Immortal Takeout - Chapter 30

Ta Nuo’s thought process was simple: when faced with bombs, minimize the target area. His reaction was almost instinctive. Unexpectedly, Luo Xiang’s reaction was even faster.

It was as if Luo Xiang had eyes on his back. He reached back with one hand, effortlessly intercepting Ta Nuo, while his other hand swiftly raised the little white umbrella, opening it with a bang.

The little white umbrella emitted a crisp, dragon-like cry. It rapidly expanded from the size of an ordinary straight-handled umbrella, its canopy bulging outward until it grew into a giant mushroom. The canopy faced outwards, intercepting and deflecting all the crows’ attacks.

Amid a cacophony of frantic caws, the vast majority of the jackdaws were smacked back into the trees. Their black feathers were stained with white mucus, leaving them looking utterly wretched and in disarray. Masters of fecal bombardment, the crows had probably never imagined that one day they would taste the bitterness of their own medicine.

The leading jackdaw was not spared either. Having charged at the forefront, he looked even more miserable than the others, with warm, sticky feces even smeared over his eyes. He cawed loudly, flapping his wings erratically, taking a long moment to recover before he could even speak.

Seeing the crisis resolved, the little white umbrella spun around once, shrank back to its normal size, and steadily landed back in Luo Xiang’s hand. Luo Xiang retracted the umbrella elegantly, planted the handle on the ground, and said, “Anything else?”

Ta Nuo’s mouth hung open in a perfect circle, unable to close for the longest time.

The jackdaws were provoked into a frenzied agitation, but dared not voice their anger. After a good while, the leader, having regained his senses, issued a command. The flock beat their wings, rapidly ascending to a high altitude, intending to abandon the fight.

“It’s good that defeated troops don’t cling to the fight,” Luo Xiang said slowly, gently waving his hand. He didn’t seem to touch a single jackdaw, nor did he use much force. In an instant, all the crows seemed to have their wings pulled, flapped a few times, and fell to the ground one after another.

Ta Nuo’s eardrums were buzzing from the noise. He shook his head, seeing stars.

The crow leader cawed loudly, “We admit defeat! What more do you want? Just because you’re a cat, can you do whatever you want?”

Before Ta Nuo could process this, he instinctively looked behind him. Where’s the cat?

Luo Xiang withdrew his hand, shrugged, and said, “Then leave. I didn’t say anything.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the jackdaws, having caught their breath, beat their wings again, trying to escape this strange circle. Luo Xiang smiled slightly and tightened his fingers. A rain of crows instantly covered the ground, fine black feathers fell down filling the air. Ta Nuo’s nose tickled, and he couldn’t hold back a sneeze.

The crow leader glared indignantly at Luo Xiang, accusing him of going back on his word.

Luo Xiang said, “You’re free to leave. Whether you can actually get away… well, that’s up to you.”

After several failed escape attempts, the crows were eventually exhausted, dropping all over the ground, lying on their backs panting heavily. It was as if they were tied by invisible strings; if they exceeded a certain distance, the strings would tighten, yanking them back.

This time, the crow leader finally understood. He had encountered a master who was not easy to deal with, and who clearly wanted to play a game of cat and mouse. He spat out a bloody gob and raised his voice, “A clear bird doesn’t speak in hints. Sir, why are you targeting us jackdaws? Just say it, so we have a direction for our repentance.” Although he spoke of repentance, his expression made it clear that this grudge was firmly recorded by the jackdaws.

Ta Nuo felt a chill run down his spine. He didn’t want to wake up every day to a window covered in white spots.

Luo Xiang looked down, tugged at his sleeve, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles, and said leisurely, “I have no particular dissatisfaction.”

The crow leader was so choked with anger he was momentarily speechless. Continuing to fight was hopeless, so he could only glare furiously, stuck in a stalemate.

Ta Nuo, tired from standing, shifted his weight from one leg to the other and yawned.

Then, Luo Xiang spoke. His tone was no longer as composed as before, clearly having grown impatient. “Crow meat isn’t particularly tasty—not as good as a plump field mouse, nor as firm as a wild rabbit. But for a stray cat that hasn’t eaten in a while, it’s a decent enough meal.” He relaxed his furrowed brows, seeming quite satisfied with his own arrangement.

