Whether I Want to Win or Not, It Doesn’t Matter

†

『Well, I really hope mushroom fan K-san and bamboo shoot fan K-san aren’t destined to clash. Seriously. Best of luck to both of you.』

(tln : Mushroom = Kisaragi , and bamboo shot is obviously Kinoshita, i dont know why she choose bamboo shot actually)

In the hallway, which echoed with a familiar voice, Kisaragi Airi covered her face.

“Why isn’t it Naomichi? And why is Ryoma the substitute personality?”

The groan she uttered was proof that Airi herself was “mushroom fan K.”

While not many people knew Airi’s identity, being a famous person, rumors about her being mushroom fan K were widespread.

Airi neither denied nor confirmed, which only fueled the curiosity. Her stance was that identifying the person behind an anonymous letter was taboo, but… human curiosity, especially among adolescents, knows no bounds.

“And who is bamboo shoot fan K? Are they picking a fight with me?”

Airi snorted and crossed her arms. In the nearly deserted hallway in front of the chemistry prep room, she ran into someone.

“Oh.”

“…Ah.”

The girl walking slowly, holding her textbook, looked up and noticed Airi.

Airi’s expression twisted, and the girl sighed softly.

“What’s with that sigh?”

“It’s nothing.”

The girl tried to pass by, but Airi stopped her.

“Wait.”

“…Why? You’re not violating any school rules, and I have nothing to say to you.”

“Violation… speaking of which, you’re on the discipline committee, right? I heard there was an annoying discipline committee member, but it doesn’t seem like it lately.”

“Yeah, well. A lot has happened.”

A relaxed smile that didn’t match the annoying discipline committee member gave a sense of ease. Seeing the smile filled with many cherished memories, Airi raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Then, may I ask you something, Kisaragi-san?”

“What?”

Facing the girl who narrowed her eyes slightly, Airi also returned a glare.

The girl thought for a moment before murmuring.

“I think it’s rude, but… trying to win back your crush…”

“What…”

She didn’t have the presence of mind to agree that identifying someone was rude.

“The mushroom fan K who wrote to Goda-san is obviously you, Kisaragi-san.”

“I had no intention of confronting Ryoma directly!!”

“Wait… did you not know today would be Godai-san?”

“No! Why do you know!?”

“Saiga-san said something about ‘dumping it on Ryoma,’ which piqued my interest, so I asked and decided to send a letter.”

“I see… huh???”

You sent a letter??

“──Bamboo shoot fan K!!!!!!”

Airi involuntarily pointed straight at her.

The girl who was pointed at had a fixed stare.

“Don’t point at people.”

“Oh, sorry. I mean, don’t pry into anonymous comments!”

The girl with the fixed stare, a.k.a. bamboo shoot fan K, a.k.a. Kinoshita Minami, started flapping her hands.

“I said it was rude, didn’t I!?”

“And you think that excuses you!?”

“B-but!”

Minami raised her face and said,

“If it were just a spectator, fine, but I’m in your letter, aren’t I!? Me!”

“Ugh… yes, the sudden girl.”

“See! I’m a relevant party, so it’s barely acceptable! Also, I think you’re treating me too harshly. I’m not new here. I’ve been in the same grade since the first year.”

“That’s not the point of ‘sudden girl.'”

Airi sighed and crossed her arms.

“So what if I’m ‘mushroom fan K?'”

Minami hesitated slightly and looked down. But her desire to know outweighed her hesitation. Forcing her mouth to move, she asked Airi.

“…You said you have a crush.”

“…So what?”

“Then, why…”

Minami hugged her textbook tightly.

Airi understood the words that would follow.

It was probably scary to ask directly. There might be an unpleasant truth.

Or maybe, if this girl had a conscience, she didn’t want to hurt Airi unnecessarily.

Either way, Airi shook her head.

“We’re not dating, and I haven’t confessed. I dislike you because you’re bothering him, but I have my reasons. Ryoma would never think I like him.”

“…Why?”

Minami’s question slipped out involuntarily. But Airi shook her head gently, clearly refusing as she slowly spoke.

