Immortal Takeout - Chapter 28

On the first day of March, as agreed, Tano went to Maochun City to find the tomato thick omelet that Yun Ge wanted to order. At the start of the new month, the weather wasn’t as nice as expected. The sky was gloomy, clouds churning outside as if viewed through a thick gauze.

Tano caught a whiff of rain in the air and regretted not bringing an umbrella. If he got wet, it would take him hours to rub his fur dry when he got home, which would delay his dinner time.

Despite this, it was a Sunday, and Maochun City was full of vitality. Humans emerged from their homes, changed into brightly colored spring clothes, walking in twos and threes on the bustling streets.

Amid the bustling crowd, Tano didn’t stand out. He was like a wandering bard detached from the city, observing, appreciating, but not integrating. Tano had been cultivating a human for many years, yet the human world remained strange and mysterious to him. He would have to study for many, many more years to completely disguise himself and fully adapt to living in the human world—if he still wished to by then.

While browsing the dazzling array of display windows, Tano pulled snacks from his pocket. Today’s offering was hand-shredded squid, dried in an oven, extremely chewy with the distinctive sweetness of seafood. Stuffing squid strips into his mouth, Tano reminded himself to save half the jar to use as a bribe when visiting the Little Boss later.

Walking and stopping like this, by the time Tano reached his destination, it was already noon. He patted his flat belly, wondering if he should order something for himself while placing the order. What should he get? Speaking of which, what exactly was a thick omelet? Although he’d never eaten one, from what Yun Ge said, it was extremely delicious? He wondered if they sold fresh shrimp flavor besides tomato.

Tano smacked his lips and looked up at the address plate again.

The address number was correct, but there was no sign of a snack shop here. Tano rubbed his eyes, pulled out his notebook from his pocket, and checked the address again.

It was correct.

No shop.

No tomato thick omelet.

And of course, no fresh shrimp thick omelet either.

The shop before him looked like it had been abandoned for some time. The glass windows were covered with countless grayish-white splatter stains. Tano wrinkled his nose, smelling an odor unpleasant to an otter. Peering inside through the dirty glass, it was hard to make out the interior. The shop’s door was wide open, and Tano glanced inside. The lights were off, and in such gloomy weather, all the furniture and fixtures seemed covered in shadows. He could vaguely discern the outlines of tables and chairs; the tables were askew, many chairs were toppled on the floor, left untidied.

The tomato thick omelet instantly became much less appealing to this otter.

Tano stood silently, momentarily at a loss. He waited on the spot for a while before any human movement came from inside the shop. A tall, thin young male human emerged from the shop’s back kitchen. He looked unwell, the corners of his mouth drooping, his thick eyebrows sweeping up towards his temples like two exclamation marks. As he walked out, he patted dust off his clothes.

“Hello,” Tano stepped forward, greeting him politely.

The young human stopped, looking at Tano with some surprise. “Didn’t they say they were coming tomorrow?” he said, clearly mistaking Tano for someone else. “Sorry, the shop isn’t fully tidied up yet. The cleaning lady won’t be here until this afternoon.” He glanced meaningfully at the stained glass windows.

Tano quickly waved his hands, explaining, “Actually, I’m here to place an order.”

“Place an order?” The young human was even more surprised, starting to stammer slightly. “B-but our shop has already closed down. We stopped operations over a month ago.”

Oh, no wonder.

Tano felt a sense of resigned understanding. If he could place an order easily and deliver it smoothly, he probably wouldn’t believe it himself. So it’s just closed down? A minor problem; he could handle it.

“Actually, it’s like this…” Tano pinched his fingers, his brain rapidly working as he stammered out a lie. “I have a friend who’s recently… courting a mate…”

Huh?

“Uh, no, he’s seeking… seeking… seeking someone to be his friend,” Tano swallowed nervously, continuing to fabricate. “My friend worked very hard. For the object of his affection… person, he sang for three days and three nights. His songs flew up to the sky, moving the stars and the moon.

But, unfortunately, his friend didn’t agree immediately. His friend said they would only agree if they could eat the tomato thick omelet you make. This matter is very important to my friend, so he asked me to buy the tomato thick omelet no matter what. So…”

Tano lifted his eyes to look at the young human. The intense nervousness made his eyes moist, which actually made him more persuasive. The young human wavered for a moment.

That sounds like a great story. If we can reopen, we should definitely print it on our ads. From now on, we’ll rename our thick omelet the ‘True Love Thick Omelet.’

The young human hesitated and said, “I… I didn’t expect… Hey, actually… you don’t necessarily have to buy it from me. We’ve mostly disposed of our equipment, and the kitchen hasn’t been used for a long time. I really can’t make it.”