The crow leader, his breath catching, almost fainted. He had been sentient for many years, but the vast majority of his flock were just ordinary jackdaws. If they encountered stray cats on the ground, they stood no chance.

Thinking this, his tone couldn’t help but soften. He took a deep breath, trying to make his voice sound calm and polite. He first introduced himself, “I am the leader of our flock. My name is Hu Jiao Fen (Black Pepper). May I ask, what do you require us to do?”

Luo Xiang swung the little white umbrella in his hand, thought for a moment, and suddenly looked at Ta Nuo.

Countless pairs of pitch-black crow eyes simultaneously turned their gaze over.

Whoosh—

Ta Nuo instantly felt immense pressure. He didn’t quite understand how the situation had escalated from a fight to peace talks—wait, didn’t they come here initially to reason and solve the problem? Why did it turn into a fight? He somewhat uncomfortably patted his belly and took a step forward.

“Actually…” Ta Nuo began hesitantly, drawing all the attention in the vicinity. He swallowed and stammered on , “Actually, we just came to ask you why you hold a grudge against Mr. Song Shi, the owner of ‘Cat’s Teishoku.'”

Hearing that name, Hu Jiao Fen wrinkled his dark forehead, showing a strange expression. Although his black feathers covered his expression completely, Ta Nuo could still sense a trace of confusion from his small, round eyes. “Mr. Song Shi…” he drawled , “Who?”

Uh… after all that, you don’t even know who your target of revenge is?

After some gestures and explanations from Ta Nuo, Hu Jiao Fen finally remembered this particular grievance. Luo Xiang cast an impatient glance at him. Hu Jiao Fen quickly apologized, “Sorry, sorry! We have so many humans to take revenge on every day, it’s possible to forget one occasionally. Please, go on.”

Ta Nuo thought, Is your daily schedule really just going around seeking revenge, eating, drinking, and pooping? Isn’t crow life a bit too boring? But he didn’t voice his inner confusion, instead getting straight to the point and requesting that Hu Jiao Fen and his companions stop targeting Mr. Song Shi.

“I’m not entirely clear on what conflict occurred between you. In fact, Mr. Song Shi himself is very puzzled,” Ta Nuo said sincerely. “However, I believe solving a problem is more effective than letting the conflict escalate. Letting go of the conflict could also help you and your companions live here more easily and happily. If you believe Mr. Song Shi committed an unforgivable wrong, we can also communicate properly and see if there are other solutions.”

Hu Jiao Fen let out a loud caw and said, “You’ve misunderstood. Actually, we have no grudge against that human. What we hate is his cat.”

Huh? Ta Nuo blinked. Does Mr. Song Shi keep a cat? This was news to him.

Luo Xiang stood to the side, never interrupting. But judging by his expression, he didn’t seem surprised that Mr. Song Shi had a cat.

Hu Jiao Fen flapped his wings, his expression lively and vivid as he narrated to Ta Nuo the misdeeds of that cat.

Mr. Song Shi’s cat is named Cong Hua (Scallion), a long-haired, heterochromatic calico cat over four years old with a terrible temper. One day, Hu Jiao Fen was passing by Mr. Song Shi’s shop, admiring his own heroic figure in the glass reflection, when Cong Hua suddenly pounced from the shadows, giving him a huge fright. Not only that, after succeeding, Cong Hua laughed triumphantly , holding his belly, wiggled his rear end at Hu Jiao Fen, and meowed mockingly for a good while. This made the petty-minded Hu Jiao Fen hold a grudge, and the next day he called his friends to give Mr. Song Shi’s shop a good “shower of love.”

From then on, the feud between Hu Jiao Fen and Cong Hua was firmly established. Faced with Hu Jiao Fen’s attacks, Cong Hua didn’t care at all. Not only did he not reflect on his actions, he instead intensified his efforts to provoke the other, using every method to anger him. Hu Jiao Fen and the jackdaws’ attacks became increasingly frantic. At first, they would only call friends to taunt when Cong Hua was at the window. Later, even after Cong Hua was kept at home by his human, the jackdaws would still visit the shop from time to time, dirtying the freshly cleaned glass.