“I have no reason to share my precious memories with you.”

When she waved her hand dismissively, Minami surprisingly nodded.

“Sorry. That’s true. You’re not someone I’d share my precious memories with either.”

“…That’s what annoys me even more.”

What annoys her is Kinoshita cherishing memories, thinking they are only hers.

It was simple. Minami had her precious memories, and she accepted that she had no reason to share them with Airi.

“I won’t deny everything about you, make your life miserable, and make you regret approaching Ryoma… but.”

“You’re not saying you can’t?”

“If I wanted? I have a high social standing. Whether I want to is another matter.”

“I see. I respect your honesty.”

“Whatever. That won’t win Ryoma over.”

If Airi brushed off Minami’s respect.

“True.”

Minami accepted Airi’s words without hesitation.

This, too, annoyed Airi. Being unfazed about being shunned, and acting as if she understood Ryoma.

Leaning on the hallway railing, Airi looked out the window. The scenery was dismal, with dense trees and faint sunlight.

“I’ve been popular since elementary school and knew I was cute. So when Ryoma first approached me in high school, I thought he was just interested in romance.”

“…Um.”

“You want to know, right, bamboo shoot fan K? Mainly, how to avoid being obstructed by me.”

“…Not exactly.”

“Didn’t you think Ryoma approached you for your body?”

“I’m not the kind of person who can think so highly of herself!”

“Really…?”

Airi looked Minami up and down. Her neatly groomed, shiny black hair. The cute ribbon highlighting her small, innocent face. Her slightly sharp eyes, big and long-lashed.

Her small nose and lips. The tight line of her small mouth conveyed strong will, and her cheeks were rosy and soft. Her brows were well-groomed, and her uniform was spotless. She looked like a middle schooler at best. Her legs were slim and healthily pale.

“…You’re quite cute. Over-the-top modesty isn’t well-received.”

“…It’s not modesty. I’ve just started paying more attention to myself lately.”

Minami shook her head and gently stroked her hair.

Airi agreed. If Kinoshita had become so charming, it was thanks to that guy.

“Well, whatever. I just want to tell you why I dislike you.”

“…Huh?”

“I thought he was interested in romance, but he wasn’t. I got confessed to several times right after starting high school, which made me think so. I wasn’t in a position for romance.”

Closing her eyes, she recalled. When she first met Ryoma, she thought he was hitting on her and decided to throw him off.

‘Do you want to date me too?’

He replied smoothly, without any sign of being flustered.

‘Not really. Are you okay, Kisaragi?’

Remembering this, she chuckled. She thought she had misjudged him and his calmness.

The past six months had been wonderful – she thought, glancing at Minami. The girl looked slightly upset, bringing Airi some relief.

“So, I told you. We’re similar.”

“…So, what’s your point?”

“Don’t you get it? Can’t you see what’s happening now?”

“…Sorry.”

“Fine.”

Airi looked at Minami with a cold expression.

She said they were similar, but there were many differences.

For instance, Minami seemed like a pure-hearted girl who had never been hit on.

For instance, Minami rarely felt kindness from others.

For instance, she hadn’t experienced what Airi had. Yet.

“Then I’ll tell you. To the pure-hearted Minami-chan, who’s just happy being next to her beloved Ryoma.”

“What’s with that tone!”

Feeling a bit envious of Minami’s pouting cuteness, Airi said,

“Ryoma isn’t being kind because of romantic feelings.”

“…Huh?”

For a moment, Minami thought, What’s the obvious statement?

She never thought she was presumptuous.

Watching Minami chase the mystery swirling in her head, Airi closed her eyes. Minami wouldn’t understand, but Airi thought,

It would have been better if he were kind to her with ulterior motives. If Ryoma had just been another guy attracted to her looks.

Because.

“He helps people in trouble, using all his high specs, even though he complains.”

“Tha-That’s true.”

“And then.”

Airi pushed her hair back and spoke as if she had realized something.

“When he thinks you’re okay alone, he’ll give a thumbs-up and leave.”

Minami’s eyes widened. He was looking at her now.

But it was a sweet poison for now.