Tano let out a disappointed “Ah.” He scratched his ear, trying to strive for an opportunity. “Is there really no way at all? Is there somewhere else you could cook one? I can pay a higher price.” Even as he said this, the little abacus in Tano’s mind was clattering chaotically. *Please don’t let the price be too high*, he prayed. So far, with Immortal Takeout, I’ve only earned one payment. And that payment isn’t even enough to buy two batches of small dried fish for the Little Boss.

The young human wasn’t swayed. He shook his head, remaining silent.

It seemed he was also troubled and resentful about closing the shop. Tano decided to change tactics and take the heartfelt route. He asked, “May I ask, why did you close the shop? From what I know, the food you cook is very delicious.”

The young human smiled, but his brows didn’t relax. “Couldn’t keep it open,” he said simply.

Tano glanced at the dirty glass window. A strange thought crossed his mind, but he didn’t grasp it. “Was someone bullying you?” he asked quietly.

A conflicted expression appeared on the young human’s face. He seemed to want to confide in Tano but felt embarrassed and didn’t know where to start. Tano quickly pulled out his glass jar, pulled out the stopper, and offered it to the young human. “It’s okay,” he encouraged. “Take your time. I have plenty of time. Maybe I can help you think of something.”

After hesitating for a long time, the young human finally, following Tano’s example, found a relatively clean spot by the nearby flower bed, sat down, took a small piece of squid strip, and began to tell his story.

The young human introduced himself as Song Shi, from out of town. A few years ago, he opened a small eatery in Maochun City’s main urban area called “Cat’s Teishoku,” serving improved versions of Chinese-style Japanese meals. He managed it diligently, developed many innovative dishes with excellent taste, and in the first few years, it was quite popular with customers, building a good reputation. The business was doing well, and Mr. Song Shi even considered buying his own place nearby.

But the good times didn’t last long. The nightmare started a year ago. One winter morning, Mr. Song Shi suddenly found himself targeted by a group of crows.

“Crows?” Tano listened with great interest, stuffing a handful of squid strips into his mouth as he pressed for details. “What kind of crows? Did they know you?”

Mr. Song Shi shook his head uncertainly. “All crows look the same. I don’t know if I’ve seen them before or not. But what’s certain is that I offended them. Because since that morning, this group of crows has been ‘visiting’ my little shop almost every day.” He smiled wryly. “Not only do they come, but they also airdrop ‘gifts.'”

Song Shi pointed at the glass window behind him, which had become a disaster zone for airdrops, and sighed. “At first, I tried to shoo them away. Later, I found out that crows hold grudges. The more I fought them, the worse their retaliation became. It started with dirtying my windows, then escalated to attacking my customers.”

Cleaning and wiping the windows daily couldn’t guarantee the shop’s cleanliness. And customers who were attacked by the crows almost never set foot in the shop again. A small eatery built on the foundation of cleanliness and customer experience gradually declined like this.

Mr. Song Shi persevered bitterly, spending half his time every day just maintaining the shop’s hygiene. He also sought help regarding the crow vendetta from friends and online. But this meant he had much less energy to invest in his dishes and managing the shop. Moreover, he found there were no effective methods to drive away crows on the market. A year passed with no results. The crows didn’t come as frequently as at the beginning, but the situation got worse and worse.

Mr. Song Shi finally realized he couldn’t hold on by himself. He made a painful decision: to close down and move away, to leave this place despised by the crows.

And so, “Cat’s Teishoku” closed its doors for good.

“I consulted an ornithologist online. He told me that for grudge-holding birds like crows, driving them away and fighting back are useless. So far, the only surefire method people know is to move away.” Mr. Song Shi shrugged and smiled helplessly.

Tano also sighed. He felt very sympathetic towards Song Shi. He had heard about the crow’s notorious grudges before. Father Otter had warned him that in Hundred-Leaf Forest, you could offend anyone, but you must steer clear of crows.

They are a bunch of demons, Otter Dad had said, sighing wistfully as he recalled a story from his reckless youth when a gang of jackdaws had bombed him with poop bombs, chasing him from the lower reaches of the Hongjiu River all the way to the upper reaches. It was there that he met Mother Otter and began a lifelong bond.

“So what are you planning to do next? Will you keep running a shop?” If he moved, with a new place and a new start, Mr. Song Shi could reopen his shop. Then there would be hope for his tomato thick omelet too.

But Mr. Song Shi shook his head. The ordeal of this past year had almost depleted his capital. If not for that, he would have persisted longer. At least in the short term, Mr. Song Shi couldn’t continue operating his own shop.

“Maybe I’ll apply for a job as a chef, work for a few years first. When the time is ripe, I’ll start over.”

“That’s a good plan too,” Tano said hesitantly. It’s just that in a few years, his opening ceremony couldn’t wait that long. He distressfully rubbed his face, then suddenly rolled his eyes, thinking of a solution.