“That stinky cat!” Speaking of the past, Hu Jiao Fen was still indignant. “A coward who loves to stir up trouble, only daring to meow from behind the glass. Don’t let me see him, or I’ll peck all the fur off his tail!”

Ta Nuo imagined the scene and faintly felt his own tail ache a little. He scratched his head and said helplessly, “Then, is there any way to make you less angry?” Cong Hua might just be playful, unaware that his grudge with the jackdaws would bring huge trouble to his human.

Hu Jiao Fen spread his large black wings with a whoosh, shouting “Jackdaws never compromise!” But after one glare from Luo Xiang, he instantly compromised. After hemming and hawing, he said, “Well… how about you have that stinky cat apologize to me. As long as he’s sincere enough, I promise you, from now on, I won’t cause any more trouble for him or his human. Not only will we not harass them, I can even talk to other crow groups nearby, guaranteeing they won’t be harassed by any birds in Maochun City again.”

This proposal sounded pretty good. Ta Nuo nodded, but felt somewhat worried inwardly. Cats are very proud; he wasn’t sure if the calico cat named Cong Hua could lower his head and apologize to Hu Jiao Fen. He said, “I can try. If I succeed, you must remember your promise.”

Hu Jiao Fen let out a loud caw and declared, “Although we jackdaws have no reputation to speak of, I can guarantee on my crow honor that my word is like the rain falling in summer, the fruit borne in autumn—it will definitely be fulfilled.” Having said that, he plucked a long black feather from under his wing with his beak and gave it to Ta Nuo as a token.

Ta Nuo accepted the feather, turned to look at the Little Boss, and said, “I’m done talking.”

Luo Xiang was standing to the side smoking. Hearing this, he turned his head. He pinched out the cigarette butt and poked a hole in the ground with the tip of his umbrella, making a crisp scraping sound.

The jackdaws, as if fitted with springs, instantly stood up straight, raised their heads, puffed out their chests, and lined up one by one, a dark, impressive mass looking neat and spectacular.

Luo Xiang waited a moment before speaking slowly , “You often roam around Maochun City. Have you seen any suspicious people?”

Hu Jiao Fen, chest puffed out high, thought seriously for a while, somewhat confused. He asked, “Could you elaborate on what counts as a ‘suspicious person’?” They fly dozens of trips around the city every day, seeing countless humans. There are plenty of strange humans, but it’s hard to say which ones are truly suspicious. After all, humans are all strange; they are capable of doing anything.

This answer didn’t satisfy Luo Xiang. He frowned slightly, but after a while, his expression relaxed again. “Asking that in return suggests you haven’t encountered any,” he said. “I need you to become my eyes and ears, circling over this city every day, paying attention to any unusual humans or phenomena. Report any findings to me.”

Hu Jiao Fen showed a look of difficulty. Although it was true that jackdaws had plenty of free time, they weren’t so free as to run errands for someone. But he didn’t dare say it.

Luo Xiang didn’t make it too hard for him, because his reason was quite sufficient. “You can’t beat me,” he said. “I’m very good at plucking feathers.”

After receiving Hu Jiao Fen’s solemn promise, Luo Xiang, feeling quite satisfied , led Ta Nuo away from Wutong Street and headed towards Mr. Song Shi’s shop. As they were leaving, Luo Xiang suddenly remembered one more thing, turned around, and went back.

The crows, who had just breathed a sigh of relief, instantly stiffened, staring at him dumbly.

Luo Xiang said, “It’s nothing much. This street is too dirty. Think of a solution.” Having said that, he left without looking back.

Think of a solution? Hu Jiao Fen was utterly perplexed. After cawing loudly for a while, he finally came up with an effective plan: he demanded that every jackdaw in the flock, while stationed on Wutong Street, must use a fixed location for relieving themselves and could no longer do it anywhere they pleased.

Designated defecation spots were a novelty, and a major challenge, for wild jackdaws. But with the threat of feather-plucking hanging over their necks, they were determined to overcome even the most difficult task. They decided to train in groups, three shifts a day, until every jackdaw mastered this skill.

