fuming Melissa.

The Melissa she knew wasn’t naive enough to believe that a secret revealed before multiple people would remain a secret. She probably just wanted to avoid criticism.

“Why are you really being like this? Why are you saying such horrible things? I really just wanted to lift your spirits…”

The tearful Melissa made Kisa lose any will to distinguish right from wrong. It was no different than talking to a wall.

She hid Daniel’s indiscretion for Kisa’s sake, and then confessed it to the Princess for Kisa’s sake as well. Whether it was the result of endless self-justification or not, Melissa seemed to sincerely believe this.

“Enough. Further conversation seems meaningless.”

“If there’s a misunderstanding, let’s resolve it through talking.”

“No, it would only make my mouth sore.”

“…Fine, do as you please!”

Melissa closed her mouth in protest, and Kisa no longer felt the need to speak to her either. The carriage moved forward in uncomfortable silence until finally arriving at the Dos family mansion.

“Kisa.”

Before leaving the carriage, Melissa turned to Kisa and said:

“I believe someday you’ll understand my feelings. Your sharp reaction now must be because you lack peace of mind due to Daniel.”

Kisa made no response. Melissa threw a frustrated look at her friend before getting out of the carriage and entering the mansion.

In the carriage heading to the Vansfelt townhouse, looking outside, a thought suddenly occurred to her. Isn’t Melissa exactly the kind of exemplary daughter that Count Vansfelt wants?

She doesn’t meddle in other families’ marriage affairs under the pretense of helping a friend, and does her best to be the Princess’s joy.

Perhaps he had expected his daughter to emulate Melissa. That’s why he introduced his friend’s daughter to his own daughter and instructed them to be close friends.

Yes. Come to think of it, Kisa’s own will wasn’t really involved in becoming friends with Melissa.

Not only that, but meeting and getting engaged to Daniel were all according to the Count’s will. What about feelings? Can she really say she liked Daniel of her own will?

A boy of her age who frequently visited the mansion on the Count’s invitation during her loneliest and most desolate time.

Moreover, Daniel back then was quite obedient to his father, so he tried to treat Kisa relatively well. It was only natural that Kisa developed her first innocent love.

Thinking this way, she suddenly felt suffocated. Kisa’s life was controlled by the Count from beginning to end. Look. Even now, he’s ignoring her wish to break off the engagement.

She’ll probably end up marrying Daniel soon unless she escapes from the Count’s grasp. But unfortunately, she has no proper means to do so.

Kisa blankly stared down at her pale hands. Everything in these hands was given to her by the Count. Not just material things but even relationships, nothing was truly her own…

“No.”

There is one person. Recently, there was one person with whom she formed a connection completely unrelated to the Count’s wishes.

“Wait, wait, stop for a moment!”

Impulsively opening the carriage window, Kisa called out toward the driver’s seat. After the carriage stopped by the roadside, Marsha, who had been in the driver’s seat, hurriedly ran over and opened the door.

“What’s wrong, Miss?”

“I just remembered something I need to do at the Royal Library. Please turn around.”

“What? Right now?”

“Yes.”

“But if you’re late coming home again like before-“

“Don’t worry. I’ll come out before it gets too late.”

Marsha, who would normally have opposed more firmly, seemed hesitant. Having heard the argument between Kisa and Melissa, she was probably being cautious about getting caught in the crossfire. It seems she decided to accommodate Kisa’s mood.

“Alright, I understand. But we must return before the master comes home.”

And so the carriage changed direction and headed toward the area where the Royal Library was located.

He wasn’t in the nobles’ reading room she was visiting for the second time. Though she hadn’t expected much from the start, entering the empty reading room just like before gave her a sense of disappointment.

“Well, just because he’s a university student doesn’t mean he has to always be at the library.”

Muttering quietly, Kisa placed a book on the desk. “Theory of Possession.” It was philosopher Barth’s book that Seyard had recommended when they met before.

She had wanted to read it since then and even checked Count Vansfelt’s library, but while there were several other works by Barth, “Theory of Possession” wasn’t among them.

However, sending someone to obtain the book wasn’t a good choice either. Since Kisa had never shown interest in such matters before, the content of the errand would inevitably reach the Count’s ears, and he was unlikely to approve of his daughter’s change.

“Well, I originally came to read this book anyway.”

The man who had given her truly encouraging words. While she wanted to meet him again, the original purpose of coming here was to retrace the memories of that day.

Even that alone made her feel like her constricted breathing was loosening somewhat. Among all that had happened in the past few days, the memory of this reading room was the most pleasant.

Sitting in the same spot as last time, Kisa opened the first page of the much thinner book. Oh, Seyard’s recommendation was certainly right – the vocabulary and expressions are much easier compared to Barth’s Doctrine.

Since she came all this way, she might as well read it to the end. Despite this ambitious resolve and eagerly scanning the lined-up letters, there was an unexpected obstacle.

She had barely read two pages when her eyes kept closing. Come to think of it, she hadn’t been able to sleep at all last night. The pressure of having to meet Melissa against her wishes had weighed on her.

Oh no, this won’t do. She can’t waste this precious opportunity so futilely. Even while thinking this, Kisa started nodding off.

The library’s comfortably warm temperature and tranquil atmosphere hindered her resistance to the approaching sleep.

She props her swaying forehead on her hand with her elbow on the desk. Despite such efforts, her vision became hazily blurred and her consciousness drifted somewhere.

Finally, as her arm gave way and her head was falling forward. Oh my, some force supported Kisa’s forehead. To prevent it from colliding with the desk.

“You must be very tired.”

The man sitting across from her spoke with a smiling face. It was Seyard.