I Went Back to Being a High School Student Again, but I Was Rejected by My Childhood Friend, Whom I Thought Was In Love With Me, So I tried to Suicide With the Most Beautiful Girl In the School. - Chapter 23

Natsuki’s Will

“That day… I received a text message from Natsuki Mirai on my cell phone. She sent me a text message asking me to come to the rooftop of the school, [Promise一一Keep your promise.] one after another.”

“I once thought of dying when I was in a state of shock from a broken heart. But I couldn’t do it alone.”

“I knew that Mirai was being bullied. And she was with me at the time, and she seemed to be as sad as I was, so I promised her that [When you decide to die, I’ll die with you.].”

“So, when I got the email, I knew she would die. But lately, she always seemed to be happy, so I thought…maybe she didn’t really intend to die.”

“Yet somehow, the key to the rooftop was unlocked. The door is usually locked with a padlock, but Mirai learned how to pick the lock from the Internet. She taught me how to open the door, too.”

“When she saw me on the rooftop, she smiled. She looked so innocent and… happy that I couldn’t believe she would die.”

“When I saw that look, for a moment, I thought that Mirai had called me to the rooftop as a joke.”

“[What are you doing?] I asked, and Mirai replied, [I just remembered the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life.] “

“I said, [Tell me what happened.] and she wouldn’t open her mouth.”

“I just wanted her to calm down. I wanted her to talk to me about it. So I told her. [Before I die, I want to talk to you a little more.] “

“When Mirai heard what I said, she stared at me, and she seemed disappointed.

[Don’t you want to die?]

[I don’t want to talk.]

[I want to jump off the roof right now.]

Mirai-san, who seemed to be confused, suddenly turned expressionless when she saw my agitated face. “

　一一We promised to die together.

　一一Liar.

“Before I could stop her, Mirai said that and jumped down from the rooftop without hesitation.”

“I thought it was a joke, so I climbed over the railing and looked down, but it was too dark to see.”

“I immediately left the roof and ran down the stairs. At the time, I believed it must have been some kind of joke and that Mirai-san would come out from behind me, pointing at my panicked face and laughing, saying [You’re too timid.], or something like that.”

“I left the school building, looked around, and saw Mirai.”

“Her limbs were broken, bent in a strange direction, and I thought it looked so painful.”

“I said something to ask her about her condition, but Mirai didn’t reply.”

“It was too dark to see from a distance, but when I got closer, there was a puddle of blood around Mirai’s body.”

“There was a lot of blood from her head, too, and when I looked closely, I saw that there were spilled brains all around her head, and I felt sorry for her, so I was collecting them one by one, carefully “.

“Then I thought I had to call an ambulance, but I can’t remember if I called… or if a neighbor noticed the noise and called.”

“I think I passed out before I completely understood what was happening, and when I woke up, I was in the hospital.”

“This is the last thing I remember with Mirai.”

* * *

　A few days had passed since Natsuki died.

　I went to Natsuki’s house without anyone knowinge.

　I wanted to explain to her parents about the last time I saw her.

　And to see if there was anything I could think of that made her decide to kill herself.

“… I’m sorry for reminding you of this painful story.”

　It was Natsuki’s father who listened to my story in silence.

　He came to this town from Tokyo as soon as he heard that Natsuki had died.

　I found myself telling him things I didn’t need to tell him.

　I knew it would only hurt him, but despite my feelings…I couldn’t hold back what I saw and felt.

　As Natsuki’s father listened to me, he tried to keep his face expressionless, but I soon realized from his clenched fist and blood-curdling lip that he was holding a rage that he could not hide.

“I knew about you… Gen’no Akira.”

“… Mirai’s mother told you? “

　Shaking his head slowly, Natsuki’s father answered.

“She’s… she’s in no condition to talk properly right now.”

　After saying this, he continues.

“Mirai’s suicide note mentioned you. I understand that you were the only one who came to help her in this town…”

“…What else was in her will? “

“That she was bullied at school, that you helped her, ――and the reason why she couldn’t live anymore.”

　Natsuki’s father showed me her will.

　In the will, she wrote that the whole school had bullied her, though she did not write their name.

　It says that I was the only one who helped her out of the worst situation.

　And one more thing――

　The fatal trigger that drove her to suicide was also written.

　When I found out what happened, I lost all my strength.

　It was too late――

　It was too late for me, a helpless 18-year-old, to do anything about it.

“If you read the suicide note, you will understand that my daughter was grateful to you. Thanks to you…at least she could have died peacefully in the end.”

　Natsuki’s father said to me in a stiff voice.

　I looked at his face and was horrified.

　It was not the expression of a man who says thank you.

　It was pure hatred.

“In the end, I betrayed Mirai’s trust.”

　Liar.

　…I will never forget Natsuki’s last look of despair.

“…You must be tired, go home…and don’t come to see me again.”

　Raising his voice, Natsuki’s father continued.

“I know it’s not your fault. I know you were the only person Mirai could trust to support her. I can’t thank you enough, that’s true. …but that’s also why!”

　He shouted at me, without hesitation and with tears in his eyes.

“If only you hadn’t asked Mirai to [Die with you], …Mirai would never have chosen to take her own life… !”

　Anger

　Hatred.

　Disgust.

　Raw emotions hit me straight in the face.

　And I take that with a cold, cold feeling.

　You don’t know what you’re talking about.

　No matter what I do or don’t do.

　In the end, despairing over everything, Natsuki would have died anyway.

　You, who worked while she was suffering and didn’t notice anything wrong have no right to complain to me, who supported her by her side.

　I’m in a bad mood because of you, father and daughter…

　――At the same time, I despise myself so deeply that such sophistry instantly came to my mind.

　His anger is justified…

　No matter how many times I repeat my life… I’m a worthless, worthless little bastard who can’t even save a single high school girl.

“Gen’no-kun, I’m really sorry, but I’m not sure I can stay sane any longer… Now, please leave.”

　He said, turning away his head from me in silence.

　I continue and tell him these words, knowing that I’m only adding fuel to the fire of his hatred.

“…kill me.”

　At my words, the man in front of me looks at me with a powerless, lifeless, expressionless face.

“…It was me who took your daughter away from you.

　Then he lost his sanity and looked at me with overflowing madness in his eyes.

　――Suddenly, my whole body is slammed against the wall with such force that a shock runs through my entire body.

　The back of my head hits the wall hard, and the world before my eyes become shaky and blurry.

　The expression on his face that I saw before I lost my memory is tinged with dark joy…

* * *

　Then I woke up in a hospital.

　The doctor told me that I had lost sight in my left eye.