Saint's Prison - Chapter 127

Things That Should Be Said

“Even though we’ve known each other for more than a year, you once told me that you don’t know anything about me. I understand. I understand. It’s true.”

She speaks quietly.

“But, the same goes for me. You may not realize it, but I don’t know anything about you either. I don’t know anything about your hometown or upbringing. That’s because you never tell me anything. …Isn’t that unfair?”

There’s no trace of resentment or anger in her words. She must not be blaming me, even though she’s saying it’s unfair. Her voice is so gentle and soft that it makes it hard to bear.

“Don’t make that face. It’s fine like this. Even if it’s unfair, it’s okay. This world is often created with unfairness and irrationality. So, there’s nothing to worry about. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

As if to persuade, she murmurs. Is it for me? Or is it for herself? Or is it for both of us?

She continues to stroke my cheek.

“You should have realized early on that it’s better not to be involved with her. Benedict, the monastic priest, must have warned you too. …Still, you didn’t run away.”

It’s not that I didn’t run away. I couldn’t leave Amal behind. I thought it was wrong to do so.

――― Because Amal resembled Shizuyo.

Because she somewhat resembled the sister I abandoned. I didn’t want to abandon anyone again. I wanted to save and protect Amaru as my atonement. It was entirely a self-serving act of compensation.

…What a hopeless fool I am.

“You told me before that you had a dream of a deceased person. In Stonehurst, dreams have a special meaning. That’s why there can’t be pointless dreams.”

There can’t be, she mutters again. And then, she clasps the rosary hanging around my neck.

“When I answered that the deceased person probably wanted to see you, did you notice the expression on your face?”

Johanna says that and stiffens her body. The words that follow must be harsh for me. So, she hesitates, considering my feelings.

Yet… still, Johanna speaks the words.

“…You were smiling.”

Her voice was filled with a pain that seemed to cut through her.

Ah, I knew you were a girl who would sacrifice herself. In a foreign land where I couldn’t fit in, you deliberately picked fights to distract me. You always took the losing side.

Even now, when she can’t hide the trembling of her hands. Yet, she moves forward. Wounded all over, without looking back at herself.

A shallow breath is heard.

“You tightened your face immediately, but you smiled as if you were saved.”

Was I making such a face?

I don’t know anymore.

“――That smile was like the one of a person who has been subjected to cruel torture and has finally found the salvation of death. I can tell. I can’t help but understand. I am… a person from the House of Scotus, the executioner.”

It was a voice that seemed to desperately endure the urge to scream in pain and sorrow. I made her say such painful words.

“Kuro-dono, if you think you’re a sinner, then Stonehurst is indeed a prison for you. I don’t know the intention, but the deceased person locked you in Stonehurst so you wouldn’t escape. And you wished to be judged. But I don’t think Kuro-dono is a sinner. The real sinners don’t realize the depth of their sins.”

Johanna speaks with a strained, gasping voice. Is it because she thinks that speaking is a sin?

You’re such a fool, I move my mouth. But those words didn’t shake the air.

If you committed a sin, I will forgive it. Even if no one else believes in Johanna, I will always believe in you.

“…And, you know. You were kind to me. You smiled at me, who comes from such a blood-stained, filthy family. I enjoyed the ordinary days I spent with you. …And I knew what happiness was. So, that’s why――――”

Johanna’s words about happiness being peculiar and not common come back to me. Was Shizuyo like that, too? Did she think that the ordinary days she spent with me were happy?

“――Because, I am already happy.”

So, that’s why she said that at that time. Then, I was wrong from the beginning. I arbitrarily decided Shizuyo’s happiness.

I slowly bring my consciousness to the surface.

“Why try to wake up? Reality is a nightmare. Just entrust yourself to me. If you do, you will be released from everything without thinking.”

The shadow whispers.

I hear a crawling sound.

The primordial dream, or the fool.

The entity that has been lurking in the shadows since I came to Stonehurst, trying to drag me into the abyss.

Thump, my heart beats.

Excitedly, thump, thump.

Intermittent light greatly enhances the brain’s function.

An ambiguous boundary.

Creeping madness.

That red―――

“――――I want to protect you.”

Hearing those words, my heart warms. I have to respond. I have to repay. You’ve always saved me.

The primordial dream, the fool… Caelum Stonehurst. Ah, it must be you.

(Ah, you fool of a fanatic! I won’t become like you!)

I curse in my mind and consciously push it away. As I open my eyelids, my eyes meet hers, who had been watching me with a prayerful gaze.

“…Johanna.”

I call her name, Johanna’s name. It was a surprisingly hoarse and weak voice. I wonder if she heard it. I hope she did.

“Kuro-dono!”

“Johanna.”

I call her name again, and gently hold Johanna’s hand that had been stroking my cheek.

“Kuro-dono, I’m glad. You woke up.”

There are so many things I want to say to Johanna. But, first, I should say―――

“―――Johanna, thank you. I’m glad you were there for me.”

“Ah, really, you’re so unfair.”

Johanna smiles happily, and quietly sheds a single tear.