“Maybe I can help you!” Tano laughed.

Upstream on the Hongjiu River, there is a lake opposite the Great Moon Lake, called Little Moon Lake. The Great and Little Moon Lakes are like two pearls dotting the winding course of the Hongjiu River. At the inlet of Little Moon Lake lives a Chinese pond turtle named Shutu Tong①. Grandpa Shutu Tong is the oldest sentient being in Hundred-Leaf Forest and the Hongjiu River basin.

Grandpa Shutu Tong has always lived in Little Moon Lake. For decades, he hasn’t moved his spot. No one can say exactly how old he is, but one thing is certain: Grandpa Shutu Tong attained sentience before the founding of the People’s Republic. That’s quite remarkable.

Because of his rich life experience, Grandpa Shutu Tong is knowledgeable, knows things ordinary people don’t, and can answer all sorts of unimaginable questions. He is the famous know-it-all of the Hongjiu River basin. Whenever families have undecidable doubts, they like to visit Grandpa Shutu Tong at Little Moon Lake, seeking an answer.

Tano thought asking Grandpa Shutu Tong might yield a solution. For Yun Ge’s thick omelet, and to help the pitiful Mr. Song Shi, he decided to extend a helping paw.

“Really?” Mr. Song Shi was overjoyed, yet he didn’t dare hope too much. After all, this strange young man before him looked childish, with round, beady eyes and chubby cheeks—completely like a kid, seeming incapable of great tasks.

Better not drag an innocent person into this, Mr. Song Shi thought. After some consideration, he declined Tano’s kind offer. “If you really want to eat tomato thick omelet, I can make a portion for you at home.”

Tano shook his head. He did want to place the order, but Mr. Song Shi also seemed to need help. Crows are different from most animals; they have always lived among humans, adapted to city life. To some extent, city crows can’t do without humans anymore. While some of their behaviors trouble humans, aren’t they also putting themselves in danger? If Grandpa Shutu Tong knew a solution, it would surely be a win-win outcome.

“Don’t judge me by my unimpressive appearance,” Tano said, patting his chest. “I have rich experience raising crows.” He was lying through his teeth, surprised to find his skill at fabricating lies was improving. He wasn’t sure whether to celebrate or not.

Mr. Song Shi was indeed shocked. Someone who raised crows was really rare.

To make his lie seem more real, Tano decided to add some details. “It’s true. I keep a black crow at home. I call him Taji Guo Men Yu. I know a fair bit about crows. Let me go back and organize my knowledge, and I’ll come find you tomorrow. You take me to find that group of crows bullying you, and I’ll help you reason with them.”

His words were disjointed—one moment saying he knew a lot, the next saying he needed to go home and organize his knowledge—full of holes no matter how you looked at it. Mr. Song Shi felt like laughing, but surprisingly, he wasn’t repulsed. He had been worrying alone for so long; this was the first time someone had proactively wanted to help him. Regardless of whether this help could bring substantial improvement, he found it very comforting.

“Thank you,” Mr. Song Shi said sincerely. “Then come find me. I’ll be here tomorrow too. If you come, I’ll take you to see those crows.” During the year-long struggle, he had become thoroughly familiar with the roost of that mischievous group of crows.

I’ll just make the thick omelet tomorrow and deliver it directly, he thought. That way, at least one of us will be satisfied.

“Okay, okay!” Tano agreed readily, adding, “Don’t be sad. There are always ways to solve problems. Animals are smarter than you think, and easier to communicate with too, as long as we find the right method.”

Mr. Song Shi found this somewhat unexpected. He was stunned for a moment, then laughed. “Mm,” he nodded.

As if he had already found the solution, Tano felt much lighter. He started back, satisfied, detouring to Liu Family Village on the way to visit the Little Boss who was still upset.

Halfway there, just as Tano had predicted, a fine rain began to fall from the sky. Soon, the rain intensified, soaking Tano’s hair and drenching his jacket. His fluffy hair, once wet, stuck to his forehead. Tano brushed at it, sighed, and quickened his pace. He missed his salt jar dearly.

Hurrying along, he finally reached his destination. Arriving at the Luo family’s main gate, Tano slapped his forehead, only then remembering that the half jar of squid strips he had promised to save for the Little Boss had mostly ended up in his own stomach.

Tano hesitated, pacing back and forth outside the gate for a long time, but finally mustered his courage and knocked on the Luo family’s door.

Luo Xiang himself opened the door. He seemed to have long anticipated Tano’s arrival, not a trace of surprise on his face.

“Hello—” Tano shook the water droplets from his hair tips and greeted him with a smile. He guiltily pulled his jacket tighter, hiding the glass jar deeper inside.

Luo Xiang looked as if he saw right through Tano’s thoughts, revealing a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Tano tried to change the subject. “Are you happy today? Have you changed your mind?”

