Even If Your Regret Tries to Hold Me Back - Chapter 35

The living ghost of Evergale.

That was what Walter Agyle thought of Helena.

He stroked his beard, which added dignity to his features, lost in thought.

Old memories rippled over the waves.

——

[Dad.]

[Wake up, Dad.]

[How can the proud Captain of the Grand Duke’s knights be oversleeping?]

“My pride isn’t that high… Irina…”

Walter woke to a familiar voice.

Only when there was no response to his habitual reply did he realize it was a dream and come to his senses.

He grabbed a towel and shuffled to the washbasin. The frozen water of midwinter burst forth, rumbling through the drain pipes. He deliberately washed his face with the ice-cold water, then dried it.

When he raised his head, a man just past the middle of his life looked back at him. His reflection in the mirror felt strange these days.

White hairs beginning to show sparsely, deepening wrinkles around his eyes.

The ignorant young knights would praise him, saying he had the refined charm of a distinguished middle-aged knight, but to Walter, they were nothing more than bitter reminders of time’s passage.

‘Even after losing you, I’ve lived to reach this age.’

It had been quite some time since he’d stepped down from his position as captain due to declining strength. Even during that time, his daughter’s way of addressing him had remained “Captain.”

Still, he was grateful that she had appeared in his dream today. He began his day humming as if it were a beautiful morning.

He neatly combed back his disheveled hair, tightly laced his military boots, and dressed properly in his uniform.

After finishing his preparations, he stopped at the door and turned back.

“I’ll be back, Irina.”

Walter gave a final greeting to the small frame on the shelf before leaving his residence.

A horse tied outside perked up its ears and approached him as soon as it saw him.

“You seem to be in a good mood today.”

When he stroked its mane, the long tail swished left and right. The foal that his daughter had once ridden was now a proper stallion standing by his side.

Walter headed leisurely toward the temple, with the four-legged animal as his only companion.

There was a reason he wasn’t going to the Grand Duke’s residence as usual. It was the wedding day of the new head of the family who had taken control of Evergale after the death of the previous Grand Duke Aslan.

‘I never thought the young master would fall in love with someone first… Human affairs are truly unpredictable. I suppose I still have much to learn.’

Lost in such thoughts, he soon found the great spire before him. Walter entrusted his horse to the footman welcoming visitors and continued walking.

The temple was filled with splendid liveliness instead of its usual quiet atmosphere. Red camellia flowers densely decorating the path were visible even before entering the main building.

It was somewhat unexpected for Eugene’s taste, who hadn’t batted an eye even in the bitter cold.

There were also magical devices to raise the temperature, perhaps in consideration of the bride. Ultra-expensive equipment that ordinary people couldn’t even imagine was scattered throughout.

That alone elevated the wedding to an untouchable realm.

Walter was admiring the meticulous preparations when he wandered into a less crowded area.

The back of the temple was quiet, unlike the luxurious front. Only the shadow of the towering spire stretched long across the orderly cobblestone path.

Since he still had time to spare, Walter decided to stay here for a while. However, someone had already come to escape the commotion before him.

A woman in a pure white wedding dress was pacing back and forth among the softly accumulated snow.

Walter hesitated at the unexpected scene.

The woman, sensing his presence, whirled around abruptly. Following her movement, the layers of voluminous dress swirled like waves.

“Who are you?”

Under the blue winter sky, he met eyes even more transparent than it.

For a moment, the image of his daughter in a wedding dress and veil flashed over her.

‘If you were still alive, by now…’

Walter stepped forward as if someone were pushing him from behind. Only after his throat bobbed several times did he finally find his voice.

“…Walter Agyle of the Evergale Knights. I apologize if I startled you.”

After bowing slightly in apology, he looked at the woman properly.

‘This person is Helena Owen…’

The bride, with only an hour until her wedding, was incredibly beautiful. However, that beauty couldn’t hide the tension spreading across her face.

What could make a new bride, who should be enjoying this moment in pure happiness, so afraid?

Perhaps because she reminded him of his daughter, Walter wanted to comfort her.

“I didn’t expect to find someone else seeking solitude besides myself.”

“…”

Though no reply came, he walked past Helena with steady steps and sat on the bench behind her. Helena only followed him with her eyes, not moving from her spot.

Seeing her still rigid posture, Walter smiled gently and spoke again.

“You may dismiss this as the rambling of a passerby, but I’ve found in life that it’s okay to lose your way for a moment. When things get overwhelming, it’s not bad to stop and rest.”