The fixed location they chose was the huge bronze statue at the entrance of Wutong Street. The statue was originally erected to commemorate a certain city pioneer of great achievements. Later, it was covered, encased, by the jackdaws’ droppings, layer upon layer, year after year, until the feces weathered, forming a peculiar outer surface, becoming one of Maochun City’s great curiosities.

Some claimed that crow droppings were an omen from the gods. Though birds are beasts, they possess conscience. Their perching on the pioneer’s statue signified their affirmation of Maochun City’s past history and their hopeful expectations for its limitless future possibilities.

Once this opinion appeared, it quickly found its way into the city newspaper’s gossip column, briefly becoming a charming anecdote.

Of course, there were dissenters who posted scornful comments online: Meow meow meow meow. Naturally, no one knew the commenter was a cat.

But let’s put that aside for now and return to Ta Nuo and Luo Xiang’s journey. Leaving Wutong Street, the sky continued its drizzle. Ta Nuo scratched his head and raised his umbrella again. Luo Xiang, still using his umbrella as a walking stick, strode ahead of him. They left the jackdaws and soon returned to Mr. Song Shi’s small shop.

Mr. Song Shi had just finished negotiating with the next tenant interested in taking over the shop. Seeing Ta Nuo and Luo Xiang, he smiled and greeted them. He seemed to be in good spirits. Although he had felt immense reluctance and struggle when forced to close initially, now that the decision was truly made, he seemed to have found peace with it. Maybe I just wasn’t ready, he thought to himself.

“I already know the reason!” Ta Nuo eagerly shared the good news with Mr. Song Shi.

Mr. Song Shi hadn’t expected them to actually go find the crows and return with a solution. Although he had already settled the matter of transferring the shop, he couldn’t help but want to hear the details.

“Actually, it’s very simple…” Ta Nuo was just about to elaborate when, catching sight of Luo Xiang’s expression from the corner of his eye, he changed tack and squeezed out a clumsy story. “Actually… we just made a random guess and figured you had a cat at home.”

Luo Xiang turned aside, lit a cigarette by himself, and didn’t even glance at Ta Nuo.

Mr. Song Shi was shocked. “Your random guess is a bit too accurate! How did you guess?”

Ta Nuo chuckled , “We’re a bit capable too. Anyway, we randomly guessed that maybe there was some dispute between your cat and the crows, which led to the crows constantly targeting your shop.”

Although this speculation sounded flimsy , Mr. Song Shi’s attention quickly shifted elsewhere. He carefully recalled that indeed, the crows were at their worst when his Cong Hua was still in the shop. Moreover, every time Cong Hua showed his face at the window, he’d be met with raindrop-like fecal bombardment.

Later, busy managing the shop and unable to handle both ends, he had taken Cong Hua back home. After that, the crows’ visits did become less frequent. Mr. Song Shi had even fantasized that they might have almost forgotten his little shop. Unfortunately, the crows’ grudge-holding instinct was stronger than he thought.

“But how to resolve it?” Mr. Song Shi was very hesitant. Although this ‘random guess’ conclusion seemed to match some facts, reconciling a cat and a flock of crows sounded simply like a fantasy.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Ta Nuo comforted, full of confidence. “I think you can bring Cong Hua to the shop again. Maybe when they meet again, if they have a good talk, they can smoothly resolve their issues, turn enemies into friends , lay down arms and weave jade silks, and roam the mortal world together free and unfettered!”

Luo Xiang coughed lightly, clearing his throat.

Ta Nuo reviewed what he had said and found nothing wrong. He lifted his eyes to look at Mr. Song Shi.

Mr. Song Shi’s expression, however, wasn’t so good. He swallowed and said with difficulty, “How did you know my cat’s name is Cong Hua?”

Ta Nuo blinked and said slowly, “Wow, is it really called Cong Hua? What a coincidence, I just guessed randomly.”

Mr. Song Shi looked skeptical, but when he tried to seriously refute it, it just felt indescribably odd. The whole matter was strange to begin with. But as Ta Nuo said, he had no other options anyway. If the matter could be thoroughly resolved, then that flock of crows probably wouldn’t harass the next tenant either, which would set Mr. Song Shi’s mind at ease.

