There’re Always Paranoid Thoughts to Monopolize Me - Chapter 57.1

The main hall remained quiet for a long time.

After finally confirming that he hadn’t misheard, Huo Jun’s gaze towards Qin Ke became slightly tense, and the expression on his face also stiffened a bit.

Clearly, he was quite disgusted by this strange “what if” scenario.

After enduring for a few seconds, he spoke according to his nature. “How could I possibly… marry her?”

Qin Ke blinked innocently.

Actually, right after asking the question, she had begun to regret it… Compared to the current situation, Huo Jun’s disgust towards Qin Yan was probably no less than her own.

But she also remembered clearly—in her previous life, the Huo family, which had been so unattainable, was completely unfamiliar to the Qin family. That engagement could only have been proposed by the Huo family.

Qin Ke hesitated for a few seconds before finally speaking carefully.

“Um… actually, I had a dream.”

“?” Huo Jun’s gaze turned somewhat dangerous, “Don’t tell me that in the dream, I married her.”

“…”

Qin Ke blinked innocently again, then spoke carefully. “Things in the dream were… quite different from now.”

“How different?”

Qin Ke hesitated for a moment, but still skipped over the part about the Hell bar. It was already suspicious enough, and she dared not walk into a trap in front of the sharp-minded Huo Jun.

So after thinking for a few seconds, Qin Ke said.

“In the dream, I didn’t enter the high school division of Qiande High School, but went to that art high school in Qian City instead. We had no further interaction after that… until I accepted the school’s arrangement to participate in a dance choreography scene needed for a film and TV drama at the art high school. The neighboring set had explosion scenes for the drama, and due to a worker’s mistake, the explosive device caused a fire, and I was trapped in the fire.”

Qin Ke paused, carefully looking at Huo Jun.

“You saved me. But you were disfigured… your voice, your appearance, everything was destroyed.”

After finishing, Qin Ke almost forgot her original intention and unconsciously fell silent, anxiously observing Huo Jun’s expression.

In this life, she had thought more than once—how much must Huo Jun have regretted in her previous life. To save her, he had almost destroyed everything of himself… The life that should have been as brilliant as it was now at A University, had all been burned away by that fire.

If it happened again, would he…

Before Qin Ke could finish her thought, she suddenly heard someone chuckle softly beside her ear.

Qin Ke was stunned, then looked up slightly annoyed.

“How can you still laugh?”

The young man in front of her lowered his eyes, his pupils dark and slightly gleaming, with an undisguised hint of amusement.

“This is the first time I’ve learned that you resent my appearance so much—you had to destroy it in your dreams to feel at ease?”

Qin Ke was dumbfounded, unable to follow this madman’s train of thought for a few seconds.

After a few moments, meeting Huo Jun’s suggestive gaze, Qin Ke quickly realized—Huo Jun clearly thought she was jealous of his popularity at A University.

Qin Ke was at a loss for words.

“No, I just…”

“Actually, there’s no need to go to such trouble,” Huo Jun leaned down slightly, laughing hoarsely as he placed his hand on the wall behind the girl, deliberately lowering his voice and closing the distance to an ambiguous degree before speaking with a smile. “If you really don’t want to see it, you can even scratch it up if you like.”

“…!”

Qin Ke’s body stiffened.

The emotions in those pitch-black eyes so close to her were fluctuating, but she could clearly sense that Huo Jun wasn’t joking—this “madman” truly felt that if it could put her at ease, scratching up his own face wouldn’t matter.

“…Huo Jun!”

Qin Ke became a bit anxious.

“Alright, I was just kidding.”

Huo Jun straightened up, as if he had truly just made a harmless joke.

He stepped back half a step, looking down at the girl with a half-smile.

“In your dream, my appearance and voice were all ruined, and then? Did you feel sorry for me and decide to marry me?”

“…”

Qin Ke’s cheeks flushed at his teasing, but she quickly calmed down.

Her eyes dimmed slightly, and she lowered her gaze subconsciously.

“You left. You didn’t tell me anything… you left before I woke up. You disappeared for a very long time, until after I came of age, when you suddenly appeared… But by then you were already disfigured, and the me in the dream didn’t know it was you, let alone that you had saved me. You said you were Huo Zhonglou, and then you said you wanted to marry Qin Yan—and even bring all the Qin family members to the capital.”

After mustering up the courage to say all this in one breath, Qin Ke finally stopped speaking.

She looked up at Huo Jun, about to ask something, but was stunned—Huo Jun seemed to be a bit lost in thought.

“…What’s wrong?”

Hearing the girl’s voice, Huo Jun came back to his senses.

He then chuckled hoarsely,

“It’s nothing, just that your dream seems very realistic—or have you already understood me to such an extent?”