Luo Xiang reached out to slam the door, but Tano stopped him. He stammered, “I recently found out a shop sells something called tomato thick omelet. Have you tried it? It’s delicious.” He didn’t sound very confident after all, he himself had never eaten a thick omelet.

Surprisingly, Luo Xiang didn’t continue shooing him away. He turned and walked straight back into the house, leaving the door open for Tano. Tano’s eyes lit up; he thought this was a good sign, indicating the Little Boss was in a decent mood today. He quickly followed Luo Xiang inside. The moment he stepped into the main room, rainwater dripped from his pants, spreading on the floor tiles and forming small puddles.

Luo Pangpang was in the main room playing with the little sparrow. Seeing Tano, it disdainfully floated with the little sparrow to a higher, drier spot.

Tano didn’t understand; it was an umbrella, so why did it dislike rainwater? But he still greeted Luo Pangpang amicably, and naturally received no response.

Luo Xiang casually flicked the rainwater from his clothes with his hand. Water droplets flew off, and his jacket was instantly dry. Tano was very envious. He looked down and wrung out his own jacket.

Drip drop.

Luo Xiang frowned and glanced at Tano.

Tano spoke up, asking, “Will you come to…”

“No.”

“Oh.” Tano lowered his head and continued fiddling with his jacket.

Luo Xiang waved his hand, and Tano’s jacket dried too. Tano blinked, let out a surprised cry. With his clothes no longer wet, he felt much more comfortable and instantly regained his energy.

“You’re so amazing!” Tano praised sincerely.

Luo Xiang ignored him. After a long silence, Luo Xiang slowly spoke. “While you were in the city today, did you meet any strange people?”

Strange people? Tano looked up, curious. He thought seriously, then shook his head. “But I encountered a strange thing. Do you want to hear about it?”

For once, Luo Xiang actually looked somewhat interested.

Greatly encouraged, Tano embellished the story of Mr. Song Shi’s strange encounter and told it to Luo Xiang. Unexpectedly, after listening, Luo Xiang just nodded lacklusterly, clearly indicating this matter wasn’t related to what he wanted to know.

Tano felt a bit disappointed , scratched his head, and said, “I promised Mr. Song Shi I’d help him drive away the crows. I plan to go back and ask Grandpa Shutu Tong. By the way, do you know Grandpa Shutu Tong?”

Luo Xiang said, “Asking that old turtle won’t be much use for this matter.”

Tano was even more disappointed. He had thought that having a direction to work towards meant things would eventually turn around. He thought for a moment, mustered his courage, and asked, “Little Boss, do you have a way?”

Luo Xiang looked at Tano and suddenly smiled. He said, “What do you think?”

Tano’s eyes widened, and he replied joyfully , “You’re so amazing, you must have a way, right?”

Luo Xiang didn’t speak, just looked at Tano.

Tano did a quick mental calculation and promised, “I’ll add another jar of roasted mussels.”

Luo Xiang remained silent. Tano stared at him nervously, afraid he would refuse. After an agonizing silence, Luo Xiang finally slowly spoke, though he asked a completely unrelated question. “Are they crows?”

Tano was stunned for a moment, then nodded. “Yes, they should be the jackdaws in the city.”

Luo Xiang pondered and said, “It’s not impossible for me to help you. First, you have to be obedient.”

Tano nodded vigorously. I’m super obedient!

Luo Xiang glanced at him. “Second, the mussels need to be garlic-flavored.”

Tano nodded again.

“Little Boss, you’re so amazing!” Tano exclaimed emotionally once more. “You can even catch crows?” After all, Tano was just a sea otter who couldn’t even climb trees; a task requiring such agility like catching birds was something he didn’t even dare to imagine.

Luo Xiang frowned and said, “What do you think I am?”

Tano found the question strange, but still answered honestly, “I think you are a powerful human.”

Luo Xiang looked at him.

Tano felt immense pressure. He swallowed and stammered out a few additional words of praise. “A very powerful, very diligent, and very good-looking human. Upright and just, awe-inspiring and righteous, ‘the hounds are killed for food once the hares are bagged’, handsome and dashing, imposing and extraordinary.” Quite a few of these phrases were just him talking nonsense; Tano prayed the Little Boss wouldn’t notice.

Luo Xiang cut him off. “Get out.”

Tano headed home, his steps uneven. The Little Boss is taking action personally tomorrow to catch the birds; it’s bound to succeed. He was full of confidence.

—

Translator’s Note:

① *Shutu Tong (殊途同):* The name is likely short for the idiom 殊途同归 (shū tú tóng guī), which means “different paths lead to the same end” or “all roads lead to Rome.” It’s a fittingly wise and ancient-sounding name for an old, knowledgeable turtle.)