Moreover, he had found Cong Hua as a stray on the very first day he opened the shop. He felt Cong Hua and the shop must share a great destiny. Having it come to bid farewell to the shop didn’t sound bad either.

“But my cat has a terrible temper,” Mr. Song Shi still felt somewhat uneasy. “It’s entirely possible they’ll end up arguing even more fiercely.”

He’d heard there were obedient and well-behaved cats too, but he himself had never encountered one and didn’t dare imagine it. Cong Hua belonged to the super fierce, super icy category. When Cong Hua usually stayed in the shop, it didn’t cause trouble, but occasionally showed a perverse side, doing some harmless minor damage that left Mr. Song Shi not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Apart from meal times, it never showed him any need or friendly gesture. When pushed, it would sometimes bare its claws and teeth, swiping at him, making Mr. Song Shi wonder if adopting Cong Hua had been a mistake.

Ta Nuo shook his head vigorously. A cat having a bad temper was completely normal. In this inexperienced) sea otter’s otter life, the few cats he had met all had their own independent and unique tempers. Cats are inherently changeable by nature, he firmly believed this.

“Is there any way to make my cat more…” Mr. Song Shi asked uncertainly.

But more what? More obedient? More gentle? It seemed his original intention for keeping a cat wasn’t for its obedience or understanding. He just thought, having come alone to a strange city, it would be nice to have a small, furry, warm animal for company. Maybe he was the one who had been mistaken.

Mr. Song Shi didn’t continue asking.

“Overthinking it” Luo Xiang interjected coldly, startling the other two.

Ta Nuo patted his face to calm himself down.

Luo Xiang continued, “Cats have their own thoughts. He decides who he wants to keep. You don’t need to overthink it.” The implication was that Cong Hua’s willingness to stay with Mr. Song Shi was also his own decision.

Mr. Song Shi seemed to understand, yet not quite, but still nodded. He promised to meet at the same time tomorrow, and he would bring Cong Hua out to settle this once and for all.

Finally, only Ta Nuo and Luo Xiang were left. Ta Nuo carried the thermal lunchbox filled with tomato thick omelet, walking slowly beside Luo Xiang. Luo Xiang looked deep in thought, his face somber. Ta Nuo stayed quiet for a good while, but ultimately couldn’t suppress his curiosity and asked quietly, “Who exactly is this ‘suspicious person’ you told the crows to watch out for?”

His train of thought interrupted, Luo Xiang looked at him impatiently. “Look at me,” he said.

Ta Nuo curiously leaned in, carefully studying the Little Boss’s face. “Very good-looking,” he thought, giving a mental thumbs-up.

“Are there words written on my face?”

Puzzled, Ta Nuo looked again carefully and shook his head.

“Wrong,” Luo Xiang said. “On my face, it’s written: ‘Do I look like I’ll tell you?'”

Ta Nuo was taken aback, then deflated. “Alright then,” he said. “Then can I ask a different question?”

Luo Xiang absently grunted in agreement.

“What counts as a ‘suspicious person’?” Before Luo Xiang could refuse him, Ta Nuo continued, “Is it the kind of monster that eats other monsters?” When he was very young, Mother Otter used to tell him bedside stories.

A long, long time ago, there was a type of monster that ate other monsters, appearing in Maochun City. Many newly-sentient little monsters were eaten. Every night, the air echoed with the little monsters’ whimpering cries, and the entire Hundred-Leaf Forest wailed in sorrow.

The young little sea otter was so scared he couldn’t sleep, curled up in his blanket rubbing his belly.

Mother Otter comforted him, “It’s alright, the monster-eating monsters don’t eat otters.”

“Why?”

“Because they’ve never seen a little sea otter before.”

It made perfect sense, and Ta Nuo had always believed it deeply.

Hearing this, Luo Xiang raised an eyebrow but didn’t speak.

“Then… do they eat sea otters?” Ta Nuo asked cautiously.

“They do,” Luo Xiang affirmed with a nod. “Not only do they eat them, they smack their lips savoring the memory, pat their bellies, and say: ‘So plump and delicious, so stupid and slow, easy to catch, tasty.'”

Ta Nuo felt that tonight, Baiye Forest would probably once again echo with whimpering cries.