Airi, with a fleeting smile, looked at the girl who mirrored herself and said,

“Or did you think he’d fall for you and stay by your side forever?”

“…Ah.”

That realization dropped into her soul like a sigh.

She was just happy being next to the person she loved. Airi was right. The beginner in love, who hadn’t considered her partner’s feelings, finally looked up and saw the path ahead.

Clearly defined crossroads lay before her.

“Yes.”

Her emotion was simple acceptance.

There’s no way Ryoma Godai would fall for a roadside stone like her.

No matter how much she loved him, it meant nothing if he didn’t look her way.

The smile always directed at her was never from romantic feelings.

They were just friends now. Even that special treatment was enough to make her happy.

“…Oh.”

She hugged her textbook tightly, feeling a painful ache in her chest.

It hurt. Her heart throbbed with sorrow.

“No… why am I…”

It wasn’t the pain that upset her.

──Why am I hurting? Why is someone like Kinoshita Minami hurting?

She questioning herself. Did she expect them to be together?

Was she really that shameless?

There was never a chance they were a good match from the start.

“Sigh… seeing you about to cry makes me feel guilty.”

“I’m not crying.”

“There were plenty of girls who got carried away with their feelings. I thought you were different from them.”

“…”

“It’s not comforting, but you and I are the same.”

“…”

Being the same meant Kisaragi Airi couldn’t win Ryoma over either. That made it crueler.

If Kisaragi Airi couldn’t do it, how could Kinoshita Minami?

“…Excuse me.”

Bowing her head, she turned away.

Her small back seemed to face reality with a slightly lonely expression.

†

The last person she wanted to see smiled at her at the end of lunch break.

“Huh, Kinoshita.”

Running into him at the classroom entrance. She didn’t want to ignore him. But her throat tightened, and she couldn’t speak. The expression that met her gaze was as kind as ever, and the thought that she only had a limited time to enjoy that smile made her heart ache.

Feeling that pain was a luxury, she knew.

The self-reproach of calling herself “arrogant,” “ungrateful,” and “delusional” only served to hurt herself more without solving the root problem.

Yet, her beloved person, seeing her like this, gently offered the words she least wanted to hear.

“What’s wrong? You look a bit unwell. Are you alright?”

“…”

The outstretched hand, the same as when he first spoke to her at the bookstore, beginning their relationship.

Now it was unbearably painful.

Especially because… the person in front of her wasn’t at fault at all.

“Don’t worry about it.”

The words she barely squeezed out.

Ryoma, looking concerned, tried to see her face, but she turned away.

“Sorry.”

Her sudden words were genuine. She didn’t want to act like this. But now, what was their relationship?

Looking back, Airi’s word “beginner in love” pierced her.

Just happy following the person she loved.

Had she considered his feelings even slightly?

“I was foolish.”

“Kinoshita…?”

“Sorry, excuse me.”

Bowing lightly, Minami fled into the classroom.

Once class started, there’d be no more interference. She didn’t know what she wanted from here, but for now, she wanted to get away from Ryoma.

She didn’t want her beloved to see her as a delusional fool any longer.

Watching Minami leave with an air of rejection, Ryoma narrowed his eyes slightly.

As usual, his friend popped his head in.

“──Hey, Ryoma. What happened? Did Kinoshita-chan reject you? Is it the usual pattern of being pushed away for meddling too much?”

“You talk too much.”

Ryoma quietly glared at Saiga and shook his head.

Watching Minami’s small back, Ryoma recited his usual words.

Godai Ryoma is a perfect man.

Therefore.

Even if his usual goodwill was seen as meddling and led to regretful rejection.

“Even if I’m rejected and pushed away, it’s when Kinoshita smiles.”

Those who left Ryoma with complaints and breakups all found happiness thanks to his efforts. They either misinterpreted it as their own success or accepted the happy outcome with dissatisfaction, or boasted they could do it alone.

But Ryoma believed Kinoshita was different.

“…That’s why you’re an unlearning fool.”

“I always think about changing… but, well.”

Nodding slightly, Ryoma smiled resignedly.

“This time, I might have overdone it again.”