His manner was infinitely gentle. Had his sincerity gotten through? Helena finally dropped her guard and relaxed her tense shoulders.

Walter raised his gaze to the cloudless, high sky. After taking in the clear colors, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, near the end of his exhale, he said:

“Why don’t you sit for a moment and take some deep breaths? Let’s rest a little.”

His voice, neither low nor high, had a comforting resonance.

If the hardened earth after rain had a voice, wouldn’t it sound like this? With this thought, Helena carefully lifted her dress hem and sat beside him.

For several minutes, only the sound of wind through bare branches passed by. The occasional gentle breathing of the two people was all that mixed in between.

After a few more minutes passed and Helena had completely relaxed, she adjusted her posture more comfortably.

When white breath from her red lips scattered into the air, Walter quietly asked:

“If it’s not too presumptuous, may I ask what has brought you to pace outside the ceremony hall?”

Helena’s eyes went round like a startled rabbit as she stared at Walter.

It seemed he had indeed been presumptuous. Her small, exposed ears turned red like someone whose secret had been discovered.

“Well…”

Helena hung her head low and bit her lips while fixing her gaze on her sparkling shoes. Her carefully painted lips moved several times as if about to speak.

Just as Walter was about to say she didn’t need to force herself to speak if she was uncomfortable, she finally revealed her inner thoughts.

“I… I feel anxious because I seem to be receiving love beyond what I deserve.”

“…Do you find His Grace’s affection burdensome?”

“No, it’s not that… He’s someone who has lived a life completely opposite to mine, and everyone around him must be similar to him. I’m afraid I’ll become his only flaw.”

Helena hung her head low again.

Walter silently looked down at her red hair, intricately braided and secured with jeweled laurel leaf-shaped ornaments.

Perhaps because it harmonized with the surrounding scenery, her hair also looked like a beautifully bloomed flower.

Had there been no one around this timid woman to tell her that she too was such a person?

Walter knew. Eugene was not someone who could be simply categorized as extraordinary. That’s why he trusted his judgment.

Whether it was work, objects, or human relationships, there was always a good reason for everything he devoted himself to.

So Walter decided to vouch for the reason she unknowingly possessed.

“Well….As someone who lost his wife long ago, I’m afraid I can’t offer you a clear solution to resolve those feelings. But having received love beyond what I deserved myself, I know this–”

The foundation for everything he was saying now came entirely from her.

“Because you’re someone worthy of being loved beyond measure, he decided to marry you.”

His voice remained consistently gentle and soothing.

Helena looked up to meet Walter’s eyes and blinked. This time, pink spread across her cheeks instead of her ears.

Just then, Eugene’s voice calling for her could be heard from afar.

Helena sprang up from her seat. Like a puppy running to greet someone, she walked out of the spire’s shadow into the sunlight. Eugene’s figure in wedding attire appeared at the edge of her vision.

As soon as she spotted him, Helena gathered her voluminous dress. She prepared to run with quick steps and looked back at Walter.

“Thank you, Sir Agyle.”

Helena smiled with a blush.

“Thanks to receiving comfort beyond what I deserved, I’ve found the courage to stand beside Eugene.”

Sunlight settled over her head like a veil. It was a smile that bloomed more splendidly than the camellias adorning the space.

After greeting Walter, Helena ran to Eugene. When he opened his arms, she threw herself into his embrace.

Walter watched for a long time as the man and woman, after sharing a brief kiss, headed toward the ceremony hall.

For some reason, she was a woman he couldn’t take his eyes off from the very beginning.

When he had heard that the indifferent new Grand Duke was courting someone constantly, he had thought it was nonsense. Now he understood a little.

As much as she gave pure, clear love, he hoped that woman who would soon become the lady of the house would continue to receive such love. He wanted her to keep smiling like a flower.

That was Walter’s first impression of Helena.

…..

Yes, the madam hadn’t always looked like a ghost from the beginning.

However, from the moment Helena Owen became Helena Evergale, she gradually began to change.

When Walter returned after serving two years in the war right after the ceremony, many things had already changed.

She had become much quieter, her laughter had disappeared, and she rarely revealed her inner thoughts.

Especially when looking at His Grace, she sometimes seemed like a child trying to hide the expression of someone who had expected much but was disappointed.

And whenever Walter caught such an expression, even by chance, he would turn his head away.

Because, because…

[I’m okay. I’m really okay, Dad. It doesn’t hurt at all… don’t cry.]

The face of his daughter, who had held back her tears until the very last moment, overlapped in his memory.