Chapter 4: A Manual for Dating

With just one week left until midterms, I saw Nanase at the library, deeply engrossed in her studies. She was so focused that I didn’t call out to her. Her room light had been on late last night too; she must be sacrificing sleep to prepare for the exams.

Seeing Nanase work so hard motivated me as well. I had no part-time job tonight, so I decided to head home and study.

As I parked my bicycle at the apartment complex and climbed the stairs, I noticed someone standing in front of my door.

A gyaru with black hair, adorned with jangling piercings, wearing a backless top and fiddling with her phone—it was Ichika.

“Wh-What are you doing here?”

I asked, and Ichika crossed her arms and snorted.

“Oh, you’re finally back.”

It seemed she had been waiting for me. Tilting my head in confusion, I asked,

“How did you find this place? What about school?”

“Why does that matter? School’s been out for summer break since last week.”

Right, high school students start their summer break a bit earlier than university students. But what had she come here for? Had she run away from home?

Ichika nonchalantly brushed aside my concerns.

“Hey, I’m hungry. Treat me to something.”

“What? Do you have any idea how broke I usually am…?”

“Aren’t you my senior?”

Ichika’s words left me at a loss for a response.

During my middle and high school years, not being part of any clubs meant I barely had any juniors. When I first met Itogawa-san at university, I was touched by how someone just a few years older could be so kind.

Whenever I received something or had something done for me, Itogawa-san would always smile and say, “Repay it by helping your juniors someday, Sagara-kun.”

…Maybe now is that time.

“…Alright. What do you want to eat?”

“Um, eel.”

“Be realistic. Consider a college student’s budget.”

It was just before payday, and I was perpetually broke, so I couldn’t treat her to anything extravagant. After some thought, I took Ichika to a family restaurant at the nearest shopping mall.

We were guided to a table for four and sat across from each other. Ichika reached for the tablet menu on the table.

“Can I order anything?”

“Keep the price in mind.”

Ichika pouted and ordered a relatively cheap pasta and melon soda. Surprisingly considerate. I chose the cheapest doria. (tln : Doria (ドリア, doria) is a type of rice gratin popular in Japan. Cooked white rice is topped with sautéed meat, such as chicken or shrimp, and vegetables, then topped with a béchamel sauce and cheese, and baked as a casserole. )

Sipping the water from my glass, I asked again, “Why are you here?” Ichika’s eyes darted around as she hesitated, “Uh, well…”

“What did Mom say about you coming here?”

“Nothing. She probably doesn’t care.”

Ichika answered nonchalantly. Hesitant, I asked,

“…Are you not getting along with Mom?”

Ichika frowned, glaring at me.

“Why are you asking that? Everything’s fine.”

“What does ‘fine’ mean?”

“…Like an ideal family.”

She mumbled, giving a hollow response.

…So, she really does feel out of place at home…?

With no school during summer break, being stuck with a stepmother could be incredibly stressful. Considering that, I felt sorry for Ichika. Her attire was probably her way of coping.

Not wanting to delve deeper, Ichika changed the subject.

“By the way, when does university summer break start?”

“August.”

“What are you going to do? University summer breaks are pretty long, right?”

She seemed curious about how university students spend their summer. Unfortunately, my answer wouldn’t be very interesting.

“Work and study. I have a qualification exam in October, so I’ll be busy.”

“Oh…”

Ichika looked bored, stirring her melon soda with a straw. If she was going to react like that, why did she ask?

Our food arrived, and Ichika put her hands together with a little “Itadakimasu” before eating her cream pasta in silence. The atmosphere between us was so cold that anyone passing by might think we were having a breakup conversation. I hoped no one I knew saw us and misunderstood.

What kind of conversations do typical siblings have? Being an only child, I had no idea. I debated starting a conversation but couldn’t think of any good topics.

We ate in silence until we finished our meals. Just as I was about to suggest leaving, Ichika asked,

“Is living alone fun?”

“Uh, well… it’s alright.”

“Why did you move out, Souhei-kun?”

Ichika’s question made me pause and take a sip of water.

If anyone else had asked (except Nanase), I probably would have said, “I don’t want to talk about it.” But Ichika, who shared a similar situation, had the right to ask. Maybe she was considering moving out after graduating high school.

After a moment’s thought, I replied,

“…I didn’t want to be at home.”

“Why?”

“I felt like I didn’t belong there.”

“…Do you still feel that way?”

When Ichika asked, I nodded.

My feelings had changed a bit since I first moved out, but explaining those subtle emotions was difficult. It wasn’t that I hated or resented my mom—it was just that I realized she had found her own happiness without me.

“I’ve stopped expecting too much from family.”

Hearing this, Ichika’s red lips twisted. Her eyes were filled with anger.

“…You’re infuriating.”

“Huh?”

I responded with a stupid-sounding voice, and Ichika glared at me.

“You have more family now, but you act like you’re not part of it, like we’re just strangers. It’s infuriating. You moved out and are having fun with your girlfriend.”

“…That’s…”

“You probably don’t care about us at all.”

At that moment, I felt like I’d been slapped. I had thought that since we wouldn’t see each other often, we didn’t need to be close.

“…That’s all I wanted to say. Thanks for the meal.”

Ichika looked on the verge of tears as she stood up abruptly, her sandals clacking as she hurried out of the restaurant. I watched her leave in a daze. Why had she come here?

But I understood why Ichika was angry. With a new family she couldn’t relate to, facing it all alone, the presence of a stepbrother who quickly distanced himself must have been infuriating. No wonder she hated me.

…But I’m tired of being tied down by blood and family bonds.

Maybe I was missing something essential as a person.

I grabbed the receipt and headed to the register to pay.