“?” Qin Ke looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Huo Jun: “If I had never really had any direct interaction or contact with you from the beginning, then after saving you in that situation, I indeed wouldn’t appear in front of you again—at least definitely not as Huo Jun.”

Qin Ke’s breath caught, her pupils contracting slightly.

She suppressed her reaction, not wanting Huo Jun to notice anything unusual, then carefully asked in a soft voice. “Why?”

“What do you think?”

Huo Jun playfully asked her back. “I’ve told you before, I had ‘known’ you for a long time before the Hell bar. I’ve also told you that back then, you were like the most beautiful and pure jade to me, clean and flawless—I wouldn’t drag you into my muddy and dirty corner.”

Huo Jun paused.

“So if I had really saved you like that, what I probably couldn’t accept most would be you being with me out of gratitude—that would probably make me feel like you were just pitying me, sympathizing with me.”

Qin Ke gritted her teeth, her eyes moist, “But you saved me—”

Halfway through her sentence, Qin Ke realized she had lost her composure and hurriedly stopped speaking.

Fortunately, Huo Jun only gave her a surprised look, then laughed, “Did this dream affect you so deeply?”

“…”

Qin Ke was silent for a few seconds, then nodded.

Huo Jun: “Then later, you said I didn’t contact you again, but actively sought out the Qin family just after you came of age, and said I wanted to marry Qin Yan?”

“…Yes.”

Huo Jun treated it as a joke and went along with the girl’s thoughts to analyze it. “Hmm, in the dream, what was your relationship with the Qin family like?”

Qin Ke shook her head and smiled self-mockingly. “In the dream, the Qin family tricked me into signing consent forms, took away all my parents’ inheritance, tore off their facade to show their true colors to me, and even wanted to drive me out of the Qin family…”

Her voice suddenly stopped.

Qin Ke seemed to have thought of something and looked up at Huo Jun in disbelief.

Huo Jun, however, smiled even more knowingly and freely.

“In your dream, I already loved you that much, Qin Qin?”

Huo Jun smiled and turned to walk away.

“If I were the Huo Zhonglou in your dream, since all my chances for happiness were destroyed anyway—why not use everything I could as leverage to help you?”

“……”

The young man who had turned his back didn’t see that in this moment, the girl standing in the corner almost instantly reddened her eyes.

She tightly clenched her fingers, and even the nails digging deep into her palms didn’t seem to cause her any pain.

The young man who had walked out to pick up a water glass didn’t notice, and just casually continued his analysis.

“If the Qin family did such things, of course I would make them pay—I wouldn’t let any of them off, I would torment them for the rest of my life, and even before I died, I would send them to hell first.”

He paused and laughed hoarsely.

“Only in this way could they repay you—isn’t that right?”

“What about you then?”

“……”

Huo Jun’s hand holding the water glass suddenly stopped. He sensed the fluctuation and instability in the girl’s tone and almost instinctively frowned and turned back.

“What’s wrong with you?”

However, when he turned back, Huo Jun saw only a red-eyed Qin Ke—she didn’t even want to or care to hide it anymore.

She was almost gritting her teeth, tears suddenly flowing down her cheeks.

“What about you, Huo Jun? You’ve torn your life into pieces, weighed and priced every part to exchange for my stability and happiness—what about yourself, how are you supposed to live!?”

“……”

Huo Jun frowned even deeper.

He put down the water glass and quickly stepped forward, wiping away the tears on the girl’s face—but like a broken faucet, those clear tears just repeated the same trajectory again.

She cried until her eye rims and the tip of her nose were red—this was the first time Huo Jun had seen Qin Ke express emotions so openly, making him as anxious as a restless lion, yet there was nothing he could do.

“Stop crying, it’s just a dream.”

“…If it were reality, would you choose a different path!?”

“……”

Huo Jun fell silent.

Of course he wouldn’t choose a different path. The reason he could guess the cause and effect in Qin Ke’s dream was precisely because of that inexplicable sense of familiarity in his heart—that familiarity told him that this was exactly what he would do.

And without any hesitation.

From Huo Jun’s silence, Qin Ke had already obtained all the answers she wanted.

She gritted her teeth in hatred, her chest feeling like it was about to burst with anger.

“You madman… Huo Jun, you’re just a madman.”

Qin Ke went upstairs without looking back.

She ran all the way back to her room, as if some flood beast was chasing behind her—she closed the door behind her with a “bang”.

Then Qin Ke leaned against the door powerlessly and sat down, hugging her knees, finally unable to hold back her silent crying.

She knew what was chasing her.

It was the heartache, self-blame, and guilt that almost engulfed her.

Those emotions came surging, almost driving her mad.

So this was the truth.

So this was what her past self, blind and foolish as she was, had never seen hidden behind that hideous face and voice.

——

A heart that loved her unreservedly, torn to pieces yet still recklessly devoted like a madman.

And this was something she could never, ever repay.

****